Lack of Encouragement · 1:24am Feb 28th, 2019
I was on quite the writing streak, that was, until a thought suddenly entered my head.
All of us—and I do mean all of us—are so fucking quick to bestow judgment upon others. Half the time, we aren't subtle about that shit either. We will straight up say what we think and, should we have a further opinion on how that person can either be better or be be better at something, then proceed to give them our criticism.
And you wanna know something? That's fuckin' grand! It really is. From a superficial stance, you are bettering someone else overall, or, at the very least, bettering them at something they are attempting.
But you wanna know something that I don't see a lot around here?
Encouragement.
Fucking encouragement man.
That 'e' word is too quickly forgotten nowadays.
Like most people, there's a chance you forgot the existence of that very word. The answer is simple if you have. For the last little while, no matter where you reside, it has become the norm to forget the word encouragement.
And why should we need it? Shouldn't people be able to encourage themselves? Shouldn't they have the willpower to see through their own goals? Hell. Take it a step forward why don't ya. If someone required encouragement to keep on going, then that means they never had the inherent, self-sustaining motivation to do the thing in the first place.
Hell. You're doing them a favor by being a prick.
To which, I call fucking bullshit my good friends.
Of course there are a lot of people who will fail simply because they were not encouraged. That, because they required or desired an outside force, they were never able to do the thing they wanted to do—or at least tried to.
Why do we view that with shame? Someone goes for something for the sake of going for it, not carrying much confidence about it, and then, because of that very fact—the lack of confidence—we believe them to be foolish forever trying, that the fact they need a pat on the back somehow makes them weak.
What the fuck is wrong with people? Why are we mocking people for trying something new, for wondering how something would go, and dropping nothing but criticism on their shoulders instead of a pat on the fucking back?
So. Can we kill that kind of behavior for a bit? Someone wants to try and do a thing, and thus, the first thing we do is heap criticism after criticism on them. Sorry, but I gotta speak up here for a second.
When you give all that criticism, shit after shit, are you actually doing it to make that person. Are the words you speaking given in a positive way for that person?
I don't think so.
I think people have become rather selfish as of late. They're always out to prove something because of something that relates to them. Either to overcome their insecurities or to establish something about themselves to others. Whatever. Call both noble if you will. They all still have to do with the critic.
But how about the doer? When you tell this person why they are bad, are you doing it to make yourself feel better? When you tell that person all the ways should get better, are you doing that just to make yourself feel clever?
I'm not against critics... just the selfish ones.
And don't take this to be an absolute or some shit. It's just something I've been seeing and been wanting to write about. Nothing more. We have tons of people who write free content for readers and, though many are willing to offer criticism, none are ever thanked or encouraged for their works.
I don't think it takes special people to get good at something. That you have to be talented to take criticism well. I think most people, encouraged that they can do the thing, are willing to endure everything on the path to do it.
And yes. The world isn't like this. You don't get thanked for showing up for work on time—you get paid and you get to keep your job. This isn't the world, guys. This is us. We get to set the standard and the Morales we encourage others to have.
So, how about it then? When we seek to help others, can we forget whatever we are attempting and, for a moment, focus our attention on how to give this persona proper boost on the path they are on? To thank writers and such for their work and encourage them for some more.
Just encourage people, man. It doesn't seem like much, but do it enough, and it could become more than you ever expected.
To close this small essay off: a story.
One day, when I was eight, I was on a skateboard. I was on one sidewalk, my mother on the other, and I had a small ramp in front of me. Going forward, I tried going over it with a kickflip—only to fall straight on my ass.
My mother laughed, said to cut it out, and returned to making dinner.
And I did. I took my skateboard back to my driveway, laid back on it, and stared up at the sky. Besides a cut, I didn't feel anything else. No thoughts. No nothing. Just sitting there feeling strangely empty.
The soft hum of cars passed by along the road. Footsteps came from pavement from afar, a whole group of them, though I didn't pay it much mind. Suddenly, however, they stopped, and I could hear whispers from the next sidewalk over.
“Hey... young Tony Hawk!”
I sat up on my skateboard. Looking across the street, I saw a bunch of high school kids. Hoodies and dyed hair, I was almost worried about them for a second. That was, until I saw they were smiling.
“Keep at it!'
They shouted more things as they kept walking. I stood up at once, unable to say anything, though when I picked up my skateboard, they must have seen that I was smiling. They soon left the street and, seconds later, I was back at the ramp.
While I didn't know what I was feeling, at least it was something as opposed to nothing.
Now that the steam as since been faded from my fingers, it's time to write a bit more about this little essay about mine. What you see here applies a bit to what's happening with me in RL, though to not as big extent as this blog makes it out to be.
When someone is doing something, I think it's important to have your focus set on them. Too often, people 'help' with selfish reasons. This makes sense. Everything is governed by self-interest. But on the path of trying to be a good person, it's important to focus on what the other person wants and how to help them get it.
In short. Just encourage people when they can. Before you give them criticism or whatever, let them know they have what it take to do it, that they can do it well. A pat on a back may not seem much but, keep doing it, and you'll find you'll have created a better person for it.
I leave this rant with a quote from Wolfgang Gothe:
so ture
I see this on about everything I've written, It's one to be given insight on what it is you can improve on and where you fall flat, but the times people have commented saying, and I quote, 'If I’m telling the truth I wouldn’t make a single change to this story, I was just left in complete awe by how this ended up'. That made me feel great, not smug, but generally fucking happy.
