Hello to all the bronies and pegasisters. I'm a writer for fun and I am beginning to make Youtube videos of stories that I think deserve to be told.
Due to the overwhelming amount of negative feedback from the second chapter, I have decided to delete it, and release the rewrite sometime this week instead of chapter 3. I wish to make a story most can enjoy, and seeing this feedback compared to chapter 1 hurts on a level I can't describe. I'm sorry for disappointing all of you, and I will try to do better.
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Take your time buddy the first chapter is golden! And this story has lots of potential!
Im sure a lot of people would agree with me but we are all excited to see where you take this story.
There arent any stories like school days in the site...or at least i havent seen one like it so far.
I didn’t look at it after I left a comment. I liked the chapter! Maybe it was others, but for me I’m sorry if it came across that way.
I’m looking forward to life sticking it to Shining and losing Cadence and am still intrigued about how MC will start pulling Cadence away and how that all will go down, and then how the two girls will start competing. Just never been a fan of any Shining Armor, really. It’s not yours specifically. (Maybe I should try to write a better Shining Armor… hmm…
)
It’ll probably be hilarious and messy and dramatic! And what Shining will do to retaliate / mend his mistakes… there’s a vicious cycle getting ready to be unleashed. Poor simp doesn’t know what’s coming. Lol
I hope you are happy with your final product regardless of what others think.
I mean, I was personally very satisfied with what you wrote. Do take your time if you need it, and do acknowledge your readers, but do stay true to your story. If people are unhappy, and you like what you did and feels its right, then let them be unhappy.
I saw nothing bad with you latest chapter. I may not be a fan of HiE, but that doesn't immediately give me any right to make bad comments about some other author's tale. Once I write, I stick to my guns with what I have composed, regardless of any negative feedback, unless it was constructive. And, so far, many of the comments with numerous other stories I have seen have been far from constructive. If I do comment, that I try to lighten the mood with any criticism. Otherwise, I will leave a positive remark and let it from there.
That is my feedback. Continue with your story, please.
Chapter 2 was great. I don’t know who complained but I don’t think they have a leg to stand on
The second chapter was great. Let's thank a bunch of fuckers that we won't get a new chapter next week, continue to live in the illusion that everyone has to please you (address to commentators). Let's continue to destroy the inspiration and muse of talented writers by forcing them to rewrite their works several times, which will ultimately lead to yet another abandoned fanfic.
I've seen complaints. Basically they want the main character to be a spineless wimp who can't answer to anyone or stand up for himself. Either someone has developed a complex due to failures in their personal life, or this is some kind of plan to turn a good story into another shitty fanfiction.
As for the author, I would like to wish him good luck in writing further chapters and not to listen to a handful of weirdos. You earned so many likes on this story because it is YOUR idea, YOUR story and YOUR style. Don't listen to anyone and do as you see fit.
5747005
Yeah, I agree too.
And personally, the chapter was fine? In fact, I was happy that the guy talked back to those racist/xenophobic a-holes without resorting to unnecessary violence.
Don't know why some people don't like that!?
It's important to remember that you can't please everyone. There will always be negative reactions.
Dude, I enjoyed him standing up for himself. Please don't make him a bitch or at least too much. Keep up good work.
Then next time there's a new chapter of a story that they really like but I don't. I will whine and cry in the comments asking the author to rewrite it, and in general, let him give the authorship to me
I will address this to you specifically, Bronze Inkwell, since I've read the comments here reacting to the deletion of the chapter. There's a fundamental, what I'd call malicious, misunderstanding about the nature of the criticism of the second chapter in this comment section, and I think the comments declaring the second chapter had nothing wrong with it will hurt the story and the audience for it in the long run.
The MC's behavior didn't draw outcry because he was standing up for himself, it's because he escalates innocuous situations when he doesn't need to and makes long-winded speeches laced with thinly-veiled threats that sound silly.
And apparently Celestia condones this behavior, since under her law, Tom's "untouchable." Even Fleur and the others bring this up in the story.
A big thing is the difference between Tom in chapter one and two: in chapter one we're introduced to a Tom that's quiet and reserved, with a charm that's just as much due to his unique appearance as it is his surprising insight and physical capability; by contrast, in chapter two, he's boisterous, rude, prone to making angsty speeches at the drop of a hat, and always finds a way to make every conversation about how he's the saddest person in the room. Now, we don't know enough about Tom to say whether or not this is consistent with his character, but it was jarring.
Don't give up on the story. Just because you get criticism doesn't mean we're attacking you as an author.
5747029
I have to disagree. There is such a thing as a comfort point
In the first chapter, Tom is in a new society, he doesn't know anyone. Of course you will be quiet and inconspicuous. The first chapter is about how he feels about everything that happened to him, how ponies feel about him and the beginning of friendship. I don't see any manifestation of Tom's character here, and if there was, it is impossible to say what he is like.
