Review #3 - Exploration - FourShadow · 10:35am Dec 26th, 2019
I read: Completed at 1 chapter, 3k words
I rate: 7/10
I recommend: Read if you like Adagio, Trixie, or mushy romance
I admit, I don’t get it. Fluff, that is. Unless we’re talking about tabletop rpgs, in which case the lore is about the only thing I can do well concerning them. But this ain’t that kind of fluff; this right here is fluff ala fanfic, which means a lot of hurt and a lot of comfort - things that don’t really appeal to your average Leroy, the cold-hearted macho man that he is. However, he’d like to learn to at least respect the genre, which is we’re reviewing Exploration today.
Two things to note before we begin - one, Adagio here is the human Adagio, or I think she is - the writer was a little vague about that and I had a Christmas dinner to enjoy over reading the entire series this comprises part of. Two, teenagers be horny and, due to various social stigma and whatnot, some tend to feel rather ashamed about that.
The plot is basically that - Adagio wants to move in a more intimate direction in the relationship and Trixie is uncomfortable doing so. This is handled with a surprising degree of respect and maturity for pony fanfiction and the conversation the two proceed to have about it unfolds neatly. However, I do stress that pacing here is rather substandard and the story moves very slowly and that, coupled with the writer’s underwhelming style, makes the conclusion less satisfying than it ought to have been, no pun intended. The last scene, while pleasant enough, really could’ve been cut to end the story on a higher and more personal note than that which the introduction of friends and family and a scene change gave it.
Now, despite the AU connotations and the somewhat clumsy dialogue that could’ve definitely used another going-over to ensure it exactly brought the best out in the characters, they are the highlight of this story. In a typical trend of fanfiction, the obvious and unapologetic villain - that being Adagio here - is humanized to a great extent and made extremely sympathetic to boot. FourShadow actually manages to do this well enough to present this version of Adagio as a plausible person and one who is extremely receptive to her girlfriend’s apprehension to sex. Trixie, is also likeable and poignantly realistic - from what little of this series I have read, it's clear that she has been treated quite poorly for her sexuality and bashful personality as a whole and that comes out very clearly here and makes her awkwardness all the more understandable.
Plot: 3/5. It is workable hurt/comfort. The moral here, not that I usually care to discuss them, is genuinely good advice. It is also particularly slow-paced and the final scene is unnecessary.
Characters: 4/5. Human Adagio and Trixie have a completely believable romance and both are well-rounded and sympathetic characters in their own right.
Style: 3/5. The writing here is somewhat clumsy and the dialogue feels a little stilted in points, both of which hinder the emotions a story like this is intended to convey.
Execution: 3/5. Despite mediocre narration, this is a genuinely wholesome discussion of relationships and sexuality that some people, ideally those with hearts, can definitely appreciate.
Overall Rating: 13/20 = 7/10
To FourShadow: I have just got the pun in your name. Good one. In terms of feedback for the story though, I really would advise going over it again and polishing the dialogue specifically - while it more than gets the gist across here, the characters’ voices are somewhat lost and that’s a shame given the relatively unconventional nature of the ship. Your narration here also feels somewhat lacking; there’s certainly stuff detailed and explained but not in anyway that’s actually interesting to read.
For something like this: Her extreme disdain of me and my fondness for Catholicism notwithstanding, NightCoreMoon’s The Wrong Body is another hurt/comfort story that also detail’s a teenage girl’s attempts to become comfortable with her own body.
As always, thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this review, why not check out more of my writing. My story, Rarity's a Sociopath, for instance is the total antithesis of Exploration in that its a protagonist made very, very disagreeable. There’re lesbians in it too if you like that sort of thing as well.
