Double Fic Review: Her Number One Boyfriend/Wake Up! My Little Fluttershy · 8:01pm Jan 23rd, 2019
Yep, you read right! A double fic review! No crime in any city, but a double fic review nonetheless. Let's get cracking, shall we? More after the break.
First off, this little note in the description.
In this story Spike is not a dog and not part of the Sparkle family and also Shining and Cadence aren't married yet
Yeah, I think we could tell that you dumbass! Beastility is bad folks! And what does Cadence and Shining Armor not being married have to do with the story you might ask? Absolutely nothing!
Is was a beautiful Friday in Canterlot while Seven Seventeen year old were walking in the hallway of CHS while talking with smile about what they are gonna do today.
These were Twilight Fluttershy Sunset Spike Applejack Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, they knew each other for years.
"So you and Flash Sentry are gonna be practicing together huh", the fashionista said smirking causing her friend to nod.
"Yeah, decided to practice our shredding at his place and teach each other some guitar work...what are you getting at Rarity", the athletic girl said glaring, she was dressed like a athletic tomboy.
"Nothing Dash, it's just you and him alone...together at his place", Applejack said smirking, she was dressed like a cowgirl.
"I don't have a crush on him ok, sure he's cool and all and knows his guitars and can shred on them..but I don't like him like that", the athletic girl said glaring through gritted teeth while blushing.
"Oh Dashie...oh I know I should set you two up then throw a dating party for you two", the party loving girl said with a beaming smile before zipping away.
"Pinkie no", Rainbow Dash said with a panick shocked red face before running after her to stop her from embarrassing her and Flash while the group laughed.
Two hours later everybody was at their after school part time jobs working, Spike and Twilight had the same job of working on computers.
They were both trying to fix Lap Tops while talking with smiles, then the science loving girl started thinking about all the times her best friend been there for her and always helped her out.
"Hey Spike, do you feel like I'm taking advantage of you while also feeling unappreciated", she asked suddenly frowning causing him turn to her.
"No I don't Twi, you are my best friend that I will always be there for..besides, I'm your number one assistant", he told her putting on a smile while she did too.
Then he gave her a hug, "don't ever think that I feel unappreciated cause I don't, I care about you and will do anything to help you out", he told her again while continueing to hug her.
She couldn't help but smile with a blush and hug him back, "thanks for always being by my side, my number one assistant", she said smiling still.
They failed to see a shocked Fluttershy and Sunset who was on lunch break watching them hug, then they started having thoughts wondering if they ask each other out.
Then they broke the hug and continued to work, the science loving girl had a smile while thinking, "he's been by my side since kindergarten..he was my first and only friend".
"He even helped me opened up to others before I meet Sunset and the rest of the girls", she thought again, then continued to focus on her work.
Later they decided to go home and when the book worm reached her house and walked in, she saw that her parents were packing with smiles and became confused.
This has to be the most boring, and also might I say in desperate need of a proofreader laden opening I've ever read. It's bland, and capitalization issues are abundant. Quick jump ahead, and Twilight's been left alone by her parents who are going on a two-day vacation. Not sure if this is correct or not, as I'm not sure if my parents would leave me alone for two days while they go on a two-day vacation. Then again, ut may vary with parents and child. I'm absolutely hopeless at a lot of things, including setting a security system as it turns out. Maybe your parents would do this, so I can't really critique this. Actually, I can. It's so ludicrously convenient!
Meanwhile at Spike's home...
With Spike home watching some TV, he suddenly saw Twilights folks car driving away and guessed that she's home alone, unless her big brother is home too and not with his girlfriend.
Suddenly his dad walked up and saw he was staying at his friends home since they live right across the street, the man smirked.
"Thinking about going over and checking up on her", he said smirking still causing his son to nod.
Then the man thought of something before saying, "you can spend the night with her if you want", he told the boy smirking.
"Guess I should just to make sure she's alright", the boy said smiling before getting up and walking out the house confusing his mother.
The woman suddenly walked over to her husband, "Discord wear is he going", she asked him confused.
"He's going to check on his friend..maybe spend the night with her", he told his wife causing her to glare up at him.
"That is not happening", she told him glaring about to walk out the house to stop her son, only for her husband to grab her wrist.
