Question about ONAS · 10:12pm Jun 23rd, 2014
Hey all!
So I'm currently waiting for my prereader sevenofeleven to get back with me on chapter 6 of Of Night and Stone. It's finished, but I'm still waiting for his approval. In the meantime, I've begun working on chapter 7, but I'm having struggles, and I'd like some input.
I've never written a romance story before, and it's incredibly tough to write the character Maud so she isn't too enthusiastic, or too robotic. Part of me really wants to plunge right into them kissing, being a couple, etc. because that would seem fulfilling to myself as well as to all of you--we all want the two of them to get together, and the sooner the better. But the other part of me thinks that would be unrealistic. No couples immediately get together after seeing each other once, and they should get to know each other better first, and then it should be paced out more realistically. But at the same time, I'm really bad at writing that sort of thing, and I don't know how long the pacing should take place--days, weeks, months, or even hours. After all, it took the entire first two seasons of Gargoyles (two whole years!) for Elisa and Goliath to finally hook up. And then there's the issue of Maud, knowing how emotionless she is, writing love for her is really, really tough. And I'm glad you all have supported me in this.
So I need all of your feedback. Would you prefer I have Brooklyn and Maud hook up sooner, or later?
-Kirb
PS: Regardless of what the outcome of this is, one of the antagonists from Gargoyles WILL be appearing in chapter 7. Be prepared.
Well... if it were me, I'd probably draw it out a bit more, have them hang out with each other more. Maybe Brooklyn can do something to save Maud like she saved him, then maybe he'd realizes that he likes more than he thought he did.
Knowing Maud's train of thought (And potential romantic buildup
), make it later.
We both can't really see Maud just dive into Brooklyn's arms and kissing him, even if she is blunt in nature. That is, unless there's yet another life-changing situation that would involve the two...
if not, then give it about a couple of weeks in story time.
Take it from a guy who's done his own share, romance is tough (Which is funny, what with me being single and junk
), and romance with a stoic character can be tougher if ill-prepared.
But don't be discouraged by incorporating romance into Maud's character. If you're looking for inspiration, might I recommend reading the following
:
My Sediments Exactly (MaudMac)
Day Gray: Maud My Life! (CheeseMaud)
Harder Than Rocks (SpikeMaud [Warning: Clopfic])
Our butts are ready for the antagonist.
And I cast my vote for "Later", knowing how Maud works.
(Romance ain't my thing too, but I guess that'll do.)
Later is definitely the best. You've set this up in a way where they can develop a strong friendship. Throw in some bonding time against an antagonist and you can make a believable transition from friendship to something more.
In the meantime, we need more of Maud and Brooklyn hanging out together, and even time away from each other to develop.
I need to read the newer chapters but Maud is not the first to be done in at first look a single note type id would suggest doing a bit of reaserch on animated minds like this and see how their wit and bite comes through some names to look up would be droopy. Ben stain from any thing he vocied episodes of futurerama that have the new-trail. O haveing brooklyn maybe over hearing maud talk to her pet rock over her conflicted fealings could be used as a trigger for the
to be more out there for all to see.(sorry for the trouble readingthis on kindle and type sucks
)
I've read a LOT of romance fics on this site, and a common mistake most seem to make is rushing the romance between the characters, and make them into a couple after the first day of meeting each other. Now if you want them to have a relationship realistically, have them spend the first week hanging out and getting to know each other. As they spend more and more quality time, they begin to get closer, and only THEN are they more comfortable with each other to start dating. A professional romance development needs time for emotion, drama, and character development. If you make the characters a couple in just 1 or 2 days of knowing each other just like that, it'll just make the story seem rushed and people will lose interest in it. Hows this for feedback
?
like most ppl have said already. make it happen later, don't rush it.
If anything, having them just hang out is better.
Take it easy and pace it. You don't have to have them completely fall for each other immediately, but you can show interest slowly growing for each of them. Maud's love for rocks and all things rocky could help if she manages to convey to him that it's something she wants to know more about, perhaps she even has her own theory of how the turning-into-rock thing works.
You already have established that Maud likes Brooklyn, and Brooklyn sorta senses it. He could become curious, see what she's about, and find out about her from the other ponies he meets. Pinkie could tell him that she's really excited and obliviously interested, and that could lead to interesting assumptions or scenes.
Just don't get discouraged.
For this i vote later. In romance stories you have to pace your self. I mean they just met it wouldn't make much sense for them to already be going out.
Like many of the other have stated thus far, I also think you need to Pace Maud and Brooklyn's relationship. Making it just up and happen definitely isn't the way to go, ergo let it just happen slowly and naturally, have em go out on a few dates, walks meetups etc. Now as to OTHER Gargoyle cast members, now that I think of them. it MIGHT be interesting to see Demona show up, after all Eliza is the ONLY human in Equestria so she MIGHT be able to mellow out a bit seeing as if the object (s) of her ire don't exist somewhere she had now reason to be a total bitch
Shifting gears again back to Maud and Brook, You could also always have Brooklyn decide to travel with Maud for awhile across Equestria and her show him the sights, during this time you could have there budding relationship deepen 
Don't rush, explore a bit. Have them get a bit of a feeling for eachother. their quirks and oddities.
