• Published 12th Apr 2013
  • 4,776 Views, 182 Comments

Why Rainbows Make Me Cry - Midnight Words

Scout, the fastest merc this side of Teufort has ever seen, tells his story of why rainbows make him cry.

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Chapter 1: "Aw crap, where the hell am I?" Heavy Edit!

Chapter 1: "Aw crap, where the hell am I?"

It was a regular day on the battlegrounds of Teufort, the sun was shining high above, the birds were singing, bullets and rockets were flying, and Heavies were calling for their Medic. Soldiers were fighting with one another on top of the bridge, and Sniper was busy camping up in the balcony like the wuss he was.

Me? I was busy running to their base with the Demo trying to get the RED's intel.

Now, who am I? I'm the guy dat carries this team on my back. I'm the guy dat caps the point and blows over the other noobs, I'm the Scout. I’m the fastest, toughest and most handsome one on either team.

"Scout, ye' useless git! Get the bloody intel!" Dat drunk one-eyed cyclops yelled, firing his stickies around the RED’s doorway.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it." I said and took out a can of my favorite drink, Bonk! I chugged it and tossed the can off to the side, feeling that same energetic twitch that would accompany it.

I turned a corner inside their base and almost immediately, two sentries that some of the RED hardhats set up began started firing at me. Bullets and rockets whizzed past me, missing me by a mile as I jumped and dodged everything that came at me. “Un-freakin' touchable!”

I ran up the stairs and went into one of the doors that led to their intel. I didn't hear nothin' on my way there, not even a hardhat setting up a sentry or a dispenser, so pretty much I just strolled on in.

I picked up the briefcase and was on my way back to our base to cap it before these numbskulls got ours. I stopped on my way out however as something caught my eye, one of the entrances of the room had a spray tag on one of the walls. It was a picture of a rainbow.

Now, I wasn't crying or anything like that... I just had some dust in my eyes. While I was busy rubbing it out, I didn't notice the RED spook uncloak himself behind me. Before I could even react, I was given an ice cold stab to the back.

He laughed and flicked a cigarette onto my corpse. "This is Scout, rainbows make me cry!" He taunted and cloaked back into the shadows.

The HUD Engie made popped up with RED spy, a picture of him flicking his cigarette on my corpse, and right under that were the words "Dominated."

A few seconds later, I was back in the spawn room. "Agh! Dat frickin' spook got me again!" I yelled in frustration.

"You failed!" The Announcer shouted through the P.A system.

"Aw man!"

The only other BLU in the spawn room was Pyro, he/she was flicking his/her lighter on and off. "Hud Huddah Huddah..." He/she said. I sat down beside him/her.

"It's Spy! Ever since he found out about... rainbows... He just doesn't stop!"

"Huddah Hud Hun."

"I know that I'm awesome and you're the only one I ever told about it."

"Huddah? Hud Mmppth?"

"Yeah, that's what I wanna know!"

“Mmpth Mmmppth Mmpth, Hudda Hud. Mmmpth Mmmpth Mmpth Hudda Mmppth Mmmpth Hudda Hud? Nud, Hud Huddah Huddah Hud, Huddah Huddah Hud, Hud Mmmpth,” he/she said and tossed me my Sandman and ball.

I picked up my duffel bag over by the resupply locker and slung it over my shoulder. The bag was filled with some stuff I was messing around with throughout the match, a Soda-Popper, a Pretty Boy’s Pocket Pistol, my Force-a-Nature, and a few extra shells and mags. It even had some of my hats and outfits in there too.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks Pyro, see ya’ tomorrow," I said, giving a half-wave back at him/her and ran out the respawn room.

The locked doors outside the spawn were now open; Engie was busy inside playing around with a teleporter the guys use to leave. I saw the nine teleporters, each with a name overhead.

"Hey, I'm going home, Engie." I stepped onto my designated teleporter and waited.

