And It Keeps Going (Part Four) · 9:20pm Jul 25th, 2017

Oh boy. Here's installment four. As with the previous blogs, reading those before this one is going to make much more sense. This blog contains spoilers for the next chapters of Bride of Discord that I'm gonna be going over in here... unless I somehow skipped some. Dunno if I did since I'm constructing this from the notes on my iPod that I made 'bout a month ago and I didn't have anything to say for two or so chapters. If you want to check out the story for yourself - which I encourage you to do - then just click on the link provided below.

Otherwise, it's time to delve into this story again.

Hooray...?

Previous blogs are here, here, and here.

EBride of Discord

Discord returns and will only relieve Equestria of his havoc in exchange for a bride.

DisneyFanatic23 · 65k words · 1,958 59 · 30k views

Chapter Ten: There's References to a Folk Tale that the Story is Based On and Stuff

That's really it. We open the chapter with a creepy scene of Discord stroking Fluttershy's face that startled me... but maybe that's because I'm tired? Either way, the shipping really isn't working in here, and you can kinda tell when the opening line of a chapter gets that kinda reaction from me despite the romance being a little too obvious (and not in a very understandable way) at the very start.
Fluttershy gets a mirror like in the movie (the Disney version, to be super specific) that shows her what her friends are doing and she watches Soarin' and Rainbow Dash play some kind of literal air hockey. I'm really not the best with horse sports. Sue me.

The interaction between them is actually rather interesting compared to the rest of the story. I could believe their banter and enjoyed how they talked about Daring Do books. It was kinda jarring in contrast to the Fluttercord to see a ship stick out as well written in here since all the others that appear (Applespike, Fancity, Shiningdance) are all really in the background compared to the really needs work Fluttercord.

The goal of a romance story is to try and sell me, the reader, on the relationship depicted in some fashion, or at least understand how it came to be. With this one? I don't. I have absolutely no clue to how this could work when the story is digging its own grave more and more with each passing chapter.

In the movie and other incarnations of this folk tale, the gifts from the Beast (like the mirror here) were mysterious and suiting for the fairy tale/magical atmosphere as well as thoughtful to the Beauty character. Here, they feel like an abuser's attempts to control their victim - things you see in human interest stories, biographies, and hear about on the news, and certainly not in someone's supposed-to-be-G-rated-as-fuck romance fanfiction about ponies.

Earlier in the chapter, they also go ice skating and other things, but these scenes all feel like fluff that fell flat or attempts at drama that just didn't get me to feel anything.

There's also Discord and Fluttershy talking about how glad they are it was Fluttershy who came (Flutters is showing signs of Stockholm's now, oh boy) and it only heads into more awkward dialogue. Having awkward dialogue by accident is fine. Having most of your story be composed of dialogue like that for no understandable reason isn't.

Here is a highlight of that:

"Although," he turned away, stroking his beard, "I think I would have preferred Pinkie Pie."
Fluttershy was shocked. "W-what?"
"Well, she does like my chocolate rain. Or maybe Celestia, you know? She is closer to my size. Maybe even Twilight..."

That's basically how all the pairings work in here. It's some kind of superficial thing, or meaningless physical trait, or weird dynamic thing that actually doesn't work with the characters (like the whole Beauty and the Beast thing here) that has the characters put together. Nothing brings them together. There is no genuine chemistry or shared hobbies and values... there's nothing to make this feel like romance, but something like an anti-thesis to it.

There's no things like goals for their relationship or ways that they compliment one another in the most basic interactions that are meant to come across as romantic.

Because the relationships are lacking in both big similarities and small ones - as well as differences, and the pairs - but mostly the Fluttercord in here - feel divergent as fuck from each other, the story isn't that fun to read. There's no subplots to keep a reader who may not like the pairings engaged, and while that's understandable, it means that a reader like myself is going to have zero enjoyment in this story.

(Note: One thing about the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale that doesn't make sense when applied to Fluttercord is how the Beast was originally something else and was in a corrupted state. S/he had something to really look forward to when they were transformed/restored/etc. here, that isn't a possibility and feels like it robs some purpose from the story.)

Chapter Eleven: I am Not Really That Impressed, I Guess?

And here, Zecora returns. In this story, Zecora basically serves the purpose of being a Shipper On Deck. Those kinds of characters are fun to write, I've even done it myself. However, there's also a whole destiny aspect to this ship that renders everything else meaningless and the matter of me still not having any clue why Zecora would support this pairing otherwise. With some characters, it's easy to see why they're a Shipper On Deck, and if not, it's easy to guess why, or it will still make sense if you come up with a handful of guesses to why this pairing might be supported by the Shipper character.

