Twinkle Twinkle - Speaker to Dragons working on details

Having some issues getting Twinkle Twinkle - Speaker to Dragons all set for posting tonight. (up to the chapters I'm done with so far) The Long and Short description need some work, and suggestions are welcome (below the break) although I think I have the cover picture up to snuff.

Here's what I've got for a Long Description:

A long time ago, before the founding of Canterlot and the reign of the Two Princesses, dragons attacked a caravan of ponies during the Great Diaspora as the shattered remains of the Three Tribes fled the Windigo for warmer pastures. Alone and considered dead by her family, little Twinkle Twinkle was captured and taken away to a dragon’s lair, where something wonderful happened.

This is her story, when a young mare brought something to dragonkind that they had never experienced before: Friendship.

And here is what I've got for the short description:

Centuries before Twilight Sparkle and Spike, one young unicorn is faced with the daunting task of bringing something completely new to dragonkind: Friendship

They just don't.... click quite right. Any suggestions?

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

They seem fine to me, though you could consider this for the short description:

Before Equestria was founded, a unicorn must introduce dragonkind to the strange pony condition known as "Friendship."

[Irrespective]

Ditto to FoME. Both descriptions seem good to me.

[Airy Words]

My problem with the long description is here.

Alone and considered dead by her family

What does that mean? Left for dead? Abandoned? Disowned? Cast out for committing a crime so vile that she was ostracized by not only her family but her entire race?
A story’s description can engender two classes of questions in my head: “boy, that is intriguing—I want to read more,” or “I don’t know what the author means—that is annoying.” For me, that passage is the latter.

[Olden Bronie]

I'm not sure if it sounds better, but how about this:

This is the story of a young mare who brought something to dragonkind that they had not experienced before: Friendship.

[Scratchpad]

The Princess of Friendship was not the first pony to befriend a dragon. Before Twilight, before Luna, before Celestia, there was Twinkle Twinkle.

[Georg]

5050370 5050388 5050406 5050408 5050422

Hm, need the focus in the first few words, like Scratchpad. Let's take a look at Jim Butcher's guide:
*WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS*, *YOUR PROTAGONIST* *PURSUES A GOAL*. But will he succeed when *ANTAGONIST PROVIDES OPPOSITION*?

Twinkle Twinkle was not afraid when she was snatched away from her family by a dragon who made no secret about eating her.
hm...
Long Description

While fleeing the Windigo with the rest of the pony nation, Twinkle Twinkle was stolen away from her family by a hungry dragon. However, she was not afraid. In fact, she was determined to learn all about the creatures before her inevitable demise. That was because Twinkle was a very peculiar little unicorn, with a mind that other unicorns considered defective, and quite weird. Can a strange unicorn who is unable to feel fear survive in the lair of a dragon, and save the lives of every pony and dragon alike when faced with a threat that they cannot defeat alone?

Twinkle Twinkle is about to find out. And in the process, she will bring the dragons a completely new gift they have never possessed before.

Friendship.

How's that? Then short would be:

Twinkle Twinkle was a very strange unicorn who other ponies thought was defective, but when she is stolen away from the freezing pony nation by a hungry dragon, can she survive, and in the process bring friendship to both ponies and dragons?

[Airy Words]

Better. The hook to learn the answers sinks more deeply into the unprotected flesh of the reader.

I think this bit is boring.

who only wanted to eat her.

Maybe:

that saw her only as 'second breakfast'

[Olden Bronie]

5050492
That is much more descriptive and really does more to draw in a potential reader.

[Georg]

5050496 struck "who only wanted to eat her" and replaced with "hungry" (because really that's so much more to the point)
5050500 Yeah, there's something about a NEAR deadline that can squeeze out productive writing that just loafing along for years doesn't do.

(pokes publish button)

There we go, first chapter is up, second will go up Sunday Morning. (because it's Saturday Night, people, or will be for another 4 minutes here in Kansas)