Luna Reviews FIM S3: 02. The Crystal Empire, Part 2 · 6:02am Dec 10th, 2014
The second half of the opening two-parter of Season 3 sadly fails to live up to the potential of Part One. Sombra is given a character barely above that of a mindless monster, and is then blown to bits. And given the extreme threat that we are told this Sombra is, the majority of the running time is devoted to the Crystal Fair—perfectly alright in a slice-of-life episode, but a major killer of momentum in an adventure arc.
In the end, the challenge of how to show such a reprehensible character in a children’s cartoon is handled peripherally, via that “Door of Fear” and a few brief moments when crystal ponies try to remember their past. Perhaps there was no better way of handling it.
Twilight Sparkle learns to delegate, Spike learns to be a hero, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance demonstrate admirably that they would be excellent rulers and protectors if fate ever hands them a kingdom of their own, and circumstances are set in motion for what I suspect might be something big.
Tomorrow: “Too Many Pinkie Pies.” Never has such a simple title filled me so with dread.
Notes
00:05: Hmm...definitely not my best angle.
01:14: Okay, I doubt that anybody else would bother to point this out, but that was one of the best “Previously On” segments I’ve ever seen, especially since it was stitched entirely out of footage from the previous episode, with no “cheats” that I could see. So congratulations to whatever Third Assistant Editor was saddled with creating that clip at 3 am.
01:24: And next to the stallion in the opening credits sequence, I notice two old mares. Is that a joke about the gender ratio gap being snuck in by the animators?
01:26: I just happened to pause the video to try to catch some of those swooping pegasi and look: it’s those three cute flower fillies from the end of “A Canterlot Wedding”! The one in the middle is Applejack’s sister—I remember meeting the real life filly one time. The one on the end is Scootaloo (thanks again, Hope), who I only know from “The Mysterious Mare Do Well.” I don’t know for sure who the white one is, as I’ve seen a lot of white fillies since returning to Equestria.
01:36: Nice frozen frame of Fluttershy’s bunny eating like a pig and her reaction.
02:14: Mini-smite. Yes! Also, somepony better clean up that piece of concentrated evil that Cadance just snipped off of Sombra’s horn.
02:22: Ooo—too late.
(Hope: Always a moment too late, but how else would recurring villains work?)
02:55: Nice camera angles here. The “pegasus eye view” cinematography used here looks more confident than it did in “Mare Do Well”.
03:56: “Face painting for the little ones”: So McPoodle’s conspiracy theory was true???
(Hope: Wait, McPoodle has conspiracy theories? I’m not sure if I’d trust him on those things.)
04:04: Go Spike!
05:38: Huh. Basket weaving and hopping ewes are vital parts in the rescue of a doomed empire? Not sure if this is an all-encompassing lesson on the nature of happiness, or a subtle dig at pacifism by animators who would rather draw stuff blowing up.
07:29: Ooh...bad idea, Twilight! Bad idea, bad idea! Never go experimenting with dark magic without the proper safeguards!
(Hope: Dark magic is real? That’s fairly terrifying. Does the real Twilight know about it?)
(Luna: Only academically.)
08:21: That’s a lot of stairs.
08:34: Wait, is that Sombra’s first line of dialog in this entire story? Um, we are going to get character development for this character, right? Show, don’t tell?
(Hope: I’m sorry.)
09:19: Oh no. Nonononononono! I can’t believe they put The Door in a children’s cartoon!
10:01: ...good thoughts, good thoughts, think good thoughts and don’t think about The Door…
(Hope: I can’t help but wonder what the real door is like.)
(Luna: It’s precisely like this one, as a matter of fact.)
10:26: Oh, thank you Spike!
10:36: Oh no! Spike, look away!
10:45: Aaah! How could they even hint at that? He’s just a hatchling!
11:00: Aww. Good Twilight.
11:18: Wait, wait, um...are we giving up character development for Sombra in return for stairs?
11:46: Jousting. Really? We’re foregoing serious drama for comedy jousting?
12:09: Wait, was that Berry Punch in the stands? What’s Berry Punch doing in the Crystal Empire? Is she trying to expand her own empire? Will this be the start of a new series-long subplot?
(Hope:What?)
(Luna: Hmm...perhaps I shouldn’t tell you. After all, Tia refuses to believe me. Just...don’t drink any Berry Punch brand Fruit Punch if you value your free will.)
12:46: More. Stairs.
13:13: Hey! That’s a pretty clever way to handle an endless staircase. I’ll have to remember that the next time I visit the Mall of America.