Here? Not really.

There's also the matter of Discord having no interests or anything other than Fluttershy. None. No favorite past times or spells or anything whatsoever. He doesn't have anything to teach her about chaos magic. Everything is very flat on his end because he doesn't feel developed as a character.

She gulped. "I...I suppose I could love him, if he wasn't so...possessive of me." She looked at the zebra in desperation. "You understand, my friends can't know about this! They have enough to worry about! Just tell them I'm alright and that I'm not married yet."

H E L L O A B U S I V E R E L A T I O N SH I P M Y O L D F R I E N D

I S E R I O U S L Y D O N ' T W A N T TO S P E A K W I T H Y O U A G A I N

*Ahem*

Onward, then?

"How about you stop spying on me?"
Discord shrieked in surprise, causing him to fall out of the tree. He looked up to see a cross Fluttershy.
"Exactly how much privacy do I actually get?"
The draconequus laughed nervously. "Well, um..."
"Have you got nothing better to do with your time?"
"Um...no? Well, I'd rather be spending my time with you..."
"Then why didn't you say so?"
"I...you see...um..." He groaned. "I got nothing."

He eats, sleeps, and breathes Fluttershy. Even the scenes where they do start to do things together feel cheesy because there's still so little balance in all this, so the one well-written scene that appears in here - Discord learning to feed animals kindly from Fluttershy feels good, but out of place at the same time, and good writing shouldn't feel out of place.

This is the one scene that might have been able to sell me on some interaction - shippy or otherwise - between them, and not because it had the fairy tale romance outline forced on it, but because it didn't.

Chapter Twelve: Orphans

This is the chapter where we finally get to know Discord's backstory, and apparently some of Fluttershy's? Either way, this chapter is probably gonna be important and stuff.

This particular chapter opens with Fluttershy wanting to ask Discord - who basically calls her 'my dear' all the time now - and that question is... Where did Discord come from?

...Hey, that's actually pretty interesting. Where did Discord come from?

He agrees to tell her the story... no gimmicks or neato flashbacks or anything, just straight-up chatting about it, and the story is basically this:

Discord smiled and took a breath. "I wasn't always the only one of my kind. I had a mother and father like every creature had. There was a land filled with draconeqi, but there were very few of us even then. I was only a few years old when it happened..."
"What happened?"
He paused. "It's all a blur. All I remember is lots of snow and ice. It must have been abnormal weather if not even the draconeqi could control it. At some point I got separated from my parents and I woke up one morning to find myself in a cave. I survived on chocolate milk and cotton candy. Our magic starts at an early age, you see. After a while, the blizzard ended and I started off on my own."
He made another pause before continuing. "I'll spare you the details. Let's just say that it didn't take long for me to realize that I was different from most creatures. I searched everywhere for other draconeqi but found none. When I figured that I was the only one left, I tried to fit in with the other animals, but they were either frightened of me or found me ridiculous.
"Then I found Equestria and you ponies, and...well, let's just say they didn't take kindly to my appearance either. I eventually gave up trying to fit in and focused on my magic, making myself at home in a cave in the mountains."

There's a little bit more, but this is basically the meat of it, the rest is kinda just a little gristle to go with it, if you're into that sorta thing.

This backstory, as told here, is simplistic (largely in delivery) to the point of being... flat. Some flashbacks, different body language, expanded prose... anything that comes to mind right now could have helped made this backstory that was meant to 'pop' feel interesting instead of just tossed into the mix of the story. It honestly sounds like it could be interesting enough to get its own little side story or something.

As for Fluttershy's? Well, we know she was bullied at flight camp and I've been waiting for an interesting part of her character to be introduced since I started reading this and-

Fluttershy hung her head. "Well...I don't have parents either..."
He looked at her with wide eyes. In all his years of spying, how could he have missed that significant detail?
"What happened?"
Her lip quivered. "I never knew my father, and my mother passed away a few years ago." She looked up at him. "I suppose we're more alike than we thought."

...Yeah.

Moving on.

It devolves into Discord trying to convince Fluttershy that she's perfect and that they should get married and... blargh.
She refuses again, and I can't help but want Fluttershy to get out of this relationship thing she's in so badly. It's on its way to toxic.

They fight about how long Fluttershy is going to keep saying no, and she tells him he treats her like a prisoner... the vibes of their relationship being unhealthy are basically on their way to being set in stone here. Fluttershy is further being coerced into this and even wants her animals friends to go back to Ponyville because she doesn't want them locked up. Once again, she's alone, weak, and completely defenseless.

Yeah...

Conclusion Thus Far: Incoming Stockholm's Syndrome in...