• Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
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MrNumbers


A man with a fork in a world of soup

More Blog Posts280

Oct
21st
2014

Blame GhostOfHeraclitus - The Flash Fic'ening returns · 9:20am Oct 21st, 2014

So we were talking about romantic poetry and I tried to bait him into writing one from one of his characters - Dotted Line - to Celestia. He saw right through me and baited me into writing a sestina from Twilight Sparkle to Princess Luna, in regards to the crush she so totally has on her.

After spending a few minutes looking up what, exactly, a sestina was, and then a few hours working out how exactly to write one, I ended up with this, a sestina from Twilight to Luna.

He suggested I put it into a story but I fear I'm going to settle for putting it into a blog post, where only my most forgiving of readers reside. Also, significantly less of them.

Twilight By Candlelight

My grip on my emotions is firm
though my grip on the quill is supple
The feel of its vane is silken
The scratch of ink on page so soft
The light of the candle burns bright and hot
As I write words to do justice to the moon

But how does one do justice to the moon?
Not just the one that in the sky hangs firm.
But its princess who in the cold night breathes hot
With skin, unlike barren rock, so supple
and fur, unlike white grit, so soft
and mane, when caught in breeze, so silken.

Does one do justice with words that are silken?
When trying to espouse the glory of the moon.
With gentle words on page spoke soft
Or with commanding praise spoken firm?
Is the answer, like the page, more supple?
Or are cold words futile for blood that runs hot?

I close my eyes and my cheeks burn hot
And the rustle of the letter is almost silken
And the paper is balled and now no longer supple
Because I know it's futility to romance the moon
Would she spurn my advances tender and firm
Or would she think of me mad and in the head, soft?

I hope it's only my words and not my skull, soft
Because honestly I think she's more than just hot
Which she is, as a muscular mare with muscles so firm
Run like iron under skin like oil that's silken
I think I've let this poem run away from me, moon.
The meters gone off and I can't work in supple

But it's a beautiful word, supple
And please don't think of me as soft
It took a lot of courage to praise you, my moon
And usually my poetry skills are more hot
But when I think of myself nuzzling your mane so silken
I find it hard to keep this quill firm

But firm it must be, dancing with vane so supple
The silken rush of the third draft tarnished by ink soft
But blood boils hot as third draft or none I send to you, my moon.



I have to say, I enjoyed writing this. The idea of Twilight starting off trying to be serious and poetic and becoming more and more self conscious as she goes on was just delightful. The extra challenge was trying to get the iambic pentameter down until Twilight Sparkle herself became too panicked to really worry about it anymore.

And much like everything else in life, now that I've written it, I never, ever have to do anything like this again.

Unless, of course, somebody really wanted to see Luna's reply... then I might just have to.

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Comments ( 19 )

You're drunk and writing poetry at 2:30 in the fucking morning.

I'm drunk and reading poetry at 2:30 in the fucking morning.

What has become of our lives? :raritydespair:

I'm kind of amazed that you picked up how to write a sestina that quickly. I also imagine Twilight frantically throwing this at Spike and yelling "JUST FUCKING SEND IT BEFORE I CRUMPLE IT UP LIKE THE OTHER TWO"

also you better fucking write Luna's reply m8

Yes. Reply. MUST SEE! PLEEEAAAASE!

Also, Ghost? Make Dotted attempt poetry. This must happen. Something he keeps buried in his desk, in a folder marked BLUEBLOOD'S FILE, and under more enchantments than a paranoid lich's phylactery.

2547060
Your wish is my command.

A Draft Response, Unsent

To all those wond'ring, what my office could be
A draft response: my position demands
but this—hold straight the ship of state and see
that not a whit of harm befalls it, its hands.

My duty, stern without doubt, does command
many a pain, oblations countless like
the stars themselves, how hard—alone—to withstand.
And yet, I'll never falter, never strike.

I'll never flinch, not once look th' other way,
I'll do what must be done, with na'ry a sigh,
Why I persist, no matter th' cost, I won't say
Even, as th' soul itself burns to answer why.

For country, ponies, justice, th' sisters two...
believe it or not, I do it—mostly for you.


The meter is... not the best. But it is zeroth draft stuff.

:rainbowlaugh: That fifth stanza. Magnificently done. Good poetry is hard. Intentionally problematic poetry is even harder.

2547070
Also good stuff, especially for a rough draft.

2547070
That is the sweetest thing and I saw nothing Dotted absolutely nothing at all. :twilightsmile:


2547097
Yeah pretty much this. :raritystarry:

2547097
2547070
From the bottom of my TwiLuna'd heart... thank you both.

This was wonderful. Thank you for writing it, it made my morning with its cleverness.

Oh Numbers!

This totally captivated me!

Most beautiful.

I usually don't go for poetry, but that was pretty good.

... Dang. I'm impressed.

2547098 And bad poetry is... something I can barely do :pinkiehappy:

Now I have this fuzzy mental picture of Spike walking up to Twilight's desk to find her slumped over and snoring with the morning sun shining in through the window. Ever helpful, he puts away the quill from where it had gotten stuck to her face, caps the inkwell, mops up the inky spillages, sends the friendship letter to Celestia, and helps Twilight to bed...

(Yes, I've used this particular idea before in Tutor)

Ha, that was great! I'd love to see a reply :twilightsmile:

2548099
And yet, I REALLY REALLY want to know what happens next...:trollestia:

I loved this. I especially loved the cleverness of the change in Twilight's writing, from confident to self conscious: Her desire for Luna to know her feelings had overcome her compulsion to perfection - impossible to contemplate, and yet it happened.

Supple, hot, and Run like iron under skin like oil that's silken. Damn, Twilight! That parchment was on fire before it reached Spike.

I'm looking forward to Luna's reply, which of course you must write. :twilightsmile:

Absolutely gorgeous. :heart:

Love poem - so hot
Amazing.. so awesome

Stumbled across this via a recommendation in a story comments thread. Lovely - did Luna's followup ever return to Twilight?

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