Update + HELP · 7:37pm May 29th, 2013
That's right. It's another blog post.
Please, please, contain your excitement.
This Magic Moment
The next chapter is being worked on, trust me. I don't know how long it'll be, but it's slowly coming together. I now have a vague idea of where I want the story to end up, but now I have to figure out how to get there. I have been receiving some (anonymous) outside assistance who has been a great help thus far, and I'm sure will be in the future.
And for those who are wondering, the Slice of Life stuff will return. Just be patient. You got a war to fight.
I Can't Help
I know where I want the story to end, but getting there is going to be difficult. I have the next chapter outlined so when I get time I will try to write that up. I know there has been a lack of romance in this one, but it's building. Can't rush romance, ya know?
You know.
ALRIGHT!!!!
Now onto the real reason I wanted to make this blog post.
I was reading through all the comments on both of my stories (because I love you guys and value your opinions) and I was wondering...
Why do you guys read one or both of my stories?
This is serious question.
Please, in the comments below, let me know why it is that YOU, the individual reader, has read and is still reading one or two of my stories.
Let me know what I am doing right!
Let me know what I am doing wrong!
Let me know what I need to be working on!
Is the clop good?
Is the dialogue good?
Are the descriptions good?
The only way my stories can get better is if you enjoy them even more, and for me to make you enjoy it, I need to know what to keep doing, and what to fix.
So please leave your feedback in the comments below. Or if you do not wish to publicly share your opinion, feel free to send me a message! Any feedback is valuable to me.
Thank you!
ScatMan
"damnit mate I'm a reader not a reviewer!"
Well, for me I start reading, "This magical moment" Because it feature Celestia and a Human, and I was pleasantly surprise with the dynamic you make when you jump from how he end in Equestria and then to the present time.
Also that even do he don't have any extra strength or super power, manage a very hight position, using only his will power, and exploiting his human ability (you know, kind like batman)…to a degree, but the most that got my attention is that he is virtually the underdog and I love that. He is not especial, he didn't defeat some super power villain, he is not smart and basically is average and STILL manage to win and reach far. (Celestia is madly in love with him, almost to the point of obsession, putting him before her country is the living prof)
The only, ONLY complain/ suggestion that I have, is that if he is going to war, against unicorns and magic that he pretty much can't defend against, why don't equip him with something extra?, like a magic repeller or something. Unless his armor can protect him against magic, he is as good as a siting duck.
(Also I kind of curios of what the Alicorn medallion can do to a human and I was thinking that they will give him that so he can be protected)
Other than that, I thats is pretty much the reason I like your story, I like the idea of the underdog having nothing with him, and scaling his way to the top fair and square.
P.S: I don't know if you have something in mind, but I have this theory of poison joke that has an inverse effect in humans and actually give them the equivalent of a super power…witch they don't have to much control of, like Cyclops problem with his destructive eyes.
If you are for ideas, what about this little idea for a poison joke, inverse of what happen to AJ, he get HUGE, to the point that he can reach the roof of the castle with his arms…and as well as happen with AJ, his cloths grow with him.
I have not read this magic moment yet because i haven't gotten around to it. I have continued reading I Can't Help because I like Daring Do and so far it has had a good story. I haven't found anything wrong with it so far so keep up the good work
The main reason I read both your stories, is because I love a good romance story, due to me being a hopeless romantic.
"This Magic Moment" describes the romance between the Protagonist and Celestia really well done, you really make it show that love each other and they'll always be together, etc. I thought the clop-scenes were good, though I don't exactly know how they're suppose to go. It was heart-wrenching when they "broke up", and for god's sake you nearly made me cry with that newspaper gossip part, though like in every good love story, emotional conflict is inevitable. The only bother is that how the protagonist's early days in Equestria is only being told in the beginning of every chapter, though I don't really have problem with it, just a bother. So yes, I feel everything is pretty good, I can only hope that this fic ends on a happy note. it just has to. please?
As for "I Can't Help" I'm also loving it so far, the adventure and the romantic buildup especially. I see no problems with it; it still is a young fic. Again, everything looks pretty good to me. Just waiting on those updates...
I love both your stories, and I hope this was a good feedback!
Pretty much what the others stated. Like I said when I commented, I read the story because it makes me feel good. After a long tough boring day, the bit of escapism to a land of magical ponies helps me unwind.
I love the world you're building and the effort you devote into the characters, setting, and history of Equestria. The romance between the humane and goddess is beautiful with the clop being a nice bonus to the whole thing.
