When Rarity moves to Canterlot, hired by Twilight for the next five years as her personal wardrobe designer, she leaves Spike heartbroken and in desperate need of a friend, but it'll be alright. Pinkie's there for him in more ways than one.
2395213 please explain in a little bit more detail friend. if you think the author did something bad you should explain why. otherwise you may end up hurting the feelings of the author who is writing a story he is putting his heart into. to the author, i like what you have done i really do, but you should go back a re read the story, i couldve sworn i read someone instead of somepony in their. also why is twilight prohibiting rarity from getting togethor with spike? just a few minor things, all in all i enjoyed it. you have my upvote!
The reaction of the characters, Pinkie, Twilight specially rarity was way too out of character, this ruined it for me but it doesn't mean it's a bad story just personal preferences.
2395311 Twilight isn't prohibiting anything. She was just saying, if Rarity leaves for Ponyville, she'll need a new wardrobe designer. In other words, Rarity would be fired. I'll explain this in the next update. As for the whole someone vs somepony thing, I've fixed it. My little mistake.
2395317 Out of character is seldom a perspective thing. I honor yours, of course, but I must dispute it.
I asked myself, would Pinkie confront, or ignore this situation? My overall thoughts was she'd take it head on, keeping with her free personality. Rarity tried to conceal herself, but with the thought of somepony else loving Spike eventually drew her to throw a mini tantrum. I asked myself if these reactions were correct, and the answer in my head was, yes.
Let me ask you, then. How would you've done this? Pinkie just acts like it doesn't matter? Also, there needed to be drama, and this was the perfect way of bringing just that. If there was any other way for the story to lead into slow escalation, tell me about it. Otherwise, thank you for reading, commenting, rating and being honest with me. This comment isn't intended to sound rude or snobbish, but I'm sure in the eyes of many, it does.
I might be reading too much into this but it seemed that Rarity might not quit her job. Anyways, confound these ponies!! Plotting behind Spike's back, planing to take his virginity as if it was a commodity, this got all my yes at the time, but Twilight using the flimsy excuse that Spike is her brother?! Come on man!! I'm all for the depraved and S&M direction this appears to be going in, so don't use that type of excuse in this fic! Still this is very good horra for Pinkie standing up for Spike, boo for what Rarity fails to do, update MOAR
2395470 Updates will come daily. If I update it again today, it won't pop up in the update box, and it wouldn't get more attention. Be patient, please. On a side note, I'm not a fan of incest. I know, I'm a horrible monster.
2395498 WHAT?! YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF INCEST?! Well everyone has their own opinion, this is mainly going to be a PinkieXSpikeXRarity right? I could see Twilight being Spike's moral compass, of a sort, if she's not going to be with him romantically.
2395520 Sweet! I'm all for TwiSpike but having them in a deep conversation is sweet, simply cause you could hit on so many things between them. I can't wait to see what you do.
2395724 Perhaps, instead of yelling at me, being all accusing like, you could point some examples out? Honestly, people telling me my grammar is flawed doesn't help unless they assist me by showing where I'm going wrong. Thank you either way. I'll see who I can find.
2395736 Desole, scusa, arrepentido!! Sorry!! Cole tends to be a little vocal when it comes to grammar but don't take anything she says seriously. She blows up from anything, a misused comma, saying see when it should be saw, little nit picky stuff. Again apologizes I let her say what she wants but she doesn't always have something nice to say.
2395824 Cole? Sorry, but I'm a bit confused on names. Maybe if she came in here and pointed out my flaws...? Otherwise, she's not doing any good by having someone else read the story and get them to nag about errors but not help by showing anything.
2395842 Yes Cole is my assistant when I write my fics, I doubt she's going to come and read this fic anytime soon. She's a little rough around the edges but a better proofreader you would never find. Like I said dont take what she said seriously I'm sure not that many people are as nit picky as her.
As a clop critic, I believe this had potential. I warn you however not to break Pinkie's character any further than this, as I don't see any alternate universe tag slapped to this fic. However if you are going with the whole pet thing where I think you are going, I will probably lose interest of it, as alternate universe fics rarely catch my attention, let alone clopfics.
Certainly is a interesting project. I don't really care for the OOC that appears to be showing in, frankly because it's not a major issue. Everything is a little OOC at some point. I can deal with it.
