I'm incomplete.

I appreciate all the support Mom and I have received in the past few days, but it feels like something inside me died along with Dad. I feel broken. I've been strong for so long because of him, and now that he's gone I'm falling apart like a house of cards in a hurricane. The only thing keeping me from killing myself now is my mother. She needs me now more than ever. But I don't know how to help someone who is just as heartsick as I am. She's a tearful emotional wreck and I'm constantly on the verge of a life-threatening mental breakdown. It's cold and lonely here and the house just seems bigger.

I keep trying to tell myself that this is all just a horrible nightmare and slamming my head into the wall to wake up. I want this nightmare to end but I know I can't wake up. I've been condemned to a hell of my shattered mind and heart's creation. I just want to be happy again. I want my father back. I would give anything to have him back in my life, healthier and happier.