Present Perfect vs. The Cough · 7:32pm Oct 27th, 2013
As the countdown to my Halloween review blog (which I'm still trying to stuff full of reviews!), I'm doing three big-name dark fics as versus posts over the next three days. Enjoy!
I really hope that I'm preaching to the choir with this journal. I hope that all of you, like me, have read EbonMane's The Cough three or four times by now and continue to have it effect you the same way each time. I hope that you already know why this story is so amazing and so worthy of praise and spotlighting.
If not, here's why.
At just over a thousand words, this is one of the most economical stories I have ever read. It is an abject lesson in how to use words to achieve a result. Ebon really has a knack for shortfic, and nowhere does it show better than in The Cough. You take one room, six ponies, and a fatal, highly contagious disease, mix in a romance and a tragic outcome, and then condense, condense, condense until you have nothing but the bare essentials to get everything across that needs to be gotten across, and you have this story.
It works so well for two reasons. One, as I said, nothing is wasted. There's no narrative aside of "history has recorded numerous outbreaks". The explanation is all there in the dialogue, and it's never dwelled one.
Second is the conflict. It's spelled out right in the story: Rainbow and Fluttershy are in a relationship because Rainbow wouldn't be nearly so resistant to killing one of her friends as she would her lover. In fact, if it was just the six of them as we've seen in the show, any of them could have done it, in any manner, and it would have been sad, but not tragic. That the first buck isn't enough to kill Fluttershy just makes it gut-wrenchingly worse.
The only thing I can find to say against The Cough is, oddly, no longer applicable. Back when it was written, aside from the reaction to Applebuck Season's Baked Bads, there really was no suggestion of disease in Equestria. Words like "pony pox" and "feather flu" were season two creations. But taken in the view of today's show, there's really nothing unrealistic about it. Just because there isn't a disease like this in Equestria-as-we-know-it doesn't mean there could be.
So I guess that means there's nothing wrong with it.
6/5
This story is claustophobic, it's jarring, it's emotional and I had tears in my eyes by the end despite knowing what was coming. That's the mark of a good tragedy. It is with no trepidation that I award this story my highest mark, for the very first time.
Once upon a time, I did a reading of this story while sick. ShadowOfCygnus did as well, but wasn't sick. Also Mic the Microphone. Also Ender. Also Lotus Moon. Also Agent0Fluffy.
Also, Argembarger wrote a hilarious parody of it that I can't seem to find. :( All I remember is it featured a pinata and the line "In the darkness, somepony pooped."
Well, that's my first 6-star fic rating! Stay tuned for two stories that... probably are nowhere near as good. :B
Well, this one is new to me. Very nice, indeed.
Dangit Present, I should have learned my lesson with Five Hundred Murders
Arg's was The Giggle and seems to be gone for some reason?
WELL FINE THEN
I DON'T REALLY EVEN LIKE FAN FICTION ANYWAY
It's probably all that anti-shipping sentiment, but to me it was bare-bones to the point of being boring before the random ship sailed in and took it from barely believable to beyond believable.
I guess it comes down to that whole thing about what fanfiction is. It's a kind of fiction that allows authors to skip massive quantities of detail because certain traits can be assumed or at lest implied. Here, the assumptions made completely blow that effect out of the water and strip it of any believability.
Can I dig the ship without any explanation? No. Can I believe Rainbow Dash could perform that action? No. Zero believability—zero empathy. I figure this is probably why I consistently prefer longer stories: shorter ones don't hit me as economic, only lazy. Not that I'm saying it is, but I don't get how not taking the time to sell me on anything is to a story's advantage.
You have to make me believe a character's actions, and this story didn't even try.
-M
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The Giggle. Dammit. Well, he was never a very, shall we say, reasonable person, so I'm sure he never saw any value in it, for it to be archived or anything.
1458916
wat
1459259
This just in: InquisitorM hates everything. :B
I kid.
but it's true :B
1458916
Hey! Hating everything is my thing. STOP trying to be me.
I disagree with everything asserted under your spoilered text and point to it as an example of how shipping rots your brain.
The Fart was a great parody though.
Fired.
I just don't like the last sentence of the story. What's it supposed to imply? That Fluttershy was not the one carrying the disease and she was just taking the blame? Isn't that selfish of the coughing pony, who has in essence forced Rainbow to kill Fluttershy, and is now dooming the other four to death as well? And isn't that selfish of Fluttershy, who wouldn't be able to live with herself if any of the other ponies died, thus forcing Dash into a unwinnable situation?
If so, I guess the selfishness of these ponies would be tragic, but it doesn't make sense to me.
1460126 That Fluttershy was not the one carrying the disease and she was just taking the blame?
That's my reading of it, and I think it's a great ending. Yes, logically, that might have been a foolish thing to do. But Fluttershy is not Twilight. She does what her nature demands of her. She dooms herself, and perhaps others, by acting in a way consistent with the character that we admire and call virtuous under other circumstances. That's why it's a tragedy-- she couldn't have done anything else.
1459259 Says the man who also hated "Whom the princesses would destroy" and "Princess Celestia hates tea."
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I can accept Fluttershy's decision, but what about the actually sick pony? Is it in her nature to cling to a short, possibly painful life at the expense of her five best friends? Fluttershy doomed herself, and possibly others, but this pony is already doomed and her refusal to admit her problem results in Fluttershy's death and the others, especially Rainbow, being traumatized for the rest of their (presumably short) lives. Which of the other five could do that to her best friends? I don't think any of them could.
I suppose the sickness could be changing that pony, making clear cut decisions seem less lucrative, but I find it to be a huge stretch to assume in order for the story to work. It could also be the fear of death that prevents her from speaking, which is more understandable to me, but these are her closest companions. Again I have to question how that pony could allow her friends to be torn apart just to stay alive for a longer.
I guess I'd just like to think that sick pony would find the strength within herself to save her friends, even at her own expense.
1460233 I can accept Fluttershy's decision, but what about the actually sick pony? Is it in her nature to cling to a short, possibly painful life at the expense of her five best friends?
Obviously, the sick pony is Rarity.
1459513 Close enough!
1460120
FUCKING SHIT I HAD AFFECT AND CHANGED IT GODDAMMIT AAHHHHHH
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I've always taken it as it's that contagious. They're in a small, cramped room, so if anyone coughs, they're pretty much all dead anyway. Meaning this scenario is just going to repeat itself five times until the last one dies alone from the disease.
<3
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:D
1459259
Yes! I am completely on board with this sentiment. It often irritates me when people treat a story being long as though it's committing a mortal sin, and this reads like the logical end result of overreacting to avoid this. I read over Present Perfect's recommendation of this so-called epitome of economy and thought to myself that there's no way it could live up to expectations, and I was completely right in that regard. This really is the best example of the difference between him and me, isn't it?