Friendship is Card Games: Cosmos, Part 1 · 12:31pm Dec 22nd, 2019
This week, we begin our look into a grand epic of madness, mayhem, and historical revisionism. And I do mean “begin.” With no more seasons to pad things out, Achilles is in danger of overtaking the tortoise, and a four-part—technically five-part; #75’s double-sized—series with Andy Price’s art definitely has enough material for two blogs. Let’s start stargazing.
Part 1
While I do like the armor designs, the inclusions of what look to be Queen Novo, King Aspen, and the king of Abyssinia in a battle against Discord bother me like nothing else. There are few things that irk me quite like characters suddenly having been immortal all along just so the story can crowbar recognizable faces into a long-term flashback.
I have no caveats about the ongoing chaos. This is some quality “world gone mad” stuff right here. The theme of Cosmos doing it to woo Discord is nicely prevalent without being overbearing about it… unlike Cosmos herself.
Yeah, literal cat’s-eyes being on par with the Elements of Harmony and Discord’s power is such a tremendous ass-pull that the idea’s growing teeth. Especially when the king’s gone on record as saying “Abyssinia has little use for magic.” Granted, he said that to the Storm King, so the veracity’s questionable at best, but it’s still frustrating.
For reference, Pinkie’s toy is Cha Cha, from the G1 Pony Friends line. Same reasoning as the Care Bear Cousins; why limit the sellable products to one species?
And that’s how Rarity indirectly led to the near-dissolution of the universe.
Okay, Dash’s joke is honestly pretty amusing. And she has a point; without further context, it’s entirely reasonable to think that Twilight’s just imagining things and is needlessly obsessing over a bit jewelry. Also, points to Fluttershy for being wary of the talking jewelry. She’d probably fare a lot better than Twilight in a Call of Cthulhu game.
(
“On the foul dais, you see a blasphemous tome—“
“I read the book!”
“Twilight, this is your fourth character tonight.”)
Huh. IDW publishes comics in Equestria. How metareferential. And I am intrigued by the idea of a Daring Do/Mare-Do-Well crossover.
I’d say don’t trust the mysterious artifact that projects holograms unprompted, but the characters are already sitting around one. The Cutie Map conditioned them to go along with this, especially when the projection interfaces with it.
Also, wow, that’s a lot of references to process. Let’s go through them alphabetically:
• Altair IV: The forbidden planet of the film Forbidden Planet.
• Caprica: Birthplace of the Cylons in Battlestar Galactica.
• Etheria: The world on which She-Ra is set.
• Kobol: Homeworld of humanity in Battlestar Galactica.
• Kzin: Homeworld of the feline humanoids of the same name (plural Kzinti) in Larry Niven’s Known Space sci-fi universe.
• Magrathea: Home of the made-to-order planet builders of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy… until the cost of their service crashed the galactic economy.
• Metaluna: Homeworld of the creatures from the film This Island Earth. Bug-eyed, brain-headed monsters in the classic style.
• Mongo: The world on which Flash Gordon is set.
• Moon: You know this one.
• Praxis: The moon of Qo’nos, which is…
• Qo’nos: Homeworld of the Klingons in Star Trek.
• Secretariat Comet: From the first comic storyline.
• Third Earth: The adopted homeworld of the Thundercats after the loss of Thundera.
• Wolf 359: An actual star, though likely a reference to the disastrous battle there in Star Trek between the Federation of Planets and the Borg Collective.
So, that’s a total of nine different movies, series, and literary continuities involved. I’m not going to be so bold as to say this confirms that they all co-exist with Equestria (and, by extension, each other,) but it does definitely suggest there’s more to this universe than just this alicorn-operated solar system.
Given the dramatic nature and notoriety of the Andalusian constellation’s coming and going, I suppose this means Luna doesn’t rearrange the stars on a whim. Of course, all those other star systems out there rather precluded that.
Soylent Emerald? Wow. You really can make anything out of soybeans. (Mostly soybeans.)
Dash, you have direct contact with several beings powerful enough to set stars back into the sky. That’s not the tricky part of all of this.
“I think it’s a nice break from our normal series of events… no monsters or creatures trying to take over the world.”
