Story Notes · 2:17am Apr 6th, 2018
I'm so, so sorry.
Remember a couple of weeks ago when I had a bad day at work and wrote Cuddles?
Well, I've been running the show at work for a week because the manager is on vacation and basically that means trading the idiocy of him for the idiocy of customers and I'll be honest I kind of miss him just a little bit.
<takes deep breath>
Anyway, the point is that today at work I thought up this masterpiece and I do kind of regret writing it but honestly only a little bit.
And when I was looking for coverart . . . well, there's a pony for that, as the commercial went.
I don't think that I really have to go through all the brand names and whatnot; unless you live under a rock, you probably know what all those things are.
I will tell you that I actually considered going to the grocery store and buying a container, just to see what they actually tasted like. I wasn't going to eat one, just lick it once or twice.
But I didn't. So you can be thankful for that, I guess.
So anyway, hopefully you enjoyed the story I guess. Don't eat Tide Pods.
Oh. My. Stars.
This. This, shall be a thing.
4834008
I couldn't help myself.
fuck
that last one
what
4834011
Feel no shame, good Admiral. For I am still giggling, and my housemate thinks I've lost my mind.
She's not wrong, but I haven't had it in decades.
4834015
It's worse than you think.
I had to get mod approval of one of the story images.
4834016
Once I'd thought of one of the terrible metaphors, I knew I had to write it. And then I found the perfect cover image and I have poor impulse control anyways and this is a horrible insight into how my mind works sometimes.
Those tags prevent me from reading it, also fear of losing braincells.
The next time I see you I may smack for you even thinking of licking a tide pod. What part of extremely caustic do you not understand?
4834033
That is a perfectly reasonable course of action. It doesn't go quite like the tags suggest, but I'd be a fool to not include them.
It probably wouldn't be the worst thing I've licked, honestly. Although I say that having not ever actually licked a Tide Pod, so I don't have the benefit of knowledge there.
Also, I probably do deserve being smacked upside the head for unleashing this abomination upon FimFiction.
At least it was less toxic than Human!Anonymous.
4834027
Pinkie being Pinkie is close enough a description for how my mind functions.
4834051
Only vaguely so. Although I suppose if I had to choose between reading dozens and dozens of terrible self-inserty anon fics vs. eating Tide Pods . . . it would be a tough choice to make.
4834054
Sometimes that's all you can say, really. Things happen in my brain, and then words come out.
4834060
Me: "Let's have some fun!"
My friends collective reactions: "Chaos is here."
As you know, customer's level of inteligence may vary. I stand by claim.
4834058
I mean, at least the pony version of Anonymous isn't a misogynistic prick who for some reason has a love-hate relationship with all of Equestria and a very weird number of people literally write him as green-skinned with an unblinking question mark for a face.
4834070
That's quite true. I don't know how she's characterized in stories, 'cause I've never read any stories with her, but she's actually pretty cute in the Derpibooru art.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/4/1/1401415__safe_twilight+sparkle_oc_oc-colon-filly+anon_curved+horn_duo_earth+pony_ponies+riding+ponies_pony_riding_simple+background_smiling_unicorn_whi.png
4834067
Whenever I start something out with "I've got a great idea," there's a collective facepalm from people who know me.
4834068
Based on some of the customers I've had this past week, it's from an IQ number that's a single digit to an IQ number that's no digits at all.
Tide Pods were like a month ago. Now, the cool thing is to do weird things with condoms.
4834079
Well, maybe (it's an old thing but maybe a new thing again because of the complexity of the news media and attention-seeking behavior). But Tide Pods are way more cooler, plus there's Tide Pod pony fanart and if there's condom snorting pony fanart I really don't want to know about it.
Damn, well there's one subject I'd hoped would die of horrible self-inflicted injuries.
Work (aka customers) must be hell if you're missing your boss and writing tide-pod stories as an outlet. You have my deepest sympathies, sir.
4834088
I think it mostly has, but you know me. Beating dead memes and all that.
it's been a ride, and that's a fact. But he comes back Monday, so it'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming.
4834079
4834082
Weird stuff with condoms is the new thing?
I don't know what they're doing now, but this guy was doing weird stuff like 10+ years ago:
(Worth watching, hilarious)
4834092 Good, I'm glad to hear that.
Just stop licking those things in the mean time, huh? 