"Let him be, besides maybe they would date after spending time alone...do you really want to ruin you're sons chance at maybe getting a girlfriend", he told his wife causing her to stop and think.
"No..damnit Discord, why can you let him be my little boy", she said glaring causing him to chuckle.
"Cause I'm his father, it's my dutie to teach him about girls", he told her while she was still glaring.
"Besides him spending the night with her means we have the house to ourselves", he said suddenly smirking causing her to smirk too when he wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close.
"That we do my love", she said before wrapping her arms around his neck.
"How about we have some fun tonight", the man asked before giving her a kiss.
"We should, if you can last five minutes that is", she told him smirking before giggling causing him to pout feeling like he not in the mood now.
Then she saw the look and frowned, "I'm sorry Discord, I didn't mean to hurt you're pride", she said giving him a kiss and hug.
"Too late, I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight", he told her frowning and looking away while she broke the hug.
"Please don't be mad at me, I'll make it up to you tonight", she told him suddenly smirking with bedroom eyes causing him to cross his arms like a kid shaking his head no looking away.
"No, and there's nothing you can do to change my mind", he told her glaring away still, the woman continued to smirk looking up at her husband.
"Are you sure Dizzy, that there's nothing I can do to change you're mind", she said seductively with bedroom eyes before she unbuttoned the top few buttons of her blouse.
Her husband was now fighting a war inside his mind while trying not look at her wonderful cleavage, then gritted his teeth when she unbuckled his pants and snaked her hand inside.
"Hmmm, maybe I should see if I can still work my mouth and tongue tonight-upstairs now", he quickly told before she grinned and they both quickly rushed up the stairs to their bedroom.
With Twilight, she saw the boy walking across the street and up to her home and smiled, when he knocked she let him in.
What does that scene with Discord and his unknown wife contribute to the story you might ask? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
Also, it rang a few alarm bells for me if you ask me. https://au.reachout.com/articles/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship Read that, and check this scene again.
"Any girl would be lucky to date him, he's smart athletic funny knows how to make a girl smile and laugh..cute..handsome..has a great sexy body that just makes you wanna-", she quickly stopped talking.
"What is wrong with me, he's my best friend..I-I can't be falling for him", she said to herself trying to think of anything else besides the boy.
With Spike running up to his house, he walked inside and rushed upstairs but stopped on the last step when his parents bedroom door opened and heard talking.
"I can't believe you got it all over my face, it's even in my eye", he heard his mother say frustrated and became confused.
"I tried to warn you but you won't stop stroking it", he heard his dad say from inside the bedroom while his mother walked out of it.
Suddenly she stopped while he became disgusted and disturbed at what was on her face and why she had an eye closed, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know what it was.
"S-Spike, I swear it's not what it looks like...you see you're father-I don't wanna know...I just don't", he cut his mother off before quickly going to his room and grabbing his sleep pants.
"You guys can have the house for tonight", he told them before rushing back downstairs and out the house, all while trying not to lose his dinner.
Hours later the boy was shirtless in his sleep pant in the living room while Twilight was in black shorts and a white sleeveless top, they were watching another sci-fi based movie with smiles.
When it was done, the girl got up and walked up to the TV and started looking for another movie to put on, when she bend over a little Spike couldn't help but look at her butt before looking away.
"The hell, why did I stare at her ass...I can barely see her bra through her white top, well...she does look hot in those shorts a nd top", he thought to himself before he started inwardly panicking.
First off, awkward, and secondly need I say this is so ludicrously rushed it's not even funny? Here we already have Spike thinking Twilight is hot, and without any prior buildup! This is not how romance works you hack!
They layed there in silence, the Twilight decided to break the ice, "hey Spike, thanks for everything and being my number one assistant", she told him smiling turning her head to him.
Dear god, the grammar and homophones. Grammarly is screaming at me about now!
Short little talk and a little awkward kiss and then this happens. God, this is so cringey.
"Really", he said turning to her with a raised eyebrow while she nodded turning back to him.
"Yeah, besides all night I couldn't stop thinking about me being you're girlfriend", she told him smiling and blushing more causing him to chuckle.
