Weekly Anime Blog (5/16-5/22) · 3:18pm May 22nd, 2016
U Can Do It! - DOMINO (Naruto Shippuden ending 15)
Welcome to my weekly anime and tokusatsu blog! Each week, I will comment on what I have watched since the last posting.
For--I don't even know how many weeks in a row now--I didn't get around to watching any toku this week. -_- Will this coming week be the week I finally get back to Zyuohger? Stay tuned to find out. In the meantime...anime!
Please do not recommend anime/tokusatsu series at me or ask me about anything not mentioned either in this blog or on my userpage. Between my Netflix queue, my Funimation queue, my Crunchyroll queue, fansubs, and stuff I've collected on DVD over the years, there are several dozen anime/tokusatsu series I've got backlogged.
The blog is broken into three sections: This Season's New Anime, Returning and Completed Anime, and Tokusatsu.
SPRING 2016 ANIME
Here are the new Spring 2016 anime I'm following.
SailorMoon Crystal Season III
With the arrival of Sailor Pluto, the three Outer Senshi are united. Chibiusa is overjoyed to see her, and taken aback at how different Pluto seems now—warm and kind instead of cold and lonely.
As soon as Pluto arrives, Usagi spontaneously transforms into Serenity. The Outer Senshi kneel before her, introducing themselves properly. They apologize for their rudeness and late arrival, and begin an exposition dump about the Deathbusters. Stuff we already know: they're aliens from the distant Tau system, invading Earth because that's just what aliens, do, blah-blabbity-blah blah blah-buggerblah.
And then, just as they were starting to be polite and respectful, the Outers turn on the asshole switch again, coldly informing the Inners that the Deathbusters, as external threats to the Silver Millennium, are their jurisdiction, and the Inner Senshi are in their way.
See why I hate them so much? >.>;;
Oh, and here's further proof of Takeuchi's horrible writing:
Uranus: "I'm sorry to have confused you so, Princess."
Neptune: "Uranus is both a man and a woman, who is a guardian with both sex and both strength."
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally? 
Sorry, Haruka, that only works for Ranma. You are not Ranma. -_-#
The Outers inform the Inners that their mission is to "bury the Deity of Destruction".
In other words, their job is to hunt down Sailor Saturn and stop her from happening, and the Deathbusters just happen to have shown up at the exact same time and transformed her dad into one of them.
Meanwhile, Mugen Gakuen has closed its doors and the campus has been sealed off after multiple missing persons incidents have created a public and media firestorm. Tomoe Souichi is the focus of intense scrutiny in the wake of this scandal.
Cyprine, last of the Witches 5, is sent out by Kaolinite to be killed by the Sailor Senshi. Well, her actual mission is to kill Haruka and Michiru and capture the Hostes of the Sailor Senshi to provide Pharaoh 90 with new, powerful vessels, but we know how it's really going to go down.
Hotaru calls Chibiusa out for a date, but doesn't show up. It's because she's being operated on. Worried, Chibiusa goes out to Mugen Gakuen all by herself to check on her. (BAKA!!)
Hotaru has new biomechanical implants. We get to see her arm, which is mostly metal and scar tissue. More importantly...so does Chibiusa.
Yikes. 
At the sight of Hotaru's scarred, partially metal arm, Chibiusa gets very confused and runs away, which upsets poor Hotaru. Hotaru is depressed and upset, and in her panic, has a vision of three people she doesn't know—Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna—who are looking at her with warmth and pity.
Hotaru: "I'm in such pain...from my forehead and from inside my body...something is trying to emerge..."
Meanwhile, Chibiusa stops running as her panic sets in and she starts to worry about Hotaru, thinking that having seen Hotaru's previously hidden scars and run off most likely caused her friend more pain. It starts to hail, but the hail is unnatural—it's being produced by Cyprine's magic, and it's causing people to collapse, then rise under Cyprine's control.
Cyprine attempts to kill Haruka, and discovers that she is Sailor Uranus. From the command post, the Inner Senshi observe the Deathbusters' attack and the Outer Senshi arriving to confront the enemy. Makoto coldly says there's no reason to get involved, but Usagi, Mamoru, and Chibiusa show up and say they're absolutely getting involved. When the Inner Senshi arrive, Cyprine casts a spell that turns the Senshi against each other. Only Sailor Moon, protected by the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou, is spared, and she can only watch helplessly as the Inner Senshi and Outer Senshi attempt to kill each other. Sailor Moon attempts to defeat Cyprine with her Moon Spiral Heart Attack, but all she succeeds in doing is splitting Cyprine's twin, Ptilol, away from her, effectively doubling the danger.
Seeing her Senshi fighting each other when they should be working together and combining their power, Sailor Moon joins her own power with Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Chibimoon, creating the Holy Grail...
Netoge
Beach episode! Because there wasn't enough fanservice already! :D
Nekohime-sensei was on the college wrestling team? No wonder she was able to lariat Ako like that!
Ako is a soft, squishy mess at 6am. Hideki and Akane are just sleepy messes.
Nanako isn't going with them? Awww. I wanted Nanako to go with them. ;_;
Kyoh's proclamation that for the next 24 hours, no member of the club is permitted to connect to the Internet draws a shocked, almost panicked "EEEEEEH?!" from Ako.
This is gonna be HELL for her. And probably Hideki too because he's the one who has to deal with that. But there's also a reason for it: Kyoh hypothesizes that Ako's constant retreats into netoge are her way of escaping a reality that has never gone well for her. She believes that if Ako is forced to deal with reality and things start going right for her for a change, surrounded by supportive friends and the boy she loves, maybe she'll want to stay in the real world and be a normal high school girl a little more.
Yeah no. Wishful thinking, Kyoh. I've said it all along, Ako has clinical mental health issues and needs professional therapy and medication.
As expected of rich girl Kyoh, the beach cottage they're staying at is more like a hotel than a cottage.
Relaxing on the private beach (damn rich kids!), Hideki is flustered by the sight of ridiculously big-breasted and bouncy Ako in a frilly bikini.
A sweet, tender moment between Hideki and Ako is ruined by the arrival of Akane and Kyoh. Kyoh had planned for all three of them to show up together in their swimsuits and give Hideki the mother of all nosebleeds.
Well, hers certainly would have done the trick, being one of those reverse-type sling bikinis with nothing supporting the bottoms of the breasts. Akane, however, is wearing a weird one-piece swimsuit that's a cross between a one-piece and a seifuku. Kinda like a Sailor Senshi outfit except beachier.
Ako has a silly, giggling fit when Akane puts sunscreen on her. Then all three girls gang up to lotion up Hideki...
Okay, that scene was actually pretty funny. If incredibly silly. Especially Hideki's weird, shy reaction to the lotioning.
Nekohime-sensei shows up in her snug purple one-piece, and the club camp activities begin. By which I mean Sensei lounges under a beach umbrella, Kyoh goes swimming, Akane goes snorkeling, and Hideki and Ako float around in the sea. Sensei is not terribly thrilled with the way the group just split up and screwed around instead of doing something together, and calls them out on it. Hideki explains it to her in gamer terms, saying it's like when a new map is installed and the guild splits up to explore it separately, testing things out, then meet up again later to continue on as a group. However, all they really want to do is be lazy after one morning of being in the ocean, which pisses Nekohime-sensei off to the point where she delivers a patented Maito Gai Youth Rant.
I'm serious. It's exactly the kind of nonsense Gai-sensei would spout.
Ultimately, when her impassioned speech fails to make an impression on the kids, Sensei flat out throws a tantrum until they agree to play harder on the beach as a group.
Oh. My. God. Just...oh my god.
So they do volleyball and watermelon-splitting and all that good stuff.
Hilarious moment: While Hideki is trying to split the watermelon, the girls are shouting commands at him which turn out to be the Konami Code. XD
Throughout the episode, the animators do not waste a single opportunity to shove breasts, ass, or crotch in your face.
(It's episode 7, Funimation's streaming service is $4.95 a month, you're welcome.)
Crowning moment of funny: Hideki, Kyoh, and Ako bury Akane in the sand and sculpt a big CHOANIKI-style bodybuilder body over her. XD
At the end of the day, Hideki is relaxing in the furo, and is about to leave to talk to Ako or something when Ako cheerfully walks in, wanting to join him, and gets a full frontal view of all his equipment. She then protests when a screaming, yelling Akane drags her forcibly away.
