School has started back up again but my motivation has yet to return. It has been about a year since the semester that killed my motivation and ability to do well in school. I suppose a year and a half of online school does that to a person, I don't know though, even if I went back in person I feel I'd struggle with the same issue. I remember talking to a friend about it and he gave me a bit of insight, it was a process that brought me to this point, so it would take another process to bring me

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It's been quite a while since I've posted an update here, I guess this site is where I come to when I reach the lows in my life so here I am yet again. I doubt anyone reads these but it's nice being able to let these things out and look back on them in years to come, I believe I've been doing this for almost 4 years now. Time really does go by quick... one of those things that make life seem that much more meaningless but eh I'm not dead yet so let's keep going.

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This semester has been quite an adventure, after completing my first year of college I never thought much of what I'd have to be prepared for next. With the corona virus still about, my social life has been limited to my family and my online interactions with friends or online classes. That has not bothered me too much actually, and I think it has helped my social anxiety quite a bit as I find myself feeling much more comfortable in social situations despite them occurring far less than any

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There are just three weeks left until the end of the semester. The end of my first year of college. This whole school year has gone by in a blur, I find that I don't seem to have much memory of last semester. In fact I don't really seem to remember much of anything at all, it's as though I am perpetually living in the moment with no knowledge of the past. Well anyways at the moment I am suffering yet again, I knew this Composition II class would be a trip and a half but I didn't expect this

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It's the third week of my second semester of college, I feel like it's been a bit rough at first but things have slowly been improving. Today classes were canceled because of the Chief's super bowl victory and so far I've done nothing all day. I had planned to study calculus for a few hours to be prepared for my quiz tomorrow but I'm not really feeling it. I've always been struggling to keep up with my composition II class because I just feel like calculus is a much higher priority than reading

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It's strange to think that it's 2020 already, I remember first joining this site 3 years ago. So much time has passed between then and now. A lot has changed between those two points in the time though I cannot comprehend the massive amounts of new memories I have formed over those years. If I don't think too much about it, it honestly feels as though no time has passed at all, but the longer I think, the more I remember and the more I realize just how much has changed. It is the moments like

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For the past couple months I have been thinking of a new story idea, I'm not too sure how far it'll go but at least it's something to work on. Basically it's a bit of a detective/agent type of story which involves an agency hunting down "The mare killer." Each section of the story will be written from the perspective of a different agent, each receiving different orders at different points in time. A bit of a spoiler but, some agents will be killed in their sections. Anyways!

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For the past month I've been spending a lot of time alone, just sitting in my room with the lights off sometimes drawing, other times just thinking. I think this has been a continual part of my life, going through these periods of loneliness, perhaps that's because I'm just not very good at socializing. As a person who suffers from some extreme social anxiety I do find that I enjoy being a lone but always being alone? I don't know about that... it hurts. I feel as though my body is allergic to

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As of now, the time I am writing this short post, it is currently 4 am. I feel extremely tired and unrested, which is exactly why I decided it is the perfect time to write this, right now.

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So far 2018 has been pretty much an awful year for me motivation wise, I've hardly found any energy to actually create anything, compared to last year with my constant flow of ideas and motivation. I constantly feel as though my head is in a cloud, so I tell myself, I'll take a nap then maybe I'll have some motivation when I wake up. It never works, though I don't know if I really expect it to do anything anyways.

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