Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #60 · 7:00pm May 1st, 2023
I’m by no means well-versed how bank holidays work for the Americans in the crowd, but they’ve always been an anomaly for me: when you’re in school or college, it never feels like a day off, due to pressure, from parents, society or oneself, to keep up with the study, especially in exam-adjacent periods. Only since I became a “normal” employee of society have they felt like an actual day off.
Which is great, make no mistake! I did a healthy mix of gaming, reading (both Ponyfic and otherwise) and writing today, all productive enough. But when I have three-day weekends, my sleeping schedule gets really outta whack – I can get up early on instinct when it’s absolutely needed, but otherwise, I could sleep through a Pinkie Pie Party PaloozaTM. So all days this weekend have been very heavy on “where has the day gone?” vibes.
…Why yes, I couldn’t think of much else to lead with this week, why do you ask?
Either way, I’m not in the UK; they get three this May, thanks to King Charles’ coronation on top of the Spring one that closes out the month and whose Irish equivalent occurs in the first week of June instead. Now I’m probably really throwing all your Americans for a loop, with your Memorial Days and your Labour Days and your Independence Days feeling more clear-cut due to proximity. Now you know how it feels! 
Is that enough gab? 
That’s enough gab. Horse words time.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Discourse on Fillies by Daedalus Aegle
The Princess of Books by anowack
The Crepuscularity of an Alicorn by PsychicKid
Tea Decisions by PsychicKid
The Door by Jack Daniels
Weekly Word Count: 41,511 Words
Discourse on Fillies by Daedalus Aegle
Genre: Drama/Slice of Life
Diamond Tiara, Luna
15,532 Words
May 2016
It was an inevitability that Diamond Tiara would be dining with the Princess at Canterlot Castle someday, what with her ambitions and destiny to move up in the world. She never would have thought that the meeting would be happening this soon, and with Luna, and all for the reason of wanting to know how she’s doing in the aftermath of the school election and turning over a new leaf. But Diamond’s not going to complain or be bothered by how this is all wrong. She’s going to be polite and nice, because that’s who she is now.
I’ve seen Luna and Diamond Tiara paired before for a character exploration jumping off of their similarities, but never in the wake of “Crusaders of the Lost Mark”, nor specifically relating to reformed ponies sticking together. And that’s only the start of the standout points here: Daedalus Aegle does a remarkable job of using Diamond’s well-informed, cynical yet-still childlike view of the world to contrast with Luna’s vaster experience and kinder disposition. Then you have the tribulations of presentation and managing/keeping wealth shared by the rich and royalty, with the differences here making for quite the blunt discussions. Thus, when the story descends into more comparatively normal, primal, raw hurt on Diamond’s part about how her efforts to control others over the years, even her parents, have failed, and has Luna assuring her it’s not her cross to bear… well, it earns those notes. And the dialogue isn’t stiff either; after the initial forced politeness has been waved away by Luna, Diamond is surprisingly forthcoming and blunt throughout the story as they debate, with Luna remaining patient as she meets the filly on her level.
I’m sure, though, that the most noteworthy thing about this story will be how Macavello’s The Princess (yes, as in Machiavelli) has formed the basis for how Diamond Tiara has approached the world and her life. And this isn’t just some subtext or a side mention; the middle chapter of 5K more or less takes the form of an English Lit class, albeit one that is gripping, filtered through the characters and always informative of them. The material itself can’t really be argued against (well, okay, it can, he has gone down in history as an association for the worst evils of ambition), not in its broad use, and it does make for a fascinating background to Diamond’s cynicism (yeah, I’d believe a terrible wealthy parent would raise their child on the ways of the world via this). But I’m still not altogether convinced, despite Daedalus’s Herculean work trying it to the characters as used here, that it fits into the setting all that well, and especially whether it really meshes with the flow of the story that otherwise deals with the featured character’s similarities and then Diamond Tiara’s fears for her family (little of the other two chapters really feeds off of the Machavello debate).
Still, some structural lumpiness and material that is great yet doesn’t fit well isn’t the worst sin, not when the strengths across the story are this strong. I understand it got to the Royal Canterlot Library only forty-one days after publication, off the back of numerous signal posts acclaiming it, and I believe it; this affects the soul and gets the mind contemplating. This dive into what it’s like to witness one’s family fall apart and be powerless to do a thing about it, in particular, is worth the time of reading alone.
