Octavia and Vinyl Scratch find themselves helping a mysterious stallion of which they know little about. He is called the Professor and he is wanted by all of his old enemies. He has enlisted Octavia and Vinyl as his companions to help protect Ponyville from all of the evil aliens. He will take them on adventures and have a laugh or two.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Holy fucking shit great minds think alike i was thinking about something like this not to long ago!
Hmmm.....
I take it that The Professor is the Equestria version of the Doctor?
Seems like it might have been easier just to use the same name though, the use of The Professor instead of The Doctor is a bit off-putting. I get that you probably wanted to make this "Doctor/Professor" definitely separate from the human Doctor, but I think the explanation of him coming from Gallopfrey and not from earth would have done that well enough without the awkward name change.
The straight jump into action after barely a paragraph of background felt pretty choppy, and coupled with the just as fast jump out of action, the whole thing was a bit lacking in flow. I think it the story would read a lot better if you fleshed out the character's thoughts and reactions more, as well as giving a bit more of a buildup before jumping into the conversation with the Doctor/Professor
Like possibly instead of:
You could use something a bit more like:
By expanding on your story like that, you can add a lot of depth and life to a story, as well as making your characters more real and like able. I also just find it fun to build on character's personalities, and see how much I can show about who they are just through simple actions.
On the positive, I think that Vinyl and Octavia could be interesting companions for the Doctor/Professor, and the fact that this is a companion story in which the Doctor isn't going to be shipped with the companion is refreshing. If you work on your writing depth, this could prove to be an interesting story
I hope this critique is helpful, and good luck
2418333 Hey thanks for the ideas that I could definitely use for the next chapter. This is kinda my first time writing anything that requires a plot so thanks for helping me see that i need to expand more. And i will get further into the Professor's past as the chapters proceed. But the reason i chose The Professor over the doctor is because all my friends at school call me the Professor so i decided that using my OC would be kind of fun since i can decide what he does based on my personality and not the Doctor's. I also decided that Vinyl and Octavia should be his companions because, as you said, i don't like how the actual show, and even some of the Fan-fics forces the Doctor's companion to love him. So having a romance between two characters who it works well with would be very fun to try and experiment with.