13:56: “Three pieces of hay and a drinking straw”: Congratulations, Rarity. You just managed to earn my first laugh in Season 3.
14:33: Sombra’s second line. Character development. Any time now…
(Hope: So sorry.)
15:17: Oops. You messed up, Twilight.
(Hope: She failed a reflex save, heh...)
16:06: Yes! Finally! Spike to the rescue, and the importance of delegation.
16:48: Sombra’s third line. We still haven’t learned anything about his pony that Sister didn’t provide in her obligatory exposition.
17:01: Sombra’s fourth line. And for once, he’d be better off with fewer words: “Mine!” instead of “That is mine!” Or how about “No!” Or hey, if you wanted to, I don’t know, actually make him interesting, you could try “Oh Crystal Heart, once I have you, no pony’s uvula will be safe again!” Because he actually said that one upon coming into power eleven hundred years ago. We still don’t know what he meant by that.
17:15: Wait, what?
17:20: What??
17:25: Sombra licking his chops with his disgustingly long tongue: There! There is more character development than we’ve gotten for this stallion for the past. Thirty. Minutes. Gah!
17:28: Shining Armor tosses his wife. Shining Armor tosses his wife. Apparently, this must be a privilege granted to husbands nowadays of which I was hitherto unaware.
(Hope: Is that normally not acceptable when your wife has wings? I mean, it might be fun. Just saying.)
17:32: “Huh?” Sombra’s fifth, and probably final line. I laughed like a hyena because I know enough about this stallion to really want him to get what’s coming to him, but I somehow doubt if most of the watchers of this episode feel nearly as strongly on the subject as I do, given how abysmally the episode handled him.
17:59: “What? Oh no, no…Stop!” Sombra’s sixth, seventh and eighth lines. Mr. Would-Be Tyrant, you should have quit with “Huh?”, because there is no way you wouldn’t have known what was about to happen. I mean, Sombra was the world’s expert on crystal magic before stealing the throne!
18:29: Oh look—the animators did get the opportunity to show something blowing up after all! ...And a big hunk of concentrated evil survives, to possibly show up in the season finale.
18:43: Aw. Bonding moment with Big Sis. Either that, or one of us lost a bet—we horn tap for both.
(Hope: I would like to think that it was a bonding moment. Such things are precious and the smiles don’t show any victor or loser.)
18:50: Spike is a crystal dragon. He ought to start trying to eat himself now.
19:48: Aw, Spike got a stained glass panel! Good on him!
20:09: The lesson is self-sacrifice? Um...no. That’s not the lesson here. If the lesson were self-sacrifice, then Twilight would have to actually sacrifice something, something more than “passing the test”. McPoodle has informed me that this is a regrettable part of popular culture today, characters making “sacrifices” that are not really sacrifices at all. I believe he mentioned a dragon-themed film that actually managed to do this correctly. Anyway, the proper lesson being taught here is delegation, which is perfectly valuable, even for a child, and one that dear Celestia really needs to take to heart. Hmm...my sister getting this lesson wrong might even be a subtle jab at her, for getting it wrong. I doubt that the screenwriter was quite that clever, but it does provide food for thought.
20:35: Song reprise. So, “passing the test” wasn’t a feint? It’s the actual theme of these two episodes? Why? How does that apply to Sombra, who clearly took the “test” and burned it with dark fire? How does it apply to using a foalish Crystal Fair to protect...oh, oh wait. I get it! That’s how you get away with showing Sombra’s depravity to children: memory loss, childish games, an inability to handle the truth—Sombra stole their maturity from them, and only through trust and...no, it kinda falls apart there. I suspect that the writer for this episode didn’t put nearly as much thought into this as I just did. Or I can blame an overzealous editor. Whatever.
21:27: Unneeded “Twilight Is the Protagonist” song is coming to an end and...wait. The fictional me summons a mysterious book and gives the fictional Celestia a portentous look. What does it mean?
(Hope: Probably mysterious things.)
Questions for Hope
1. Do you know the name of the white-coated friend of Scootaloo and Applejack’s younger sister? They were together at the end of the royal wedding episode, and again in the opening credits for Season 3.
Hope: Her name is Sweetie Belle. She is Rarity’s younger sister, and they depict this a few times in previous episodes. More of a musically inclined filly than the other two, she spends a lot of time with them, forming a group called the “Cutie Mark Crusaders.”
2. Is Berry Punch by any chance an evil criminal mastermind who has been plotting to take over Equestria since the series premiere? Or is that just me?