Rating: Really Good
The Princess of Books by anowack
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
Twilight, Mane 6, Luna, Other
17,954 Words
November 2013Reread
Twilight is barely into running her own weekly court (no, Rarity, we’re not doing daily) when who should show up but Princess Luna, demanding a blasphemous novel about Nightmare Moon’s rebellion be treated accordingly. Namely, that the author be punished by death. Leaving Twilight having to grapple with presenting the realities of modern traditions to the still-adjusting monarch, like the centuries-past abolition of such a penalty. Plus, y’know, freedom of speech. It’s going to be a long week.
When I returned to this story, I was surprised to find it on my old legacy Favourites bookshelf, for it seemed to be an unassuming modest comedy. It didn’t take me far into it again to realise why it earned that accolade, though. It is a modest comedy, rarely hilarious, but full of light humour that feels show-esque even when it’s not. Surprisingly, it’s often of the grounded variety; other than Luna’s melodramatic initial reaction, it’s all largely thoughtful and measured. Plus, even that early anachronistic wrath ends up being played for something other than laughs as it goes, which leads me into the two exemplary things about this story.
While this aspect of remedial lunar education is certainly a bit beyond the show’s range, it’s played in a manner that feels like the most organic extension, which kind of applies to the whole piece: there’s a mixture of the aforementioned light humour with show-tone slice of life that just clicks, enough that even the plot’s occasional meandering feel (a deceptive one: every moment ends up being pivotal to the plot or telling about a character) never irks. And all at a pivotal moment in Twilight’s life: this is one of the better cases of Twilight’s initial post-crowing phases of her life, with a mixture of expected-but-well-done bits about her adjusting to being a Princess, alongside less common ones. And while the story’s about her, anowack does a good job of having the Mane 5 & Spike around in periphery roles without bogging down the story or feeling unneeded (this is, indeed, a great example of how to give them all one key moment across the story’s length and balance the line of them feeling needed even if they’re not). Not just them either; other canon-based characters and moments are blended nicely with headcanon along the way.
Then there’s a surprising maturity to the proceedings, especially at the end, blending a half-hilarious epic moment with quite the effective takeaway on censorship that doesn’t overplay its hoof. Each side to every debate has valid points, and what Twilight settles on, while less easy then the various solutions she was handed on throughout, really speaks to the principles on display here. Which is another way this evokes (and betters?) the show, having the moral takeaway ingrained throughout, exposited at the end, yet feeling completely welcome and not tacked on.
This is more or less a relaxed, pleasant, amicable time with the characters, making it hard to truly describe what makes it stand out, despite the paragraphs above. Yet it’s so consistently entertaining on multiple levels throughout, and exemplary in quite a few areas, that it just works. And that’s not even mentioning the few laugh-worthy moments and twists throughout, which couldn’t carry the fic on their own but make for nice desserts. A real shame anowack only ever wrote two fics, but it’s easy to see why this and the other one (if it’s of similar quality) hit hefty viewing figures of 37K and 26K respectively.
Rating: Really Good
The Crepuscularity of an Alicorn by PsychicKid
Genre: Drama
Twilight, Celestia
5,612 Words
April 2018
A rather ominous letter has summoned Twilight to Celestia on her lonesome, sounding rather urgent. All manner of possible theories run through Twilight’s head on the way, each more worrisome than the last. And her worries do not diminish when Celestia tells that one of her own powers is not as strong as it once was.
Far be it for me to let others’ reaction influence my own, but quite a few folks have regarded this as a unique take on alicorns’ powers and status. Yet, to this ghost… it’s mostly what you’d expect from a debut Ponyfic author starting out with an immortality angst fic. Not that using a stock story type out of the gate is bad! Far from it, this can bring out an author’s spark quite early. And to PsychicKid’s credit, the ending is different, and they have leaned on Celestia’s relationship with Twilight for better resonance. There’s enough promise of potential here that, on a content level, it does largely get the fic through the usual beats of Celestia confessing that Twilight will be immortal herself, and that Celestia and Luna won’t be around forever, even if the reasonings are slightly different. As a debut, they did a reasonable job there.
All it needs is solid technical execution, and it… doesn’t have that. Your mileage may vary on how irritating overdone telly-ness gets to you, but that’s not the main issue here. We have overlong paragraphs that blur together, with long and run-on sentences. More striking is a confusing mash between thoughts and physical descriptions of places and things clearly there because the author felt, as newbies largely do, that they must all be vividly described. Then there’s conflicting perspective use: we don’t leave Twilight’s viewpoint, but there’s minimal bearing on expressing her thoughts in a coherent manner or having them show up at the right moment as a reaction. It certainly does not feel like a fic with 5.6K of content, and it really shows. I am perhaps overplaying this, the fic isn’t any kind of technical abomination, but the way it’s expressed does a lot to rob it of the merits on top of the stock plot.
