Luna Reviews FIM S3: 10. Spike at Your Service · 5:04am Dec 20th, 2014
A code of honor is an excellent way to conduct one’s life, as long as one remembers what “honor” is: the way you are seen by others. By its definition, one is judged honorable by your peers. Your own opinion of your actions and thoughts are irrelevant.
For this reason, a code of honor that hurts those around you, and cause your peers to hate or resent you instead of respect you cannot be considered anything other than a failure.
And that of course is what this episode is: a failure. Spike’s code of honor utterly fails to take into account the true feelings of those it affects, instead working out of an imagined reaction. Spike is glad to serve Applejack, no matter how bad he is at it, because in his mind she is grateful. This leads to the rather unfortunate implication that Spike doesn’t care about Rarity’s actual feelings for him, only that he can convince himself that she loves him in his fantasies.
So not only does this episode make Spike himself look like a selfish little foal, in also converts his feelings for Rarity into that of a stalker.
Shame on you episode, shame on you. Actually, shame on the whole season, which hasn’t given me an episode worth watching since “Wonderbolts Academy”. Luckily, I have a weekend to recover before Monday’s episode: “Keep Calm and Flutter On”. And only two days after that is the end of the season. Thankfully, this weekend will be the Equestria Games, held this year in Ponyville. Alas, I cannot attend in pony, but I will be eagerly watching the events unfold on television, the same as you.
Notes
00:00: So, today’s episode is...By my trowth, I appear to be in for a world of pain.
(Hope: You sure you don’t want to skip this one? It’s another train wreck.)
(Luna: No, I owe it to the fans who had to sit through it like I did.)
00:22: Twilight is tasked to read nearly two dozen books in a single weekend by Princess Celestia. What is she up to?
00:38: “I do have a long list of things I’ve been dying to do...Touch nose with tongue...Done!”: Why? Why are we afflicted with this drivel? I was most opposed to the slander laws after McPoodle’s tormenter used them to sic the legal system upon him, but I am sorely tempted to assist the real Spike into suing this false simulacrum that uses his visage to rudely mock him!
00:50: The rest of Spike’s list: Males have no purpose whatsoever in your worldview, eh, MLP Animation? Alright, well let’s see where that little assumption gets us this episode...
01:01: My Little Lens Flare, My Little Lens Flare, Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
01:41: Spike idly kicks a mushroom, and a cat cries out in pain: Here we have the Equestrian male—his every thoughtless action makes one of us females bleed.
01:51: Spike’s clumsiness causes a balloon to drift off: Empires fall and mares go hungry, because of the thoughtless stupidity of the Equestrian male.
02:25: Spike ties up the balloon, and only then notices that he’s in the Everfree: His myopic obsession with himself over all superior females leads to pratfalls and fart noises for our amusement.
02:34: “If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that I was in the middle of the dark and scary Everfree Forest.”: Equestrian males: too stupid to live.
03:20: Applejack saves Spike from the terrifying wooden creatures. From the wooden creatures, who have cornered the fire-breathing dragon: Too. Stupid. To. Live.
(Hope: Seems like a reversal of the common “bumbling woman” trope so abused in our culture, where one gender is selected to be the oblivious plot hook for all the story’s problems.)
(Luna: Actually, I’ve observed that human television nowadays seems to be equally likely to use the “bumbling father” instead.)
04:28: Cherry Berry walks away, with exactly the annoyed expression you would expect: Hey, you were the one who tied it down for the day with a knot so loose that a baby dragon was able to knock it loose. But of course, it’s not her fault. It’s never her fault, because she’s a mare.
05:04: Spike utterly fails to cart a load of apples around without spilling them everywhere: Spike’s used to carrying dozens of books around. Now yes, apples shift their center of gravity a lot easier than your average book, but still!
06:04: “Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please?”: You know, given the way that animation Twilight treats animation Spike, I’d consider this a plea for help to get him away from such an abusive taskmaster.
06:10: Spike utterly fails at pie making: Um, this is Spike, right? Spike, the one who cooks everything for Twilight Sparkle? Spike, the baking champion of Canterlot three years running? Spike, the one with hands in a world of hooves? How could he possibly be so incomparably dense that...oh, right. He’s male. Never mind.