Nice going, Fluttershy, you jinxed it.
Mystical fog coming out of the Everfree? Well, at least it wasn’t an industrial accident in Cloudsdale.
“Where did you have that?”
Applejack asking the real questions about that giant comb. Also the really dangerous ones. Some things are better left unknown.
“Can we please get back to me? I mean… the task at hoof?”
Nice subtle way to show Cosmos’s continuing control over Twilight.
I still don’t know why the comics insist on spelling Maud’s name with an e.
I’d be concerned about Twilight, but for all I know, her shouting at Spike to not disturb crystalline samples may be a common occurrence. Though the slit pupils are definitely a warning sign.
Interesting to see that Cosmos’s hosts need a minimum power level for her to possess them. Usually it goes the other way around.
Part the 2nd: There’s Life Underground
I do like the growing context behind Cosmos as Discord tells his story at the start of each issue. Good pulling back of the curtain. And if he happens to whitewash his own deeds a little, it’s Discord. Are you really surprised that he’d paint himself as the helpless, hapless victim rather than an active partner in the madness?
It’s nice to see some acknowledgement of the school. It’s even nicer to see greater involvement from secondary characters. Big Mac gets to resolve some of his envy of Applejack, the Crusaders get to cut their teeth on what seems like a fairly harmless adventure, and Zecora gets an airing.
And I do like the idea of each Crusader getting a side-chair next to her sister’s like Spike’s. A shame we never saw that, though I suppose there is the question of who would sit at Pinkie and Fluttershy’s right hooves.
I just realized that Fluttershy’s never said Discord’s name since Twilight’s been possessed. And it actually makes some sense. Twilight seems really driven to track down the other star gems, and the last thing she needs is to worry about how Discord might muddle things up. Fluttershy thinks she’s doing Twilight a kindness by being vague about it.
“The rotation of the planet really makes my day.”
I like science puns as much as the next guy, but this does raise the question of what precisely Celestia does at dawn and dusk. Spin the world or shift the sun?
I have to appreciate how the diarchs took after Star Swirl in terms of making their secret vaults have more than a hint of the Batcave about them.
Let’s see… ruby slippers, a Wellsian time machine, the Sword of Thundera—well, there’s another point for Third Earth—a Holy Hand Grenade, a car of some kind…
I do like how Twilight’s bipedal motions feel unnatural for a pony. After all, her body isn’t being operated by a pony right now. Cosmos’s shadow on the wall is another lovely touch, one that it actually took me a few readthroughs to notice.
Darn it, that almost worked. Good try, AJ.
Tentacles already? That can’t be good.
Heh. Great Farrier Reef. I wonder if it’s horseshoe-shaped.
“She was like me, but she took things too far. She hurt things.”
Now this is interesting. Let us consult the Book of Canon, chapter 2, verse 1:
Discord is the mischievous spirit of disharmony. Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness. Luna and I saw how miserable life was for Earth ponies, Pegasi, and unicorns alike, so after discovering the Elements of Harmony, we combined our powers and rose up against him, turning him to stone.
Mischief, unrest, unhappiness, misery… but never physical harm. Not intentionally or directly, anyway. The most interesting applications of chaos require life, especially sapient life. My take on Discord has what he calls the one rule of sustainable chaos: Never break your toys beyond repair. This does seem to check out.
I do love how Fluttershy uses the hard hat to connect keeping her safe and excavating the star.
“Princess Celestia has a very good track record for dealing with horrible monstrosities.”
Does she, though?
Ouch. Poor Luna. No doubt she feared being on the other end of a sister going inexplicably mad. This is not a good day for her.
Nice touch with Cosmos starting to remodel once she’s halfway to completion. Emrakul would approve.
“And they’ll adore you, darling. Just like you always wanted.”
Hmm… Now this, this is harder to justify. Discord didn’t really care about anyone else’s opinion at his worst. He was just in it to entertain himself.
Oh, Discord, why did you tell her you’re out of the game? I can understand wanting to resist temptation, but maybe don’t peeve the being who gives you chills.
Ouch. Fluttershy got flutterponied in a most painful manner.
On the one hand, a passenger jet with pegasi in place of engines is kind of ridiculous. On the other hand, that’s basically how Vehicles in Magic: the Gathering work.