Engie muttered a few curses because of a broken teleporter. "Ummm... Yeah, see ya Scout," He said and turned back to his own teleporter. "Useless piece of scrap..."

I didn't use the teleporter much, mostly 'cause it made me sick as hell and that there was the chance of ending up with a part of yourself stuck in the ground. But it was either this or walking through the desert and reach the nearest, non-destroyed bus stop.

I stepped out of the small burn spot on the ground and saw that I was a short ways away from home. Those teleporters didn't have any exits like they normally would, so Engie just set them to "very close" to each of our places.

My house was pretty small compared to the others; think of it as a small urban house, like the ones you see in a downtown part of a big city. I walked up the door and opened it, Ma was busy in the kitchen, and, surprise, surprise, the RED spook was here talking pretty to my Ma.

"Hey, Ma. I'm home," I called out and dropped my bag onto the floor.

There were a few pictures of me and my bros stuck along the walls on the way to my room. There were ones that showed us from when I hit my first home run when I was a kid -- Pa always said I got talent -- and of our last family photo before my brothers went their separate ways in life. There was even a photo of when the BLUs stopped by here for dinner last time. I passed by my brothers' old room and ended up at mine in the far back of the house.

Since I was the youngest, I got the one on the end. I walked over to my room, the one most distinguishable since I still left the stickers and stuff on the door from when I was a kid. Heck, I even left the 'no girls allowed' sign on there too.

Busting on through the door, I could see that the room was a mess. Crap was just everywhere. Clothes, magazines, comic books, and a buncha other junk just lying around. The only thing that wasn't a mess was my desk; a small family photo was sitting at the edge of it along with a few trophies I won during my high school days.

Right, the family photo, the day Dad died...

I saw my Dad's dog tags sitting on the desk next to the photo. I decided not to bring them today with it being the anniversary of Dad's death and all, might explain why the RED Spook's here too.

Ma and Pa ended up divorcing a few years before I joined BLU. Pa still loved us, still went out of his way to see each of us grow. I guess... I guess I miss him more than I thought. I promised myself that I wouldn't forgot about him or Ma when I grew up; I still haven't forgotten about my old man, and I intend to keep it that way.

Back then, our family was taking a day off at the amusement park when it happened. My older bros went straight for the rollercoasters. Rudy, the second youngest, went for the paintball guns.

I'd already joined the BLUs at that point and had a few matches with them under my belt. Being there was a good change of things instead of being shot at or blown up all the time.

I stood by my Dad pretty much the whole time there, I wasn't really in the mood for doing much.

"What's the matter, champ?" He asked. "Not feeling good?"

"Nah, just don't wanna do things. I feel... I dunno' bored?" I offered with a shrug.

"Bored? Not here, champ. Hey, let's go bug your Mom, it always cheers you up when you see her burning red."

"Nah, what about-"

Ma then came by with a camera as my brothers followed after her, all of them looking like they were chewed out or something. "Family picture. Now!" Ma yelled.

Dad leaned closer to me and spoke in a hushed tone. "What's her problem?"

I just shrugged and went into position with Ma and them. I, along with my brothers, took a spot around the mascot of this place, which was a giant peanut. Ma was quick to set up the camera before me and my bros could start messing around. Then she set the timer.

"Three, two, on-"

Ma started screaming as there were then several loud gunshots heard across the carnival. My bros quickly pulled her away and took her into cover the moment she started. It was just me and my Pa standing there now, with him being low to the ground on instinct.

It'd already been a week since I joined the BLUs, and I still didn't tell him about it.

“Champ, get out of here!" Dad yelled. I ignored him and grabbed a nearby metal pipe.

There were a bunch of armed dudes walking around, all of them were wearing black balaclavas and packing some heavy heat. They were here for me, but I wasn't scared of a buncha nobodies.

"Yo, Chuckleheads, over here!" I taunted to the group. They didn't even hear me.

People were already running and screaming the moment the shots happened. A few of them were already dead, but it didn't stop the others from running scared.