(Hope: Because who needs to make sense when sexism is involved?)
06:19: “Spike, could you get us some more eggs?”: Granny Smith, it’s almost like you don’t know that Equestrian males are useless!
06:23: Spike flails uselessly, and the two Apples wink at each other: Yes, because Equestrian males cannot feel physical or emotional pain, go right ahead and toy with them—it’s fun!
06:27: Spike spills the eggs: Equestrian males!
06:30: Spike tries to clean up—an act he has obviously never performed in his entire life—and makes an even bigger mess: Equestrian males!!
06:35: Spike spills flour everywhere, but continues to try to clean up, until he has glued the mop to the ground: Equestrian males!!! Why do you exist?!
07:00: Spike invents the “Spike the Dragon Life Debt”, and is completely oblivious of how his help has only made life worse for everyfemale: And here we see the Equestrian male obsessing over matters of “honor”, throwing thousands of lives away in the Battle of Creasy. Oh, sorry, got a little carried away with my narration duties. Carry on, stupid episode.
(Hope: The battle of Creasy?)
(Luna: Yes, the Battle of Creasy, 6346. The first significant meeting between ponies and griffons. The griffons marched and flew in heavy armor, in tight formation, and holding even tighter to their outdated ideals of chivalry (no projectile weapons allowed) and “fair play” (male griffon nobility bash each other over the head, giving them the right to lord over females, peasantry and ponies). Meanwhile I threw everything I had at them, including something called “tactics” which they had apparently never heard of.)
08:03: Spike severs his relationship with Twilight forevermore, and she just brushes it off because she’s busy reading: And here we see...no, I cannot take it anymore! You cannot so mock the true and pure relationship between these two, animators, you cannot!
08:08: Applejack and Granny Smith restore the kitchen to its sparkling state in a matter of seconds: Because nothing is impossible to the Equestrian female when not held back by the mustache-twirling machinations of the...oh, just forget it.
08:13: Spike twists Twilight’s non-committal answer into a cheerful affirmation of his own slavery to Applejack, and sets out to ruin her life some more, without caring in the slightest that he has just abandoned his foster sister: I need to know who wrote this episode. So they can die.
09:11: Applejack is pressed to give Spike a task. She looks at a plow, then a fence that needs painting, and then...an axe: Do it, Applejack, you know you want to! Kill that false dragon, so that the true one might spring up from his self-immolated ashes!
09:30: Applejack guilts Rarity into eating some of Spike’s pie, which appears to be made from Death. Death and the tears of weeping babes: Yes, spread the pain, why don’t you? Why must Applejack be the only victim of not-Spike this episode?
10:40: “Do you have a broom I can borrow”, and Rarity pointing to the object right next to him: Equestrian males are too stupid to use their peripheral vision, it appears.
10:56: Rainbow Dash, on learning of Spike’s slave status to Applejack: “Sweet! What are you having him do? Wash your laundry? Clean your room? Help you with your unfinished novel?” and Applejack’s reaction to the last: And suddenly this episode just got interesting. Tell me more, Rainbow Dash, tell me more.
11:00: “Mine’s about this awesome pegasus, who’s the best flyer ever, and becomes captain of the Wonderbolts!”: Wait...did Rainbow Dash write this episode? Suddenly this all starts to make much more sense. I suppose the next episode will be about Angel’s diabolical plan to steal the world’s supply of oxygen.
(Hope: Hey, I’d watch it.)
12:13: “Oh goodness! If it was me, I would have just pretended I didn’t have anything for him to do.”: And here Fluttershy makes every other pony (and me) feel rather stupid. I wonder if the mare herself snuck that line into Rainbow’s screenplay, as it seems a little too good to fit in with everything else.
(Hope: Heh...yeah, Fluttershy is pretty awesome.)
13:54: Spike sings: This voice actor is woefully wasted in this worthless part. He should go on strike. Then there’d be no more stupid Spike episodes. Win-win for every (sane) pony!
14:30: Applejack breaks Twilight out of her study hypnosis by nudging an ink pot a smidge: The sad thing is that this would absolutely work.
