Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #36 · 6:00pm Nov 7th, 2022
Chances are you’ve already heard about this year’s Jinglemas having signups open already, but if you haven’t, here’s your notice. If you’ve never done it before, I strongly encourage you to: getting a story of your chosen characters is great, but honestly, writing one for another is even better. And if you’re worried about getting characters you don’t usually use, or would rather not use, well, take it from me: both years I’ve participated, I got characters I never would have picked of my own volition, and yet I still churned out stories I remain (largely) proud of. Heck, Jinglemas got me to write my first Ponyfic! And the warm fuzzies you get from giving a story to another really do make it all worth it. Signups last until November 25th, so if you’re game, pick the characters you want in return and get cracking with the enrollment.
In other news, judging for Ancestral Tribute has nearly wrapped; results should be out soon. Which means I can start posting reviews of the stories here! If you forgot I somehow ended up as a judge there, I won’t blame you, I sometimes forgot too. 
Lots of stockpiling over the month of October, let me tell ya. As there were 31 entries, going by my usual five-a-week would occupy a month-and-a-half here, and that would be long for all of us. So instead, expect a Monday Musings special – the next four weeks will cover eight stories apiece!* And with 220+K across those stories, high enough word count for those weeks too, averaging 56K. If you like the sound of quality horse words of parental figures in non-parental contexts, look forward to that!
* One entry that was disqualified on grounds of violating the entry criteria, which I read before it was, will be included too, making for a nice, easily divisible thirty-two. 
Meanwhile, big of a combo this week – a comedy crackfic one-shot and its sequel by another author, joined by an early Scootaloo/Rainbow Dash fandom classic and an associated story by another author (that author being the one and only The Descendant, mind). Only one fic not connected to another here. Lot of connective tissue this week, you might say.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Tiny Wings by DeadParrot222
Nope. I'm Done. by RarityEQM
Twilight Takes a DNA Test by Dewdrops on the Grass
The Royal Sisters Take a DNA Test (a tribute story) by Angel Midnight
Shine by The Descendant
Weekly Word Count: 48,744 Words (or 48,931 Words)
Tiny Wings by DeadParrot222
Genre: Slice of Life/Sad
Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo
35,581 Words
May 2012Reread
Finally, finally, Scootaloo has her cutie mark, one reflecting her inclination for scooter-powered stunts. The day gets even better when, at the celebration party, Rainbow Dash gifts her some free flying lessons. They turn out to be desperately needed, given how much trouble the filly has staying afloat at all. So when a training mishap uncovers a sad truth for her, and she retreats into herself, Dash is left balancing with herself what to do, and how to show that there’s always light there even when you can’t see it.
I remembered this fic vaguely, enough so that many of the details came back in the process of reading it here. It is easy enough to see why it was something of an early fandom classic, such that even when it’s ploughing through very familiar territory in Scootaloo’s condition, early fandom interpretations of a CMC’s mark, how the characters’ futures would look like, and Dash’s approach to befriending Scootaloo, they do work.
Rainbow Dash is really the protagonist here, and being a pre-Sleepless In Ponyville fic, she’s not always as intimate with Scootaloo from the start as she naturally is in fics written after all. Which does give it a different edge, what with a little annoyance and pity mixed in there, among other emotions. It’s the largest sticking element of the story, melding between Dash’s flaws impacting herself and those around her, and how one reacts and adapts to another close to them having some very bad days.
When it’s focused on the bonding between the characters, this is quite the success, but alas, like a lot of early fandom classics, the age really shows in many ways. Some of that’s perfectly fine, like a more Season 2 worldview or a smaller Ponyville, among other things, but most of it is rather problematic. The actual writing itself, while mostly competent, is rather rough around the edges, from minimal POV control to distracting description, often flat and telly, and generally worsening as the story goes on. Most damming in the story’s structure and pacing; not just from the whiplash of having two dour middle chapters (nearly two-thirds of the story, mind you), bookended by near-scalding sunny and upbeat chapters, which certainly can work but doesn’t quite here. There’s a lot of wobbly scene placement and especially bloat, with Rainbow Dash’s lengthy backstory being the most obvious (though that part did inspire the side-story Shine by The Descendant, which actually works better without having read or remembered this fic – we’ll get to that), though the last chapter’s lethargic 8K is more subtly draggy. And the melodrama, while often succeeding, is very intense much of the time, enough that it often loses the reader.