Perhaps like was suggested a multiday trip or such
It took me some time to think the best way to answer but it looks like man of the people here are going to say what I was going to say. Simply take your time and play it out. don't try and rush it.
I can tell that so far this seems more one side so that has to be changed first.
Good luck best wishes.
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Okay, so the general consensus here seems to be that I should hold off on it and develop more realistically. Thanks for the feedback, I'll consider some of your suggestions. In the meantime, I'll come up with other ways to advance the plot. For example, I already mentioned that I'll introduce a villain from Gargoyles at the end of the next chapter. One thing I know a lot of people suggest is having Princesses Celestia and Luna meet the gargoyles. Or maybe I could introduce Brooklyn to Pinkie's parents. As for conversations between Maud and Brooklyn, I could just try some Tarantino-ing, where they talk about things that are off-topic and do nothing to advance the plot of the story, but are kind of funny and a little quirky.
Again, thanks! :)
2231494
Cool. Can't wait.
2231494 good luck can't wait to see what happens.
who is Maud Pie?
seems evil looking
and has pink/purple hair
2335010 She's definitely not evil. She's Pinkie's sister, and was featured in the episode "Maud Pie" from season 4.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140317163136/mlp/images/1/10/Maud_Pie_ID_S4E18.png
2335204
sucks put in the trash can
gives part to Diamond Tiara
np tnx
2335383 Wha--ARE YOU ON CRACK?
2335728
"Yes, crack your jokes".
and no not crack, before you get that from the quote *rolls eyes*, answering your previous question before your pun
"Ha ha ha ha! I’m amazed! Here you stand on the final stage--and still don’t know who’s playing what!"
e.g. you don't understand
i was wondering if she could be in my story since she didn't fit she got trashed
"CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!" Sho perhaps with some zetta sons of digits tehe
have a big long confusing list that you won't get unless you understand TWEWY since thats the game i'm doing my fanfic on
Players
Neku Sakuraba: Played by Rainbow Dash
Shiki: Played by Fluttershy
Joshua: Played by Celestia (Player Form)
Beat (week 1+3): Played by Big McIntosh
Rhyme: Played by AppleJack
Sota: Played by Shining Armour
Nao: Played by Princess Cascade
Reapers
Koki Kariya: Played by Silver Spoon
Uzuki Yashiro: Played By Diamond Tiara
777: Played by Scootaloo
BJ: Played by Sweetie Belle
Tenho: Played by Apple Bloom
Futoshi (tech): Played by Babs Seed
Beat (week 2-3): Played by Big McIntosh
Game Masters
Yodai Higashizawa (week 1): Played by Lord Tirek
Sho Minamimoto (week 2): Played by Discord
Mitsuki Konishi (week 3): Played by Sunset Shimmers
Conductor
Megumi Kitaniji: Played by Rhythm (my OC)
Composer
Yoshiya Kiryu: Played By Princess Celestia
Producer
Sanae Hanekoma: Played By Twilight Sparkle
Other Side Characters
Ken Doi (Ramen Don): Played by Trixie
Makoto (Shadow Ramen): Time Turner
Ai: Lyra Heartstrings
Mina: Sweetie Drops
Eiji Oji: Played by Prince Blueblood
Shuto Dan: Played by Snails
Itaru Yokoyamada: Played by Snips
"I have a feeling that tomorrow’s Game will be very entertaining."
quotes from Megumi Kitaniji Coductor of the UG
However in this alternate world this games played by ponies and Rhythm, e.g. me is the Conductor, i suppose that explains it. I'm going to make a big faq page on my story since only a few ponies know about TWENY.
Basically when you die you exist on a alternate world to the one you've just died from, when you die your frequency changes causing you to move one way to this world, the 'dead' world is the RG which is Rhythm's Game to Rhythm or among everyone else the Reaper's Game. You have a week to complete a series of missions, 7 missions for 7 days and if you win you get to come back to life. The 'living' world or Equestria is going to be called the Higher Plane because to get to it you must increase your frequency or phase state before you can enter the living world. You would kind of understand this
unless you've never played the game which results in you being like WHAAAT THE FUCK? and thinking i'm Higher then a kite
great now every-pony thinks i'm high
Thx
Rhythm
Conductor of RG
p.s. This Mare Is Not High Even Though It Seems It
p.s.s yeah you think im mad after the sho quote, awwww crap don't judge
2335823
Sugarcube, I don' understand a word you just said.
You think he's high, AJ?
I reckon so, Dash. Fluttershy, why don't you talk to him?
Right! WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?!
roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/flutterlip.png?wrap=true Um, I am so sorry, but I don't speak gibberish. Why don't you talk to him, Dash?
2336629
I'm with you, I don't get a word of what he just said.