LUNBRA CONTEST BLOG POST WITH APOLOGIES AND REVIEWS FROM THE DEAD HAHAHA SORRY SORRY SORRY · 2:35pm Aug 22nd, 2018
Yeah, you heard that right. This blog is about The Friggin' Lunbra contest. I'm sorry that it ended the way it did, without anything ever getting judged. (I still learned a lot for a potential second contest.) A lot happened to keep things from getting results, including a lot of real life issues taking control of what I was up to and the judges. It's a long time past any point for results, or at least any super official results and prizes. So, I'm super sorry about that.
Honestly, this is part of the reason I'm glad there weren't any cash prizes and grand give-away type stuff, because it would have been absolutely horrible if this had happened and that had been the case. I mean, I would have tired to not let that happen if there had been cash and stuff, but y'know.
Eh.
Anyway, I realized that because of the sort-of secrecy of the judging, there was literally no feedback given to the authors whatsoever. This is not a nice thing, and I'm hoping this blog will fix that. I'll be tossing out a few screenshots and stuff from the judging chat and whatever else held any semblance of what results might have looked like to the authors who contributed entries, from the keyboards of the judges themselves.
However, no final results ever ended up being cobbled together, hence there only being unofficial screenshots from stuff. And I wouldn't even consider that complete, because I'm literally only pulling up as much as I can find from chat logs. (And yes, the logs aren't exactly recent, so it might not be much?)
However, in place of the lack of both logs and feedback, I would like to offer reviews of each story to make up for that, and whatever I might of placed them as (roughly) had I been a judge (however I'm biased af and stuff which is obviously part of the reason there were, y'know, judges). I guess if you wanted to, you could consider those the official results.
So, a reminder: the prompt which writers had to work with was 'An Unexpected Meeting' and they could use it as they wished to create an E or T story that had words people could read with their eyes. The things they would be judged on were the usage of the prompt, grammar, originality, and characterization/romance.
Screenshots and reviews are below the break. My reviews will be entirely just... my thoughts and critique of the story, rather than anything with a rubric. Especially when it comes to grammar, I don't usually comment on the technical skill. Sorry.
Excuse the fact that I half-assed titles and called them all 'pear' for a file name. Also, the 'that' and 'it' in question would be horizon's story. All screenshots are from CoffeeBean, NorrisThePony, and Pearple Prose. Skype screenshots are weird, but the story being discussed in them is Queen of Clubs.
E-rated slice of life romance with King Sombra? That in itself is a bit unexpected, but hardly unwelcome. This story takes a straightforward approach to the prompt: having Sombra, the narrator, bump into Princess Luna one day, and they strike up a bond. Friendship leads to crushes and hayfries, which then leads to romance of the heterosexual horse sort in cute, short, fluff-with-a-plot.
But what's with that AU tag? Well, the story takes place in an alternate universe where a number of things never happened: Nightmare Moon and Sombra enslaving the empire are two examples. This isn't actually introduced in the story itself, not much, really. An author's note is all that clarifies the setting. Which isn't the best choice.
So, things that fluffysam did right: giving Sombra a unique and engaging voice in his narration, as well as good chemistry with Luna. There's a lot of natural dialogue in here and a sweet and fluffy romance. Pacing for the story is mostly smooth, and largely suited for a story of its length. If you want some sweet fluff with a unique pair, here's a story for you. So, what are the gripes with the story? Not anything really damning. The setting should have been clearer through textual details, even if they were just small nods at things being different or revealed through dialogue. There also should certainly be more of this AU! There were many little places where fluffysam could have probably stuck a bit more, whether it was just a touch of exposition or some peek at the world they've created. This is the shortest entry when it didn't actually need to be, though the shape its currently is far from bad, and it makes for a nice read.
Also, another detail is a bit odd in it: towards the end, it is revealed that Sombra has been writing the story as part of his memoirs. It nicely concludes the story, but does shed an odd light on things: why is it called a memoir if he's not exactly a grand king, and reads closer to a diary? Why didn't the author using the many formatting thingos FimFic provides to help give the story the look of a diary/written thing of some sort, or maybe offer headings for entries and such? This, and other things could have helped foreshadow the nature of the story.
Conclusion: Well worth the read, and places as the honorable mention.