The war part just makes me think of dead and dying ponies, like watching your favorite childhood cartoon characters die horribly, especially the bit about how much it sucks to fight as a Pegasus. Seriously, I've had nightmares in the past, like the Imagination Land war scenes from South Park with ponies, from previous authors who took the war route. Except I care more about these characters which makes it a lot worse. That's why I'm so eager to get back to the slice of life.
Other than that, no complaints. Good romance, good characters, good drama, good comedy, good clop. Overall a wonderful story.
I like "I an't help" because... I like it? i duno i just do.
The premise of the other one doesn't really appeal to me. TMM does. Personal taste, nothing more.
Tend to skip over clop stuff in stories. It seems decent enough. I've read far worse!
Some of Celestia's seems OOC. Depends if you consider that "bad".
Of scenes, not the story's actual description right? Yeah, I think you do a good job of building those up.
I like the humour. It's a neat quirky style that I find amusing. The protagonist is also quite likeable and I can relate to him.
The prose needs to be worked on because you use really short clauses, and it still doesn't really flow.
I think you still need to work on Celestia's characterization and speech. There are times where she uses slangy terms that you wouldn't really expect.
I personally read both of your stories because they're GOOD. The dialogue is pretty good, I mean it's better than most books I've seen published sooooo you have that to be proud of hahahaha. I don't necessarily think any characters are OOC seeing as they're put into situations that the official canon dpesn't put them into, so they can't be compared really. The clop is good, I've read much worse smut (not that smut is a bad thing
) You could be a bit less descriptive on some areas and more on others, but really that's just splitting hairs. And other than that I think you're doing it right! If Twilight can get a movie deal with all of it's horrible, HORRIBLE grammatical errors, then you can write whatever you want and be fine. I'll keep reading it if you keep making it good. 
There good, NO OTHER REASON!
With TMM, I think it's because you've taken the time to craft this really large story. Normally around the HiE section, you'll see one-offs that do nothing except for focus on the two characters and maybe some little conflict between the protagonists for the sake of drama. With TMM, you've gone the rare extra mile and added in all of these side characters with their own separate personalities that are interesting, pretty well developed and fun to see when interacted with. You end up caring for 'em because they feel like real characters.
Aside from that, the overall story has just gotten so interesting. It honestly doesn't even seem like the same fic I was reading last year, but that's a great thing because you've thrown this twist that, as a reader, you wouldn't expect to see. You could've easily avoided the whole idea of this war, or easily decided to place in a time-skip but you didn't. You challenged yourself and the fic by including it, and I think it's really gotten tense recently. Every chapter has me worrying about the current situations, not something that comes often for me, so, you've done a damn fine job taking this simple romance to a grand and engaging story.
______________________________________________________________________
With ICH, well, I'll admit that it's the first Adventure fic I've read, but it's been a fun ride so far for many reasons. This could come off as a little biased for obvious reasons, but here's what I like about that story:
First off, including Daring Do, haha. While simple at a glance, and maybe an easy choice for some, deciding to use her as a main character is very smart. We've seen next to nothing about her meaning we know little besides the fact that she's basically a Pony take on Indiana Jones.
Now, normally it doesn't sounds important, but it shows you really want to express your creativity because you're basically writing for a character that has nothing but a name and face. You're the one crafting her personality, You are responsible for making us as readers care about a character we've seen a grand total of one time, and you are the one who will either make or break her character. Thankfully, I love what you've done with her and I think it's safe to say that many others have as well. She's strong, witty and very confident in what she does and has done in her past. But she's also someone with a troubled past, and in the most recent chapter, we saw that scared and timid side of her come out. We know she can handle herself, but now we want to care for and protect her because despite her success and prose, she's still a vulnerable person. And, for the record in case you were wondering, her vulnerability didn't feel tacked on and flowed well (which I'll get into later).
Aside from her though, it's just ... really fun to read, haha. I'll say that it feels that it's been moving a little fast (but that's probably my fault for burning through the first three chapters), but what has happened has felt significant to everything. The situations (and characters included) have all felt tied together to this whole grand race to find these three statues. The things that have happened feel natural and plays out like a really cool movie (it's how I imagine it when I read it
), even the two breaks between the adventure / action have been necessary. Both have shown the relationship between Daring and the Protag, the second introduced the obligatory trial of trust which was at first, kind of scary for the protag. I thought it would have ended there, but later in that same chapter, the antagonist at the time ballooned that feeling of distrust by talking about Daring's previous endeavors with a second party and how they all ended with her being the sole "survivor".