After nightfall, Kyoh is ready to have a BBQ (she's EMPHATIC about it being B-B-Q and not barbecue!) on the beach—
Kyoh: "BBQ o suru zo!"
Akane: "Isn't it barbecue?"
*beat*
Kyoh: "BBQ o suru zo!"
Hideki: "Oh, she's having it her way..."
—and has a big spread of the freshest meats and vegetables...none of which have been prepped for grilling, as Ako is quick to point out.
...wait, what? Ako is the one who notices this?!
Surprisingly, Ako is the only member of the group who has any cooking skills, and she saves the barbecue—
Kyoh: "B-B-Q O SURU ZO!"
—*sigh* BBQ from total disaster. After the feast, Hideki compliments Ako on her cooking skills saving the day, and we get a cute scene of Akane running down the beach waving a sparkler around like Schwein's sword, play-acting her netoge character. It's even cuter when Nekohime-sensei comes out of nowhere, tackles her, grabs her by the ankles, spins her around, and throws her! O_o;; XD
Watching from the bushes to gauge the mood, Kyoh senses the time is right, and sets off a line of pre-prepared rockets positioned along the beach, putting on a fireworks show for Hideki and Ako. Watching the fireworks, Ako starts to cry. When Hideki asks her what's wrong, she says that she's just so happy, because she never thought she'd ever get to spend a day like this...but being so happy also makes her a little sad.
With the fireworks going off creating the perfect romantic mood, Hideki attempts to max out his Social Link with Ako...
Hideki: "I love you, Ako."
Ako: "And I...and I really love you too, Rusian."
(Ako stands up)
Ako: "We really do make a great married couple, don't we?"
It's at that moment that Hideki realizes that his perfect, dramatic, real-life love confession was completely wasted because Ako still can't separate reality from fantasy (no, really? How about that she never calls you Hideki? -_-), and becomes depressed.
Kyoh and Akane are just as surprised it didn't work, because they honestly thought that creating a perfect, ordinary, normal, no-netoge summer day and setting the right mood would somehow fix Ako.
BZZT! WRONG!
You can't fix crazy with fireworks and barbecue. Ako needs PILLS. LOTS AND LOTS OF PILLS.
Further, Hideki realizes that this whole thing was pointless from the start anyway, because there's no way Ako would accept being real-life boyfriend and girlfriend over being netoge husband and wife.
NO, REALLY? YOU THINK? FUCKING DUH, DUMBASS!
Kyoh is determined not to give up on this, though, so the next day, she moves the Netoge Club Summer Camp to the Hotel Flores, which is doing a collaboration with Legendary Age.
The event is somewhat...suspicious. It could just be a huge coincience that this specific group happened to be positioned to go to this specific hotel right when they're doing this specific promotion, but something about the specificity of the event seems...too contrived.
Almost as if Kyoh set this whole thing up in advance...
Anyway, the event is a real-life and netoge crossplay thing, where the kids log in using "token passes" given with their room keys and explore a special event map that's identical to the Hotel Flores. The quests for the event involve going to different parts of the hotel, like the first-floor restaurant, to do certain things.
Which mostly involve spending money in the hotel restaurant and gift shop to get stat-buffing items in Legendary Age.
Hmm. Maybe Kyoh had nothing to do with this and it really is just that convenient...
When they first start to log in, the game doesn't immediately accept Hideki's password. He thinks he's just typed it in wrong because Ako distracted him, and tries typing it in again. This time, it takes. After checking in with the event, the club follow the quest prompts to go to the restaurant and the gift shop to buy real-life tourist stuff that gives them in-game premium buffs.
Once everyone's in their own rooms and logged in to Legendary Age, Ako meets Rusian in the hall and asks her to come to her room. ...in the game, not in real life, obviously. She wants to "engage in couples chat" with him.
Even though they're down the hall from each other in real life.
While Ako is asking Rusian to do this, he briefly glitches out, logging out for a moment and logging back in with a surprised look on his face. When he asks Ako to repeat what she just asked him, Ako explicitly says she wants to have couples-only chat with him.
Rusian narrows his eyes and smirks.
Rusian?: "Couples chat, huh...?"
Oh god, he's been hacked...! 
Anne-Happy
On a rainy June day, Hanako shows up to school late, a soaking wet mess, visibly feverish, and rambling incoherently. Evidently, on the way to school, her umbrella was destroyed by cats and she was caught in a deluge. She may or may not also have fallen in the river. Even indoors, she can't avoid being soaked, as the roof right above her desk crumbles and dumps a ton of water on her. Meanwhile, Class 7's latest assignment is to make their wishes come true, and the teacher gives them Tanabata wish strips.
Hanako left school early and wasn't her usual self, so Hibari and Botan decide to visit her and bring her back her good luck charm (the hair clip she usually wears, which fell off before she left) and her Tanabata strip.
They get badly sidetracked by random shopping, however. REALLY random shopping. >.>;;
When they pass the shoutengai and arrive in the neighborhood where Hanako lives, the aura suddenly becomes gloomy and depressing, with heavy rain, dark clouds, and murderous crows lurking.
At the door to Hanako's house, Hibari and Botan realize something rather unsettling:
They've forgotten Hanako's actual name. (For those who need a reminder: Hanako is her own self-given nickname; her real name is Hanakoizumi Anne.)
Botan asks the very young, beautiful lady who greets them at the door if she's Anne's older sister. This produces a supremely delighted reaction from...
Anne's mother, Hanakoizumi Sakura, who must've had Anne when she was seven because damn. O_o;;
Hibari and Botan quickly learn that the entire Hanakoizumi house is Anne-proofed because her clumsiness leads to accidents on a daily—possibly hourly—basis. Oh, and it's genetic—Sakura-san is the same way.
Incidentally, the summer uniforms are introduced in this episode. The Tennomifune seifuku bring back nostalgic memories for Sakura-san, who also attended Tennomifune—and, like her daughter, was also in Class 7.
Hibari has a rare tsundere moment related to, of all things, Hanako's hair.
Hair silliness ensues as Hanako and Botan put Hibari's hair up in a bun like Hanako normally wears, and then Hanako and Hibari unbraid Botan's hair to see what it looks like loose. After that, the girls spend the entire rainy evening playing with each other's hair. D'aww.
Hanako is absent from school the next day due to her fever. At lunch, Hibiki and Ren stop to talk to Hibari and Botan. They're all concerned about Hanako. Hibari and Botan mention the unusually hard rain around Hanako's house, and Ren decides to make a teruterubozu. (But she draws a sleeping face on it...) The other girls also decide to make teruterubozu. ...in their own unique, bizarre, "what the hell is wrong with these girls" way.
Overnight, the skies clear and the weather becomes sunny and bright. Even better: Hanako's fever broke, and she comes to school!
Bland Name Product trope strikes hilariously in this episode: there's a bottle of "Pukari Sweat" in Hanako's room.
Bakuon!!
The Bike Club girls are dressed in maid outfits! Why the hell Hijiri wants them to wear maid outfits as their racing costumes is anyone's guess, but then, Hijiri is kind of nuts.
...no, Onsa, that is not what "proletariat" means. ~_~
So right off the bat in this episode, we get Hijiri's retarded Excitebike-inspired bike course design, then we get Hane walking down the halls of the school wearing a maid outfit and yelling "Buy me please!" to try to promote the Bike Club's race.
...yes, Hane is actually stupid enough to not realize what that sounds like.
By the way, remember how this is an all-girls' high school? So the maid outfits and all that shit are even worse now.
Also, Raimu's handicap has been revealed: for this race, instead of her regular Ninja, she's riding an Epsilon 250 scooter.
...that's a hell of a handicap.
...oh my god, Hijiri, what is WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh god what the hell, Hijiri. What the actual hell.
Our four racers are astonished to see the massive crowd that's come out to watch the race. The race has also attracted attention from some professional racers, who are watching via Internet stream. They've raced against Raimu before and have never beaten her.
The principal, who seems to have intentionally rigged things so that Raimu would have ridiculously high odds (11:1), bets a huge sum of money (3 million yen o.o) on her—probably larger than the school can even cover when Raimu wins.
Unfortunately for her, once she drops 3 million on Raimu...Raimu's odds shoot to 1:1. Oops! That's what greed gets you...
Hijiri's starting horn needs a checkup. That didn't sound healthy.
Aaaaaaand right at the starting line, Raimu's scooter does a header onto the ground, dumping Raimu and collapsing before it even gets in gear. Tazuko just lost three million yen of her parents' pension! Karma's a bitch, ain't it?