"That's funny, cause I was thinking the same me being you're boyfriend", he told her back smiling.
"Heck, I even stared at you're butt and lags a few times", he said chuckling before his eyes widen in fear.
"I probably should have kept that to myself", he said to himself before seeing the glaring red red she had.
"You looked at my ass and checked me out a few times", the book worm said through gritted teeth causing him to panic.
Then for some reason she smiled, "you know what it's ok, b-besides I was looked at you're body a few times myself", she confessed with a red face causing him to smirk.
"So you think I'm hot eh", he said smirking causing her to look away nodding.
"I think you're hot too...and beautiful", he told her causing her to turn to him smiling.
Then she gave him a kiss causing him to kiss her back, it soon became making out while she climbed on top of him, he wrapped his arms around her body.
While they were making out, he moved his hands to her breast and groped her causing her to moan through the kiss, they were starting to feel like they want this and each other.
"Spike, will you be my boyfriend", she asked after breaking the kiss causing him to smile and nod giving her a kiss.
They continued to make out some more while she knows what's suddenly poking her personal area and doesn't care, they are a couple now.
Then she took her top off causing his eyes to widen, "uh Twilight, if we do this you're father and brother will go all Broly mode on my ass", he told her while continueing to kiss me.
"I know, but I want you tonight", she told him before giving him a kiss.
"Ok then, mind if I check Shining room to see if he has any condoms in there", he said grinning all of a sudden while she got off him and he got up.
"Go ahead...and hurry back", she told him smirking with bedroom eyes, the boy quickly exited the room and ran to his girlfriends brothers.
"I'm sure he has some around here just incase he's home alone with Cadence", he said to himself excitedly cause he's gonna becoke a man tonight.
He opened a drawer and saw a pack before quickly grabbing one, then closed it and rushed back out and straight into his girlfriends room.
When he entered the bedroom, he suddenly her sleep wear on the floor and saw her naked on the bed giving him bedroom eyes while smirking, he grinned looking at her beautiful body.
Suddenly she got up and walked up to him, "you ready to be my first tonight Spike", she asked causing him to nod like a goof ball.
Then he opened the condom up before taking his sleep pants off and his boxer's, he put the rubber on himself while the science loving girl looked down at him impressed.
"Wow...is that normal size for a teenager", she asked before grinning, then he stepped out of his sleep wear before laying his girlfriend on the bed.
"I love you my number one boyfriend", she told him for the first time smiling before giving him a kiss.
"Love you too, my beautiful adorkable nerd", he told her for the first time, then they started making out while he entered her.
The view went to their moving hands that was holding each other while the bedroom was filled with bed noises and heavy breathing.
I sorta get the feeling the author from this paragraph set wanted to do a full-on porn story but at the very last moment, decided, no! I'll dumb it down for teenagers! Gah! If you're going to do this, do the full bloody kilometer you hack! God, that scene was so cringey. Teenage romance at it's finest folks! And it's not even good awkward cringe! It's like someone writing how they think sex is and such, only they're probably thirteen or so, and did I mention before that they just stop before the full sex scene is shown?
This is my new favorite gif, especially for those scenes that are so stupid or so poorly written and believe me this checks both boxes. Short scene with Spike blackmailing Shining with his hidden porn stash after the fact and story ends. Thank god.
Final score? 2/10. Now, onto the next story.
Ugh, one of these spin-offs. Kill me now. But seriously, I'm a Kamen Rider Kiva fan, huge fan. The fact that I wrote a Kiva crossover to celebrate its tenth year anniversary is evidence enough of that. For those of you not familar with Kiva's plot, I'll quote the Kamen Rider wiki.
Twenty-two years after the disappearance of his father, Wataru Kurenai lives in an infamous "haunted house" where he is destined as Kamen Rider Kiva to fight life-draining monsters called Fangires, the very race his father fought years ago before his disappearance. Wataru must also deal with Kamen Rider Ixawho is part of an organization seeking to destroy the Fangire menace, as well as the Fangires' own Rider, Kamen Rider Saga. The story is split between the actions of Wataru in the present (2008-09) and his father Otoya in the past (1986-87), slowly revealing the link between the Fangire Race and Kiva.