And that feeling still lingers now, it could turn out either way, and it makes you want to keep reading to see what's going to happen with both of them. It raises so many questions that you want to see answered and it keeps reeling you in further and further and you just can't pull yourself away from it! It's turning out to be a great fic~
Yeesh, um, Character development, Pacing, Interesting stories and any OC's tied with them, world building and painting an easy picture for the reader to imagine. The list goes on, man.
Above all, you just really know how to blend the most important elements of a story together really well.
Sometimes, at least in TMM, whether it's a personal problem or its the waits in between chapters, but it can be hard to remember what personalities belong to who. Basically, TMM I feel has one too many OCs to follow, and it's kind of jarring sometimes.
Your writing can, for others I'd imagine, appear too purple (descriptive). The latest chapter is a testament to that. I personally loved it to death, while we learned a lot about the characters (old and new), the journey, and what's happening back home, to some, 14k words about just that probably could come off as boring. But if they made it this far from the beginning, I can't imagine they'd be dissatisfied, haha.
Hmm, I think the above kind of sums it up.
What I've read, I've enjoyed. But I'm not sure it's a fair question to ask since everyone has their own preferences, the descriptiveness is my favorite part but others could easily say "NO, BEND HER OVER A SCREW HER BRAINS OUT"
Eeeeyes? But others have mentioned that Celestia feels OOC, which I can understand, but It's also important to remember that we've never seen Celestia with another lover, so whatever the author cooks up for her personality behind closed doors should be fine.
Obviously, if she were a polar opposite to what we've seen before then, yes, there would be a problem. But she's still calm and composed with a hint of wit and sense of humor (which has been shown to be true).
One thing that bugs me is the constant jump between pony pun curse words and actual curse words (correct me if I'm wrong here). It's just weird to read a character say "shit" or "fuck" sometimes. I'm all for the characters behaving with the situations of the story, especially since their alternatives are kind of cute-sy, but it's just odd for me. I've never gotten used to seeing that.
Like I said before, It's personal preference. I enjoy your purple style, but others may not. You describe what's going on well enough that I can easily imagine it in my head as it all goes along.
You write good stories. Plain and simple.
I love the fact you ship humans with poines who don't often get shipped, for example there is like one other DaringxHuman story that I have found and its dead. I also love your characterization of Celestia. A lot of writers have different view on her personality and I think yours is one of the best
Celestia has always been my favourite. She's not a common shipping character that people do a good job of personifying her.
1112301 Come on magic repellent? That sounds like something Adam West would pull out of his utility belt. I think the fandom has a way of over glorifying magic to god like powers and if they are going to war against unicorns, trust me they have already found tactics to counter magic.
1113266
Oh then I say nothing, keep with the good, work I want to see, what the future depart, I hope he don't end up losing a limp. Or as a war prisoner
NOTE: Please consider this incomplete, I need a break from this. I think this stuff I have so far is OK as it is, I was mainly going to add more to it later. I still could say more about what I like/dislike about your stories, and I haven't even mentioned “I Can't Help” and why I started reading them in the first place.
OK, so… Why am I still reading TMM?
It's a long story… This is not to say I just keep reading every story that I start which is long. I have stopped reading a few stories here and there that were long. Being a lengthy story, is not the only reason why I'm still reading it of course! But you got me wanting to know what happens next. The point being: this is not a one-shot. A stand alone one-shot has little room for anything extra.
I'll now talk about some stories I do like which are similar to this one. Those being:
My New Life In Equestria Romance, Comedy, Adventure, Human | Teen
For Lack of a Better Word Romance, Human | Teen
Xenophilia Romance, Slice of Life, Human | Mature · Sex
These fall into my category of HIE romance, done right. But these are not the same stories told in different ways, they are different stories told in different ways. This is good.
The thing that really relates them to your story is both the existence of feelings and emotions, and I guess that they are HIE stories. Xenophilia is my all time—and I mean that—favorite romance-clop. It is a slice of life, and it gives a lot of cool background info on it's version of Equestria. It also detailed in the describing of emotions and the feelings that go with them, and it even explains them sometimes too. Which reminds me to ask, have you had any past or current experiences with love, as a(n) (romantic?) attachment to someone/somepony, and the thought processes that come with that? I ask because I found the way you described the main characters thoughts, very close to my own, in my own personal experience in this matter. Despite my higher brain functions, I fell in love with none other than Rainbow Dash. Do not confuse lust, with love as an romantic attachment. There is lust, but it seems so small compared to the rest of it. I will stop here, I will stop here, I will stop here, for if I do not, I will write a small brochure on the topic of love and Rainbow Dash, and why I love her… Seriously, I'm about four months into it, and it's not weakening! Lookit dat face!