The girls purposely derail all the insane turns and stunt ramps Hijiri added to the course by demonstrating safe driving techniques instead of doing reckless bike stunts. They even drive around the "Panel That Somehow Cools Your Engine When You Drive Over It" that Hijiri had Minowa Group develop. Hijiri's reaction is priceless. XD
Hane somehow proves herself to be an idiot savant of bike racing. She's content to race at an even pace and stay behind the competitive Onsa and Rin until smoke from Onsa's shot muffler starts getting in her face. She decides the best way to solve that problem is to simply be in the lead...and she overtakes the other girls with ridiculous ease. She doesn't stay in the lead, though, because Onsa and Rin both get more intense.
As the girls finish the second lap, Raimu finally gets up and re-enters the race on the heavy scooter.
Onsa is frustrated that she can't pass a stock Katana 400. Rin goes off on an impassioned rant about how strongly she believes in her bike, and how she is going to prove the value of the Suzuki Katana by winning the race. Onsa is impressed despite herself with Rin's boasting, and decides she's going to be as serious as Rin is. Hane pulls into a three-way tie by jumping one of Hijiri's stupid slopes and catching ridiculous hang time.
Raimu also makes the jump and overtakes the pack, even though her scooter is rapidly beginning to disintegrate. She drives over the Minowa Panel, and whatever effects it has, that's it for Raimu's scooter. Its engine explodes, and she's out for good this time...or is she? Because the explosion sends her flying, and she's actually poised to cross the goal line before the others!
...except wait, isn't she two laps behind them? Crossing the finish line would...mean nothing at this point.
Anyway, all four bikes cross the goal line at the same time, which sparks a riot in the stands, as the audience starts getting into physical fights over which bike finished first. When the photo finish analysis is confirmed, Hijiri announces the winner is Rin and the Suzuki Katana 400!
Way to go, Rin. Maybe you'll finally get the respect you've been craving. Maybe.
Maybe not. When Rin excitedly yells at the audience to always choose Suzuki, they start going on about different cars Suzuki makes, as well as anything by Suzuki that isn't a motorcycle. 
At the end of the episode, a new character is introduced. Who seems to think bikes shouldn't be ridden on public roads. She's very moe and has a flat, quiet voice.
I get the feeling she'll be important later.
Haifuri
This week's episode opens with a furo scene featuring at least half the crew of the Harekaze. H_H The girls are enjoying scrubbing up and showering when the water in the bathroom abruptly stops.
On the bridge, a strategy meeting is underway, as the crew is attempting to locate the Musashi, which they are now almost certain has been infected by one of those freaky rats. They've also discovered that the reserve tanks are leaking, which is why they now have an unexpected water shortage. They have to conserve water until they can rendezvous with a supply ship in five days.
Girls having to go five days without bathing. Oh god. That's going to turn into a floating catfight.
Hilarious moment: During the water shortage, one of the girls is using the toilet, and tries to use the bidet. Which is now using the same sea water as the flushing system. OUCH.
(But her face and her "YIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" squeal...PRICELESS! XD I died...)
After three days of water rationing, most of the girls are looking...kinda rumpled. They're also on canned rations, which none of them are thrilled with. They're also complaining about having to use sea water for laundry.
Honestly can't blame them, especially the underwear.
Things are strained on the bridge, as Misaki has not forgotten Mashiro's earlier blowup, and is now restraining herself, calling her Vice-Captain instead of Shiro-chan.
As the ship steers into a dense fog bank, it starts to rain. The girls, tired of not bathing and all that, are excited, and quickly change into their swimsuits to go out on deck and just be in the rain. And shower and wash their hair and stuff. And provide lots of fanservice, of course.
Unfortunately, their enthusiasm is short-lived, because what started as gentle rains that they could play and wash in and collect water from quickly brews into a nasty storm system that tosses the ship on rough waves.
We also learn that Misaki is terrified of thunder. So terrified that she leaves the bridge, begs another crewmember to take her watch, and hides in Mashiro's cabin.
It turns out Misaki has a good reason for hating thunder. When she was a little girl, a ship she was on was caught in a storm. Her parents managed to get her onto one of the lifeboats, but they...
;_;
While Misaki is telling her story, the Harekaze receives a distress call from a shoutengai ship which has listed in the storm and is taking on water. They have over 500 people who need evacuating, and the Harekaze is the closest vessel that can assist.
This is the crew's first maritime rescue operation, so they're all more than a little nervous. Although the evacuation of the ship progresses smoothly, Mashiro and Asuka Jr. search the stern for what they think is a missing child, but turns out to be a lost kitten. Because of this stupid kitten, Mashiro is trapped in the stern when the ship goes Titanic and breaks in the middle.
Even as the evacuees are brought to the Harekaze and the remaining crewmembers make their slow return while worrying about Mashiro, the Blue Mermaids' rapid response unit arrives to take care of the rest, including rescuing Mashiro, who's crawling through the air ducts of the sinking ship and has been forced to abandon her skirt.
She really is unlucky...
When her flashlight dies, that's the last straw. She hammers on the inside of the duct with it, screams in frustration, then lies down and waits to die. The Blue Mermaids on the ship's surface hear her and break out the hammers, then confirm her location and cut open the hull to get to her.
Mashiro and the kitten are recovered safely. The kitten becomes very attached to Mashiro—so attached that its owners ask Mashiro to adopt it.
Before the Blue Mermaids leave, the medical officer asks them to deliver the rat, the antibody, and her report to Yokosuka Girls' School. A calm descends upon the Harekaze...
...but the girls are unaware that another ship is approaching in the fog.
It's the Musashi.
Space Patrol Luluco
The weirdness continues...
In this week's episode, Luluco and Nova are sent to investigate a planet that has a 3.7 Ogikubo rating (wat) while Midori is tasked with chopping firewood of justice for Chief Over Justice, whose flames of justice are going out (wat).
While Luluco is searching for Ogikubo at the top of a giant tower, a witch starts shoving mushrooms up Luluco's gun barrel. Keep in mind where that thing COMES OUT OF ON HER BODY. O_o;;
Nova arrives, and they discover that what they thought was Ogikubo is just a "Sorcerer's Stone" that puts out the same energy as Ogikubo. They're ready to move on to the next one, but the witch calmly informs Luluco that the mushrooms she just ingested (uhh...sure, let's go with 'ingested') are poisonous and will kill her in six minutes—three of which have already passed. After freaking out a bit, Luluco decides to lie down and wait to die peacefully. Then she decides she has too much left to do and wants to live life to the fullest until she dies. She asks Nova to give her her first and last kiss. With ten seconds left to live, she kisses Nova, then falls down to die.
Then realizes she's not dead. Because the witch got it wrong: the mushrooms kill you in sixty years, not six minutes.
ONGOING AND ENDED ANIME
Here are the ongoing and ended anime I'm following.
A Certain Magical Index
Basically, this show is "A boy and his nun on the run from dark wizards in a city full of metahumans."
Kamijo is a luckless guy who lives in a city crawling with espers given supernatural power by science, and yet his only supernatural power is supernatural bad luck (and the strange ability to cancel out ALL esper powers by touching them), who one day finds a foreign nun hanging on the railing of his veranda. She's on the run from a society of sorcerors who are after the 103,000 grimoires she "carries", but despite having all this knowledge locked away inside her, she's incapable of using magic.
Index is...a very peculiar girl. o.o;;
Anyway, things get off to a weird start between these two. Kamijo refuses to believe magic exists. Index refuses to believe he has an ability that can cancel out even a divine miracle. Kamijo challenges Index to prove that magic exists by showing him something magical. She offers up as evidence the very clothes she wears, a fabric called a Portable Church which is magically impervious to damage. Kamijo then says that if her clothes do indeed have a divine blessing, and he touches them with his right hand, they should explode off her body.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEP!
Index's reaction to being put on full display by her own showing off? She bites Kamijo all over.
So the setting (Academy City) is weird, 80% of the population are students and a lot of the city's infrastructure is completely automated, and there are...a lot of just plain bizarre characters running around.
Detective Conan
Episode 817 opens with Terakado Shigemi-san, a 67-year-old spinster, talking about having someone she disapproves of murdered while knitting in the park. Her partner in this morbid conversation, 23-year-old Matsuo Ryuji-san, a moving company employee, appears to be accepting a contract to kill someone and hide her body in the mountains. The unfortunate person in question is one Kawaguchi Motoko-san, a young lady who is engaged to...
