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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Thar she blows. So sorry to those who dislike such events enough to leave, but theres plenty other stuff on the site to kep you going.
Now Coco will be all making extra floor length weighted hem skirts so Tabitha can be harvested more easily with charges.
Good thing Tabitha held off on the possible baby making. I hope she will ask Coco asap a it the signs she should be looking for.
engaging of horseplay - engaging in horseplay
hardening teats at least from - hardening teats, at least, from
The way she leaned in, the way her sweet breath was felt washing over Tabitha's face, and the way even her scent tickled at Tabitha. -- sentence fragment. This is a long subject with no predicate, and a verb clause needs to come after 'Tabitha' to complete it.
irritation as being stopped - irritation at being stopped
could feel is too - could feel it too
accepted that hand - accepted her hand
door he entered - door he had entered
soft grunt of list - soft grunt of lust
pleasure was incredibly - pleasure was incredible
her loading canon - her loaded canon
streams, successive blasts into - streams, successive blasts, into
to spurt that thick horse cream - to spurt
thatthick horse creamwith that offering - with his offering
*****
Quite the steamy chapter today, but not unexpected after yesterday's poll. Half of the typos are all sticky, though... but it was still quite enjoyable.
This will either calm those that were worried about Razz, or inflame them even more. We'll see
whowhat comes of this tomorrow, I'm sure.I'm sure Spring is quite aware of what has happened and will gleefully needle Tabitha about it in that way that she has.
Robert A. Heinlein often posited in his works that tears are the most powerful aphrodisiac in the universe. It seems to hold true here in magic pony land too.
*****
[style comment feel free to ignore]
flesh, feeling the heated flesh - repeating 'flesh' twice in the same sentence is slightly distracting on the second read through
ok I did not see a threesome for this story but it works really well.
7496942 So many messy typos. Let's clean up. This will settle things, right?
So... how'd I do? I mean, the scene itself? Me being nervous again. I was told by one reader everyone was behaving naturally, which is good.
7496975
I think you did a fine job, and I enjoyed reading it. The characterization seemed natural and didn't clash with what I felt about them individually, and you rather skillfully removed any feelings that this wasn't entirely consensual on all of their parts. It felt a little scary and nervous, especially for Tabitha, but was entirely of her own choice, the same for Razz and definitely for Coco.
The only difficulty I had was visualizing where they all were in relation to one another, body positioning etc., but it was easy to overlook and just be happy for them having fun together. They figured it all out just fine.
The typos ended up tasting a little funny though.
7496942
Razz's well-being? Optimistic.
From his reactions, he'll probably be rather confused about the whole thing, what it "means" and how to react to it, and the feelings for Tabitha will probably make that a bit more complicated... Before he accepted it did sound like he was about to protest because there wasn't anything romantic going on between them already.
But It doesn't look like the previous worries, that it would hit him right in the self-esteem, are going to happen. Not for the reason I suspected it might. If for no reason other than the context, even the context if she asked him to leave or he was scared off he probably would have not been insulted or torn down in the same way.
As far as writing style... this part here was a little arcane:
Both because it was a request not an offer, and because... if she was laying down her pony half and her human half was sitting up, like she was before, then this would make more sense if he was on her human shoulders. And if she was standing he wouldn't be able to present himself to her head from her horse shoulders... which are her human hips, I guess?
From nothing to this! Ay Caramba 33.media.tumblr.com/5092d524ab8399ba6d85317f87cd55d1/tumblr_myp3c4HDgu1r8dy8go1_r2_400.gif
Stay tuned more to cum, same fat time, same fat channel!!
7496988 Having trouble visualising Razz's position too?
Can only only see this working if she was leaning her human upper forward almost horizontal.
7496975 I do recall mentioning a 'herd' situation before I think? This tends to suggest a possibility.
7497026
7497152 Both of these seem to assume equines aren't hung like horses at all.
As a note, since we're getting awfully technically, much of that apparatus doesn't usually get shoved into the target female.
7497152
Nah, I figured it out on the fourth reading.
What?
7497163
Ah, now I get it, he was hovering over her.
7497163
Is my assumption that her "horse shoulders" are where her human hips are accurate? Because if Razz is putting his hooves on her hips, and his penis is presented to her face, that means his penis is longer than his body. Or er... jutting out ahead of his body, at least.
On her shoulders, though, it makes sense, and he still does need to be horse-hung.
Well, Tabitha has now crossed the threshold. Can't wait to see where this three party relationship is going.
See! Razz was getting Tabitha used to his constant intrusion into her personal space, reducing her resistance to his presence... It all makes sense now!!!
Of course, now we get to figure out how that might affect their contracts... but nobody's talking about moving in yet, so that's for later! :D
Keep going ! ;)
Aaaanyway I actually should say an opinion beyond a nitpick, perhaps?
I'm pretty excited things went as they did, both from the rating change and the unexpected intrusion of Razz.
I'm pretty excited for the future, too. Both in how the plot progresses after this... and the potential for more sexytimes.
I was also a little surprised that Coco seemed to know her way around in the bedroom, and not just in a "she's experienced" (which is not so surprising even if she's meek) but that she seemed to take charge.
7498134 The difference when one is the one with the knowledge in the room instead of bowing to the one with greater skill.
quite unsure that sleeping - quite unsure if/whether sleeping
slid in a leg into - slid in a leg into
the fur of a leg - the fur of her leg
since she became a half horse - since she had become a half horse
*****
Decided to re-read this due to the conversation with Alzrius in chapter 41 and sniffed out a few more typos in the process.
7544252 Fixed!
Tabby will never hear the end of this now.