Let me say two things outright: this was my personal favorite story of the entries, and second... it uses comic Sombra (but just barely) and makes him work. I'm not sure that you properly understand the gravity of that either, blog-reader. The MLP comics are a jumbled mess of soft canon that more or less have the skill of the average fanfiction writer, except they're professional comic writers. They're almost like a fandom in themselves, giving birth to flimsy characterizations, questionable storytelling, worldbuilding that feels like it was derived from mad-libs, unbelievable romances/ship teases, relentless fan-pandering, many a needless/groan-worthy pop culture reference, and backstories that would have garnered disgust even from me when I was a little wee Ice. (Excuse the fact that I was a picky child.)
They're all the vapid sugar-high type weekend cartoon gags with none of the actual fun that MLP simply isn't. (And the art is okay, I guess?)
Needless, to say, the comics are not really very good, and rightfully ignored by a lot of artists and writers in the fandom. And yes, I've read quite a few myself: FIENDship is Magic editions of Sombra, the Sirens, and Tirek; the return of Chrysalis; Zen and the Art of Gazebo Repair; and the Shining Armor and Cadance one. Those, are at least the ones that I remember reading in full. There's no doubt a couple others, and then some I've only read parts of.
The comics have given a lot of odd characterizations and more to the fandom, and the best known is probably the relentlessly dorky Shining Armor one with pony D&D.
But this story was something else! It successfully manages to write Luna and Sombra in an established relationship and oh my god it is adorable. Both Luna and Sombra are very well-characterized and realized horses in love. Sombra is a spectacular and wonderful grump who has a reasonable dislike of the holidays, especially horse!Christmas, something I can relate too so very much, and he has understandbly also not really heard of it that much. Luna is fun-loving and understanding, with wisdom to share. There's cute pony carols and Luna who seeks to show Sombra a great Hearth's Warming, not to prove him wrong, but because she wants him to be happy. In the end, Sombra is able to find a part of the season he enjoys, with help and comfort from Luna. The chemistry between them is fantastic shit, yo.
The only real critique I have for this is 'Hearth's Warming' is called 'Heart's Warming' at times AND OH MY GOD WHY IS THERE NOT MORE.
Conclusion: SECOND PLACE, BITCHES! (And my personal favorite!)
When you're having problems with love, who is the pony to talk to? In this story, it's Luna, and there's a reason for that. This spectacular story was unfairly downvoted, and it is mostly probably because of the inclusion of Flash Sentry, but fallen starr manages to weave together an incredibly mature themes about romance with two romances: that of Twilight and Flash, and historically of Luna and Sombra. There's also friendship and wisdom to be had from this story, too.
Twilight wants a perfect relationship, or 'fairytale bliss' as the title says, and through dreams and with hard-won wisdom, Luna tells her about the unexpected meeting she had with King Sombra in the past, one that leads to them falling deeply in love. And yet, as mush as Luna and Sombra love one another AND FALLEN STARR WANTS TO HURT MY HEART it doesn't stop Sombra, Luna's light in a gloomy time, start doing some not-so-good things and such.
With Twilight's tale in the present, and Luna's in the past, this is a fine story that features realistic relationship talks, a really melancholy air about Luna even as the story ends oh my god poor girl, unexpected dream meetings also, down to earth stuff, lots of feelings, perfectionist Twilight, and a lot to take away. There's Lunbra in there, and gosh I'll always wish for more Lunbra in anything (this included), but there's more too.
Conclusion: This one would easily take first place.
Horizon is a changeling and a fantastic writer. He brings some absolutely good shit, like Three Letters, Thou Goddess, The Last Dreams of Pony Island, and some other things I would make hard copies of just so I could try to cram them down someone's throat and scream at them loudly to read them all, as I would with my own stories, as they died in my arms like a fucking coward who can't take no shit. Oh, and you can totally quote me on that, I guess. (Needless to say, there's not many writers that can get that kind of a response from me.)
But that's not to say that there's pieces of his I'm more on the fence about, and those would be things like You Remind Me of You and Queen of Clubs. Though, what I'm not on the fence about is the cover art. Good shit. 👌
What Queen does right is dare to put forth many original ideas at a gripping breakneck pace with deliciously bizarre tragedy. The prose is engaging, and it's quite the thriller. The prompt was juggled cleverly enough, but the title is even cleverer. I found myself enjoying it for those things... but there's some glaring flaws with it too. This story is like covering yourself with glitter and body paint and other fine outlandish things and going to a cool party: you're original! you're noticed! damn that's pretty unique, huh?
But you're also naked, and sorry to break it to you, story, but I don't think your metaphorical friend wanted indecent exposure at their party. Not cool.