We’re going to end it here for now. Again, five issues’ worth of content. But thus far, this some excellent build-up… with some questionable attempts to play down Discord’s own rap sheet. We’ll see how it works out in the new year, but for now, let’s look to the cards:
Defy the Odds W
Instant
Target creature gains indestructible until end of turn. If that creature is legendary, it gets +2/+2 until end of turn.
”Sentry’s alive!”
—Over the Top, veteran sapper
Rain of Cleavers 2W
Instant
Rain of Cleavers deals 2 damage to each attacking creature.
Water was the last thing anyone expected to fall from the sky when Cosmos was active.
Twist of Fae 1U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature is a Faerie in addiition to its other types and had flying and base power and toughness 1/1.
The greatest kindness a faerie can offer is a chance to join their games.
Tactical Retreat 2U
Instant
Target player returns two creatures they control to their owners’ hands.
“Call it cowardice, discretion, or just needing new pants. Sometimes the best option is running away for a while.”
—Discord
Astrological Anomaly 2UU
Instant
Return all enchantments to their owners’ hands.
After the Starless Night Incident of 782, Celestia never tried to move the moon while she had the hiccups.
Great Farrier Reef 3UU
Legendary Creature — Wall
Defender
When Great Farrier Reef enters the battlefield, draw a card, then create a 1/1 blue Squid creature token with islandwalk for each card in your hand. (They can’t be blocked as long as defending player controls an Island.)
2/7
Insistent Compulsion BB
Sorcery
You draw two cards and lose 2 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if Insistent Compulsion is in your graveyard, cast it if able.
As Twilight searched for more information on the crystal, a voice echoed in her mind: “Find the rest.”
Uncanny Infiltrator 1B
Artifact Creature — Construct Assassin
Morph 1B (You may cast this card face down as a 2/2 creature for 3. Turn it face up any time for its morph cost.)
When Uncanny Infiltrator is turned face up, destroy target Human.
Thankfully, they had no idea what to do with magical horses.
2/2
Extension of Cosmos 1BB
Enchantment Creature — Chimera
Bestow 4BB (If you cast this card for its bestow cost, it’s an Aura spell with enchant creature. It becomes a creature again if it’s not attached to a creature.)
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice a creature other than enchanted creature or Extension of Cosmos.
Enchanted creature gets +5/+3.
5/3
The Heart of Obsession 1BB
Legendary Enchantment
Constellation — Whenever The Heart of Obsession or another enchantment enters the battlefield under your control, choose a card name. Reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with the chosen name. If you do, put that card into your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way. Otherwise, shuffle your library.
Fight Dirty 2R
Instant
Target creature gets +X/+0 and gains first strike until end of turn, where X is the number of Mountains you control.
Cosmos made full use of Twilight’s home rock advantage.
Implacable Hero 2RR
Creature — Cat Berserker
Menace
Implacable Hero attacks each turn if able.
Not all Abyssinians are peaceful merchants. Some wander the dry mesas of the west, looking to prove themselves against any prey they find.
6/3
Rending Chaos 3RR
Instant
The owner of target permanent shuffles their library, puts that permanent on the bottom of that library, then reveals the top two cards of it. They put all permanent cards revealed this way onto the battlefield.
Chaotic 2R (You may cast this spell for its chaotic cost. If you do, choose its targets at random.)
Overmine 4R
Sorcery
This spell costs 4 less to cast if it targets a land you control.
Destroy target land. Add RRR.
“I can confirm the location of Mount Praxis, sir, but I can’t confirm its existence.”
—Survey Log, EUP scout
World Building 2G
Sorcery
Search your library for a basic land card and put that card onto the battlefield tapped. Then shuffle your library.
Conspire (As you cast this spell, you may tap two untapped creatures you control that share a color with it. When you do, copy it.)
Writhing Landscape 2G
Sorcery
Put three +1/+1 counters on target land you control. It becomes a 0/0 Elemental creature with haste. It’s still a land.
Awaken 3—4GG (If you cast this spell for 4GG, also put three +1/+1 counters on target land you control and it becomes a 0/0 Elemental creature with haste. It’s still a land.)