Encouragement is Power!
I think it's because of how criticism can get wrapped up in superiority complexes.
And it's not just that it's about that directly, because it's usually done once you've bought into a worldview that encourages that. That says you gotta pass some moral or skill-level pass and if you don't, then you are awful. But I do aren't I great? You can tell by my awesome taste and my impeccably pure motivation for writing stories.
And it's a goddamn shame because, really, criticism is important to the growth of an art form. It really is. It's how you learn how people feel about your stories, how people share advice and improve with each other.
But, there will always be at least some conflict. Some guy provides criticism, the other person doesn't take it well, or the opposite where someone is upset by a story and writes an angry screed. This will always happen, conflict over this is, in a way, inevitable.
Part of it, at least for old farts on the internet (not sure what the general norms are now), is that "I liked it" / "me too!" comments used to be considered bad form. If you didn't have an insightful comment to post, you were supposed to STFU. You were acting like one of those morons from AOL, and that's bad, because you were wasting the time of everyone who had to scroll past your comment.
I mean this as a serious question: as an author, if we have nothing specific to say, would you rather have a comment that just said "I liked it!" or "Yay, another chapter!" rather than no comment?
5021068
Of course. But a few more line hurt none.
I assume you mean to encourage someone when you perceive they’re doing something good, or at least productive, for not everyone needs encouragement for everything they do.
Sometimes, a person needs to be told they’re being an idiot. A true friend always has your back but is unafraid to tell you the truth, even if the truth isn't what you want to hear.
I can think of a certain writer on this site, and you’ll know who I mean in a second, who has almost four hundred stories written, and Every. Single. One of them is garbage. Bad plots, non-existent characterizations, tell versus show EVERY TIME. And, here’s my point, he REFUSES to improve. No matter what readers write in the comments, no matter how many offer to help in editing, he still continues to write the same drivel every few days. That is not someone who needs encouragement, for he will never change. Not after four hundred examples of the same thing.
You are quite correct, B! It means so much more than people can ever imagine to hear a kind work and given a bit of positive feedback. It can make the difference in giving up or moving forward. It can give some a reason to keep trying. It might even save a life.
Think about the words you use and stay positive.
I believe in u :)
I'm having the same problem! Well, sort of. Not that I need encouragement, or maybe I do... I'm lacking motivation lately on writing and it really does suck. I'm not against criticism either, but I really don't how my knowledge in writing has just faded. Seriously, whenever I write I can't help but feel tired. I want this feeling to go away.
I mean, I think that's what actually makes constructive criticism constructive, right? It should be encouraging you to do better, not to quit.
5021074
You have not gotten the thesis of this blog.
1. There was never a statement about it being all the time. It's just saying a pat on the back or a I think you can do it does wonders rather than mere instruction.
2. That's just criticism. That's fine. Once more, the thesis is that here is the criticism, but that I believe you can handle it and endure it and improve from it.
3. Don't be a wimp. If you're going to call someone out, call them out, but don't pull this kind of stuff man. And not only that, but why must their content be good? What they write simply for joy? Is there anything wrong in that? Anything shameful? Must every writer must be striving to improve in order to be allowed to do the craft?
Get off your high horse. If Invictus just wants to write stories to make themselves feel good, then I encourage them to keep doing so. Even if their stories are written only for their writer, then their function has been fulfilled.
5021083
thanks bae ;' )
5021084
same boat here, though mine is due to overall depression
True, tough love only works if there love in it. So yeah people should be more encouraging.
Pretty insightful. Not much I can add to that, really. I bet it was cathartic to say though.
5021091
Depression sucks, I had it a few years back and it was just a horrible feeling, anxiety didn't help either. I did the worst possible thing and that was disconnecting myself from everyone I knew, wearing a mask and saying I was fine when really I was breaking from reality, crumbling down in my own sadness. Please, B, don't do what I did. If depression is at your throat, you have to remember that you aren't alone. I'm here if you wanna talk and I'm sure you have folks in the real world willing to support you.
5021213
A cheering Fluttershy is the key to getting shit done.
5021098
Thanks mate, Means a lot comin' from you.
I can name at least two users off the top of my head who, even if they bring up some valid criticisms, end up coming off as insufferable a-holes because they fail to keep this stuff in mind. And if you check their pages, their stories are drowning in dislikes from the people they've pissed off. It's a vicious cycle that hurts everybody involved, and it doesn't even need to happen.
Yeah that's a thought I definitely see a lot of credence in. There's not enough real encouragement in writing sometimes, and people stop because they just don't feel good about their work. I've definitely experienced a lot of slumps because I don't always recognize encouragement or inversely only get negative feedback from people. I can't help what others do though.
What I do need to do is value what encouragement I do get, which is a lot, and keep in mind how I talk to others. I'm pretty aware of how terse I am when I give feedback, and that's no good for certain readers and I should know better. It's definitely something I need to keep better in mind for others sake and take time to give encouragement to writers I like.
5021349
Good post.
Oof, I feel ya. There DOES need to be more encouragement. Not the fake or strained kind, either...just sugary-sweet, heartfelt, meaningful goodness. Have a great day.
While the occasional dose of encouragement from outside factors can be good we cannot also forget that the person themselves needs to be able to procure their own encouragement and actually want to do it. Actions soley driven by encouragement by others leads to a dramatic decline of quality of all actions besides the ones that doesn't need you to think.
5022900
Very true, but that works off a different context and proposition brought on by the topic.
Also, suh dude?