Pre-Reader Battle July 2014 complete!

Yes, friends and neighbors, once again the Equestria Daily pre-readers, past and current, have gone head-to-head, battling it out for...

Actually, I don't know why we do this. :B It was fun though! 13 PRs, 3 weeks, 8 stories. (So far!) Here's a rundown of everything that was submitted in time. Review journal pending, it's gonna be at least after Bronycon because I have lots of stuff to read. :(

Heads in the Cloud
Author: Present Perfect
Summary: What is the value of a secret? What knowledge lurks forgotten in Equestria's past?
After chasing a thief from Canterlot to the desert mountains south of Equestria, Twilight and her friends are beset by tragedy. To save her friend, Twilight will have to delve Equestria's greatest secrets, and discover a truth that even she will wish she hadn't learned. When the thief's full plans come to light, will Twilight be able to save Equestria's secrets, her friend, or even herself?
Prompt: The Canterlot Archives hold a dark secret. (Pegasus Rescue Brigade)

What Cannot Be Unseen
Author: Polecat
Summary: Welcome to a tale of mystery and horror. Starring one, Twilight Sparkle, as she seeks to untangle the events that resulted in a mare she only briefly met in a different world from her own lying dead on the floor. Follow as she unravels the mystery, and in turn has her own sanity unravel in the process.
Prompt: A familiar face returns to Ponyville, but not in a way anypony expects. (NinesTempest)

The Rose
Author: Bradel
Summary: Roseluck’s husband Ember receives a gift on their anniversary: a rose taken from the Everfree Forest. When Roseluck grows ill and the rose begins to change color, Ember struggles to understand.
Prompt: Based on this. (Present Perfect)

Teddy Bear
Author: Mechanic
Prompt: They're warm, and comfortable, and safe. (Noble Cause)

Fine Steps: Intermezzo I
Author: Twilight Snarkle
Summary: Here you will find the stories about the residents of Pasofino, and the ageless realm of Equestria in which they live. Each chapter is meant to take but a moment to read, and may or may not be in chronological order. I have made an attempt in every tale to highlight the time period. (A side-story to the trilogy of Order from Chaos, Justice, and Hope.)
Prompt: "I'm takin' you to school!" (Polecat)

Blood Ties
Author: Noble Cause
Summary: It weighs on Spike heavily, sometimes. He appreciates Twilight, even if he never says it. Twilight adores everything Spike does for her and the girls, even if she doesn't tell him so often enough. But they know. They'd go to the ends of Equestria for each other. Blood is thicker than water, and no one knows it better than them.
Prompt: Turns out luck wasn't a factor at all. (Alexstrazsa)

Ragnarok
Author: Pascoite
Summary: As many such things do, it all started with Discord trying to help. And now Fluttershy can't escape the apocalyptic proclamations. Next time, she'll try the trick of wishing for no wishes.
Prompt: A character is given a wish. What might they wish for, and what are the consequences of the wish? (Mechanic)

Foreigner
Author: AugieDog
Summary: Three years ago, Gilda volunteered for a posting in the farthest reaches of griffon territory, a place she knew no pony had ever been and a place she hoped no pony would ever come. And then one morning...
Prompt: Foreigner (Bear)

Comments

[Inquisitor M]

Oh come on, PP. You're better than this:

Starring one, Twilight Sparkle, as she seeks [...]

No bracketing commas when the name is performing a grammatical function.

EDIT: or perhaps you're just copying from Polecat?

[djthomp]

Here's hoping that AugieDog really does extend Foreigner as he mentioned in the comments that he might.

[Bradel]

Mine was based off your prompt?

Well, I hope you enjoy it, when you get a chance to read it!

[PresentPerfect]

2325618
Copypasted, yes. All typos are on the head of the author!

2325682
I'm still mad you didn't call it The Rose of Hatred. :(

[Inquisitor M]

2325758 In other news, I actually want to read some of these, dammit.

Especially The Rose, Blood Ties, and Ragnarok. Those prompts sound (and look) mighty interesting.

[Bradel]

2325758
There's (what I consider) a very good reason for that. You'll see.

[AugieDog]

Looks like:

The prompt I submitted is one of those that hasn't showed up yet. Thanks, Bear, for yours, though: like 2325629 says, my darn brain is already trying to make me expand it into a whole adventure serial.

Mike

[djthomp]

2325771 I'd like to see you do so and review them, largely from forever hoping you'll find something you like and from wondering what that something might be.

[Pascoite]

2325917
Yeah, my prompt is one that won't get used as well. Pegasus Rescue Brigade got mine, and I don't think he'll end up writing anything.

[Noble Cause]

2325771

Ooh, you like the sound of Blood Ties, eh? I'm curious to see what you think of it.

[Inquisitor M]

2327045 I'm as much of a sucker for examining Spike and Twi's relationship as The Descendent, but so far I've only touched on a more down-to-earth Rarity/Spike in my own scribblings.

Repeated from the story page:

Totally got the feel-good vibes at the begging when the realisation hits. I actually kind of impressed out blunt it was without losing any of it's effect – a really good bit of basic misdirection.

Beyond that, though, I have one major and one relatively minor issue:

1. The PoV feels like a powerball tossed into a boxroom. Okay, so in a sense that's hyperbole, but in such a short story, the couple of sharp shifts are a bit of a bell-ringer. Firstly, we start really tight in on Twilight, tight enough to be hearing her direct inner monologue, and then we get 'He really was too good to her sometimes', which feels utterly at odds with where your PoV was two seconds before. Then, later, it switches to Spike's PoV without pause or warning and it gave me some severe whiplash. After a wonderful start, it kinda fell off a cliff.

2. Regarding prompt use, I don't think the story really does anything with the prompt at all. I call it a minor issue because I'll take the excuse for a cute little fic like this and I don't really care about the prompt (and I doubt you actually care they much either, to be fair), but even taking the fic into account it could still totally have been luck. That or it cheapens the notion of love in a way that I'd be uncomfortable with.

-M

[Inquisitor M]

2326020 Well, Bradel's story was awesome, so there's a start :P

[djthomp]

2327240 Hah! One of the ones I skipped over on account of the tags making me apprehensive. Guess I have to read it, now.

[Inquisitor M]

2327307 Just finished Ragnarok, too. Also very, very good.

[AugieDog]

2327019

Maybe we should go:

For extra credit, then. I'll do your prompt, and you can do mine?

Mike