A Cold Day in Hell · 12:19pm Sep 18th, 2019
Two blogs in two days?! Something must be up...
This can't be good
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For a while now I’ve been trying to get Sunset Rising (a.k.a.: Hell 2) going in earnest.
I can see it just over the horizon. Sunset Shimmer has a story to be told; one where breaking back into Equestria is only the beginning of her pursuit of power at any cost. There’s also more to Rarity’s story, and to Bon Bon’s, as the two broken mares help each other find new purpose in a world that's left them behind. And Scootaloo’s story is far from complete, given that her cutie mark is tied to two other ponies who are super duper dead in this ‘verse. Perhaps with the help of a substitute “Creepy Mark Crusaders,” she can find a way to connect with the destiny that was stolen from her… and face the consequences of treading on her would-have-been friends' graves.
By now you certainly see the “but” coming, so let me just rip off the band-aid: I’ve reached the point where Sunset Rising may not happen. And if it does, it wouldn’t happen soon. I don’t say this lightly, nor did I announce my work on it for the sake of jerking people around. I very much want to write it, and I’ve spent enough time working on it to know that there’s a story there.
It’s just not a story that I’m in a good place to tell right now.
It's not good
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Hell 1 tapped into some personal stuff that I didn’t see coming until I was too deep to turn back. That’s not entirely bad; IMO it’s better to confront stuff like that when you can. But now that Hell 1’s been behind me for a while, it’s a struggle to push myself back into that headspace. It took an awful lot of pushing to get through Hell 1, but when I do the same with Hell 2, I find that I spend more time trying to outrun demons than I do making progress.
I’m not the type to give up easily. But after a lot of reflection, I’m at the point of accepting that I can’t rush, push, or force this particular part of my journey. I don’t want to run from the personal stuff that Hell 2 might tap into... but maybe there’s a difference between running away and choosing not to dive back in right now.
Punk Rarity remains one of the truly great things in life
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Writing even this much about it leaves me feeling of two minds. On the one hand, I hate leaving unfinished stories. But at the same time, the decision to stop while this one is still in preproduction feels like an even bigger weight off my shoulders than finishing Hell 1 was. I can breathe again. I feel like I can even write again.
I don’t want to say never to Hell 2, but I can't keep going forward with it right now. And there are plenty of other stories that I can tell in the meanwhile.
If the story was putting that much pressure on you, by all means, delay it until you're ready to face it. No one wants you diving head first into a meat grinder to satisfy your readers.
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At one time I didn’t have the perspective to see it that way. In that sense, it’s been helpful to see others face similar-ish things, because it’s put me on the reader’s end of things, which has built some empathy within myself for myself. And no, you don’t really want someone to have to bleed quite that much for their work if they can avoid it.
Never say never, but for now, I’ve gotta shelve it.
As you so put it, gazing into the abyss which spawned the darkness and horror of the first story was not a pleasant experience for you. To do so again will be a harrowing task should you decide to go forward with it. Doing so before you are ready will only cause you grief and frustration.
That being said, as much as I would like to work on the project with you, should you decide to go forward with it, I think I speak for most people when I say that your well-being comes first. If that means that you have to take a huge break, that’s fine. If that means you can’t work on it ever again, that is also fine. You suffered for your art with your first publication, which is more than any fan can ask. Asking you to willfully suffer again would be both selfish and reckless. Dark places are surprisingly easy to get into, and very hard to exit. Unfortunately, it also becomes easier to fall back into those dark places once you’ve already been there. Personal experience talking here.
So, do what you need to. We will support you either way.
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The truth of this all strikes me deep, man. And as always, I appreciate your support more than words can express.
It is great to have an outlet that will pull off the 'band-aid' and let the feeling out. But...
It really does need to come at a time when you are equipped to deal with the feelings that will come. This from personal experience.
I have respect for your recognizing what was happening, and acknowledging this might not be the best time to tackle those daemons. It (and I) will surely be there when you are ready.