Hmmmm (JOUST) · 5:06pm Sep 7th, 2014
Hey, finally a story that I hate that most people like.
So, the set up isn't that bad, though it's handled incompetently as all hell. You don't give us time to get used to the characters, or he'll tell us anything about them. While yes, this is a 'comedy,' you still need to introduce our characters so that we have a chance to like them. The human? He's as forgettable as most of the songs in fucking Home On the Range. There's nothing unique or interesting about him, he just yells loud, making him annoying, and the rest of the time looks like an asshole. Now, if this were multiple chapters, then you could be excused for not fully introducing our characters in the first chapter, but since this is a one shot, you can't get away with that. Also, this story's pacing feels like it's Fanboy and Chum Chum on speed. It doesn't slow down to enjoy itself and for us to get invested in the world or characters. Also, in ANY HiE story, you need to explain where the human came from, unless he's from another one of your stories. Even if that's the case, you still need to explain why he's jousting. Oh, one final thing: I didn't crack a smile ONCE. And this is supposed to be a comedy. Humor is subjective I guess, but, cussing in of itself isn't funny.
Final score: 39/100
Raiting: F
Good premise, but the delivery is weak. Feels rushed, fails to be funny, and kind of seems like you thought cussing and using lots of exclamation points would take the place of comedy. Seriously, do a text search for ! and count the exclamation points. Not trying to be a punctuation nazi here, but if you just thought that having everyone yell for 2000 words would magically make it funny...it didn't.
It's not an awful story, but it's certainly not a good story either. It's just kind of meh, with lots of yelling, poor characterization, and pointless swearing bogging down a premise that otherwise had a lot of potential.
>> Sir Hat
This is just the most pointless vignette
he's a dumb ass
In short: the description of the story should also sum up the writing process.
Yeah, pretty much. If you read the story title and description, you've pretty much read the story. The story itself doesn't add much except getting to listen to a dumb ass whine. He's certainly not especially fun or entertaining to read about, he's not particularly likable and apparently you intended for him to be that way. So if even you, the author, are describing it as a pointless story about a dumbass and that the description sums up the amount of effort you put into the story itself...why'd you bother writing the story? It would have been better as a two paragraph plot summary. Or if there'd been humor involved somehow.
No hard feelings Hatty buuuuuuuuut.....
This fic deserves the name for being just like joust, SUPER FUCKING FAST BECUASE THAT'S NO FUCKING GOOD!
I being totally serious here, but I finished this story, IN. 3. FUCKING. MINUTES!
Just like many of your fics, the human is uninteresting, a huge douchebag, and cusses more than the goddamn trailer park boy's, THE TRAILER PARK BOY'S!
This story is very uninteresting as there is no build up, no payoff, nothing to look forward too, it's just.... empty
And try to make us like the character, because I wanted to strangle his fucking little neck through out the whole fics.
Good night, and have a wonderful day.
So a few things.
This feels really, really rushed. I really do enjoy the idea of the Princesses having humans ride them into a jousting match, but the pacing here is way too fast for it to hold my attention. I'm also not the biggest fan of the main character; he really seems to act like a prick and swears a metric fuckton for absolutely no reason, I'm certain because that's "mature" in your perception or something. He really rubs me the wrong way.
It would have been neat to get the perspective of the other rider, too, to see how Luna feels about the whole arrangement, maybe even have the different personality of the other human shine. Something, anything to buff this story up and make it a bit more interesting to read. What we have here is a neat idea, but it's bogged down by the main character being an utter prat, the rushed-to-hell pacing, and the immature takeaway of it.
It's a neat idea and a fair try, but ultimately this falls short. Also, I thought stories had to be like 4,000 words to make it to the box? At least they used to, then they changed the rules I guess.
400+ 16-
Explanation: I've been catching a lot of people telling me "Could have been better" and considering what this story is, why I wrote it and when I wrote it, I really just don't care.
"Joust sucked!"
"It was too short!"
"The character was a douche!"
"My titties are in a fucking twist!"
t4.rbxcdn.com/8f453d655c33b94e6a40855fbdfb4f01
Hat.
Dude.
Just stop for a minute and think. People will continue to complain because you don't care. People will continue to rip on your stories because you don't care. Instead of not caring, for once, ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK. Improve your writing. Learn something knew. Listen to the criticism to make better stories. You obviously care about something if you made this blog post. That much I can tell. What I don't understand is why you waste your talents not caring when you can be infinitely better by looking over your problems and deciding what can be done to overcome them.
I can understand writing for personal enjoyment, but eventually you have to buck up and hold your chin high and finally admit you want to move past the mediocre and excel. Excel in writing, in life, for yourself. You have the tools to make this happen, you just have to learn how to use them.
So don't tell me that you don't care. Because deep down we both know you do. Don't tell me you can't become better. Anyone can become better at something if they put their mind to it. And don't tell me there's no point. Because I believe in you, Hat. I believe you can be better than this. Better than most people give you credit for. Now, what do you want to do? Prove them wrong, or me?
2435065
I want to write stupid fucking pony stories and fail.
Why?
So I can take what I learn from the pony failures, apply them to my non pony work, and get good at that.
I'm never going to be a professional fan fic writer. But I do listen to a lot of criticism I get, and I apply it to my non pony stuff.