They had their backs turned to me as they looked over some of the bodies, talking in some stupid language I couldn't understand. They didn't seem to notice me yet, nor did they find me among the dead, so I took it as my cue.

The crowd, for the most part, hid me from these dumbasses as I began running at them. I jumped right on in; they were too busy shouting orders at one another to notice me.

I ran against the crowd and took one of them by surprise, tackling him to the ground and quickly opting to bash his skull open with the pipe. I took his gun from his body, which was some sorta cheap knock-off of my pistol, and turned to the others. It took less than a second for me to line up a shot before I quickly emptied the whole thing in one guy's chest, leaving him looking like our Spy on a bad day.

The others turned their heads to me the moment my gun went off. They hesitated for the brief moment they saw me, but it gave me some time. With my gun now dry and no time to reload, I had no way to take all of them on at once. I did the one thing I knew I could do at that point.

I dropped the gun, picked up my pipe, and ran in the opposite direction.

I jumped behind the counter of one of the nearby carnival games as a shit ton of bullets flew past me, and for a second there, I sorta thought it was the Heavy that was behind me. There, behind the counter, I spotted a baseball sitting next to my feet. It was lightweight, but with enough force, it could hurt like hell.

I stood up from behind the counter with the ball in hand and tossed it in the air. “Batter up!” The ball went flying and nailed one of those goons in the side of the head, knocking him to the ground. "Nice catch, Knucklehead!" My gloating was cut short when a bullet tore through my shoulder. I fell behind the counter clutching the wound, as the worst part of the pain had already passed.

“CHAMP!” I heard my dad shout. 'YOU DO NOT TOUCH MY SON!' There were several gunshots and a thudding sound that followed. I barely noticed either as the shock of the wound started to wear off.

“Bro!” Rudy said as he crouched next to me, making sure I was all right.

I pulled myself up using the counter as I shrugged off Rudy's support. I picked up my pipe and arched my neck to the side, which elicited a few small cracks. “I've had worse,” I said with a sneer.

I jumper over the counter and charged at the group a second time. This time, they were too busy looking over the most recent dead guy that they'd shot to notice me. By the time they heard me coming though, it was already too late; I'd already nailed one of them in the side of the head with a powerful wind up, cracking his skull open in an instant.

I went onto the next guy and gave a powerful overhead swing that caved in his skull, but in the process, bent the pipe out of shape. Even my bats were able to withstand more punishment than that.

Before they could spot me for a second time, I looted the SMG from the numbskull that bent my pipe and turned it against his buddies. Round after round spilled out the barrel of the gun as I held down the trigger, each bullet hit its mark square in the center of each of their chests.

It was all over in an instant.

I dropped the gun, letting it fall to the ground with a clatter as I saw the source of their distraction.

I started to tear up as I rushed over to my Dad's side. His body was filled with holes, as were the goons and a few others who got caught in the crossfire. They were all dead, slaughtered and shot down... just like Dad.

"Dad? Dad? Come on, wake up! This ain't funny! Dad! DAAAD!"

"Scout, what's wrong, mate?" Sniper asked. I'd been sulking through the entire match, sure I still capped the point and kicked ass, but...

"Nothin'." There was a lot of stormy weather today, befitting of my mood; thunder and lightning were constantly booming and cracking across the sky even before the match started earlier today. We were on Thunder Mountain, I hated this place.

The match ended with a failure today; a stalemate, and the teams was going home. And, as the contract stated, RED gets to keep Thunder Mountain unless we can take it back the next time we fight there. I picked up my bag and left the respawn room, running out into the rain and making my way to the teleporter room.

"Hey, Scout," Engie called out. "Regular teleporters are broken, ‘Ah got one set up near a bus stop in town."

"Great, just freakin' great..."

I stepped onto the other teleporter and waited. The thunder crackled through the sky.

Engie took out his PDA and looked around in a panic. There was another crack of thunder.