Soylent Emerald 2
Artifact
T, Exile a creature or planeswalker card from your graveyard: Add G.
“Made with all-natural ingredients to nourish body and soul.”
—Wheat Grass, wellness guru
Blade of Panthera 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+0.
Whenever equipped creature attacks, create a 1/1 white Cat creature token with lifelink that’s tapped and attacking.
Equip 2
Star of Cosmos 3
Artifact
T: Add B or R. If that mana is spent on a Cosmos planeswalker spell, that planeswalker enters the battlefield with an additional loyalty counter on it.
A deck can have up to six cards named Star of Cosmos.
A seductive piece of a cataclysmic whole.
Horrific Manifestation 2UB
Creature — Horror
Horrific Manifestation’s power is equal to the number of black cards in your graveyard and its toughness is equal to the number of blue cards in your graveyard.
Whenever another creature dies, each player puts the top two cards of their library into their graveyard.
*/*
Oblivion Vendor 3(br)(br)
Creature — Demon
When Oblivion Vendor dies, it deals 3 damage to each creature, player, and planeswalker.
“Popcorn! Peanuts! Nitroglycerin! Everything you need to enjoy the end times!”
4/3
Divine Detonation 3RW
Sorcery
Lifelink
Divine Detonation deals 3 damage to each creature.
“Then lobbest thou thy Holy Hoof Grenade of Antleroch towards thy foe who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”
—Armaments 2:27
United Denunciation 4GW
Sorcery
Convoke (Your creatures can help cast this spell. Each creature you tap while casting this spell pays for 1 or for one mana of that creature’s color.)
Exile target artifact, creature, or enchantment.
Order and chaos came together and rent Cosmos asunder.
Mass Recruitment X1GW
Sorcery
Manifest the top X cards of your library. (To manifest a card, put it onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature. Turn it face up any time for its mana cost if it's a creature card.)
Quantity is a quality all its own.
That planet list is... woah. A few of those are definitely infeasible as far as shared universes go, Third Earth and Etheria seem like they could feasibly fit in the universe, but which iterations? On a whim, I checked who owns the comic rights to ThunderCats and She-Ra, and it seems both belong to DC, (although Marvel used to have the rights to ThunderCats, and Panini Comics, who own Marvel UK, somehow? did something with the 2011 series), although, funnily enough, it seems the most recent comic book outing for both series... was a crossover, in 2016, for some reason. A complete coincidence, but I thought it was funny.
Well, Pinkie has a sister who lives in the area, and Fluttershy... no, if he tries it Angel will eat him and use the chair instead.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: You know what? We'll just shove Insistent Compulsion into silver-border so we don't have to deal with the multiple problems "if able" causes in this context and can just have it mean that you need to spend all but one of your potential black mana with the trigger still on the stack.
Double Reverse Quadruple Inside Baseball Alert: It's already canonically possible for a species to possess nothing the Borg will care enough to assimilate them over. It's also canonically possible for them to realize they're outmatched and retreat. A species that by all appearances has a lower technology level than the humans had before they invented any kind of space travel, but also casually manipulate their planet's ecosystem under their own power? They know from experience to keep their distance.
Maybe she's projecting? She seems like the kind of god-monster that demands worship.
I've never bought the whole "Discord never physically hurt anyone" fanon argument, but when you get down to it any attempt to redeem Discord needs some kind of rationale, so whatever. And now that excuse is more or less canon so...
So what, you taking a break next week or have you plotted out that plot point to be addressed in 2 weeks?
A couple of corrections:
Should this be "owners' hands" (as it is on the following card)?
Should be "reveal a card"
To be honest, I'm not convinced of this, particularly since he could probably reverse much of the damage he would cause to ponies*. Plus, while I agree he would probably try not to make a frequent habit of breaking beings beyond repair, I seriously doubt he'd have lost sleep over a few. There are plenty more toys, after all, so one or two getting broken isn't the end of the world.
But even if we grant that, his claim of moral superiority to her is still bullcrap, since even if he didn't cause physical harm, he still hurt things. Badly. Psychological harm can just as painful and debilitating as physical harm and given his penchant for twisting minds, destroying hope and goodness and generally inflicting anguish and misery, saying he didn't "hurt" anything is, at best, arguing a misleading technicality and at worst a flat-out lie.
