Alright, so i've gotten a bunch of comments disliking the fact I put in the gate of judgement Unfortunately this was a contest entry as of now I cannot go back and change anything. However I am planning to go back after the contest is over and... fix this story up a bit so vote now judgement gate
Yes?
No?
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I vote meh.
Took away from the story, so i vote no
I vote no Judgement Gate. For those unfamiliar with the source, it's a terrible non sequitur in the story's context. For those who are familiar with the source, the outcome is pretty much a given, unless you feel like completely rewriting the story and adding the "Tragedy" tag.
what every you want it is your story as long as you put your heart into it I thing it just fine the way it is if you not happy with it then change it if you like it the way it is then keep it
Came out of nowhere and fairy lady's explanation as to why they qualified made no sense whatsoever.
To put my two cents about it, the reason why no one liked it is because there was no build-up to even suggest something like this would happen. If you had put some foreshadowing here and there, maybe it could have worked. Otherwise, if it was cut out, nothing would be lost to the story other than Cel and Twi kiss at the wedding seem... (how do I put this?) Forced? No, that's not it... Unexpected? No, there were hints that such a sinario would happen... a bit rushed? Perhaps, but still, even that would need a bit of build-up too.
I vote no... It's so completely random and doesn't tie in to her other trials at all.
I will admit, I didn't get it (at all) but I just shrugged and kept reading. It's not the first time something has gone over my head. It was a great story regardless, if you feel like it should stay there, then fuck the nay(neigh) sayers.
Edit: Wait, it was a Ah! My Goddess reference. It's been way too long since I watched it, so that might explain it. Now I wish my hdd with all my anime hadn't died. Sigh.
3035408
Actually, that was the one bit of it that made sense to me (despite having not known/forgotten the reference).
It was a minor thing so it shouldn't be that big of a deal
YES!
I personally like the reference so I vote Yes.
Yeah, I'd say take it out. It doesn't fit with the rest of the story, and it disrupts the flow. You establish early on that Twilight has to pass these three tests, except once she does then whoops there's actually another test that comes out of nowhere and has nothing to do with the first three. Plus, she doesn't have to do anything interesting to pass it and there's not much of a chance she might fail.
If you decide you absolutely have to keep it in, I would suggest putting Princess Cadance in charge of the Gate and/or ending the chapter right after they go through, to make a cliffhanger.