...Toriumi Haruki-san, 33, who later shows up at Mouri Detective Agency to ask for help in finding his missing fiancee. Much like Sonoko, Toriumi-san is an heir to a wealthy and influential business conglomerate, and seems ever so slightly smug about his status. Still, he seems to be a decent enough fellow, if a little spoiled, and desperately in love with Motoko-san, who is an office lady with a lower-class background.
NEW OPENING! It's yet another B'z song...how long has it been since B'z did the opening last? I've lost track. Anyway, this opening has a heavy focus on more action-oriented sequences and features lots of gunplay, driving, explosions, fighting, and stunts. It also seems to be partially promotional of Movie 20.
Kogorou and Conan visit Motoko-san's apartment. The kanrinin says Motoko-san suddenly decided to move out, but didn't leave a forwarding address and said she'd already hired movers to clean out her place. Her apartment is already cleaned out and the kanrinin got the key back from the movers. Kogorou and Conan both find it odd that she arranged for the whole thing by phone and wasn't present for her move. Likewise, when Kogorou calls her employer, he learns that three nights ago, Motoko-san abruptly called to quit her job over the phone, and had said nothing about it during the day.
While Kogorou and Conan are discussing this rather abrupt method of disappearing, Motoko-san's friend, Suda Kumi-san, shows up looking for her. She's shocked to learn that Motoko-san has disappeared and was last seen three nights ago—which was around the last time Suda-san saw her. At the time, she was her usual cheerful self, and mentioned that she was on her way to see Terakado Shigemi-san, an older woman who lives alone at Beika Housing.
Yeah, the same one who was plotting against her at the beginning of the episode.
Kogorou and Conan's next stop: the apartment of Terakado-san. Terakado-san claims not to have seen Motoko-san in about a month, and jumped when Kogorou introduced himself as a detective. When her kettle whistled, she rather abruptly and rudely used it as an excuse to get rid of the detectives.
While Kogorou and Conan are standing there contemplating their next move, Terakado-san's neighbor, 55-year-old Uno Mitsue-san, recognizes Kogorou and calls out to him. Uno-san confirms that Motoko-san did indeed visit Terakado-san three days ago. According to Uno-san, Motoko-san had recently begun asking Terakado-san for money. Combining this new information with Terakado-san's jumpiness and lying about having recently seen Motoko-san, the detectives suspect Terakado-san may have murdered Motoko-san. However, they have no proof, and moreover, it's obvious a 67-year-old woman in poor health wouldn't be able to dispose of a body easily.
At exactly that moment, Matsuo-san pulls up in his moving van and runs upstairs to visit Terakado-san. Uno-san, back from putting out her garbage, helpfully tells Kogorou and Conan that Matsuo-san is Terakado-san's friend who sometimes visits, and is a mover.
Now the detectives can spring into action. Although Conan lampshades how conveniently well-informed Uno-san is.
Kogorou takes a digital photo of Matsuo-san, and the detectives return to Motoko-san's former residence, where the kanrinin confirms Matsuo-san is the mover who cleared out her apartment.
The whole thing seems very open-and-shut, but something is still bothering Conan. Namely, that Suda-san and Uno-san both showed up exactly when they needed information and gave them exactly the information they needed. Moreover, even the sudden appearance of Matsuo-san is unusually convenient, as though everyone involved is trying to quickly push Kogorou to the obvious conclusion.
Kogorou confronts Teradako-san and Matsuo-san in the park, accusing them of murder. When Matsuo-san says they can't have them arrested until they find the body, Conan shows up with Suda-san and Uno-san. Kogorou then reveals that he knows the four of them worked together to make it seem as though Motoko-san had disappeared. They admit to having set all this up to protect Motoko-san...from Toriumi-san.
And here comes the twist.
At first, Motoko-san was truly in love with Toriumi-san, but her feelings began to change when she became uncomfortable with how spoiled and self-absorbed Toriumi-san is. His attitude of always expecting things to go exactly as he wants them bothered her, so she tried to break the engagement. However, because breaking the engagement would cause him to lose face and embarrass him in front of his peers, he refused to let her out of their relationship.
Yes, folks, Japan still works like that. -_-#
Motoko-san tried to get away several times, but Toriumi always used his money and power to find her and bring her back. In the end, the only way to escape was to fake her own death, so she asked four people she could trust to stage her murder. They then led Kogorou around by the nose when he inevitably showed up so that he would report to Toriumi and the police that Motoko-san had been murdered and her body hidden, which would end the whole sorry mess and allow Motoko-san to start a new life somewhere else, finally free of Toriumi's selfishness.
Kogorou sympathizes with the motives of Motoko-san's amazingly good friends (seriously, taking on suspicion of murder to help someone disappear? That goes way beyond normal friendship! O_o;;), but it leaves him with a problem of what to do about his client. Conan suggests simply telling Toriumi the truth, and convincing him to be a man and break off the engagement for her sake.
But as Kogorou leaves to bring Toriumi-san to the park for this little intervention, we get another twist in this tale: none of Motoko-san's friends have been able to contact her since the night she left. Suspicious, Conan retraces his steps and starts carefully searching the entire area related to this case. In the bushes by the road, he discovers a monogrammed cufflink with the initials T.H.
At the park, Toriumi is adamant about calling the police and reporting his fiancee murdered. Kogorou is in the middle of explaining things when Conan hits him with the sleep needle. Sleeping Kogorou reveals that three nights ago, Toriumi learned the truth about the fake murder and confronted Motoko-san.
And murdered her, using her own fake murder plan to cover her disappearance and his own crime.
Sleeping Kogorou's meticulous deconstruction of Toriumi's crime from beginning to end, concluding with a strong demand for the location of her body, sends the spoiled asshole running scared, but Motoko-san's friends chase after him and dogpile him.
Later, Motoko-san's friends look on sadly as her body is exhumed by police and loaded into the coroner's wagon. T_T
Isn't losing face for being dumped by your finacee better than bringing shame to your family by committing the crime of murder? That's the question that will haunt Toriumi Haruki for the rest of his days. Or perhaps not, because he's such a spoiled asshole that he blames Motoko for making him kill her.
As for Kogorou, he's mad that after all that, he never even got paid. -_-#
Naruto Shippuuden
Continuing the post-Pain filler season at episode 186...
An episode about the "special medicine of youth" Gai-sensei gave Lee during his recovery back when Gaara crushed his body is prefaced by a somber, deeply emotional scene of Lee bringing the same tonic for Tsunade-hime while Sakura somberly keeps a vigil on her. Lee feels a deep debt of gratitude to Tsunade for helping him heal and giving him back the ability to continue his ninja life, and wants to do whatever small thing he can to help return the favor, even if it's just a bottle of Gai's dubious tonic.
So anyway, Naruto, Sakura, and Ino are called out for a D-rank mission, which Naruto and Sakura learn about while they're visiting Lee in the hospital. Naruto drinks Lee's last bottle of Gai-sensei's "youth drink", which Lee has been drinking five liters of every day (WHAT THE FUCK?! I don't drink five liters of ANYTHING in one day!) without fail, believing in its healthful properties because Gai-sensei makes it for him.
I really hope Gai isn't "making" it for him. :pinkiesick2:
Naruto visits Gai-sensei to ask about Lee's medicine, and Gai praises Naruto for "gathering intel", which is our first clue that the "mission" Naruto and the girls were called out for is directly related to the tonic. Gai tells Naruto that the key ingredient for the tonic is a certain rare flower that only grows at the base of Mt. Jofuku. (Jofuku? Srsly? -_-)
Naruto, overexcited to help Lee drink five liters of Gai's piss, rushes off to gather the flowers, missing out on a special instruction Gai tries to give him.
Naruto creeps out Sakura and Ino by showing up for the mission dressed like Lee.
It hurts...
He excitedly tells them that he needs to go to Mt. Jofuku (oh god) to collect flowers for Lee. Sakura reminds him that they have a mission, but Ino says that's exactly where they're headed anyway.
Yyyyyeah their "mission" is to get the ingredients for Gai's pissmedicine of youth.
Well, no, their mission is to deliver a message to a village at the base of the mountain, but it seems awfully convenient that their mission is taking them to the same place the flowers happen to be.
The three genin find the Jofuku (God that's lame) flowers. When Naruto tries to pick one, crazy shit happens.
Remember that warning Gai tried to give him that he was in too big a hurry to listen to? Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah. -_-;;
A think that looks and attacks exactly like Gaara appears and goes after Naruto. Naruto obliterates it with a Rasengan, but after it dissipates, an old lady comes out of the forest, screaming at them for damaging the Jofuku flowers.