Hope: I have no idea. Where did this fascination with Berry Punch come from? She seems like a fairly ordinary pony to me.
Luna: You have been drinking her punch, haven’t you?!
3. Is this the first villain in the show to be actually disintegrated instead of being reformed or imprisoned or thrown into the badlands to land on her damage-absorbing exoskeleton?
Hope: Yes! Not only that, but the first villain to be shown as unquestionably evil. Every previous villain had some dark motivation, but the fans have been able to come up with a wealth of excuses for their behavior, from the changelings being starved of love and desperate, to...other such theories. Sombra is shown as having enslaved ponies, which is probably the worst thing we’ve seen happen in the show canonically.
4. That book that “I” am looking at the very end—has it ever shown up before?
Hope: Nope! One of the current fan theories is that “you” are going to tutor her in some new form of magic, but there’s been so far nothing to support that.
This episode has been sponsored by
Berry Punch brand Fruit Punch.
Drink the new reality!
Yeah the moral doesn't really make that much sense, but when the episode is good I tend to overlook the moral unless it's absolutely dreadful.
Wife tossing should be a sport at the Equestria Games! Or at least Pegasus Tossing. I hope the real Princess Cadence isn't too bored without a kingdom of her own to rule...
You should really try the fruit punch though.
DRINK IT!
Sombra did get some development, but it was through the security features he installed around the Heart. The teleport-warded circle of thorns, the nigh-endless staircase, the disguised earlier staircase, the Door... It speaks of a stallion as clever and paranoid as he was cruel.
As for Sombra himself... well, I guess centuries spent disembodied and in cold storage aren't going to leave most ponies especially articulate.
And I now have something to put on my "never buy" list. Good to know.
Every time I rewatch this episode, I mourn for the awesome character that Sombra could have been in another world.
Why did Berry steal my text color? No fair, I had it first! ahem, childish whining aside, a very interesting outlook and frankly I have no questions to your Royal Highness. Nor to any of the others....
Actually I do have a question, Does Rarity have a sister? or are these children fully invented from reality? Well Other then Apple Bloom as you mentioned you met her once. Ask Hope about their, fan reputation of what troubles they get into. I would rather have Hope explain better, I have a nasty habit of going either into too much detail on a subject and giving spoilers. So I feel best to have another explain this. Also, Seeing as this is a children's show, I guess it would be the best we could hope for on the history, although a theory I had might be that in the show here, not the history, that the sealing of the empire affected not just the Crystal Ponies minds, but also Sombra's as well? I saw him as, well as a theme of evil, a shade of his former self.
My apologies Your Royal Highness. (Do I capitalize the You(r) part or not? I am curious actually on that part. Anyway, I guess I should ask if you are open to hearing the theories from the readers here, I do apologies for jumping the gun (A Human phrase that now that I think about it, I should research where it came from. Would you like me to inform you of what I learn there?) It means being over eager I belief. Anyway I am going a little long and I know you have limited time, so I am ending it after one last sentence. May you have a great day today, no matter what time it is you read this at.
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Luna: For the question of siblings, the answer is rather simple: if they appeared in the first or second seasons as a main character, then they are real, as those episodes are based on real events. Now I haven't seen the episodes in question (for the most part), so I'd rely on your own or Hope's memories for the actual answer to your question.
Let's see, what else? Don't capitalize "Your". I'm always open to theories. Curiously, we ponies use the phrase "jumping the gun" just like you do--perhaps because of the fact that starting races is pretty much the only use for pistols in Equestria. And thank you, I did have a pretty good day, all things considered.
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Yup! I didn't meet any of the mane 6 or their families on my trip to Equestria (You must understand, a few hundred humans a month, should not be allowed to bother kids who are still working and going to school.)
But I do know that the cutiemark crusaders are real, and their stories are only slightly exaggerated.
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Oh wow, you have gotten to visit a place I have always wanted to visit. I hope you had a fun time there, out of curiosity, how was it visiting? I understand that one should not bother the folks. As for slightly exaggerated? I am worried what might happen if they came to visit the Human side of the portal. Any suggestions for someone when they visit Equestira?
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Thank you for the help on that. Sorry that I did not reply last night, my work is getting hectic. Working at a Toy Store in December can be hard, but to me awarding.