The characters of Kamen Rider Kiva are spread throughout two time periods, each related to one another. There are the actions of Otoya Kurenai and the Fangire Hunter Yuri Aso with the Wolfen Jiro in the year 1986 with the first Ixa Ver.I that result in the various Fangires that persist to the current day, in 2008, with Otoya's son Wataru (as Kamen Rider Kiva) along and Keisuke Nago (as Kamen Rider Ixa Ver.X) and Yuri's daughter Megumi (also a Fangire Hunter), dealing with the Fangires to prevent deaths.
Now, onto the main story...
Have you ever been through almost everything under the sun? Then you and I are very similar. I have been through almost everything imaginable. People usually think it's incredibly simple because I can't explain it further. They think by fights with my brother in the past they mean rough-housing. What actually happened was that my brother was King of the Fangires and attacked me when I didn't join him. They think about losing a girlfriend they mean either stolen or broken up. What actually happened was that my girlfriend was a reluctant Fangire, who got in the way of my finishing kick and was alright until Bishop came and destroyed her. I didn't see Bishop but that's what Nii-san told me.
Oh, I completely forgot to introduce myself, my name is Wataru, Kurenai Wataru. I am also Kamen Rider Kiva. That's the reason I can't fully explain my, let's just call them issues. Anyways, I was walking home with my partners, Kivat and Tatsulot when I accidentally walked into a box. I crouched down a saw writing on the box, it said, Give to a good home. On the other side it said, Fluttershy.
Okay, first off, a good introduction to Wataru's character, and yes, he did go through everything he listed in his own show. Poor guy, there's a reason he's one of my favorite Riders, simply because he came out through all that, starting off as a male Fluttershy and then becoming a badass fully-grown man who could scare off one of the monsters of the week with just a few punches and a nasty look. Wataru, believe you me, earned his King of the Fangires title. Oops, spoilers.
But on the critique side, this was all ludicrously rushed, a common theme I notice in this story really. Seriously, he just finds baby Flutters with no prior build-up to this? I mean, what?
"Well first open the box, we have no idea what's here. For all we know it could be a baby Fangire." Kivat told me.
I opened the box worried about what I would find and I found a filly. A yellow filly, with wings, and a pink mane and tail. This feels very similar to a story I heard about an unidentified rainbow explosion in France. The filly was sleeping peacefully. She probably didn't know where she was. I had to take her into my home.
"Kivat, Tatsulot, we're heading home." I said with the box still in my hands. They followed after me if a little worried about what I was thinking.
"Are you sure about this, Wataru?" Kivat asked me.
"Byun byun! Let him do it. It could very well teach him responsibility." Tatsulot told him.
When we got home it was empty. Shizuka wasn't here so it was just me, Kivat, Tatsulot and I guess her name is Fluttershy. I decided to lay Fluttershy down in my bed to rest, when she opened her eyes. She was very scared of me from what I can tell.
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you." I said. She seemed to calm down a small bit when I made it clear that I was not going to hurt her I sat on the bed next her and she laid down in my lap, she then fell back to sleep. I began thinking, Technically speaking, now Fluttershy is my daughter now, and from how she is, I can only reveal her to those I trust the most. It may sound like a lot but I know that I can trust Megumi-san, Nago-san and my Nii-san with this secret. I just hope I'll be able to be a good enough father for Fluttershy.
"You'll do just fine, Wataru." A voice told him.
"Father?"
"Yes and I know that you will be a great father!"
First off, and you'll have to take my word for this, Kivat's and Tatsulot's speech is colored. Huge no! And Wataru somehow getting a mental message from his dad, who's been dead for years? Convenient! Meant to come off as heartwarming I'm sure, but just convenient. Too convenient.
Anyways, Fluttershy gets taken to Castle Doran, basically aside from Wataru's big monster fighting keep, his castle which also holds his friends Jiro, Riki and Ramon. And apparently in this story, his half-brother Taiga who stayed on as the Fangire King. Personally, I like to believe at the end of Kiva, Wataru took his King title to protect Taiga but who's to say, we never get an answer from any official sources.
About three months passed. I decided to show Fluttershy the forest behind our house. After all there are many different kinds of animals in the forest and I don't want to keep Fluttershy inside all day. I walked Fluttershy over to the forest and she was looking all around at all of the different animals somehow she was able to understand them. When she asked me about it, I said that maybe that's a special talent she had.