Everything seemed to slow after that, Engie called out my name right before I was about to teleport. The thunder cracked again, and this time a bolt of lightning suddenly tore through the wall of the room, striking the teleporter I was on. There was a flash across my vision, then nothing. I was suddenly surrounded by darkness.

I felt like I was swirling in the shadows for a time. I couldn't see or feel anything, not even my own hands. Everything just felt like it was empty, I actually thought then and there that I was really dead.

"This sucks on ice," I tried to say, but not even the smallest of sounds made it out of my mouth.

I was stuck there for a while, thinking of either my teammates or Ma and whether they’d be looking for me or not. I then saw a light appear in the distance along with a few faint voices to go with it. It was hard to make out what they's was saying though.

The light soon grew bigger. It was warm, like a hug I guess... I couldn't really describe it. It was almost like a fire though; it was warm and caring. Though... it looked like it was getting smaller, like it was moving farther and farther away from me with each passing second. I felt as though I was being drawn to it, as though I was supposed to get to it.

I ran. I ran like I never ran before, pushing everything I had left in my body and just broke into a full sprint. The light was soon close and I jumped into it, letting it's warmth surround me.

Where am I? Wind, I felt wind rush down my face. I slowly opened my eyes.

I was falling...



The ground was coming closer and closer at an alarming rate. I felt something, like the air was slowly turning solid on my feet. It was just a split second but I managed to jump in the air, breaking my momentum and launching me into the air an additional two feet into the air before I fell to the ground, landing squarely on my feet.

I slowly caught my breath as I stood back up.

"How the hell did I end up there?" I said, looking up and around. I was standing in an empty field; tall blades of grass and a few flowers surrounding me. Some ways away, maybe about a quick jog’s worth, was a small town.

The moon was already high in the sky, and I needed a place to stay. I looked at my bag, and pulled out some "security" just in case, that being my Winger. I checked my ammo, and saw that I had a full load and a few extra in my bag.

Man, I really hoped I was seeing things... Two small horses, both of ‘em with a horn and tattoos on their asses, suddenly ran by me.

"TRIXIEEEEE!" The two yelled. A small, purple and green lizard thing ran by with them too.

"TWILIIIIIGHT!!!" The lizard thing yelled.

I scratched my head for a brief moment as they ran by, unsure if they were some freak drug hallucination caused by the medic, or if I drank too much Bonk again. Turning around, I discovered I was staring face to face with the source of their terror, that being a freakin' humongous bear made of stars. The thing roared, covering me in spit and sliding me across the ground several feet.

"Aw crap..." I immediately booked it in the opposite direction, taking a few pot shots at it as I ran.

The bear ignored me, brushing off my bullets like they were nothing, and started thundering towards the town, thinking it scared me off. Because of my good conscience, I decided to help the townsfolk out, and the fact that I really needed a place to stay was completely unrelated.

With the bear-thing busy rampaging through the town, I fired a few more shots at it with my pistol, trying to get its attention. "Yo! Big, dumb and ugly, over here!"

The huge bear, hearing my taunt, slowly turned towards me, roared again, and started chasing after me.

He swiped at me with his giant paw, missing entirely.

"You can't hit me, you can't hit my tiny head."

He swiped again.

"Are ya' even tryin'?"

And again.

"How's that feel wimp?"

And agai-


I was sent flying across field, tumbling a short distance until I ultimately slammed into the side of a tree and fell against the dirt. A lot of broken ribs from that, that's for sure.

I then heard music playing from somewhere, it sounded something like a lullaby or something. Though I was beginning to feel sleepy from it, my injuries becoming less noticeable the more the song dragged on. I spotted the bear floating, flying, or something... it was just being carried into the forest alright?

My vision soon cut to black as I soon passed out.

"What is that thing?"

"I’unno, some sort of ape?"

"Get him to the hospital, he's hurt!"

"...I don't know what he is, but his structure is very similar to that of an ape or minotaur, although it appears to be slimmer and smaller in comparison."

"I hope he wasn't hurt too bad..."