Still, let's see where this goes.
*and he does have the ability to mess around with biology, so I don't think we can say he can't heal or rebuild** them to some degree.
**though that does give me a wonderful image. "Gentlemares, we can rebuild her. We have the magic. We have the capability to build the world's first biothaumic mare."
5173283
It's more that the harm was unintentional. We even saw him randomly do something nice to a pony in his debut two-parter, because chaos.
Then again, I also assume that the "I don't turn ponies to stone" thing was more due to that being pretty much the antithesis of chaos than any actual moral stand. To the point where Primary Headcanon has that statue last maybe ten minutes after we stopped looking at it. Actually, come to think of it... what if we take a page from the Weeping Angels and have them specifically be statues when and only when people are looking? Give them an exemption for themselves and each other because they still need some hope of friendship.
This is a comic series that has had AJ use 'pork chops and applesauce' as an invective, and had human-shaped orthopedic sneakers in the double rainboom comic. It's safe to just ignore whatever the comics bring up that sounds absolutely stupid.
This arc gets a lot of flak for supposedly retconning Discords past into making him look less evil but I always thought that was a load of crap. First of all, Discord is the one telling the story so of course, he would paint himself as the undeserving victim second Discord has always been portrayed as more of a troublemaker, someone who just wants to have fun and doesn't care if others don't enjoy it as much as he does, rather than some actively malicious entity that the fandom paints him as. Basically I'm not saying no one ever got hurt because of Discord but it was almost certainly just an unintended side effect of his fun. I could never picture Discord as someone who went out of his way to actually hurt anyone on purpose, at least not physically.
5173312
I mean, if it is trying to whitewash him then it does a pretty poor job. We still see full well that he's still harassing ponies for the lulz and outright admitting in his monologues that yeah, he finds all this chaos hilarious. He just draws the line at literally burning orphanages and stuff.
It's a pretty weak argument against this arc's characterization if you come from the angle of "NUH UH! DISCORD WOULD TOTALLY BURN ORPHANS ALIVE!"
Soylent Emerald is ponies!
5173241
There's also been a crossover between Known Space and Star Trek; the original Enterprise encountered Kzinti in the animated series. In an episode written by Larry Niven. No one said the professionals were above self-indulgence.
5173252
Insistent Compulsion: Hey, it works with Omen Machine, and that has to worry about things like timing restrictions and legal targets. Granted, that removes the issue of paying the cost, but that was deliberately left in as a safety valve. (Though escape is a much better safety valve.)
Uncanny Infiltrator: This was meant to represent a Cylon, not a Borg drone. After all, if it were the latter, the type line would just be Drone. Or maybe Cyborg Drone.
5173277
Not really. Screams are as hosannas unto Cosmos, and living sacrifices might just arouse her ire for kill-stealing.
5173292
Fixed. Thanks!
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Yeah, the stance on Discord needs a few more qualifiers: He never caused deliberate, lasting physical harm. Collateral damage, certainly. Horrific but easily reversed mutilations, canon. Psychological scars, also canon; see "Lesson Zero." But that's part of "Don't break your toys beyond repair." Discord didn't care about the mental health of his playthings, just their physical integrity. And if he wasn't aware of something gone wrong, he wouldn't have fixed it. (And he clearly wasn't omniscient; otherwise he might have been worried about the Elements.)
(Also, Dustcan, next week is this year's holiday special.)
5173631
Which, from a rules standpoint, is actually a pretty big issue. See that one ridiculously old card that forced your opponent to cast a spell of your choice, and the fact that they haven't tried it since.
Realized that afterwards, but it makes the actual point more applicable; the eponymous Battlestar Galactica was lower-tech than they could effectively deal with, so they really don't stand anything resembling a chance against a race with early modern technology and bull**** handwavium.
Yeah, I read this one. Can't say I was very fond of it. It was certainly better than Chaos Theory, but all the retcons and Discord's characterisation in general just rubbed me the wrong way. Shame, because I thought Cosmos herself was pretty interesting, both in design and concept.