"I think you may be right father. I think this could be my special talent!" Fluttershy said. Then three pink butterflies appeared on her flank. She wondered what they meant and I told her from the 'research' I found that that's a cutie mark, a mark when a pony gets their special talent. She was overjoyed about this. However, things weren't happy for long when a Fangire attacked us. It went for Fluttershy first but I dived in the way preventing further injuries. I grabbed my phone to call Nago-san and Nii-san. They arrived quickly shielding me so I could get Fluttershy into a hiding spot.
"Tatsulot, stay with Fluttershy." I told him he nodded and stayed with Fluttershy. I wish I didn't have to do this. I wanted Fluttershy to have a normal life. But I guess you can't get everything you want.
"Kivat!" I shouted.
"Dark Kivat!" Nii-san shouted. Nago brought out his Ixa Knuckle.
GABU!
GABURI!
READYThe three of us then shouted, "Henshin!"
First off, it's Kivat the Second, not Dark Kivat and secondly, describe their transformations a little bit and their armor, instead of just showing us pictures! Is it really so hard to describe IXA as a warrior resembling a Knight Templar and Kiva as a warrior covered in chains with gleaming yellow lamp-like eyes?
WAKE UP
WAKE UP ONE
IXA CALIBUR RISE UPDark Kiva and I kicked down at the Fangire Whereas Ixa slashed it so the Fangire was destroyed.
I don't regret anything, just trying to get some rare life energy. And with that the Fangire exploded. The only thing left was this energy orb which Castle Doran ate.
"Remember to chew thoroughly!" The three of us said. Nii-san went back to Castle Doran but Nago-san stuck around to ask me some questions.
"Wataru-san, what did the Fangire mean by 'rare life energy'?" Nago-san asked me.
"Um, well, Fluttershy, it's safe now you can come out." I said. Fluttershy walked up to me and hid behind my back, most likely from Nago-san.
"Fluttershy, this is Nago-san. Nago-san, this is my adoptive daughter, Fluttershy."
"I see now what he meant, by rare life energy this is a life form unknown to Earth. I think Megumi would like to meet her."
First off, describe how these Wake Up attacks are started! Again, is it so hard to describe someone inserting a small whistle device into their belt? I'm beginning to question at times if this author actually even watched Kiva and only used the KR Wiki as guidance.
Anyways, so Megumi meets Fluttershy and she recognizes her from a certain show, and a rushed comforting scene follows. God above. There was so much potential there for a good long scene with good character development and the like and it's squandered.
More years passed as Fluttershy grew into a fine young mare the same age I am when I started training to become Kiva, she's now 15 years old I decided to treat her for her birthday so we're going to the zoo so Fluttershy can see all the animal habitats at the area. I told Fluttershy about it and she was overjoyed. The day we were about to go I heard a knock at the door. I looked in the door and saw a pony that looked like Fluttershy, but was as tall as me, white, a wavy multi-colored mane and a horn and wings. I had already told Fluttershy to hide behind the other side of the bed.
I opened the door to get a good look at her. "Hello, sir, may we come in?" She asked me.
"I'm sorry but I don't know who you are. Did you call in for a violin order?" I asked her.
"Um no sir, may I come in?" She said hoping the answer was yes.
I stepped aside to let her in, but she had more ponies following her into my home. One lavender, one orange, one water-colored, one pink and one white.
"Um excuse me Mister," Twilight started.
"Wataru, my last name is Kurenai."
"Okay, Mr. Kurenai, we're kind of looking for our friend is she here?" Twilight asked me.
"Is she yellow?" I asked.
"Yes actually I assume you've already met her." Rarity asked me.
"That isn't the beginning of it actually. I have been Fluttershy's father for the longest time."
"Heh, how long could it have possibly been she disappeared 12 days ago." Rainbow Dash said.
"Oh, well here it's been 12 years." Everybody gasped at that.
