Not another Pony on Earth · 2:44am Aug 14th, 2014
Okay, this one's a three-fer! Hold on to your hats.
Not another Pony on Earth is titled from my very first story on FimFiction . . . Not more Human in Equestria [and the titles would be more the same if I'd paid more attention, but Emerson himself said that "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."]. Just like its predecessor, it's a collection of unrelated, usually humorous one-shots, centered around ponies on Earth. More chapters will be added whenever I get an idea I just have to write, but it won't be any kind of a regular thing, just another catchall collection.
Here are the notes for the first three stories:
1: Arrested with Twilight
I got the idea for this on my way back from Okaton. I was blasting across the Ohio Turnpike at 5-16 over the speed limit [total trip time, Baltimore to southeast Michigan: 8.5 hours with two stops] and passed an Ohio trooper who had a guy pulled over on the shoulder, and in the next five miles, the idea had come and was fully formed.*
Y'all know my views on ponies and nudity by now, so there's no reason to beat a dead horse here. I picked 15 as Twilight's age partially as a joke at some of my regular follower's expense (discussion of the ages of the Mane 6, various headcanons, etc.). When you step back from the light comedy and really examine Simon's situation, though, he's pretty much screwed, just because Twilight said she was fifteen.
Still, by popular demand, I will write another chapter of the story, so don't count Simon out just yet. After all, Twilight is an alicorn pony princess, and what use are the wings and horn if she can't use them for good?
Two stories influenced my choices on character and setting: Merlos the Mad's A Twilight Landing and Shachza's To Love a Pony. I recommend both.
*The day after publishing, I got pulled over for speeding by one of the local cops. When he saw it was me, he laughed and let me go.
2: Lyra Cosplays Herself
I came up with this one at Bronycon. Those of you who stayed in the Hyatt might recognize the room (1459), which is where I stayed for my brief visit to Otakon. The setting is kind of an amalgam of both conventions, without worrying about specific details. In fact, you may have noticed I just brushed them under the table (how did Lyra pay for her room or pick up her room key or convention badge?) because you can do that in a short one-shot.
I can't remember when the specific idea hit me, but I spent a lot of time talking with fellow authors, and naturally gravitated towards those PoE and HiE folks. You'd think that such discussions would be carried out with the same seriousness as a bunch of lab-coated scientists might display . . . in the case of the authors, you'd be totally wrong, and I honestly can't say for sure about the scientists, either. Because I can is the mantra of both mad scientists and authors.
I'm certainly going to blame Merlos for this one. We were talking at Bronycon, and . . . well. . . .
3: A Visionary Flood of Alcohol
The title of the story comes from a Leonard Cohen song (Democracy). I can't quote any other specific lyrics, but there's a line just before this one about . . . ah, let's say 'passing through a wall.' Given that it's Leonard Cohen, some of the lyrics might be offensive, so if you click the video it's on you.
(the lines in question are around the 1:50 mark, if you're impatient)
We all know that wardrobes are the way into a magical land (Narnia, anyone?), so it seemed only appropriate that would be the case here, too. If you actually have a wardrobe, I'd advise frequently getting inside and trying to walk through the back. The odds aren't in your favor, but you never know. . . .
I had to look up all the various drinks, so if you have a debate about the quality of any named beverage . . . blame Google, not me. I'm hardly a connoisseur of alcohol . . . or anything, really. I just spent some quality time today hitting interior pieces of a 2-year-old Ford Focus with a deadblow hammer, just so you know how I think. You can fix all sorts of things by hitting them with a hammer.
I wrote most of this story in the wee hours of the morning, stone cold sober. I am well aware of the irony in this.
Ficus plants are some sort of common houseplant or something. I feel kind of bad for abusing an innocent plant for the sake of a story, but there you go.
It's a Ficus Lyrata. I'm not making that name up.
I wasn't sure how to end it. One incarnation had Berry panicking when Matthew showed up, and I even had a specific descriptive line in mind:
Berry tucked and rolled, just like she'd learned in filly scouts.
Consultation with a co-worker and with a friend (and possibly some personal experience) tilted me towards Berry being drunk enough to not question anything that was odd about the situation, and in fact making Matthew her new best friend. Plus, it gave me a chance to give a nod to Of Horses and Whorses.
Aside from the one chapter about Twilight and Simon (which I alluded to already), I have now reached the end of this particular collection . . . for now. As more PoE ideas come to me, I'll add them, so if you've made it as far as this blog post, you ought to favorite the story if you haven't already.
In more serious business, now that I've had my three week hiatus from my other stories, it's time to put my muzzle back to the grindstone and crank them out. I have a big manila folder full of things awaiting the merciless red pen. [I usually use blue. It's more soothing. A nice shade of blue. Cerulean blue.*]
*That's an X-Files reference, kids.
I'm gonna close with a picture of me that Shachza drew at Bronycon. It's a homage to my last play, where I got to scream at . . . well, everyone.
P.S. My next appearance on stage will be as the understudy for VanHelsing in Dracula. I missed the auditions while I was at Otakon, but the director needs more manly men, and I apparently fill that description. So expect some delays in October.
I WAS THERE. I was there when this idea got thrown around! It was at that god awful writing panel. lol
Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest and lost.
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Wasn't Eakin there with you, too? I think he was avoiding me, or else he really wanted to hear what the panelist had to say. Shachza was there and I'm pretty sure that metallusionismagic was as well.
I'll have to look back at my notes for the classes, 'cause I haven't even reached the end of bad ideas inspired during Bronycon.
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I wouldnt be surprised if that's happened to other celebrities, too.
2369270 Dolly Parton once lost a lookalike contest too - to a man.
Twilight insists that she's actually a magical talking horse, so it's okay, really; then the spell wears off; then she teleports Simon and herself out; then the police decide that nobody wants to do the paperwork for whatever kind of freaky alien hallucination just happened.
2369268 Yeah, Eakin was there. Not really with me, he seemed to be in his own little circle. I saw him around you (in your vicinity) quite a lot, just seemed to be around different groups. Shachza was there, Merlos was with me, and I'm not sure about Metallusion.
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I've already heaped partial blame for Lyra Cosplays Herself on Merlos' lap.
I really do think that Eakin was trying to avoid me. Or maybe he's just stealthy and was stalking me, but after he introduced himself, I never noticed him again.
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To be fair, have you seen some of those men? They're fabulous.