Not something I can really recommend then, except to those rather keen on “immortality angst” or “passing the torch” fics (it is at least unique to see one written before the finale, right as Season 8 started and presumably set between the movie and it, judging by the references to its events). Use that and the actual stand-out moments above to decide whether it’s worthwhile.
Rating: Passable
Tea Decisions by PsychicKid
Genre: Slice of Life
Twilight
1,413 Words
May 2019
Being a princess means a lot more responsibilities, as Equestria’s latest now struggles with. That ever-mounting pile of correspondence isn’t going to sign itself! Making it all the more valuable to have a pleasant drink and a moment away from the stress.
The good news is that, in the year-and-a-week between their debut fic The Crepuscularity of an Alicorn and this, PsychicKid more than improved their technical execution. When the writing lapses into tell, the perspective is kept strong and tight on Twilight’s thoughts or frustrated dialogue. The sentences are kept succinct enough and avoid the rambling problem that plagued them before. Other than the expected “take another sip” reused too much that often happens when drinking tea is present, there’s little repetition in how Twilight’s thoughts are parsed to us even when they’re expressing largely the same thing. Doubtless all this was gained from PsychicKid having started on what would eventually conclude as a 133K adventure/mystery Ponyfic two months prior (with ten chapters totalling 41K published by the time this one-shot went up), but it’s still a nice sign to see. And honestly, the writing is more than just competent: there’s a few effective techniques used reasonably well to hone in how this is getting at Twilight, plus the passage of time at other points. Namely, having her taking more tea sips and letting those statements act as short pit-stops between her longer thoughts and dialogue on the ridiculous requests she’s getting, with slight variation between these short statements every time.
The actual content of the fic that’s been executed here? It’s fine; at only 1.4K, there really isn’t much else to it beyond what I’ve described, and other than some creative choices on the bizarre requests, some creative dialogue from Twilight to herself, plus some nice threaded implication of her already having had to bail on some of her friends’ appointments with her since she became a Princess (considering the fic states she’s only been one a month and this is unambiguously set in the Golden Oak Library, the long description calling her the Princess of Friendship is a most egregious slippage), it’s pretty what you’d expect.
No harm in that. This was clearly written as a quick breather of a writing exercise, and it does the job. I’m glad I read it, even if nothing really happens and the writing isn’t so strong as to make it a “read for the technique/atmosphere” piece. Fanfic’s like a cup of tea, after all: sometimes you just want something simple, quick n’ easy.
Rating: Decent
The Door by Jack Daniels
Genre: Dark/Horror/Mystery
Twilight
1,000 Words
April 2022
Twilight wakes one day to find a mysterious door in her room, with her name engraved on it. Nothing as to why it’s there, where it came from, or where it leads to. She tries to dispose of it, and when that fails, ignore it, but something about it keeps calling to her. Something with sinister intentions.
The first thing: this is a story very well-optimised for the thousand-word limit of last year’s contest. Atmosphere drips from much of it surprisingly well for a still-new author (this one came just 11 days after their first Shelter From the Downpour, which netted a Passable from me last year), especially as a first dabble in horror. It’s not wonderfully-evocative atmosphere, the writer’s pen rather clear and perhaps as a crutch alongside the word count, it tells us Twilight’s feelings pretty straight-up too. But it does work.
The story is one that doesn’t explain much at all, possibly to its detriment: it’s certainly straddling the line between pushing the reader to fill in the blanks with their own gut impression, or just straight-up not doing enough to make it work. But the reasonable atmosphere throughout as well as a well-chosen ending note make it work as an enjoyably creepy little piece (one even the squeamish should get through fine). Good uptick!
Rating: Decent
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 2
Pretty Good: 0
Decent: 2
Passable: 1
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
Aha, several I've read here. The first two both got four stars from me, so barring a few differences in emphasis I think we're pretty much on the same page with those. Both very enjoyable reads. Tea Decisions is on my RiL list, and it looks like it's what I call a tea-break fic (pun semi-intended) so at that length I'm happy to read it at some point still. I know nothing about The Door or its author, but a Decent is enough to mean I may give it a look next time I want a thousand-word quickie.
The only place we really disagree is on The Crepuscularity of an Alicorn, which I rated a high three (maybe a highish "Pretty Good" on your scale?) and actually liked the prose of. Mind you, even I found it a bit wordy in places and with a few odd tense choices, so YMMV I guess. (All the more so since iisaw in its comments thought it well written as well. I suspect personal preference is really quite important here.) Still, only one significant point of disagreement in a week isn't too bad going!