The second chapter is crossing the threshold of a new society, when you have made several casual acquaintances, you feel more comfortable and you begin to care about slightly different things. For example, what your new “environment” thinks and says, and if they say that you are dangerous behind your back, then here I see two options: either you do something, or you do nothing. In this case, Tom chose the third option, playing everything in his favor and expressing an extremely reasonable position: if someone sees me as a threat, does that seer become a threat to me?
The second point in the classroom, I think Tom is a smart guy, he sees what kind of discrimination comes towards him in the orphanage, at school and what kind of discrimination will haunt him for the rest of his life if he does nothing. And this is what happened between him and the teacher, who was absolutely sure at the very beginning that she could play her cards against him. And then he said a very reasonable thing: treat me the way you would like me to treat you. I think that Tom understands that he must position himself correctly in this new society, otherwise in the foreseeable future everyone will wipe their feet on you... Or their hooves in this case.
In other lessons there is an example that if Tom is not hurt, everything will be fine. History lesson, physical education, biology? And hey! At the last lesson he received several "cheers" from random ponies, isn't this the beginning of the success of socialization?
I don't see any excessive aggression here. There is also such a thing as: the best defense is an attack. If you have something to defend against, then you have something to attack. And we know humanity as a species ready to adapt to anything and, if necessary, to survive.
And no one said that Tom is not a bully, maybe this is the story of becoming a bad boy who is so popular with popular girls/mares?
We cannot know the author's intentions in advance.
But is there any point in discussing this now? You guys won, congratulations. Now we will read what you want, not the author. Great job
5747055
All of that is well and good. The issue was that he was beginning to come off as a bit too edgy. At least that is what I thought, and what it seemed like people were saying.
5747083
The problem is that I haven't seen any constructive criticism about this. People under the second chapter created a circus, which led to the fact that the so-called “edgy” problem, which could have been solved with small edits, was turned into pressure on the author, forcing him to completely rewrite a good chapter and actually apologize and make excuses to the readers
Hmm....
I didn't get a chance to read chapter 2 before it was deleted. So I can't give you my opinion on it. But I will echo what a few others have said already: this is your story.
The following applies to anyone writing anything for free...
Who is paying you to write this for them?
Nobody?
Then please understand that you are writing this for yourself. You don't owe anyone, anything in regards to how this story is written.
Please don't skip over this important fact, or dismiss it. You don't owe anyone. You are writing for yourself.
No matter what you post, some people are just not going to like it. And no matter what you post, some people are just going to like it. And some people just down vote or up vote everything because they can.
The Internet is fucked up that way.
Anyone who says that you should write character A, a certain way and character B, a different way... and in what settings needs to send you some money first. Because when they do that, they are giving you the outline for their commissioned story.
Repeating myself: unless you are getting paid, you can write this story however you chose and the rest of the comments be damned.
You don't even have to read the comments about your story, like at all. You can just write and blissfully post. Nobody is going to stop you (unless you piss off a moderator).
However, some comments are good. The ones that point out grammar suggestions and spelling errors. Or if you specifically ask for comments in your Author's Note.
So, don't feel bad that your chapter wasn't well received. I feel like your chapter is now going through some kind of censorship since you deleted it and are now going to rewrite it differently. That's pretty much what censorship is.
And I ask that you send me the uncensored version to me in a PM, please. I would like to read it. If nothing more than to compare it to how you re-wrote it.
Thank you for writing and posting your story.
5747099
I would... but I kinda deleted the Google Doc I had of it, so now I have no record of what it was originally like. When I said rewrite, I meant rewrite. Some bits of the original will find their way into it, but most of it will be changed in one way or another.
5747029
Now that I think about it I didn't notice that. I get where ur coming from now. Ye he did act different.
5747093
Well, I can't speak for others, but I thought he was becoming too edgy even before seeing the comments. Yes, the people in the comments can have been more constructive than critical, but it wasn't all bandwagon effect I think.
Wow, and I thought I was crazy and I imagined there was a chapter 2, and I planned to read it tonight. I don't know what happened to make you make this decision but I will continue reading it because I liked the beginning and it has potential.
I don't know how long your story will be but I just hope that it has an ending and is not so short, you really have many resources that you could take advantage of.
Sorry if my message is not understood, I speak Spanish
Grammar and pacing were the only issues I saw, and very minor ones at that. You pick up that stuff as you write (and learn as people point it out). Keep on keeping on, man, I'm excited to see the rewrite.
You know what I respect this.
I had some issues with chapter 2 basically the way characters acted. However I thought it was fine but I believe that this can be way better I appreciate that he's taking another stab at it and listening to feedback.
5747102
I have your chapter 2. By the way if you want I can send it to you
Ain't gonna lie chief the chapter felt like it came from a chuni highschool anime like Ted felt weird in chapter 2 it felt like you changed his personality immediately from chapter 1
Don't feel bad dude, we all make mistakes overall I only had one thing out of place and it was very small. You did a very good job overall, so I'm sure the next chapter would be just fine, don't let those feed backs let you down, just express your idea