Make no mistake, there’s a really solid story here, with some very compelling characterisation. Enough that I’m sad to see DeadParrot222 never wrote anything else. But the level of bloat and rickety writing one has to fight through to get that makes it a tough fic to recommend enthusiastically. Rare a fic, old or new, has extremes this severe in both directions.
Rating: Decent
Nope. I'm Done. by RarityEQM
Genre: Comedy
Spike, Twilight, Trixie
970 Words (+187 words from Epilogue in Author’s Notes)
August 2015Reread
Listened to via Scribbler's reading
Spike is already used to walking in on the end of an adventure, and it’s a sensation that has only become more familiar since Trixie moved in with Twilight. Living with them blows, and the end result of their latest escapade proves to be his breaking point.
You want Spike just not giving a monkey’s toss about all the chaos around him, including but not limited to Twilight and Trixie having swapped bodies, the library’s insides having rotated, and numerous objects moving and alive that shouldn’t be? Chaos that would make Discord blanche and scarper? This fic has you covered. Truth be told, this kind of randomness that goes completely unexplained with a character just ignoring it due to be used to it isn’t really my cup of tea – after a fashion, once you’ve read one, you’ve read them all – but this is by and large how to do a one-joke comedy right. It gets in and out super quick, doesn’t belabour its point, and moves from one goofy sight to the other without pausing. Good punchline too, and a commenter-submitted epilogue added to the Author’s Note doesn’t ruin the feel either.
I’m not sure the inclusion of stock pictures for some of the sights therein was the right call, it shows a lack of confidence in the words, but it’s certainly unique, and at only two pictures, doesn’t push its luck either. Not a one-joke random comedy for the ages, but an amusing ditty that avoids the genre’s usual pitfalls, at any rate. I suspect folks more in tune with random fics with snarky tones will appreciate this more.
Rating: Decent
Twilight Takes a DNA Test by Dewdrops on the Grass
Genre: Comedy
Twilight
2,379 Words
February 2021Reread
Listened to via StraightToThePointStudio's reading
Mere weeks into her reign as Princess of Equestria, the results of Twilight’s medical come back. Included among them is a DNA test, something she never bothered to do before. After all, she’d already traced her lineage back to a few generations after Princess Platinum. That may have been a bit of a blunder on her part, because the new info this test reveals has her equal parts befuddled and infuriated. Though really, she should have expected this.
Forgive bland coverage for not spoiling the twist here, but if you can get to it fresh, it’s worth it. In any case, this is a funky, moderately kooky depiction of frustrated Twilight, and as she’s paired with a nervous wreck of a royal doctor to explain all this, many internal sighs, a few external ones, and a “goof grief” or two abound as she works her way to the buffalo in the room. Outside of her needing to be Princess to elicit that level of jumpiness, this is earlier Twilight (if not quite Unicorn Twilight) through and through. The story is more than its twist too, and while it could get to it a bit quicker to sustain its momentum better, fun divisions like Twilight’s known if regrettable unicorn ancestor keep it afloat. As does the stuttery mare of a doctor, who is perhaps laid on a little thick. Though I understand prior to comments in this fic’s explosive debut of views, and some subsequent revisions, it was far more severe.
Anyway, the final twist comes along, and with it changes the tone of comedy to a somewhat more absurd one, as it surely must. Nothing to do but shake one’s head with a happily resigned smile at the coda. It’s a simple fic, and not likely to stick in the head when not looking at it, but little to fault it for while it’s there. Certainly very glad this fic exploded in views for Dewdrops, who joined the site in 2020. Always nice when a new author achieves heavy viewership.
One warning; if you listen to Straight’s reading for this, and it’s a fresh read, be sure to not look at the video while it’s playing; the video art spoils the comedic punchline.