My face --> 
RD has scrambled my brain. *defragmenting*
I might as well mention that the reason that two of the favorites I list, have rainbow dash in a romance, is because I read a lot of Rainbow Dash stuff.
So aaannnyway… I guess the core reason why I like Xenophilia is all the sweet mushy stuff, My New Life In Equestria has this too, as well as For Lack of a Better Word. (TMM has sweet mushy stuff too, in-case you don't remember writing it.) Next, are the things that give the story body. Not gunna lie, Xenophilia has really good clop. Have you read this story? If not, read it, if you have, read it again, it's just that good! The clop is not the only thing in the story, there is slice of life stuff going on. The story “For Lack of a Better Word”, also has a kind of slice of life feel, even though it does not use the tag, and like you mentioned, TMM does too. It's not that adventure or SoL is a better compliment to romance, it's more like: there is a rest/break from the cloppy stuff. You can have romantic things happen in the middle of both adventure and SoL, but you can't have cloppy stuff at any time during a story. (Well, you can, but it will be horrible if the mood is not set and it comes out of no where, lol.)
Forgive the disorganized mess, as I must write stuff down when I think of it, no time to organize.
Here is some stuff for if you want to write another story, because you likely cannot change perspective halfway through without lots of confusion.
You may notice all these stories are in either first or third person. That is because I tend to avoid second person stories. I've observed that second person tends to lead to an alarming lack of detail on the background story of the main character. You have done better at avoiding this. I think people see second person as a kind of hypnosis perhaps, but I don't. (I would be surprised if anyone could hypnotize me, with or against my will, without specialized chemicals or futuristic invasive brain surgery anyway.) It gets in the way of enjoying the story to it's fullest because I have to "translate" all the "you" into "mysteriously unnamed person, of which whom certainly does not share my name".
If you want to have the thoughts of the main character known to the reader, I like the first person perspective for that. But that's just a preference.
My own head cannon for Equestria says that their technology is like a mix of about the 1920's and the 1700's, and without any equivalent to the industrial revolution. I'd like to have an order of magic, please hold the electric appliances. I have read other stuff where they have “technology”, but I don't like it. I wonder what other folks think about this subject.
Why I started reading?…
For TMM, it was because I had seen a lot of fics where one character was paired with another, either pony or not, but not really any that had Celestia getting paired with a human (in a serious way). And I had been wondering how that would work out.
For “I Can't Help”, I started reading it because it was pretty much labeled as a clop-fic with Daring Do! (compulsory exclamation mark for sentence ending with “Daring Do”) Oh sure, she goes on tons of safaris and dungeon diving adventures, but never have I heard of a Daring Do clop-fic. (I'm tired of the term clop-fic, someone please invent a new term for an erotic romance fiction involving ponies, that can be used without awkwardness due to an implication of clopping while reading such fiction.) Did I ever mention that I think Daring Do is attractive? (I apparently go for the confident, athletic types, with just a wee bit of a adventure loving attitude… Sorry Flutters/Rarity! Ehem, where was I?) I guess that's it for why I started reading “I Can't Help”.
Why am I still reading?…
For both stories, even though the second-person thing pushes be away, the story itself is good enough to keep me reading.
I like that they are not purely bedroom material. I just thought of this right now, but I think the reason I like other stuff going on, is because it make the story more believable. It keeps me from being reminded that it a story, and that helps to pull me in. Long chapters do this as well. Being able to read more at a time is good, and—OH MY WORD! I just realized that very large portion of my favorite stories either already had quite a bit published before I started reading them, or they have huge chapters.