The old lady is a Konoha medic-nin who is in this area studying the Jofuku flowers, and the message they were sent to deliver is for her. She explains that the apparition they fought is the Jofuku's defense mechanism. It's a psychoreactive, mildly telepathic flower.
Sure, we can do that.
Anyway, it turns out their actual mission was to carry a shipment of safely harvested Jofuku flowers back to Konoha.
The next day, Gai brings Lee a special present: a huge bowl of his poopspecial herbal recovery pills he made himself out of his butt. When Gai tells Lee that his comrades put their love and friendship into the bowl of poopherbal pills, and that Sakura was part of the team that gathered them, Lee is excited to eat Sakura's poop of love.
Episodes 187-188 are about Naruto struggling to learn the skill of countering genjutsu, and Naruto and Jiraiya arriving at a village under siege and helping rescue the villagers. There's nothing particularly remarkable about this little arc, so no in-depth comments.
Episode 189 reintroduces Nekobaa, who requests that Sasuke and his team (back when he was still a Konoha genin, that is) collect a paw stamp from the dread ninja cat lord Nekomata to complete the "Paw Encyclopedia", which has great personal significance to Sasuke.
Sakura in cat ears. This is gonna be fun.
So anyway, when Sasuke was an ordinary little kusogaki and not the brooding, moody, melodramatic kusogaki we all know and hate, he used to get on Itachi's nerves whenever Itachi would go to Nekobaa's shop for weapons and information, so Itachi started coming up with a game to keep Sasuke busy and out of his hair: collecting pawprints from a succession of fast, wily cats. The only problem is that even as a little kusogaki, Sasuke was already agile and skilled, so Itachi had to keep giving him bigger and feistier cats to get pawprints from, including mountain cats and lions. Nekobaa eventually made a scrapbook out of all the pawprints, the "Paw Encyclopedia". Ever since Itachi...well, Itachied, Sasuke rarely visits Nekobaa, but the last pawprint Itachi assigned for Sasuke to collect have been bothering her for a while, so she decided to request a D-rank mission to get Sasuke to finish the game.
In order to infiltrate Nekomata's deadly lair, Team 7 will need to disguise as cats.
That's...not right.
Anyway, Nekobaa gives the genin special nekomimi headbands which will let them move among the cats unmolested and understand their cat lingo. Naruto is indifferent to them, and Sakura thinks they're cute (and oh god, they certainly are on her), but Sasuke is disgusted to be seen wearing something like that.
Sakura sure doesn't mind. Her eyes turn into throbbing hearts at seeing Nekomimi Mode Sasuke. Naruto makes an ass of himself and gets punched by Sakura. In other words, business as usual.
Seeing Team 7 act like cats and batting at cattails is kinda fun, but Naruto ruins it by sneezing so hard his nekomimi fly off, giving him away as a human. (Yes, the ninja cats really are that dumb.)
So anyway, Sasuke and Sakura split up to search the castle while Naruto runs from the guards. (Nice teamwork!) Sakura crawling around the place like a cat is awesome and cute. There's a hilarious bit where she goes into a neko bar to get information and is hit on by a gentleman cat.
Sakura is the second to lose her nekomimi, but defeats the cat-ninja guard who came after her with water. Like you do.
Sasuke is the first to reach Nekomata, and fights him one-on-one. After rallying against Nekomata's genjutsu, Sasuke is on the wrong end of a beatdown, but before Nekomata can deliver the finishing blow, Naruto and Sakura show up to turn the tide. Sasuke then reveals that the entire time he was fighting Nekomata, he was throwing kunai with explosive tags at the ceiling. He throws his last one, then detonates them all, collapsing the ceiling on Nekomata and taking his pawprint.
After the fact, Nekomata reminisces fondly about his encounter with Itachi, and is begrudgingly respectful of Sasuke for passing Itachi's test. Nekobaa laments that the brothers who were once so close have come to a parting of ways.
In episode 190, Naruto meets a man who has been a genin for 50 years, which has earned him the nickname "Kosuke the Eternal Genin". It's not a bad episode, but it's also not worth wasting words on.
Episode 191 is about Kakashi and a woman. It opens in the present day, with a woman playing shamisen to soothe the hard-working refugees struggling to rebuild Konohagakure. Watching from a tree, Kakashi reminisces about someone she resembles...
After a mission, Team 7 watches ANBU lead a tied-up, beautiful woman into the village. She's a prisoner—an enemy kunoichi who disguised herself as a street performer to gather information on the Land of Fire. Kakashi watches her walk past, and she regards him with a sad expression. She is taken to Ibiki's torture chamber for interrogation. Later, Kakashi passes Sandaime and Ibiki in a hallway, and Ibiki is telling Sandaime that the spy refused to answer any questions, and resisted all of his interrogation techniques with little more than the sound of gritting teeth. Next, they send Inoichi in to mind-rape her.
Okay, you know...
The Leaf Ninja are supposed to be the good guys. Konoha is without question the most virtuous and honorable of all the hidden ninja villages. It's a basic tenet of the series and the world setting that of all the hidden villages, Konoha is the softest and most idealistic. So when you see Konoha's Intelligence Division going to work on a prisoner, it's...dissonant. X_X
Anyway, Inoichi learns that the woman, Hanare, is a kunoichi of Joumae Village, located in the Land of Keys. Joumae is a village of spies. Their only strength is the gathering of intelligence; they have no practical military strength. He also learns that she was captured before she was able to learn anything whatsoever, meaning all the torture and mind-rape was for nothing.
Like I said, these are supposed to be the good guys. Yikes.
Inoichi decides to attempt to gain information on Hanare's village as long as he's digging through her mind, but he can't find any memories of her village. Moreover, something strange seems to be inside her mind—something watching him. He decides he's imagining that, but his investigation is brought to a screeching halt when he finds a childhood memory Hanare has of Kakashi. Inoichi asks Kakashi about it, but he doesn't recall ever meeting her. Still, since Inoichi can't get any information out of her mind and torture is completely pointless, Inoichi decides to try a different tactic and have Kakashi spend time with her, talk to her, and maybe try to find out something.
Well, he really wants Kakashi to use his Sharingan on her, but details.
Kakashi starts showing Hanare around the village, which swiftly draws the attention of his students and other busybodying members of the Rookie 9. Even Sasuke is curious about the unusual sight of Kakashi out on a date with a beautiful woman. (This being Kakashi, it's only weird because Kakashi is on a date. If that weren't abnormal behavior for him, it probably wouldn't surprise anyone. I mean, it's Kakashi.)
While staring up at the clouds with Kakashi, Hanare talks about her sadness. She was taken from her parents at birth, never met them, and never lived in the village. Her entire life, from birth, has been one of isolation and training, to become a spy who could not be interrogated for information. She claims to have met Kakashi once before, when she tried to go to her village and meet her parents and got lost. He looked after her and cheered her up.
At that moment, Naruto's oafishness leads to Team 7 falling out of the tree they're spying from and landing right on Kakashi, knocking him over onto Hanare. Their lips meet and his hitai-ate comes off of his Sharingan...
Flustered, he springs to his feet and chews out his genin, who offer a sheepish congratulations.
The next day, Sandaime informs Team 7 and the intelligence division that Joumae Village has captured one of Konoha's jounin, Riichi, and is willing to exchange him for the return of Hanare. Sandaime and the Council are in favor of this as returning Hanare, who has no information of value, would be harmless, but Kakashi suddenly and unexpectedly speaks out in protest of the return of Hanare to her village. However, his objections are overruled, and Team 7 is forced to facilitate the prisoner exchange, with Kakashi himself leading Hanare to the center of the bridge where Joumae chose to meet. However, as soon as Riichi is safe on Konoha's side, Kakashi draws a kunai and tells Hanare he won't let her go. The bridge, which was booby-trapped beforehand, explodes. Hanare's master gives her orders to bring back information without fail, and Hanare casts off her performer garments in exchange for a shinobi uniform and makes a swift escape down the river below.
Kakashi knew this whole thing was a trap, which was why he was against it in the first place...and why Konoha set the explosives on the bridge before the exchange.
While Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke engage the spymaster, Kakashi corners Hanare. What he saw with his Sharingan is alarming: Hanare has a unique doujutsu. Her right eye doesn't see the outside world, but the inside of her own mind—and anyone who tries to infiltrate it. She allowed herself to be captured for interrogation, knowing Konoha would resort to mind rape to get information. While Inoichi was pointlessly mind-raping her, she was collecting every single scrap of information about Konohagakure from his mind to bring back to Joumae Village.