Thank you for being open to theories, sadly I do not have any more other then what I gave just last post, also thank you for the "your" correction, I have learned something new. Well, I am happy to hear that we do share a phrase, as well as the history as that phrase also comes from the track and field sports of our world. I did my research like I said I would. I asked Hope and her friend Narcie a question, if you have a moment, What has been the most enjoyable thing you have witnessed here on Earth? I guess I have learned to ask questions from my Grandfather. Hope you do not mind my questions.
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Luna: It was a rather ordinary Saturday afternoon and evening at Griffon Park in Los Angeles, back in early October. Didn't spot any griffons, but I got to try out the telescope, with the help of an obliging Rainbow Dash, who cleared the skies overhead so I could get a good look at the stars and nebulae. (She got into a bit of trouble for that afterwards, I'm afraid, despite my vehement protests that she would not have done that except for my benefit.)
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How would she get in trouble? The only thing I can think of is unauthorized flight or something, as for clearing the clouds, let me take a guess based on the show. She did a Rainboom to clear the sky?
As for the event itself, I will have to recommend a movie based on what you have said. October Skies, a wonderful movie about the fledgling space program and how it affected a young man in a Coal Town. It follows his adventures through that time. A wonderful movie, a beautiful soundtrack and a few funny scenes, at least in my opinion. I hope I did not overstep any bounds on giving a suggestion.
However Griffon Park in LA, just from the location alone I can say while good for night stargazing. You cannot get the same night sky beauty that you can get if you see it from the Mountains of Colorado/Wyoming. I know a few spots that are so far away from city lights the sky becomes bright like nothing you can ever see in the city or near cities. It is breath taking.
2647131 Don't try haybacon. Our tastebuds just aren't fit for it's... um... complex and nuanced flavors.
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Not even a strand? Sorry but I see that as a challenge. I eat Vegemite as a snack, and I spread it on like butter. So I think I can live with trying one sample of Haybacon. Although, now I have a question for Narcie, have you tried Bac-O's or some varriant? They are soy based products that if you squint the right way, tastes like bacon. If you liked the Tofu Ribs, you might like those.
Now you have me curious Hope, what was the best tasting Pony food you have tried so far?
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Hope: It tastes like cardboard.
Narcie: Hey! It does not!
Hope: Anyway, I really loved the properly prepared food grade alfalfa. It's rich, more flavorful than our own raw spinach or anything like it. With some dandelions and other greens, they made an excellent sandwich.
Narcie: It only cost two bits, and we went there four times. It's like... Fast food. You have odd tastes.
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Welcome to Humans, we are strange that way. We like odd foods. Cardboard? Strange as the mac and cheese in my school that was reported to taste like that, I enjoyed and it tasted like cheese to me. So as I can see, different taste buds, funny thing is I liked Vegemite from the start. No acquired taste. As for that, I shall have to plan ahead if I want to try some of that, on my high Vitamin K Food days. Anyway, this is fun, any more advice for someone wishing to come visiting Equestria? how far in advance do I need to submit my travel visa request? I do have a passport.
2648296 That would be a better question for Luna. I got in early, so it only took a month.
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Okay, thank you for the answer I shall ask Princess Luna next time I have the chance.
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Luna: Right, I left that part out: Rainbow Dash used a Sonic Rainboom to clear the skies of pollution...and cut all non-essential electricity to the whole of Los Angeles County for three hours (a form of pegasus magic that is not widely discussed). Like I said, the skies were beautiful.
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Luna: We try to model ourselves on the American and British embassy systems--at least the ideals that they strive for. Advance notice for a visit needs to be at least a month--submit the standard passport with photo, the application you can download from our website, and especially sign the waver outlining precisely which forms of magic will or may be used on you during your trip.
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I remember hearing about that on the news when that happened. I am happy nothing too serious happened, if I recall she got a slap on the hoof and orders not to perform any more of the Rainbooms unless giving advanced notice? I could be remembering that event wrong... so much happening recently kind of hard to keep things
Thank you, I shall see what is happening in February, that is a slow time at work, I might see if I can get a week or two off. Thank you for your time and answers. I know one spell I would not mind having affect me. That cloud walking spell.... that would be interesting.
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Perfect! (The desire to visit Equestria, not the part about Rainbow Dash's punishment.) Too bad you didn't think to apply earlier, through--the Equestrian Games will have their opening ceremonies on the 20th of this month. Of course, the hotels in Ponyville and Canterlot were booked solid six months ago, but still, if I can't make it, I at least want as many people as possible to see it. Probably your best chance for the average visitor to get a glimpse of the actual cast of Friendship Is Magic.
(And then maybe somebody could tell me if that one orange and green pony's name is Carrot Top or Golden Harvest.)