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I still can't stand my brother's mother-in-law (she's homophobic, stuck-up and called me a fat whore at my niece's party) and I'm taking her advice. She actually highlighted passages in the Book of Job to tell me that my father's death wasn't my fault.

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I really wish there was a word for this, but I'm still terrified and extremely depressed and yet I'm cold and empty. Going to ask my psychiatrist if she thinks I may have started to develop PTSD. I saw his soul leave his body. That stays with you.

I'm nervous about the memorial service on Tuesday because I'll be reciting a poem I wrote and I'm scared I'll break down and cry.

It's been a day since Dad officially died, and we have the funeral arrangements made. I'm plagued with suicidal thoughts and nightmares because he died in front of me. My throat is on fire from screaming and crying and I don't know how I'm going to survive without that ornery buzzard to make me laugh when I want to cry.

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My father died in front of me. I had just started to reconnect with him too. Sure, we fought viciously but at the end of the day he was still my father.

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Left to right: My sister, me, our dad

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I GOT HIRED AT THE NEW TJ MAXX IN DUBLIN!

I'm a store associate and it starts at $10 AN HOUR!

I have an audition for America's Got Talent next month! ...except I don't really know what to sing. Currently thinking of

. Any suggestions?

OK, please don't call me ableist for this, but I suspect I might have yet another disorder besides "high functioning" autism. I looked up why I can only feel negative emotions and found an article about a condition known as anhedonia or emotional flatlining. I fake positive emotions to seem what some people would call "normal" or "socially acceptable". Deep down I can only feel truefear, anxiety, rage and depression. Why do you suppose that is, besides a condition which I haven't been

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