Page generated in 0.029 seconds
Total duration
849 users online
619,684 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well that went better then I expected seeing the chapter title. So we have a little heard going on here, just how accepted is this practice I wonder?
I guess this is like Coco's thoughts, a bit of a mish-mash, but if this is 3 sentences, then stop should be capital
or read 'Nothing...should...stop them?' IDK?
happening
'others' maybe?
"one passionate machine with three backs." What does this remind me of...ahh yes, my favourite steam loco, the 3 piston Shay all wheel drive mount'in(intended pun) loco.
Shay locomotive video
Not sure what Coco is answering to with that first bit, is their supposed to be a reply from Tabby or did we assume Tabby give an appreciative look? 'Now, imaging you did it' seems wrong, am I misreading this again? If I am than Twilihoof on me again.
I feel like somewhere in the afterglow, Tabby should pull both of them into a hug and state loudly, 'I love you both together, no matter what!' just to cement the gaskets of their engine known as a relationship. (must be late, getting sappy...11.45pm! No wonder.)
...And the marriage vs herd thing looks to be about to rear it's head again as it does later in time with Silver, errgh said my piece already on that subject, I'll stay quiet unless someone prompts my input. One thing is possibly coming...we're going to need a bigger apartment! (click the link, you know you want to!)
(P.S. if at anytime I've sounded to serious in this comment refer to my
destr....instructions in my bio!)I don't know... has she lost a marefriend before? Or was it a coltfriend? This one I don't know if it is an error or just a time when it's uncertain which to use.
Lust for dat bling!
Well, at least Coco didn't wind up sad by this. One of the two endings was fulfilled. I guess the tease at RazzTabiCo was satisfied.
Kinda sweet there at the 75% mark. I'd say it seems unusual that Razz is weirded out by the idea of sharing, but I sorta get it. Razz doesn't know what's going on in normal relationships, so abnormal ones are bound to make him even more nervous.
It... looks like he's not inspired by CoCo? Not disliking but averagely uninterested in her? But, while he liked Tabitha for her exoticness, he also liked her beforehand (I guess Easy Glider was cute beforehand?)
Them getting along is actually a pretty big x factor, isn't it?
Awkwardness and confused feelings for everyone~ *Fires feeling loaded T-shirt cannons*
7547766 He is in love with Tabitha. He is not in love with: Bubbles, Coco, Grannie Orange, the monster on the second floor.
Some work will be needed I think, since I don't think she loves him either.
7547763 Fixed!
She did something - She had done something
want what was happened - want what was happening
It wants its turn - It wanted its turn
burning and bling - burning and boiling (although imagining her suddenly draped in gold chains is kind of humorous.
She loved the way Coco even looked - She even loved the way Coco even looked
It was the first time - This was the first time
forth in poor tempo - forth in a poor tempo
beat of each another's - beat of each other's
and it fell - and they fell
and there she was - but there she was
Razz has shrunk - Razz's had shrunk
*****
Lovely chapter today! I feel a lot better now that things have not ended in bitter tears, notwithstanding the situation with Bubbles that needs to be resolved, but may have no resolution. Friendship is magic, but not every challenge has a happy resolution.
There is a bit of symmetry to the situation now. Coco initiated the first encounter and Razz came in when it was already underway. This time, Razz initiated things, sort of, and Coco is the one late to the event.
If I could whisper into Tabitha's ear at this point, I'd remind her to say clearly that she loves Coco and Razz too, and not simply agree when the question is posed. A declaration of love made outside of the throes of passion carries a little more gravitas.*
Darn typos still have that off-flavor today...
*Woo! I found an opportunity to use 'gravitas' in a sentence without being pretentious!
7547783
Thus the X Factor!
And not the one led by Cyclops's brother.
But yes, he actually doesn't know Coco at all. They've had one conversation and she was mean to him.
7547790 Just finished adding to my commentary mess, last item on ending, that whole Coco paragraph is throwing me, I'm concerned about it. Happy for everyone's thoughts on that to clear my head?
Also: Boiling Coco reminds me of the "Hot Coffee" mod from GTA: San Andreas.
7547887 And here I was just boiling a mug of Milo when I found this chapter in my tracking list. (Not sure if you have Milo in the States? A brand of chocolate malt drink, hot or cold)
hype.my/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Nestle-Malaysia-MILO.jpg
7547886 More tweaking applied!
7547929 Amazing what a one word change will do. Did you like the Shay loco comparison?
7547782 OOPS
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-nco8wieT_A8/VL6ZEcdz5hI/AAAAAAAABtA/VIFJ0AuaFp8/w350-h174/040.GIF
So yeah, not a love triangle, but a love... Well there is no such shape made up of only two lines is there?
Keep going! ;)
7547983
No stable shape, for sure. Flailing or breakage will occur unless that third support is added.
You're really are an amazing writer. You've managed to take all the things I don't usually like about fanfic/erotic stories and make it interesting and readable.