"Ah don't know, he might be dangerous, but Ah’ve seen enough critters that look harmless, but are mighty fiesty."

I opened my eyes.

To my discovery, I was in a hospital bed instead of lying face down in the dirt. I had a buncha medical gizmos and what not hooked up to me, and my upper body was almost entirely covered in bandages... and in front of me were five techni-colored horses. I didn't know what drugs they put me on but I was certain that I was hallucinating this; pretty sure they don’t allow things like this to happen in a hospital.

"Either I'm high on drugs or I drank too much of that new Bonk again..." I said as I rubbed my eyes.

I blinked, and so did they. Yup, still horses.

"You can talk!"

"Yeah, I can talk. The question is how the hell are horses able to talk?" I said.

The purple one with the weird horn thingy came forward. "I don't know who or what you are, but-"

"Lemme stop you right there, name's Scout."

"Scout? That sounds more like a job title." The marshmallow pokey thing said as it stepped forward. "Tell me, did your occupation have something to do with delivery?"

I rubbed my neck. "Yeah, something like that. Listen I think I'll sleep off whatever the Doc gave me." I lied back down on my bed. Did my pillow just get... fuzzier?

"Hi!" I darted off my bed and fell face-first against the tiled floor. I groaned from the newly found pain that came from my ribs. "I'm Pinkie Pie, and you're Scout, right?" She said and peeled off the floor for a large bear hug.

She then gasped and started yammering off way too quickly for me to understand. "Thatmeansthere'sanotherforthwallbreakerbesidesmeandthatmakesmehappyandnowIcantalkaboutthewallandstuffoutsidethewallwithoutbreakingthewalldoestalkingaboutthewallbreakthewall-mmphmmpht." I shoved my hand in her mouth.

"Woah, slow down there Pinks or whatever the heck your name is. I have no idea what you’re talking about." I said and squeezed my way out of her hug. "I don't know nothin' about breakin' walls, that ain’t my job."

She frowned and her ears flopped down. "Aw... I thought the author might get somepony else to break the wall," she said, but she instantly perked up. "That means you’re totally new here, and that means, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PARTY!"

"Uhh, no. Tired. Get out of my bed."

"Pinkie, I think you shouldn't anger a potentially dangerous creature in the hospital." The purple sparkle butt thingy with the horn said.

"Okie dokie lokie!" She said and hopped off my bed. "I'll throw a party when you feel better, right, Scoutie."

I climbed back into bed. "Whatever." They all left, leaving me alone in the room.

I was freaking pissed right now. My stomach growled, I couldn't sleep, and Engie didn't tell me to not use that damn teleporter of his. Hopefully I'll be able to eat something tomorrow, but man, I could really use a slice of pizza or a hot dog right now...

"Ah'm sorry Spy. I tried to warn him, but it was too late." BLU Engineer said to RED Spy.

"Mon dieu... Engineer, his mozzer will be not be happy with this." Spy said and took a long drag from his cigarette.

"It ain't mah fault, blame the lightning!" The BLUs were very cautious around RED Spy, especially Pyro. He/She was idly flicking a lighter on and off, staring at Spy the whole time.

"Easy there, Spook. There’s nothing we can do about it now, what happened, happened." BLU Sniper said. "Best thing we can from here is to let Engie do what he does best."

"Hide with his toys?" Spy said with a smirk. He shook his head. "No, now is not the time for that. When will ze Teleporter be fixed?"

"Cool your jets, this ain’t a regular teleporter. This thing’s meant for transportation to far-away places without an exit, so I reckon it might take awhile."


Author's Note:

Lol I don't know.

Leave some feedback, any corrections and stuff would be much appreciated.

Edit: Da Heavy made good edit.

This is a crazy revision from the first time I uploaded. Hope you like the chapter.

Also we are focusing on Quality over Quantity. So I have no idea when Chapter 2 will be up, as far as the chapter goes I'm already done, just waiting for my Editor to help me out.