However, Hanare tells him that she has already deleted all the intel she gathered from her mind, because her walk around Konoha made her feel at home and at peace for the first time in her life, and Naruto's acceptance of her stirred her heart. She chooses to die by Kakashi's hand rather than be executed as a traitor by her own village. Kakashi refuses to kill her, allowing her to escape, and lies to his team about her fate when they arrive, claiming she jumped off the cliff and fell to her death.
;_;
In episode 192, Konohamaru and his friends are interviewing various people for a spread in the Academy newspaper about Naruto, to celebrate his major role in the defeat of Pain. They ask Neji for an interview, but he initially refuses. However, he eventually relents...but the story he has for them is not exactly about Naruto.
For some reason, this episode has GIANT SUBTITLES on Crunchyroll. Seriously, it's like a 200-point font. O_o;;
Anyway, Neji's story is about the day of the Chuunin Exam finals, and begins after his loss to Naruto, just as Orochimaru's assault on Konoha begins. When Neji and Tenten head out to investigate, they find Kiba and the Hyuuga elder who was looking after Hinata lying unconscious. After reviving them, Neji and Tenten learn that Hinata has been abducted by two shinobi from Kumogakure, who had attended the exams as spectators but seized the opportunity to carry out Kumogakure's long-standing mission to obtain the Byakugan. Neji, Tenten, Kiba, and Akamaru set out to find and retrieve Hinata from the Kumo-nin.
Tenten gets a rare moment of badass in this episode by fending off an army of regenerating mud clone wolves left by the enemy while Neji and Kiba continue the pursuit.
The Kumo-nin paused to check the trap scroll, giving Neji and Kiba time to catch up. It also gave Hinata her moment to reveal she was conscious and use an opening to strike. However, she's still recovering from the injuries Neji inflicted on her during the Chuunin Exams, so she's no match for two jounin. Kiba arrives, creating a diversion and an escape opening. Kiba and Hinata flee, with the Kumo-nin chasing after them.
One of the jounin catches Kiba and tries to kill him, but "Kiba" is actually Neji, who uses Hakke Rokujuuyonshou to disable him. Kiba and Hinata are farther away, and Neji and a log disguised as Hinata were what the Kumo-nin were actually chasing.
With the remaining Kumo-nin on alert and using long-range jutsu to prevent Neji from using his Juuken, Neji is quickly outclassed and trapped by the enemy. Before the killing blow can land, however: HIASHI OUT OF FUCKIN' NOWHERE. Realizing how fucked he is, the Kumo-nin attempts to escape, but Hiashi KOs him with a ranged Juuken strike. Neji asks Hiashi why he's here when the village is being destroyed at the same time; Hiashi replies that Hinata is his precious daughter...and Neji is his treasured memento of his brother.
As Neji concludes his tale, he tells the trio that the two Kumo-nin were eventually captured, their village disavowed any knowledge of the plot to kidnap Hinata, and the entire thing was "settled internally", meaning either Konoha imprisoned those two shinobi or killed them. The three genin are touched by Neji's story, but also indignant that in the end, it had absolutely nothing to do with Naruto.
Naruto SD: Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth
The first half of episode 3 deals with Lee's massive inferiority complex where Neji is concerned.
In all fairness, it's hard not to feel inferior to Neji unless you're Naruto.
Most bizarre bit in this episode: Naruto and Lee both peeping on Neji at a urinal. Also, Lee is motivated to fight Neji by the fact that Neji wears boxers while he still wears briefs. He trains super-hard for one week, and...
I'm with Tenten and Sakura on this one. 
After the fight, which ends in a double knockout, Neji acknowledges Lee's hard work, which is all Lee really wants, and Naruto, Lee, and Neji bond, which makes Sakura and Tenten smile.
Then a week later, all three of them show up looking like the above screencap, which makes Sakura and Tenten not smile.
In the second half, Lee and Neji are sparring again, and Lee is confident that he'll win this time because he's graduated from briefs to boxers, which he displays proudly by dropping his pants right in front of an irate Tenten. Mostly, she's pissed because they kinda tend to forget she's a girl.
Anyway, they're in the middle of a mission to defeat some mountain bandits who are led by a trashy, big-breasted whore who immediately gets on Tenten's bad side. After Tenten beats up the bandits (and Lee and Neji for just ignoring her and leaving her to fight them herself), she berates them for not treating her the way a girl should be treated...then beats them up again because they've stripped down to their underwear to towel off right in front of her.
Yareyare.
Their first attempt to do better involves nice suits, waiting on Tenten hand and foot, and calling her "ojousama". After a little too much of this, it gets on her nerves and she punishes them. She then tells them that what she meant was men should protect girls.
They misunderstand this as goals, and we get a brief snippet of Lee and Neji doing an 80s style soccer anime thing, after which Tenten berates them by kicking soccer balls into their balls. OUCH!
After this, Lee figures out how to "solve" the "problem": Just make Tenten a boy! With a fake mustache, a fake combover wig, and spraying her with old man stink.
Naturally, they get sent flying for this. XD
And then Tenten makes herself over.
I...I kinda wanna see regular Tenten like this... *_*;; (And guess what! If you GIS "Tenten as a boy", someone's actually drawn it, and it's awesome.)
Tenten storms off in a huff and runs afoul of the bandits from before. The whore mocks her for deciding to turn herself into a boy, but she decides she can fight for herself...and immediately gets her ass handed to her. Lee and Neji come rushing in...
...to tell her that her boy disguise is pointless if she isn't wearing the right underwear.
Sono boke. -_-#
The humiliation of having a pair of briefs land on her head in the middle of her life-and-death situation is all Tenten needs to get pissed off enough to wreck the bandits and their whore boss. Tenten realizes that gender doesn't matter when your only goal should be to become a strong, self-reliant ninja. She goes back to her own style and stops bothering Lee and Neji to be more gentlemanly.
Of course, when they say something fatally stupid, she still punishes them.
A-hoooo, a-hoooo...
Episode 4 begins with Lee being excited because Gai-sensei is coming back from a mission! And more importantly, because Gai-sensei has promised to create a new style of kenpo for each of them and teach them new skills!
There's just one problem: Gai-sensei has been arrested for lewd behavior.
Allegedly, Gai-sensei kicked down the wall between the separated baths at an onsen while wearing a white tutu with a swan floatie. When his students visit him in holding, he tells them the whole thing is a test for them: to see if they can figure out why he did...that.
Lee, Tenten, and Neji head to the hot springs resort town where Gai was arrested to see if they can solve the mystery. Lee's. style of detective work is...bizarre.
Days later, they return to Konoha just as some monkey-looking motherfuckers start a fight with a recently-released Gai. And they've, well...figured out his lesson. I think.
That or they've just been hanging out with Gai-sensei so much they've all cracked.
Anyway, Gai-sensei reveals the real secret to his new swan style Shimura-ken. It's basically the crane kick.
The second half of this episode is about Gai's rivalry with Kakashi.
The most epic kancho EVER.
After Gai's humiliation at Kakashi's fingertips, Lee's spirit is crushed, and Tenten and Neji aren't helping. When Tenten says that Kakashi's cool, aloof demeanor makes him popular with the ladies, Lee decides that he's going to follow Kakashi and learn from him so he can have his own kunoichi cheerleaders. His first step: master Sennen Goroshi! He asks Neji to help him with that.
Neji: "KOTOWARU!"
(Made funnier by Zef saying the same thing a few minutes earlier (in English) when I first showed him the above screencap.)
The next day, Team Gai takes a mission with Kakashi as their leader. Lee is late arriving (not as late as Kakashi), and shows up...dressed like Kakashi and reading Ichaicha. He's even wearing a Sharingan contact (Neji demonstrates to Tenten that they're a popular item, and even he has a pair. XD)
Anyway, the trio take on a small army of nuke-nin, and Lee tries to fight them solo using Sennen Goroshi. Unfortunately for him, his opponent has an iron plate on his butt, having suffered the humiliation of that same move in the past from Konoha's White Fang. The kids are about to get creamed when Gai (still severely Not OK) and Kakashi show up, and Kakashi explains to Lee that Gai was once as hopeless as Lee is, but kept pushing himself until he was a great ninja, and now devotes himself every day to showing Lee the path he should follow. Moved to tears, Lee abandons his imitation of Kakashi and returns to his springtime of youth. With the combined power of Kakashi, Gai, and Lee, the iron plates the nuke-nin are wearing on their asses are no match for Sansennen Goroshi.