15:28: Pinkie Pie make an insane guess as to what Applejack’s plan is to end Spike’s life debt, involving a cannon, a net, and a hornet’s nest containing “a thousand angry hornets!”: I am going to guess right now that this plan will turn out to be far superior to the one we’ll actually get.
15:30: And Pinkie’s part in this insane plan is...to wear an evil mustache. Ooh! I’ve always wanted something to twirl when I was plotting! That is officially going on my Hearth’s Warming Christmas list.
(Hope: Another thing to get you along with the soundtrack.)
15:40: Applejack outlines her plan, which will probably kill everyone. Pinkie asks if she can still wear the mustache: The day will come when the crew of Friendship Is Magic is finally revealed to the world, complete with photos. And the photograph of “Pipper Pink” the show’s composer is going to be Pinkie Pie wearing that mustache. And nobody will know it’s her. Either that, or she actually shows up to music recording sessions wearing that exact disguise, and expects it to work.
16:43: Rarity interrupts the awfulness of the episode, to make it briefly shine: Ah, thank you, Rarity! Thank you!
16:47: The few seconds of Rarity awesomeness are cut short: Spike, must you ruin everything?!
(Hope: I wish we could get the rest of her act, it would be hilarious!)
17:21: Rainbow Dash expertly impersonates the roar of a timber wolf, with no mechanical aids: Well, I wouldn’t have thought her capable of that!
17:36: Rarity: See? Like that: Rarity, can you please save everything else that sucks in life?
19:01: “Timber wolf!”: I will here point out the one stupid thing this episode avoided doing, which would be the bit where Spike is convinced the real timber wolves are fakes, walking right up to them until they almost kill him.
19:57: Spike defeats the super timber wolf—excellently animated, by the way—with a pebble: A...pebble. Not his breath. Too stupid to live!!!
(Hope: Wait, do timberwolves even need to breathe?)
(Luna: Exactly!!)
21:02: Applejack actually gives a decent statement of her beliefs, instead of just using the life-saving to get out of her life debt: So wait...is this a critique of this really stupid plot device? Because if so, “too little...too late,” to quote Spike of a few minutes ago.
21:12: “But maybe let’s just avoid situations where one of us actually needs the other one to save your life?”: Wait, I get it! The two voice actors for Applejack and Spike must have snuck in one night to record these lines stating what they thought of this rotten episode, and then used emotional blackmail to get them included in the episode!
(Hope: I hope that is what happened. On to the next episode! Well, next week.)
I take it you read that series on honor from the art of manliness too, huh? Fascinating stuff, that.
Directed at out-of-character McPoodle, if that wasn't clear. Of course Luna would know what Honor used to mean. It might still mean that in Equestria, in fact...
No notes this episode? Too much awefulness to bother I guess?
I truly hated this episode as well. Spike does all the domestic chore for Twilight! HE IS COMPETANT! All the episodes that focus on him suddenly make him lose all his skills! It's infuriating... and none of them ever go anywhere! Might as well just not make Spike episode and instead give us a good one about someone else. Applejack could use episodes where she isn't limited to only be an Apple family member...
Though I do agree that Dash and Rarity stole the show in this episode.
Oh and did you know Spike is voiced by a woman?
2665670 My thoughts watching this episode were 'Why didn't they use Sweetie Belle?'
The going theory is that timber wolf breath is a potent muscle relaxant, plus Spike is technically a child and therefore still a little oblivious.
This is one of only three episodes of the show that I absolutely loathe. I usually just grab the information about timberwolves and pretend the rest never happened.
2665949
I'm going to guess the others are MMDW and... Somepony to Watch Over Me? Maybe? The first Equestria Girls? Does that count?
Okay, I'll admit, I don't know you well enough to guess your third.
2667846
You got the first right. The other is actually Owl's Well That Ends Well. There's just a lot to hate there. ("It's too dark! I can't see!" cries the wizard with a light spell growing out of her forehead.) The first time I saw it, I was sure that the second half of the episode was a dream sequence until the last few moments.
2667848
Odd choice, I'll admit. I never would've guessed that one.