Last of the Dark Ponies done, chapter 25 posted. Afterthoughts · 2:14pm Apr 28th, 2019
The fastest long story I have published is done. Jeez, I published it in March and now at the end of April, it’s fully out. 
Little shorter than Possession, despite being a chapter longer, but that is mostly due to removal of some things from the initial plans. 
So just in case you haven’t yet read the last chapter of Last of the Dark Ponies, there are spoilers after the break.
So, Last of the Dark Ponies, the sequel to Possession in the Crystal empire. A story I intended to fully complete before publishing, then season 9 started sooner than I anticipated and decide to return my favorite villain, I realized I probably should start publishing the story to better empathize that this story has been in writing for a long time.
The first drafts of this story were written when Possession was shortly finished. The first long chapter was completed when we were still in season 6. I had a good chunk of part 1 completed and several drafts for part 2 when I started publishing it in March, which probably explains why I could in the end finish it so quickly.
The Last of the Dark Ponies continues the story of King Sombra and Private Iceland and was always meant to explore a little their history together. There were points in Possession I needed to address, like Private’s locked memories and why Sombra kept confusing him for his servant Timido.
The memory locks were always intended to hide away a previous history Private had with King Sombra, I just at the time wasn’t sure in what way. Until I tried to write a short story were Private and Dew Doe travelled back in time to the Dark Pony Empire with Doctor Whooves. I never finished it, never really felt it. Mostly because at the time, Dew and Private were retired from travelling through time with Whooves, I had no justification for them to travel back. So I abandoned it. Until I began writing Last of the Dark Ponies. I realized I had written my solution already.
The original draft was much more mature, it was intended originally to be a mature short story, happening shortly after Private was recovered from the hospital in Possession. However, since that didn’t happen, I modified it and changed things to imply this was happening further back in time, I would say in terms of the show, season 2 had just about begun when Dew and Private went there.
The draft now turned memory flashback when Whooves unlocks the memories, also served as a little bit of foreshadowing for a character that would appear near the end.
For the Last of the Dark Ponies itself I decided early on that I did not want this King Sombra on a rampage, not going for a conquest. I had already established him as a practical dude and he was painfully aware that Equestria was very well protected at this point, he needed an army, so why not recreate the Dark Pony race? (Season 9 opener then showed that he didn’t even need to do that, I can’t believe I can say that my Sombra was holding back.)
So, the story would focus on King Sombra trying to find a way to recreate the Dark Ponies and for that he would need Private, Barricade and their family. The second focus would be a rescue team heading off to get those Sombra abducted back.
I had my setting and I went off to write.
I absolutely loved writing this story, especially since it gave my favorite original character, Private Iceland a more proper role to play than he had in Possession. He wasn’t just being dragged along, unable to do anything. He did his hardest to try and protect his family with the limited abilities he could do and he was allowed to find some peace with all those conflicted feelings he was having. I never wanted this to be an angst driven story, even if there were emotional moments in it. Private doesn’t angst, he gets conflicted, he grumbles, but he is emotionally stronger than many give him credit for. The problem is, Sombra just simply knows how to push all his buttons. He frustrates Private far more than wrecks him. Barricade is a wreck after dealing with Sombra, because Barricade is far more emotionally insecure than his brother is.
I knew there would be sex in this story, Private’s bisexuality is an important part of his character and he is attracted to Sombra. From Sombra’s perspective it’s just recreation, an accepted part of a now extinct culture he grew up in, he doesn’t even take gender really that much into consideration. As far as he was concerned, Private being his servant was expected to serve a recreational purpose and that was one of a servant’s duties, especially as a companion (or comforter).
I tried my best to be tasteful about it, I kept to the T rating and only implied (though chapter 20 did have to be modified though nothing graphic was written) showing nothing, aside from the cuddle session in chapter 20. I think I succeeded, I may not have for some people, I realize though now that I should have had a warning about this in the long description, that has been amended. I grew up in a culture that thinks a little differently about these things, I fully admit that I just may not have the same understanding of this subject as other people from other cultures may have. So if I offended anyone with how I dealt with this subject, I do apologize, however I do not regret writing this since I personally felt it was an important part of Private’s development.
Originally I was going to have the Mane Six being the rescue team, however, I was writing Temor at the time and already using them there. I realized I didn’t want to use them, I wanted to use Starlight, Dew Doe and Foxy, so I had to do something about the Mane Six. So I ended up having Sombra trap them all and temporarily curse Ponyville to stop them from immediately rushing to the rescue. This also helped delay the Princesses, who I fully intended to be the ones to save the day at the very end, until well, at the very end.
The rescue team came about when brainstorming with my editor. I considered having Trixie, but realized soon that I didn’t need her. I just needed Starlight, to be the one to face Sombra, Foxy and Dew, to get needed info from the traumatized mountain goats, Maud for her expertise with rocks and Barbell thrown in for extra muscle. The only one of the Mane Six I wanted to have and use was Rainbow Dash. I needed her speed for when they trap Sombra in that cave, she was the only one fast enough to pull that off, so I let her be captured as well. Helped that she provided a slight moral boost, never showing anything but defiance to King Sombra.