In the first half of episode 5, Lee runs into Konohamaru while training. Konohamaru asks Lee to teach him. Naruto shows up and critical-hits Lee with Sexy Sakura no Jutsu, which Konohamaru calls "cheating" because his version is much bustier than the real thing. Speaking of the real thing, she happens along while Naruto is still disguised as the super-busty version of her, and beats the snot out of all three of them. XD She yells at them to stop screwing around with their stupid perverted jutsu; Konohamaru reminds her that she didn't seem to mind so much when he used Sexy Man Jutsu on her a few days earlier. He then sends her flying in absolute shock by using the upgraded version: Sexy Manly Man Jutsu, which is Gai-sensei in a loincloth...that falls off. Lee is impressed by the "amazing destructive power" of Konohamaru's jutsu.
I'm more concerned about how messed up the kid's mind is that this is his ninja specialty...
Anyway, with the annual kenpo exam coming up, Konohamaru wants to get some taijutsu training in, so he's asked Lee to help out. Naturally, Naruto, Tenten, and Neji get dragged into this too.
First, Lee demonstrates using exceptional speed to produce the effects of ninjutsu without actually using ninjutsu. A large part of this "demonstration" is him quick-changing into a bikini (:pinkiesick2:) and then rapidly changing Neji into a succession of progressively more embarrassing costumes, including a full-body Pikachu suit. Then, to punish him for being embarrassed by the Pikachu suit, Lee tells Neji to run a lap around the village in a magical girl costume.
Neji: "FUCK THAT!"
Next, Lee demonstrates using speed to leave afterimages, faking Bunshin no Jutsu. He ends up wearing himself out and overheating in the process. At this point, even Naruto is fed up with this nonsense and wants Lee to stop screwing around.
Lee informs the others that he has developed a move powerful enough to counter even Rasengan. He calls it Rasenken. It basically involves jumping into the air and spinning faster and faster until you're drunk. He then uses Drunken Fist to flatten Naruto.
The rest of this part involves Lee's sad internal fantasy life and the use of his eyebrows as a buzzsaw. I can't even.
In the end, the only useful lesson Lee has to teach Konohamaru is "believe in yourself". Before parting ways, Konohamaru crushes Lee's soul with his "Manly Man Harem Jutsu"—a whole circle of Konohamaru in loinclothes. Which all fall off.
Oh, and the exam Konohamaru was worried about? It wasn't a kenpo exam. It was a body fat exam. A physical.
The next segment continues with everyone taking the physical, and begins with Gai-sensei asking everyone to give a "chakra sample" to be analyzed in the lab. The way Gai talks about this sample, it's more like a urine sample. O.o;; Tenten is very weirded out by this whole thing...
The "samples" look like litter trays full of glowing blue crap. Naruto's is the largest.
Lee is upset because he didn't bathe and put on clean underwear before the physical, having not known one was scheduled. He has an Imagine Spot of himself as Cinderella, Gai as the Fairy Godmother, and a fancy pair of boxer shorts...well, you get the idea.
Anyway, Konohamaru is in the same boat as Lee, underwear-wise, and decides to use Sexy Jutsu to get by, turning into a busty bikini version of Tenten right in front of her, which pisses her off. Gai-sensei overhears the whole thing, and comes to the two boys' rescue with his freshly laundered (GOD I HOPE SO) fundoshi.
Throughout the exam, Lee makes a ton of stupid jokes which increasingly infuriate Gai-sensei. The best one by far:
Gai: "Next is blood pressure!"
(Lee strains and releases a fart)
Gai: "No, not BUTT pressure!"
One Piece
After a little break, picking up at episode 378, the epilogue to the Thriller Bark arc. The final four episodes of the Thriller Bark arc (378-381) are more backstory resolution for Brook, and his permanent addition to the Mugiwara Pirates.
The Thriller Bark epilogue opens with Hogback, Absalom, and the unconscious Moria escaping the doomed Thriller Bark on a smaller ship. Absalom wonders what Tyrant Kuma was doing on Thriller Bark in the first place, and Hogback tells him about Crocodile's replacement, and why he was selected: thanks to Blackbeard, Portgas D. Ace has been imprisoned in Impel Down, dealing a significant blow to Whitebeard's crew.
One day after the defeat of Moria, as everyone recovers from the long, exhausting night on Thriller Bark, Sanji prepares to throw a giant feast for both the Mugiwara Pirates and all the survivors of the Victims' Association. Meanwhile, Nami is in hog heaven doing an inventory of the massive haul of treasure "looted" from Thriller Bark. She's in such a good mood that she's fine with her nakama claiming trinkets for themselves so long as none of them have any gems. She is, however, baffled when Captain Lola calls her "Namizo"—until she realizes that the brave captain of the Rolling Pirates is Lola, the same Lola (well, more or less) that helped her escape Absalom. Curiously, Captain Lola retains some of her zombie alter ego's memories. Nami is overjoyed to be reunited with her fire-forged friend. In her happiness, she gives Lola some of the treasure, which thoroughly shocks Luffy and Usopp.
The only person who isn't up and about yet is Zoro, who's still gravely injured from absorbing all of Luffy's pain and fatigue. Chopper is confused as to how Zoro got so badly injured, and Usopp is confused as to how Luffy is bursting with energy and shows no signs of having been in a life-or-death battle whatsoever when everyone else is still banged up, bruised, and bloody. Two of Lola's men claim to have seen everything and are glad to spill their story, but Sanji drags them off for a private word. He was, after all, the last to fall before Zoro's sacrifice, and knows more than any of his nakama about what really went down—all he's missing is the last piece, Zoro's final plea bargain with Kuma. The two men tell Sanji what they saw. Sanji tells the two men not to tell anyone, especially the rest of the Mugiwara Pirates, what actually happened to Zoro, both to preserve his dignity and to save Luffy from the emotional torment of knowing the sacrifice Zoro made to save his life.
However, one person did hear the entire thing. After all, when there's a person around who has the powers of the Hana-Hana no Mi, the walls literally have ears.
At the victory banquet, Franky and Brook are the life of the party—especially Brook, whose antics the Rolling Pirates find hilarious.
As the party rages on, Brook starts playing the piano. Sanji walks over to him to comment on this, and learns that Brook can play pretty much any instrument. While the two of them have a quiet moment to talk, Brook confesses that he also saw what went down with Sanji, Zoro, and Kuma, and was strongly moved by their courage. Brook then gives a stirring, up-tempo beer hall rendition of "Binks' Sake", a nostalgic song from olden times, popular among pirates who sailed the seas before the Dai Kaizoku Jidai. Luffy remembers Shanks and his crew always singing the song at their favorite bar when he was a kid, and it takes him back. He asks if Brook is going to join his crew now. Brook says he does still have unfinished business to take care of—he has to fulfill his promise to Laboon. Luffy remembers hearing about that, and tells Brook exactly where Laboon is.
It's seriously been over 300 episodes since the Mugiwara Pirates first met Laboon. Holy shit.
Brook is overwhelmed with emotion by the thought of Laboon, still at that cape after fifty years waiting for them and having grown huge and powerful.
We get a flashback to fifty years ago, and Laboon's travels with the Rumbar Pirates.
Gotta be honest...Brook looks a lot better as a skeleton than he did as a human. Guh.
Young Laboon is so adorable. It's so heartbreaking when he gets left behind and cries his little head off. ;_;
Side note: One of my favorite slang words you see used in a World of Badass such as One Piece is "yarodomo". Official subbers and even fansubbers unfailingly render this as "men" or "gang". A closer, more context-accurate rendering would be more along the lines of "yew sons of bitches!" (but in a comradely way). You will always hear a badass captain or gang boss rallying his men with a cry of "Ikuzo yarodomo!" It's an interesting bit of slang used by men who are rough as gas station toilet paper.
Anyway, the Rumbar Pirates make the arduous journey up Reverse Mountain and arrive in the Grand Line, badly weathered and needing to make repairs. They meet Crocus and get permission to dock for a while. They then discover that Laboon has, unbelievably, followed them into the Grand Line. They're excited and moved by the little whale's devotion and resolve, but they also know there's simply no way Laboon can survive following them through the Grand Line. The captain makes a promise to Laboon that the Rumbar Pirates will return to the lighthouse cape at the Red Line in two to three years, and asks Laboon to wait for them there.