This was just for fucking fun, and I like humans, I write humans. I mean half my characters are borrowed from my non pony, just to flesh out who they are in the fun testing grounds of ponies.
I write a genre, HIE, I do it for fun. I do it to fail, so I can learn from the stuff I try at and get better in those aspects.
Joust was a short joke. If you wanted to criticize something, pick something I put more than 3 seconds into. Put the effort into criticism that I put into writing.
A scathing, hurtful review on something I put effort into will be boundlessly more helpful than one pointed at a joke I made in an hour.
2435075
That's... dude, you're doing it again! You just can't continue to deflect criticism like that! Take your fanfics as seriously as your non-pony fics, because in the end the two are the same when they're written by your own mind! Treat fanfics with some respect when you write them, just like you would for a non-pony story, or else you'll be repeating the mistakes of your fanfic stories in your non-pony stories.
Now, Hat, PLEASE, at least try to attempt what to take what I told you to heart. Fanfics, non-pony stories, in the end they're both the written word and deserve the same amount of scrutiny if you wish to take writing to a professional level or treat it with respect. If not, you're wasting your time as a writer, and your time on this site.
2435134
I have, and do, take criticism. Some of the fic I've loved the most have been shit, and have been torn up. That's fine, I don't like it, but they were right and I like to think I've learned from it.
Joust was something I wrote in an hour. It was a quick joke, it was my daily write, it was minimal.
I've put effort into fics and they get ignored. Look at Parasprite and Splinterwood. She put so much effort into it, and in the end it was overtaken in the featured box by (You guessed it) anthro porn in story form. Joust isn't Splinterwood, Joust isn't my best work, Joust is something I made for fun. As Simple As Rain was something I put effort into, I learned that I'm not good at 3rd person, I learned how fucking important pacing and easing things into place is.
Joust is a stupid joke in story form, and if you're judging it as you would a 100k story, then I don't know what to say. I agree with the first person to post a review, but this fic isn't going to be an epic, it's a stupid joke. The fic I mentioned (As Simple As Rain) got reviewed to hell, and I scraped it because it would be easier to start over than to try and fix it.
In short, Bob, I don't care about this fic. I read the reviews, I understand them, but this fic isn't trying to be an epic or good even. It's a dumb joke, not an epic.
Nice attention whoring.
i.imgur.com/xiJk0LH.gif
2435270
We all have our moments.
It bothers me a bit that some people take pony and hobby writing this seriously.
2435317
:t
*shrugs*
I love you.
2435344
Someone should. :t
2435360 Damn straight.
No homo
2435075
Wouldn't it be great it you payed attention to all criticism and apply it to your stories so you could pull great shit out of your ass?
Just a thought.
2435317 People like to see effort.
I love how people think everything a writer produces has to be perfect. Much like how every artist has to produce a masterful work and can never sketch or practice.
It was a funny story, sir. I took it for what it was: a silly little one-shot. Not the best story I've read, not even the best of yours, but it doesn't have to be.
Good show, chum. (Where the Hell is the Derpy emoticon with her wearing a monocle and top hat, dammit? )
2435808
Fucker, you haven't seen where I started. I was complete shit when I got on this site, now I'm at least competent, and reaching that from the reviews and practice on this site is a victory in my book.
2435810
On a joke story? Kinda true, but let's face it the writers that produce stories the actually work off a standard similar to professional editorial standards rarely if ever make it to the feature box. The masses here at fimfiction, from which the feature box works off of, are at best fickle and at worst plebeians in their tastes. That's why finding something good on this site takes a bit of effort. It's a bit paradoxical, but hey fimfiction is still better than FF.net as far as quality goes.
lmao that fking gif
....fuck you republicans
2435854 What does that have to do with your admitted lack of effort in this story?
If you truly love the written word, than you would understand why even one purposely lackluster performance would be detrimental to your writing skills.
People who cut corners tend to keep cutting corners.
2436146 lel wage slave :)
2435996 Saying fimfic is better than fanfic is like saying a solid turd is superior to diarrhea.
2436213
Would you call a pen and paper artist out for doodling on a napkin?
2436261 Is he doodling to the best of his abilities?
2436313
No, he's half drunk and bored.
2436343 Well he's an artist. No one cares about him.
Those standards don't apply to you, hat. Also I don't see why what he's writing on is important.
2435065 encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQXWevQX7ycSSQBhFJr5Jg1TjY-kYlXuako_3fcPv8-dsekcG_A
2436232
No seriously there's some god awful full retard shite on that site, but whatever it's still hobby writing.
Okay, the story is fine as I pretty much took it as it is, a funny story with a funny idea. I know that critics will never stop critic-king but this is ridiculous. It's like those two here and the others in the actual story never read a comic or seen a skit before in their entire lives (or for more than 30 seconds).
I'm honestly not sure if they're trolling you or just hypocrites. Berating you for lack of effort in the story because you've not explained the characters, without bothering to research any of your other material. Anyone who looks at all at your other stuff would realise that the character and world are already established, so rehashing that for a silly, lighthearted, oneshot is rediculous. It's like starting at chapter 15 of The Fellowship of the Ring and complaining the author doesn't explain who Frodo is.