Look at the chapter lengths:
First Pony View (Min:3072, Median:6119, Mean:7740.67, Max:14179, Total:92888)
{3072,3993,5357,7154,4363,5108,5272,13027,6881,12097,12385,14179}
Project: Sunflower (Min:1457, Median:6876, Mean:6903, Max:12345, Total:227786)
{1457,3567,3350,4867,7310,4180,4857,6808,5380,4195,4306,4834,8554,6751,6876,12345,6998,6470,3995,7207,12109,8764,9871,6710,6653,7500,7930,8474,7743,9792,8949,9219,9765}
Xenophilia (Min:1476, Median:7621, Mean:7745, Max:16909, Total:108432)
{5190,8088,5353,4521,1476,4989,11415,9843,3798,10203,16909,10702,8791,7154}
I Can't Help (Min:3565, Median:4203, Mean:4112, Max:4759, Total:24671)
{4259,3598,3565,4147,4343,4759}
This Magic Moment (Min:4431, Median:14999, Mean:13168, Max:16479, Total:105341)
{11933,15602,11335,15054,16479,4431,15563,14944}
These statistics have been brought to you by OCD. A leading provider of compulsive behavior and an affiliate of Type A and C personalities & Co.
For one I'm a fan of HiE and what do you know, you write HiE tics, so you are already doing good!
Alright I'll talk about what I like about This Magic Moment first (the superior of the two fics) in rapid fire secession, it's based in Canterlot, the human has a job I haven't seen in use before, he's dating Celestia (any other HiE romance fic with Celestia?), you jump straight into the romance and tease us with the backstory, the love feels real, and you added a great game changer with the war.
Before the war you were going into recycled territory making the fic boring, but shaking things up really brought new life into it. However this next chapter could really screw with you if you mess it up, so really put everything you got into it. One thing that might be nice in the next chapter is having a segment about Celestia. What's her role in all of this and why can't she just burn the other army with the concentrated power of the sun, or something like that. Also you say there is going to be more slice of life eventually just make sure you don't skip to that. If you go from war, to make up, to slice of life it might be really jarring to most readers.
The personalities and characteristics seem really spot on, even when Celestia is in bed it sounds like that's her in bed.
The human has reached the sweet spot of having a large presence in the story, but not dominating it while being likable.
With I can't help it feels like I can't even really judge it at this point, it just hasn't reached the point in the story yet for me to give a definitive critique of it, just bits and pieces and also offering advice.
Whatever you do, don't rush the romance, which you definitely haven't.
Kiduttaa is an extremely generic one note villain, kinda reminiscent of Ahuizotl. The other one who acted like a dignified gentlemen, but was really just a murder had some real potential... yeah...
The human should at least get some of their memoirs back, and it would make for some interesting talk between Doo and the human (also someone in the comments someone said it's quite possible the human is female due to you not dropping hints on sexuality, if that is the case that would be incredibly awesome)
The brewing relationship between Daring and the human is progressing very nicely, stay the path.
So once Doo gets the artifacts will the story continue with her going back to Equestria/ more adventures with the human? There is even more room to expand this story if you wanted to.
Came for the clop.
Stayed for the humor.
Because you write good.
Started reading TMM, found a love for HiE stories because of it. Have been a loyal fan of your work ever since. Haven't read your second story, may indeed give that a go. TMM has my full attention for the time being. Love it, your dialogues are fantastic, and even though the story has clop, you've kept all characters in, well, character. I do wish you'd throw in some more Luna, at least just kind of have "me" talk to her more frequently, and even then, not just for a few sentences. Would like that loads. Whatever you do, keep up the great work and PLEASE PLEASE do not disappear once you've wrapped up TMM. I would love more stories in the same world if that's your thing, although you don't have to use same characters, same plot (aka, future Mass Effect games still in game's universe, just not with same crew). Know what I mean?
Love the work, your stories have kept me coming back to this site. Bravo!
The only one I read is "I Can't Help." I love HiE fics and Daring Do (Second best pony), and honestly there has not been a good, in my opinion, HiE fic for a long time. I think you characterize Daring VERY well, and its humorous and fun adventure fic. The romance is just a bonus and I especially like how its a slow building one instead of "Oh I'm in equestria. Look! My favorite pony." And they immediately "love" each other or some shit. This is a quality fic, something that I haven't found on this site in a while. And I hope that because you know where the story is going to end doesn't mean its going to end soon. The shit you do is awesome, and I hope this story gives you no further trouble. Keep at it.
1113324 <-- now named “This”
I want to finish writing This, but I must somehow reorganize my thoughts. Tell me, if it is confusing! I know I tend to write incredibly convoluted comments, which I think comes from thinking too much about stuff and, and, and…
Keep in mind that my qualifications for suggesting improvements to someone's writing are only that I read a lot, spend time thinking about what I read, and that I am not the author (different perspective).