We all know the rest of this story. Laboon waited for fifty years, but they never came back. Laboon grew huge and frequently attacked the mountain, scarring up his head. And Brook is the only surviving member (err, sort of) of the Rumbar Pirates.
Many years later, Brook takes a rather morbid tour of his ship, reminiscing about his nakama as he finishes the grim task of piling all their skulls into a single casket. This entire scene is absolutely depressing. ;_;
Well into the Rumbar Pirates' voyage on the Grand Line, after many adventures, many battles with the World Navy, and Captain Yorkie's bounty and infamy rising, tragedy struck: the captain and a dozen-odd members of the crew were infected with a plague the ship's doctor could not treat. Because of the virulence and risk to the crew, the decision was made by Yorkie for the Rumbar Pirates' ship to be condemned as a plague ship, with the healthy members of the crew disembarking and continuing on with a new ship while the plague ship risked crossing the Calm Belt to escape the Grand Line. Brook played "Binks' Sake" for his captain as the plague ship sailed into the Calm Belt while the surviving members of Yorkie's crew cried...
Cut to Brook, standing on the weathered deck of the ghost ship, listlessly spinning the helm as he sings a quiet, melancholy rendition of "Binks' Sake".
Oh god. I'm crying. This episode is making me cry.
Brook, alone on the ghost ship, is slowly going insane from the loneliness and grief. Because this episode could not possibly get any more depressing.
Fortunately, we return to the present, where the lively party is in full swing and Brook is playing piano while Franky entertains the crowd and everyone is in high spirits. Brook has been carrying something with him for a long time: a Tone Dial containing a recording of his old nakama singing cheerfully. His only wish is to play that song for Laboon, so that Laboon knows they were still in high spirits at the end of their journey.
We get another depressing flashback, to the day he recorded that song: the crew had been attacked by enemies using poisoned weapons. Everyone was badly wounded, and the ship's doctor perished in the attack. With the entire crew poisoned by the enemy attack, they know the only one who might survive is Brook, who has eaten a Devil Fruit that prevents death. Brook decides to have the crew sing "Binks' Sake" one last time before they die, for Laboon.
In the past, the dying Rumbar Pirates sing "Binks' Sake" one last time...
...in the present, the Rolling Pirates and Mugiwara Pirates, having survived the ordeal of Thriller Bark, sing "Binks' Sake"...
...in the past, Brook, alone on the ghost ship, sings "Binks' Sake" to keep from going insane...
...in the past, the Rumbar Pirates die, one by one, as they continue to sing "Binks' Sake". Brook continues to play alone as he cries for his nakama, until he, too, dies.
Goddammit. ;_; Can't stop crying.
Back in the present, Brook resolves to finish his journey through the Grand Line as a member of Luffy's crew and meet Laboon from the other side of the Red Line, just as he promised fifty years ago, rediscovering his pride as a pirate.
The Undead Musician, Humming Brook, bounty 33 million Beri, has joined the Mugiwara Kaizokudan.
Two days pass. Usopp and Franky erect a massive memorial tombstone in honor of the Rumbar Pirates. Brook buries the bones of his nakama in the graveyard at Thriller Bark, which by a strange coincidence came from the West Blue, the same sea the Rumbar Pirates started from. Brook hopes that being buried in familiar soil will help them rest easier. As a final tribute to his nakama, he plays a lonely violin rendition of "Binks' Sake" at their grave before saying goodbye to them forever.
Brook's eyecatch is unveiled in this episode!
With Zoro back on his feet and Brook's ship repaired so the Rolling Pirates can use it to leave Thriller Bark, it's time for the Mugiwara Pirates to set sail. Before they leave, Lola reveals that she herself was born in the New World, the daughter of a famous pirate, and gives Nami a piece of her mother's Vivre Card. Vivre Cards are a special type of paper made using fingernail clippings, only available in the New World. You tear a piece of it off and give it to family and friends. The Vivre Card pieces will pull towards each other, showing you what direction the person who made it is in (but not how far away they are). They're also waterproof and fireproof. Lola signs the card and tells Nami that should the Mugiwara Pirates ever encounter trouble, they should seek out her mother. Luffy realizes that the last time he encountered Ace, Ace gave him a Vivre Card...
Luffy takes the Vivre Card Ace gave him out of his hat, and discovers that it's burnt at the edge and is much smaller than it was when he got it. Lola is shocked by this, and reveals something else important about Vivre Cards: They reflect the vitality of the person they're associated with.
Ace's life is burning out.
In spite of this shocking revelation, the Mugiwara Pirates set sail in high spirits, eagerly awaiting their next adventure. The crew tells Luffy they're fine with a detour to check on Ace, but Luffy says it's okay—he knows Ace can take care of himself, and even if they did go, Ace would just yell at him for coming. Ace doesn't like being seen in a weakened state, so Luffy has decided he will only meet Ace again when the Vivre Card is no longer burning.
Next up is a short (3 episodes, whew!) filler arc, Spa Island, which serves as a quick breather before the Sabaody Archipelago Arc, the first part of the Summit War Saga.
Squid Girl Season 2
Episode 6 de geso!
1st segment-ika: The Aizawa siblings and Ikamusume go out for a jog. When they pass an outdoor cafe, Ikamusume is stopped cold by the smell of shrimp curry. Eiko decides it's okay to take a break, so she, Ika, and Takeru stop for curry while Chizuru continues onward with Goro, who they picked up along the way (he was waiting for them, like he does every day so he can jog with Chizuru. Subtle, dude. Real subtle.)
Ikamusume is surprised by the shoutengai that's so close to the Aizawa residence. Eiko realizes they neve really gave Ika-chan a proper tour, so they spend the day doing that. She's terrified by the giant Buddha statue; Eiko decides to have some fun with her and scare her even more by telling her blatant lies that she falls for about how the giant Buddha can punish her. Ikamusume doesn't realize the giant Buddha isn't a living being until she's actually inside it with the others looking around. Yare yare... >.>;;
Meanwhile, Chizuru and Goro jog all day long without taking a break. Even though Chizuru offers to take a break several times, Goro refuses to admit he's tired, thinking she'll see him as weak. By the time it's night, he's drenched in sweat and barely able to move...and Chizuru hasn't even broken a sweat. What IS she?! o.o;;
2nd segment-ika: Sanae runs afoul of Ikamusume's "personal guard" (Takeru's classmates). Eiko comments on how the kids are like Ika-chan's own personal SP. Watching from around the corner, Sanae gets an idea, and a few minutes later, returns wearing a black suit and sunglasses.
Sanae puts on a big stupid show of devotion to the cause of protecting Ikamusume (even from herself). When a bird craps on her head while she's being dramatic, the brat brigade decide there are limits to their devotion to Ikamusume, and leave Sanae to the job of being her SP.
Sanae's Secret Service routine creates a bad atmosphere in Lemon House, and customers leave feeling stressed and dissatisfied. Throughout the day, her presence becomes more of a source of stress to Ikamusume, especially at home—when Ikamusume can't even use the toilet or take a bath in peace without Sanae's "SP desu kara."
Sanae's burning obsession with Ikamusume and her new "SP desu kara" gimmick collide violently in the night as Sanae winds up beating herself up and setting off all her own booby traps trying to perv on Ika-chan.
The next morning, Eiko and Ika-chan find Sanae outside the house, tied up.
Eiko: "Sanae, what happened?"
Sanae: "I caught the bad guys! ^_^"
3rd segment-ika: It's the return of Mini-Ika!
Eiko forgot to feed Mini-Ika before leaving for school. Mini-Ika climbs out of her tank to complain and ends up blowing out the window on an old quiz paper and going on a scary but fun adventure. (As opposed to a scary butt fun adventure.) Happily, despite a lot of terrifying things happening to her, she finds her way back to Eiko in the end.
Ending credits couch gag: Mini-Ika replaces Ikamusume in the ending.
I take it you haven't seen Little Witch Academia.
Lewd behavior? I can't stop laughing.
3963162 No, I haven't.
I recently got into Bakuon!! and I fell in love with it first episode. I've always loved bikes (anything that goes 'vroom', really), so this anime is great for me. Not far in yet, but I love it so far.
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Much as last week's Luluco episode was a giant Kill La Kill reference, this week's was a giant reference to that movie.
Out of all the backstories, Brook's is outmatched in tragedy only by Nico Robin's. Even then, it's a pretty darn close race.