Basically, a lot of the things that make Queen a good thing, aren't really as good when all that pain is scrubbed away, and glitter is (mostly) removed from every orifice.
This is to say that a lot of the good things aren't solid enough to keep this ship (no, not the horse-ship, like the story itself) from being half-sunk and the floor is all gross and wet and stuff.
There's a lot of wasted potential, which isn't something I say about many stories.
So, what is it that brings this story down?
The first thing is the setting. There's only about two places in the story, and that's not really a problem. The first is a gothic club run by a mysterious changeling called Loveless, and while out of context, the scenes at Loveless' club are pretty nice... in context, they're not so much. This is supposed to be a historical story, and while the exact 'historical' and many setting qualities of MLP can waver, this club would be more fitting for modern Equestria, and it just... flops in historical Equestria because it is not historical in basically any way in a setting that indirectly demands some adherence to that term. With the concept of 'Gothic' things (even if it isn't quite as we know them now) existing for centuries, there was so much idea fodder that could have been put to use with some research.
Instead, it's modern goth clubbing.
And the second setting? High school. Not a historical school, or a school with magic flairs or anything. Just high school. So there's a bucket of high school drama just dumped all over this, and it doesn't fit. At some point, there's a reference to Luna (yes, she goes to this high school in the Crystal Empire) and Celestia getting privately taught, and it's infinitely more interesting than the bland high school.
Luna is alright in the story, but that's about all that can be said for her. She's a depressed teenager, or one going through a rough time in her life, and that's understandable. With the Dark and Tragedy tags, I did expect something a little more remarkable going on, especially considering that eventually Nightmare Moon would be a thing. What I did like was that for her own conflict, she does say outright that she does not hate Celestia, even if she doesn't get along with her or like her older sister that much. So, what we get is Luna going through a hard phase in her life.
I'm not going to delve into Sombra that much, or at least not him as a character, because he's a weird complicated part of the story where I could probably write a full review on/something. What I will say is that for the most part, he does appear underwhelmingly normal, and there's an interesting twist with him, as well as a few things coupled with the revelation towards the end he is a developing sociopath of some kind.
But here's probably the biggest problem for the story: the romance. You're probably wondering how it could be a problem. There's a romance tag. This is a romance contest.
So what's the problem with the romance?
There isn't any.
None.
Nada.
Zero.
Zilch.
Luna is grateful that Sombra helps her at a point, but doesn't really paying attention to him after thanking him. Sombra decides he wants Luna after like three minutes of looking at her ass and deciding she's hard to get. But mostly looking at her ass.
And that's honestly all that really drives him. He's horny.
That's it.
That's all.
He's just horny.
There's no romance in the story that is entered in a romance contest, just one very horny teenager, and another who is slightly less horny and has sibling issues and is going through a phase.
...So I'm not really sure why it was that this was entered in a shipping contest if the protagonist is just really horny?
Yeah. Dunno. Forget everything else about the story, this is kind of a big failure on anything entered in a shipping contest. Yes, the writing is technically sound, but there's absolutely no chemistry. Which is sort of the point.
However, what could really shape this story better is well, if the story kept going. The story leaves off on a cliffhanger of Point A and the inevitable outcome of what happen in the show is Point B. There's a lot of potential to use this story as a wild first few chapters to a downward spiral of a tragedy, and make something later in a hypothetical continuation give more depth to the first few chapters/present story in hindsight. I'd actually be hyped for that.
This story has ambition, and that's always a really great thing to have, and on the surface it was beautiful grade-A Ice Star bait, but in the end I got something kind of... bizarre. And not like 'my mind is blown by everything you've done with the story bizarre' but 'holy crap that was painted just to look like a real food thing and instead it's fucking packing foam and what the fuck listen I'm sure it's great packing foam but why did you do that'.
That's actually happened to me before.
Conclusion: Bronze medal, baby.
HAAAAAAAA
fair enough lmao
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RIGHT-HONORABLE MENTION
4923948
i'm just gonna say
like
2 days after posting the story i was like
"FUCK I COULD'VE DONE X" lmfao
4923952
That’s how writers work!
4923955
tru
Kinda glad I forgot to enter now XD
4923985
I don’t blame ya. Contests are hard.
Sorry it's taken me sooooo long to respond to this life has been soooo crazy but omg. If you'd picked you would have given me first place? My heart is soaring! Also I may, eventually (meaning a while from now oops) write some nice, fluffy lunabra just for you my dear.
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❤️❤️❤️❤️