Hmmm, "Discourse on Fillies" sounds like a definite one to put in the queue.
5725821
On Crepuscularity, the technical aspects only cost it one rating tier; I still found its take on this topic not nearly as unique and original as many others felt, so it would have been a Decent otherwise. I read this fic off of you reviewing the former, and when Pascoite voiced his issue with this fic, I suspected I might feel the same – I don't always agree with his feelings on those technical-leaning aspects, but this looked like one for which I would. It was also off him saying that PsychicKid's Tea Decisions was a stylistic improvement that I gave it a look-in. Lo and behold, I agreed on that one too.
We've had a lot of "off the points you made there, that rating reads as similar to this tier of my rating" back-and-forth over the past year that I feel confident in stating my reading of how our ratings would convert to each other:
Always open to adjustment and one's own reading of it, as such things are. But several years of regular check-ins to your Ponyfic Roundups, seeing how rare 5-and-1-star ratings are, and how common 2-star ones are (to be fair, it is your "average" tier), have led me to this.
Thanks for the glowing review. Discourse on Fillies is, well, one of two claims to fame I have (the other being that I write a good Star Swirl the Bearded), and that story is still near and dear to my heart. It's always great to see people still get something out of it after, good grief, seven years. How time flies
5725830
So I've heard.
And not just from the existence of your magnum opus, The Education of Clover the Clever, nor your profile picture.
Also, nice to exchange some direct words with you (we may have indirectly interacted on the comments of some of FoME's Friendship Is Card Games blogs, mostly chapter book ones)!
Hey, with that level of acclaim, and getting on the RCL that quick after publication, a ghost takes note. Whatever my uncertainty about the middle of it (and even that is still wonderfully executed), it's the best kind of thought-provoking fic. I'd say "take pride in that", but you clearly still do.
I would also say that it doesn't feel seven years old, in the good way. Like, it is a response to the end of Diamond Tiara's story in the show (though we didn't know it was the end at the time…
), but, to me having read it now, resonates as strongly as if it were written only a year ago.
If you didn't know, I came along to MLP in late 2017 off the movie, and to the fandom in 2018, so I've read a LOT of fics well after their publication. Lot of chances for me to observe whether a fic viscerally feels like it was written when it was, if you get what I mean.
5725833
There are more horse words to come, and more adventures. But time seems to be speeding up more every year, to the detriment of my productivity 
Thanks again for the kind words
5725828
I think those rating equivalences are reasonable, yeah. I hope there'll be a few more five-star reviews now, partly because I'm reading more fics overall than I did in 2020-21 and partly because having slightly more time means I'm able to get into mid-length fics more often, where there are still some tasty low-hanging fruit to be picked. Fives are never going to be common, though. (Three out of 70 fics reviewed this year: Pascoite's Dinkin' Donuts, Chenqar Qordath's A Moment in the Sun and mushroompone's The Head.)
At the other end, one-star ratings might become a little more common if I go back to doing the occasional RNG-guided set of reviews, as I did a few times in the past. Since there is such a thing as a high one (just as there is such a thing as a low five) I could easily see myself giving such a rating to a fic that turned up on a random list.
Wow! The only one of these I haven't read is The Door. They've all gotten the equivalent of three stars from me (which is a broad category, of course) except for Discourse on Fillies, which is high on my favorites list. I mean, freakin' everybody references The Prince* but Discourses on Livy? That's some next-level stuff!
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* A book which has gotten an utterly bad and undeserved rap, BTW. It was written for a very specific readership that held the power of life and death over cunning old Niccolò, and is now commented on by people who mystifyingly seem to think the thing is a guidebook for the general morality of shopkeepers.
Ooh, I've been meaning to read Discourse.~
EDIT: Wait, I did read it. Been a while!
I've read two of these. "Crepuscularity" was alright. I can't say I remember the plot, but it suffered from a lot of rookie mistakes, which... really, it should, as it was the author's first story. I thought it was a pretty good first effort, but removing that qualifier, I agree with you that it didn't do anything that every other immortality angst story doesn't. I also appear to have "Tea Decisions" marked as read, but I can't figure out under what circumstances I would have read it. It's not one I've reviewed, and I don't remember anything about it.
Oh, now I remember. Seeing Logan's comment jogged my memory. I'd chimed in when he reviewed "Crepuscularity" and went to read "Tea Decisions" to see if the author had improved from their first fic to their most recent one... and yes, they had.