On the Bridges I've Burned · 6:50am May 18th, 2014
So I'm back. You may have noticed that the last blog post I put up before BABSCon was back in October of 2012. I kind of fell out of the fandom around then, especially after Unicon the February after that. I never really stopped liking MLP and kept up with episodes and some other things, but I stopped keeping up with fanfic and resigned from EqD.
BABSCon kind of invigorated me. There were a couple of panels and a few super awesome fic authors (including the best party of the con, which mostly consisted of a bunch of authors discussing ponyfic) that made me really want to get back into the game as far as fic writing goes. I just posted a short one shot, On the Care and Construction of Bridges, and I'm going to try to make a habit of the whole writing and posting thing. Please don't be surprised if this fic isn't great; I'm super rusty and I didn't get an editor or anything.
Bridges started out as a very different fic. The seed of an idea for it started just after BABSCon, when I got a line from a song stuck in my head and it turned into the title "Let's not Fall in Love". Originally, the fic was going to focus much more closely on the lack of relationship between Applejack and Rarity, their trepidation over ruining the friendship they already had, and the power Rarity had over Applejack due how much more powerful Applejack's feelings were than Rarity's. It was going to explore how scary love can be, and how much power it can give others over you, and how scary it can be to have power over someone you really do care about. I've been on both sides of that sort of imbalance, and it always ends up painful. In the end, they were going to decide not to try a relationship.
This was something rather personal to me, because I had a relationship of my own in mind as a model for the relationship between Applejack and Rarity.
By the time the fic became Bridges, I'd changed the focus. The decision not to pursue love was already made, and I explored whether it was a good decision. I hope it doesn't seem like I came to any conclusion on that point, because I honestly don't know if Applejack's decision is right. I certainly don't know whether Rarity's decision is right, because I am not Rarity. I am more like Pinkie Pie. When I was in a similar situation, I chose the other path, because the power I had did not make me cautious, and I rushed into something that maybe I shouldn't have. Both good things and bad things came of that. I am not sure which there is more of.
I am very good at burning bridges. When a romantic relationship ends, I tend to cut off contact. Usually it's not a deliberate thing, I just never contact them. And they never contact me. And it makes things a bit less awkward, I suppose. I do similar things with old friends, and to be honest, I do similar things with some new friends too. I find it very easy to make new friends, so I don't put any effort into keeping the ones I have. When something ends a friendship, I let it stay ended. I guess this fic ended up being more about that than about relationships. I am very good at burning bridges, but bridges can be rebuilt. The Care and Construction of Bridges is about Rainbow Dash learning that lesson. Maybe I should follow her lead.
Maybe.
Also I'm half asleep typing this out so I hope it's halfway coherent.
Eh, maybe more like two-fifths of the way, but it works.
>tfw new Ebon fic
I do the same thing with former relationships. I still keep in touch with my most recent ex via Facebook, but that's a very passive thing.
I can be guilty of that too, keeping friends can be hard, I won't deny I find skype groups to be very effective that way, I can make and keep friends in them and not have to find them individually.
I'm really curious about how many friends of mine in this fandom feel the same way about their ability to keep friends as you do. Friendship for me has always been something I did with a certain circle for three or four years before I kind of slipped off to a different one, and people come and go from whatever circle I happen to be in at any given time.
The nice thing about that fluidity, if I had to say, is that sometimes friends come back. Maybe we're not in IRC anymore (much as I'd love to return to it), but I'm seeing some older faces turn up in Skype again and it's honestly a bit healing to speak with them again.
Welcome back, boss.
It's good to see you back, my friend. You've been missed.
Holy crap you're back! Sweet!
Yet another person I missed meeting by not going to BABScon.
Welcome back!
I'm not sure either.