"You mean to tell me that you've been taking care of Fluttershy for 12 years now?" I nodded. "Well I first would like to thank you but we need to take Fluttershy back with us. She came here on accident, my former student, Twilight was helping Rainbow Dash with the weather but Rainbow Dash got caught in it. However, Fluttershy was able to get Rainbow Dash out of the storm, only to get caught in it herself. When I found you here, I was worried Fluttershy would end up destroyed almost with the Fangire betraying the King and Fluttershy could've been considered life energy for the taking." Celestia said worried.
"Well we were close to that, but my brother, the King, Nago-san one of my friends and I stopped it." They all didn't believe it by looking at me. "We're all Kamen Riders, in my case, Kivat!" And Kivat revealed himself. "I'm Kamen Rider Kiva, my brother is Dark Kiva and Nago-san is Ixa. We've been defeating Fangires since the beginning of 2008."
"Well then first I would like to thank you for taking care of Fluttershy, which is going to make what I have to say now much more difficult. Wataru I must take Fluttershy away from you. Our two worlds were never meant to mix. This entire thing was an accident."
"Well not to be rude, but that isn't your decision to make. It's Fluttershy's life and she should be the one to choose if she stays or goes. I won't force her to stay here since I believe in one finding their own destiny, and letting Destiny Play. Fluttershy, you can come out now." I said. Fluttershy came out from behind the bed next to me.
"Fluttershy!" Pinkie screamed running up to her, in which Fluttershy responded by hiding behind me. "You don't recognize me, do you?" She said with her mane deflating a little bit.
"No, I'm sorry I don't." Celestia then walked over to Fluttershy and explained everything to her. "Well, I don't want to go back to this Equestria place." Fluttershy said making everybody gasp.
"Fluttershy, we're your friends!" Applejack said to try and make Fluttershy remember. She then made a hard glare at me. "What did you do to her?"
"I didn't do anything! Honest! I found a box that said 'Give to a Good Home', and on the other side said, 'Fluttershy.'"
"I want to stay with my father! He truly cares for me! I'd rather stay here than go back to this place that I've only viewed through a screen."
"Fluttershy, come on you don't mean this do you?!" Rainbow Dash said completely upset.
"I'm sorry but this is my choice, and I choose to stay with Father!" Fluttershy said determined. "Now I'm going to have to ask you all to leave!" She said pointing her hoof to the door.
Damn right Fluttershy. That's what I'd expect of you. Now you'd expect right, for certain ponies like Celestia to just live and let be right? Dash and a few others are understandable -actually, no it isn't, given Dash went through this exact same thing!- but what happens next with Celestia and Wateru? No, just no.
"Wataru Kurenai, you have one last chance to give Fluttershy back to us! I don't want to have to use force but I will use force to get one of my subjects back if necessary!"
"It wasn't my choice, Fluttershy wanted to stay here! If you truly cared for your subject you would let her stay!" I shouted.
"I'm sorry but Fluttershy must come back with us, she's part of the Council of Harmony, she has to come back to Equestria she said firing a beam at me. However Dark Kivat blocked it and Nago-san appeared firing a blast from the Ixa Knuckle.
"Guys, we need to henshin!" I said, they nodded.
GABU!
GABURI!
READY"HENSHIN!"
FIST ON!"Fluttershy run on the main path!" She nodded and ran behind me.
"Princess, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash go on ahead! we'll handle them." Pinkie and Rarity said.
"Wataru, Nago go on ahead, I can take on two ponies." Nii-san said, the two of us then ran off farther into the forest after the other ponies. "I don't want to fight you, but I don't want you to take my niece away."
"Then I'm sorry sir but we must get our friend back. Even if that means fighting you." Rarity said getting into a battle stance.
"No hard feelings Mister!" Pinkie said with a smile.
WAKE UP TWO.
Nii-san brought his arms together making a red sky with a full moon he then jumped up high into the sky and kicked at the ground. The ground tremors as Nii-san kicked the ground sending Pinkie Pie and Rarity flying.
Back with Nago-san and I we were running after the four of them when we realized when we caught up with them only two of them were there.
"Wataru, go on ahead. Your daughter needs you, this is your form of justice." Nago said. I nodded and ran after Celestia and Twilight.
"Sorry sugarcube nothing personal but we have to get our friend back." Applejack said.
"What will that princess do if she gets her hands on Fluttershy?" Nago-san asked.