7547924
I could find it at a specialty foods store, I'm sure. It sounds a little like Ovaltine.
7548051 Very similar, only slightly maltier taste.
Yo dawg, I herd you liked herd so we put herd in your herd while your Smurfed.
7548049 Thank you! I try to never forget that people are people, whether rated G, PG, or X. I try to let my actors do as they want to do, even when it's inconvenient.
Heck, this scene began with 'Alright, so Razz shows up and he and Tabitha likely have a 'moment''
Things spiraled out of my control nicely. I'm happy with the result. I'm glad you are too.
Well written causality!
Forgetting the scent stone made this mess happen.
But
That scent issue is what allowed Coco to stay stable by pushing her lines of thought away from despair.
And it finally happened. We all knew that it was going to come down to Tabitha mounting a mare even as a stallion mounted her, and this is that finally reaching fruition.
Coco is once again acting as the voice of reason here, being the most level-headed member of the group. I thought that the exposition regarding what she went through when she saw Razz and Tabitha going at it was very well-done. She rapidly flitted through anger and sadness, before settling into desperation (much like how I'd posited Bubbles could have acted previously), presenting herself to Tabitha and demanding a commitment. Amusingly, this represents the tables being turned from what happened with the three of them before, when Razz was the one to walk in on Tabitha and Coco.
In fact, the symmetry here is rather notable. Once again, the two of them are performing the same act with regards to Tabitha, Razz being the one giving, while Coco receives, and Tabitha does both at the same time. Essentially, this is going to be their pattern from now on...or at least in the short-term.
The long-term is something else again. I agree with the others who've noted that their current arrangement has some flaws in it, that being that - as Coco very cogently noted - that Razz and Tabitha have a connection, and Coco and Tabitha have a connection, but there's no direct connection (of love, I mean) between Razz and Coco. This is a fault line that's just waiting for an earthquake to happen. Coco noted that if Tabitha takes just one of them, the other will become jealous...I don't think she realizes that she's understating it. As harsh as it sounds, Coco and Razz are, at this point, still competing with each other. Yes, they might have recognized that each of them can only satisfy half of Tabitha's desires, but there's more to it than that. It's not just about who does who when they're having sex, it's also about who gets Tabitha's attention, her affection, her compliments and warm glances and kisses goodbye before work each morning. The best case scenario is going to be a delicate balancing act...but if that's the best you can say about their relationship, then I worry for its long-term viability.
Ultimately, Razz and Coco need to do more than just tolerate each other. They need to actively want the other one there, and right now that doesn't seem possible. The narration made it clear that Razz looks at Coco as just being a plain ol' mare (though I agree that this contrasts a bit oddly with him eyeing Tabitha before he even became a tenant...though I'll put that down to him subconsciously picking up on her mannerisms not being the same as a "real" pony), and he's not particularly drawn to that. Likewise, Coco has long since made it clear that she's labeled Razz as being, at best, a harmless screw-up.
Of course, that's something of a fair assessment, as Razz's freaking out about Bubbles - while understandable - was somewhat misplaced. Razz, it's just poor form to start worrying about a mare while inside someone else! Honestly, I'm a bit disappointed that Tabitha had to talk him down, since she was right that Bubbles needed some space to decompress from what just happened. Having the stallion who broke her heart be right there beside her is not going to make things better for her.
Of course, Coco wasn't exactly at her best here. Despite her acumen, she seems like she's going a bit too far too fast. They just had their first time together, and she's already talking about having a baby. I get that she's serious, but between that and the "yours forever" talk, Coco's demand for a commitment is becoming a bit alarming. Even when there is mutual love, it's still possible to push for too much too quickly. What happened to her telling Tabitha that she would go at whatever pace she (Tabitha) was comfortable with? Well...she caught Tabitha with Razz, that's what, but still...she's overreacting by demanding the deepest possible promise of commitment that she can. It's obvious why she's doing that, and I'm sympathetic for her, but that doesn't change that she's asked for everything short of an immediate marriage proposal.
Overall, the trio still have a good chance of making it work, but there are some very real problems facing them. This should make future chapters quite drama-filled!
Did I get lost in the noise, Mr. Silver?
7548415 I think you will like the next (already written) chapter. They didn't forget any of that, or at least Coco didn't. I like Coco, she seems to have her head on right.
Others may show up. I'll let you guess who.
7548445 Eek! Did I not reply? I fixed those typos you pointed out, so it's just me being me. Sorry!
The story should be cooling down a little bit. If it remained full boil the whole time, it would lose its flavor.
7548477
True, much in the same way that coffee or tea left too long on the heat becomes unpalatably bitter.
Her shaft raised - Her shaft rose
*****
Whoops, missed one. -crunch crunch-
7548681 Oops! Fixed.
ok yes that happened and it is about time. but all three of you are over looking one thing this is the silver verse herds are allowed.
Okay see this chapter had significant impact on several levels and it felt much more organic, despite the cloppy bits (which were more orgasmic, lol). Anyway, I liked this chapter a great deal for the development.