Rating: Decent
The Royal Sisters Take a DNA Test (a tribute story)* by Angel Midnight
Genre: Comedy
Celestia, Luna, OC
1,701 Words
March 2021Reread
Sequel to Twilight Takes a DNA Test* Fic has been de-listed, link points to Fimfetch instead
Perhaps off the back of Twilight taking a DNA test, perhaps just as part of a routine checkup in their retirement, the royal sisters find themselves facing even more inexplicable results than Twilight did. And the Crown’s genetics doctor being an even bigger bundle of nerves. Who knows how this will go.
A sequel by another author, this one preserves the amusing wry humour prior to the twist, and takes it in a different direction, by playing off tension and banter between Celestia and Luna (Luna, as you might guess, is the more fun one here). It’s not quite as sustainable, but I suspect Angel Midnight knew that, for they get to the reveal quicker, and thus the fic arguably sustains momentum better than the first one, even if the jokes aren’t quite as funny.
Sadly, the ending doesn’t really add anything to the prior fic, beyond one wrinkle of a detail that barely registers, and thus it finishes on a relative whimper. Which is disappointing, as there were plenty of places to take the result of the test, some of which write themselves. Still, as an crackfic epilogue of sorts to the prior one (cut off the last scene here, and it’s strong enough to be a 2nd chapter to it), it acquires itself fine enough to satisfy.
Rating: Passable
Shine by The Descendant
Genre: Sad/Slice of Life
Rainbow Dash, OC
8,113 Words
May 2012Reread
Thunder Clap, Wonderbolt Captain, and a bit of a show-off with a penchant for flirting with the rules line, has a bit of a bad crash as a result of some showing off during one of their shows. During his grounded recovery, he ends up striking up mail correspondence with one of his fans, a rainbow-maned filly who had been terrified when he crashed, yet amazed when he said he finished the show despite the injury for the fans.
First story of The Descendant’s that I’ve reviewed here? That’s a crying shame. Space forbids a lengthy diversion on this author, but suffice to say he penned many amazing character pieces, and was especially infamous for how we wrote Twilight, Spike and their relationship, to the point I’ve learned a lot about how to (try to) write the little dragon from his works. He was also known as one of the friendliest folks around, commenting on anyone’s profile when they joined. Sadly, he hasn’t logged on in six years, and hadn’t written for two before that. But even if he’s long gone, his library speaks for itself; I’ve previously read 16 of his 31 stories, and even if some works don’t quite land as well as they could or appeal to all, when he’s on point, he’s on point, producing such warm, intimate and fuzzy works it’s like being welcomed by an old friend (not that he doesn’t do other types of stories, that’s just when I primarily think of, and I think many others are the same). Even if I never got to meet him around here (enough folks have commenced they miss him to know it’d be worth it), his work does very nearly as good a job.
Case in point: this fic, expanding on a story Rainbow Dash tells Scootaloo in the fic it’s spun off from, from the point of view of the OC Wonderbolt Captain, who’s kind of like if Wind Rider had remained level-headed, cocky but with such a heart of gold you can’t help but like him. The story is simple enough, a feel-good fluff piece about a celebrity helping a normal person with their issues because it’s the right thing to do. But the way that story’s told! Thunder Clap is very strongly voiced and characterised for an OC in a short story, and between thoughts that show his worldview (“I did the only reasonable thing…” followed by a reckless action becomes both a running joke and a character moment/bookend), having his marefriend who he similarly broke out of a rut years prior to bounce his thoughts off of, and a surprising amount of restraint as regards how adults can and should help other kids (plus, you know, the difficulties in doing so), it helps him and the point of the piece become far more then begging a kid not to waste their talents.
Basically all the story’s strengths spring from there: a cocky yet generous narrative voice with a wistful tone to enhance the fable-like feel of the piece, a balance of place and presence when it best fits, and a genuine, heartfelt look at getting somepony who’s scared to see the light that manages to be sweet without mugging for sympathy. For most of its length, it purrs along having you completely invested.