Granted the trap didn’t last long and that’s because of the cuts I ended up making.
The story was meant to be a little longer, I had a scene in mind where Sombra did take Hard Shovel and Mirage Rock out of their cell to talk with them, intrigued by their expertise in the Dark Ponies. However that got cut when I realized they wouldn’t really be saying anything new, really just confirming what the fillies eventually did, how the dark pony subconscious connection worked and I needed that filly scene far more because that’s how Cara escaped.
Cara had to escape because I needed Sombra to be aware that the rescue team was coming, at the time he was clueless that a rescue team was actually this close already.
The rescue itself was going to be longer, it did involve all these twisting tunnels I alluded to. The team and the prisoners would be scattered around them, Sombra would escape his trap using the well to go to the source waterbody of the well, which was an underground lake. That was the original point where he grabbed Barricade and Private and teleported them to the ruins of the Dark Pony Empire, dragging Dinky and Coal along as well as they grabbed for their uncle and father.
However, I realized was just stretching things out too much and Sombra actually had no real reason to do that, he was winning, why would he teleport? So I compacted it, wrote the chapter back in Ponyville to show that Princess Luna and Princess Cadance had begun slowly undoing the curse, as well as Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight from inside the castle. That meant that when Sombra thinks he’s winning, the Princesses are transported onto the scene by Discord to foil everything. Suddenly the teleportation was much more a desperate gambit to try and hold onto his original plans.
I did always intend to end the story in the old capital of the Dark Pony Empire, however initially Coal and Dinky would be there too. It would have been them that found the mirror and accidentally unleashing Rabia.
Ah Rabia, I knew from the start that she would show up at the end. Sombra’s mother, the one thing the King of Shadow truly fears. Rabia appeared in the comics as the umbrum leader and I just grabbed her and made her a Dark Pony. It was heavily implied that she was Sombra’s mother and thus by extension Ira was his sister, so I just ran with it.
This was basically meant to be the moment of “you think Sombra’s bad news? Meet his mother.” Suddenly Sombra was disarmed, he fears this mare who raised him, he may know her but she knows him as well, maybe too well. As Rabia stated, she may have taught him, but she didn’t teach him everything.
However I ended up condensing the Dark Pony empire scenes, Dinky and Coal were no longer there, so Barricade got to be the one to unleash the Queen of Rage and Wrath. It were the final chapters and I knew Sombra was at his last strength, having teleported such a vast distance and then having to battle his mother. I originally intended for him to escape, but decided, no the guy is just done, it was just too much meeting his mother again. So I had him captured and tossed into Tartarus.
The story then ends on a similar ominous note as Possession did, but this time with the danger of Rabia instead of Sombra. Hell I even wrote a poem for her.
As I mentioned above, I really loved writing this story. It was a fun an relaxing at first, taking my time to write it and even if season 9 forced me to speed it up a little, the fun never ended, if anything it just helped me keep things focused and compact, instead of over complicating things and do too much padding just to keep things going.
In fact, I had so much fun, enjoyed writing Rabia finally so much that I just dove right into drafting the sequel to this story. I’ve in fact been writing it since early this month, drafting up chapters and getting a firm idea where I want the story to go. It even already has a name:
Rage of a Queen. Wrath of a Mother.
I hope you enjoyed reading The Last of the Dark Ponies as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will be posting a one-shot that is sort of a follow up to it in a day or two, see how Sombra is doing in Tartarus and how he’s getting on with his inmate, who is plotting and scheming himself, we saw the results in the season 8 finale.
That’s all for now, but remember.
Fear the King of Shadow.
But beware the Queen of Rage and Wrath.
The stakes have never been higher.
Proofreading all of this over the last month still didn't prepare me for reading this and Temor's afterwards...I am truly amazed and in awe of your ability to craft such well-written, intricate stories, Askre. I may have improved my writing in general (according to the hubby, Tale Weaver), but YOU by far are miles ahead of me in structuring out a story that is logical, entertaining, hangs together SO WELL and still has that light at the end of the tunnel/speeding train one-two punch we all get sideswiped with. I think - no - I KNOW I want to be you when I grow up!
Now if you can just stop writing and throwing proofing assignments at me LONG ENOUGH I can settle in and get back to writing, I just might be able to do that
5052009
Aww thanks.
Seriously though, I do intend to write the two sequels a little slower, so you should be able to focus on your own writing as well. I might also be writing shorter non-King Sombra stories in between, I should be able to edit myself.
5052013
If my muse cooperates and I can find some downtime, I might just be able to write more than I've been managing this past week, but be warned, if I see ANY typos I can't STAND to read, buddy, I am going to be in that gDoc to edit it so fast your head'll spin
5052074
I aim to have the first story in the son's of Barricade duology up this weekend, we'll see.