You can’t make me get to do old man!
Having had a life in the old days of te 70s in the darklands of rural decaying mills UK, as a child I had all sorts of intresting times playing in rivers and quarries and falling off hills and poking round farms and sheds and all those types of things that modern safety procedures totally frown on. As such I have a variety of small chemical, thermal and physical scars where the unverse tried to point out that it always had the last word on idiots. i was lucky that I was just smart enough to realise I was just that dumb,
Nothing says licking Tidepools is a bad idea than almost needing hospital treatment for chemical burns on the hands from farm lime and building cement, and accidentally stripping three layers of skin by over application of classic 40% Fairy Liquid.
Never did th frog disection at school, I think the closest to stabbing a living thing was disecting the fish eye? and yet at home watched unhappily? as Dad killed the rabbits and chickens for dinner.
Maybe some research suggests something intresting about nonsocial interactions? Take very young kids, divide into three groups, have one lot sat in a room with a TV, one in a room with a radio, and one in a room with a human being, and doesnt matter what teh radio and TV plays in the way of information, because they have no idea that information exists or what to do with it, its only those reacting to the human being that actually learn anything.
Came from someone working on AI and why it doesnt. Apparently because theres nothng to train on or with.
A lot of people wouldnt like this because to them it implies tha perfect little jimmy the baby is as dumb as a towel, at least for the first few months and see no reason for play because thats not what an socially acceptable adult does.
And now behaving in a socially acceptable way to peers, we are back to licking tidepods.
You aren't actually sorry.
Also, that was fucking glorious. I needed to laugh like that.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5:24_4/6/2018
4834033
I'll join you in that.
4834216
t out of me. So in a way you could say that TV helped make me more cautious by exposing me to more things but it'd have done me no good if I wasnae an insufferable "wha's 'at?" kind of kid.
I find that TV was okay as an aid to my development but every time someone left me alone with it I just sort of phased out, I still do really. The reason I'm such a nervous git now is because I'd see something on the telly, ask someone about it (eg. my dad) who'd then proceed to scare the sh
You should be sorry.
4834120
It's the old thing but it's new again because the news reported on it five years too late and now people are (allegedly) doing it again.
Bring back the cinnamon challenge.
4834125
But they're so sweet and delicious!
4834216
We used to ride our bikes around an old abandoned canning plant and a barrel dump (no idea what was in those barrels) behind another factory. Plus there was always cool stuff around outside the print shop. Farm equipment was fun to play with, too. Luckily, we managed to avoid any serious injuries as kids, somehow. Lots of scrapes and bruises and minor burns, things like that, though.
I think I managed to dissect everything up to a pig (that one was extra credit, not mandatory). Didn't like it too much, and realized that being a doctor or anything like that was not the job for me. All the stuff that goes on inside a body is cool and all, but I've seen all that I care to.
I really don't think of the TV as being much of a babysitter. We never had one; my parents got rid of it before I was born. I liked reading books a lot as a kid. Still do, although I don't have as much time for that now, what with writing in most of my free time.
Don't eat Tide Pods, kids.
4834172
4834219
No, I'm really not. Like, a tiny bit because this is the kind of story that people might point to as an example of what's wrong with kids these days (even though I'm hardly a kid). I also do somewhat regret that I didn't spend the time it took to write this working on something more meaningful, like the next chapter of OPP or my upcoming harnesses blog series. Other than that, no regrets.
Most excellent. Glad you enjoyed.
4834266
It's not like I can even pretend I don't deserve it.
4834341
You know, for as good and serious a writer as he often was, Issac Asimov loved his dumb puns. Maybe for me it's stupid crackfics like this one. But admit it, you laughed.
4834573
Meh can't deny that I fear but mostly at her despair.
4834640
She'll probably be fine in a day or two. And now she knows not to eat Tide Pods.
Wait. Are people actually eating Tide pods? That's not just a stupid meme?
4836563
I think it's just a stupid meme, and the only ones who are actually eating Tide Pods are infants because they don't know better and senile old people. And maybe a few teenage idiots thrown into the mix, because let's be honest, no matter how dumb anything is, there's a teenager who's tried it.
...and, I guess a little green filly.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/8/13/1509788__artist+needed_safe_starlight+glimmer_oc_oc-colon-filly+anon_female_filly_mouth+hold_pony_scruff_simple+background_white+background.png