The ending, though, derails it, with the final 500 or so words making a swerve into a tonally off and dark ending that, while paying off something earlier, is counterintuitive to the tone and point, such that I prefer cutting this off before that. I’m still not sure what the point of it was. But, I digress, this is a fantastic character study with an inviting tone from a unique narrator. Plus, it works arguably better as a standalone then as a companion piece (I think I read this first), and while it doesn’t gain nothing from knowledge of Mood Wings and its origins there, it’s telling it took its weakest part and made it into its own superior story (not that I don’t understand why it endeared such love, but that’s a separate thing from how it reads now). Solid proof of what can be done with inspiration, all the more so given the final result’s content. A must-read for enthusiasts of quality fluff, and honestly very nearly a must-read for everyone else too.
Rating: Really Good
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 0
Decent: 3
Passable: 1
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
Yeah, for me the fun of Jingelmas is really all about writing about characters and topics you wouldn't normally do. I do wish the arrangements were full random instead of like-to-like - I ended up changing my request just because I don't particularly want to write another EQG fic right now, much as I like some of the characters. But there is still plenty of randomness, and it's a great exercise to push you outside your comfort zone (and to write, in general).
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), and got Octavia and Vinyl Scratch to write, somehow. At least relative to 2020, where we could all see the tiers of characters categories spread across the six days*.
They mustn't have been a full like-to-like last year, as I requested two of the Mane 6 (which you picked up as a Breeze, I haven't forgotten
I'm still mulling on my chosen characters, both for what I want and the reason you cite, but I'll get it in well before the deadline, of course.
* Not that that arrangement made perfect sense, with Spike – one of my two requested characters – being in the category of the Student Six, thus giving me Gallus and Silverstream to write for. Doubtless it all makes sense to the Mods, just not on the outside.
I’m very excited for Jinglemas. I think also having the constraints of being holiday stories also adds a little bit of pressure to stretch those writing muscles.
And hey! I’ve read most of the stories this week. I definitely agree with you on your verdicts. Old stories are chock full of good stuff but feel like they’re still taking their first steps
I look at the cover art for Twilight Takes a DNA Test and it just hits me, like, I know. And I'll grant that I might be wrong, but if so then the author really missed out, because it is quite literally the only way that anyone can apply that five-second joke into something cannon. People trying to apply that raging, fiery Twilight as anything more than the visual gag it was is one of my inexplicable pet peeves in otherwise "serious" stories, but then I see that, I see the name of the story, and I'm like "Holy shite, it could work.", and I really like that!
...and now I guess I'll have to read it to see if I'm right.
Oh, look, a story by The Descendant I have not read. No matter. It's The Descendant. Story's got high odds of being good. Tangled Up in Blues is actually the very first story I ever reviewed. I would highly recommend The Railway Ponies: Highball.
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I can't recall ever having actually come across this phenomenon myself, but I'm pretty sure it'd set my teeth on edge too. In any case, I knew most folks would probably figure out the twist just from the cover art, but alas I was resigned to play cagey regardless. I think the fic is written in a way that it's still plenty funny regardless, so it doesn't lose much from the savvy reader figuring it out.
Oh no, Ghost Mike is responsible for getting another sub-5K one-shot onto PaulAsaran's backlog…!
Whatever shall we do…? 
I remember seeing the former was your first story reviewed somewhere, yes (probably Present Perfect's Fic Recs post wrapping up the last of the author's Ponyfic resumé). I haven't read either of those stories yet (of the half of his backlog I have read, I did so mostly when I was a bit more adverse to OC-starring stories), but I well trust his writing quality enough that I'm sure I'll get to very nearly all of them eventually.
I really miss The Descendant.
Ah, thank you for the kind review. It strikes me as odd how popular that story was when I wrote in a half hour and expected it to sink like a stone. It was never something I put serious effort into and yet it remains my most popular story.
Ah well.
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Eeyup, I've seen many authors remark on tossed-off comedy quickies outpacing their dedicated works. Sometimes just the mixture of the concept, packaging and some algorithm favouring does that. It can be a mixed level of flattery, sure, but it's still genuine flattery (where the alternative is not getting those views on any story), and thus, while tinged with some frustration and making for a bittersweet, flavour at times, it's still very welcome, I think.
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Wouldn't everyone?
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Well.
Everyone with good taste.