"She's gonna erase Fluttershy's memories of this world and replace them with the memories of us back in Equestria." Rainbow Dash said dive bombing Nago-san.
"I cannot allow that!" Nago-san said activating his final form.
RISING
"Ixa Explosion!"
I was running after the last two when I saw that they could fly. I activated my beast form to fly after those two. After I caught up with them Celestia began battling me.
"You must understand that this is for the best of Equestria! After she comes with us she won't remember anything of this world! The needs of the many outweigh the needs of one!" Celestia said shooting a magic beam at me.
HENSHIN! Tatsulot yelled transforming me into Emperor Form. I grabbed Zanbat from my armor and blocked all of Celestia's attacks.
"If you can't make just one smile, how can you make an entire country smile? If Fluttershy wants to stay here, then she should stay here, and I will fight for her! No matter what! I kept fighting for my brother to come back to the side of good, in which I eventually did! I'm not stopping there I won't give up!"
WAKE UP FEVER!
I jumped up and kicked Celestia with both of my feet and the wings coming out of my legs kept on attacking her as my kick dragged her back. When we got to a tree, behind Celestia was my signature symbol of Kiva.
Is all this really necessary? I mean, Celestia's a reasonable enough pony, am I correct? I think all this was just so we could get a hugely forced conflict and have more fight scenes and especially Wataru showing off his Emperor form which isn't even described at all. No picture thankfully, but no description. And beyond that, this fight scene is boring, it just feels like characters going through the motions. Celestia did this, Pinkie did that and so forth. I yawned at one point. Not a good sign.
Twilight kept running after Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy, please come back! We need you in Equestria!"
"No Twilight, I'm no longer an element of harmony, nothing's holding me back from staying here!" Fluttershy said.
"But what about all of your friends? You're not gonna leave them behind are you?!"
"Twilight I only know my so called friends through a TV Screen! This is my life now. My name is Fluttershy Kurenai!"
"Fluttershy stop this nonsense!"
"Twilight, that enough." Celestia said with a smaller tone.
"What do you mean, Fluttershy belongs in Equestria!"
"Twilight, after battling against Wataru, I knew how he acted, he won't do Fluttershy wrong, and if she wants to stay in this world, then what kind of Princess would I be if I forced her to be in a world she doesn't want to be a part of?" Celestia finished.
"Princess Celestia thank you for finally understanding." Fluttershy and I said at the same time.
"Just, please as my last request here, take good care of Fluttershy." Celestia said.
"Of course." I said with determination in eyes.
Fluttershy and I were able to stay with each other. Celestia gathered her ponies back together and they went back to Equestria.
Back at Twilight's Palace, everypony there was not in a good mood. Their friend chose a human over them. It wasn't any better when they had to tell Discord.
"So did you get Fluttershy back?" Discord asked hopefully.
"No, Discord, we couldn't get her back, she chose to stay on Earth rather than here." Twilight said upset. Discord was disheveled. He walked back to his cottage with a dark frown.
And that's the end of that. Discord's role in the ending scene? Serves no point. It seems like a sequel hook, but no sequel ever came. Thank god for that. Final tally? 5/10.
So much wasted potential in this story, and as a Kiva fan, that makes me sad as Kiva was huge on character interactions and development which sometimes overshadowed the fight scenes I admit but Kiva was masterful at character interactions. This... not so much.
I was actually tempted to read Her Number 1 Boyfriend. It appears my taste in fanfiction is pretty awful.
5001517
Appears so. If it's any consolation, now you don't have to and all of SpikeMaster's stories are this bad. The Blue EM2 can tell you as much, ask him.
Here are two more horrors from another of his 'stories';
"Why the hell i look like the Joker, your freaken sick Diamond...i hope you have keys for these cuffs", he said struggling again.
She put the mirror down with a smirk and took her robe off, she climbed on top of him again naked and smirking as Spike glared at her with hate knowing what she's gonna do.
This reads like an M, if you ask me.
5001517
This person cannot write. At all.
5001529
Truer words have never been spoken.
5001531
I may attempt to parody him, but I can tell you know that 'never in the history of fanfiction have so many severe errors in grammer been inflicted on so many by so few'.