Basically, what I'm seeing is that it's appearing to be a SpikexPinking pairing, but there is the rising action that Rarity is having second thoughts about what she did to Spike prior to leaving for Canterlot. As a result, it is completely up in the air. The only thing I see a little issue with is the complete naivete that Spike appears to be when it comes to carnal urges and anything sensual in general. But that's just me. I understand that Pinkie's there to let Spike in onthe benefits of morning wood as much as the next, but to be completely oblivous to it, is a little hard for me to believe it.
I'm starting to lose interest in this fic now, because for me, the OOC-ness of the characters is great enough that it distracts from the story. Rarity is TOO much of a bitch, though not that far from canonly being a bitch, twilight doesn't seem to be very "motherly" in the story, as it seems she doesn't care about spike enough that she'll let rarity AT LEAST take a break from her job to fix this entire predicament, and everyone's (but mostly pinkie's) theories on why spike's still a virgin, don't make sense. Twilight's regarded as the mother or sister figure to spike, and it's easy to see, so spike would have gotten used to being raised by and around her, and therefore, growing a romantic immunity to her, unless he already had a crush on her to begin with, and they would have known that.They both also know that rarity is annoyed by spike being constantly near her, so she wouldn't WANT to do him, and even if this is normal circumstances, they wouldn't have built a good enough relationship to get far into a romantic relationship to begin with. also the fact that spike is one of the most honorable characters in the show, so he has a HIGH chance of not having sex until he was in a commited relationship, or married. Pinkie lusts after spike WAY too quickly to start off with, and seems MUCH too bitchy with twilight and rarity in this.
BUT i'm going to give this a chance because A. you might slap on the "Alternate Universe" tag, giving this story that much more credibility AND/OR B. You've produced some pretty good works before, so i'm going to have hope that you might fix these problems in the future, or at least address them
So there's my two cents about the story, and I hope that you'll regard them.
2397475 um most say and agree that in dragon years is 3 pony years sooooo if spikes 16 then the mane 6 r surly over 48 and the crusaders are adults whats up with that
I think Rarity and Pinkie are OOC in personality as Rarity is never that much of a bit- I mean, jerk and Pinkie never talks that way to anyone, ever. Twilight is the most...normal in terms of canon personality except for the part where she'll fire Rarity for going to see Spike. Unless Twilight doesn't want Rarity to accept Spike's feelings then it's a messed-up position she put Rarity in. Then again, this is a mature fic, so I think anything goes when it comes to personalities and abus- I mean, comforting Spike when he's alone. Usually, it's the teen fics that have the canon personalities with mature taking it a bit further.
2444630 I'm guessing it's a screw-up and that Spike is apparently only 5 or 6 in dragon years which is 15 or 18 in pony years. So basically this is like canon age in non-canon story.
2672529 It may seem a bit OOC, but that's the thing. how they are acting right now fits their personalities. In the show, they are usually all happy and blah blah. But here, they are shown to still be that way AND actually have a few real problems, such as Rarity actually admitting that Spike can be a bit of a pest. And Pinkie couldn't blame him since he had a crush on her. IMO, anyway
This ruined it, ruined it... no thanks.
2395213 What ruined it? You could at least tell me what I did wrong in your opinion.
2395213 please explain in a little bit more detail friend. if you think the author did something bad you should explain why. otherwise you may end up hurting the feelings of the author who is writing a story he is putting his heart into. to the author, i like what you have done i really do, but you should go back a re read the story, i couldve sworn i read someone instead of somepony in their. also why is twilight prohibiting rarity from getting togethor with spike? just a few minor things, all in all i enjoyed it. you have my upvote!
The reaction of the characters, Pinkie, Twilight specially rarity was way too out of character, this ruined it for me but it doesn't mean it's a bad story just personal preferences.
2395311 Twilight isn't prohibiting anything. She was just saying, if Rarity leaves for Ponyville, she'll need a new wardrobe designer. In other words, Rarity would be fired. I'll explain this in the next update. As for the whole someone vs somepony thing, I've fixed it. My little mistake.
2395329 Oh? this should be interesting then. and yea it happens a lot its a very minor thing though just wanted to point it out ^.^
2395317 Out of character is seldom a perspective thing. I honor yours, of course, but I must dispute it.
I asked myself, would Pinkie confront, or ignore this situation? My overall thoughts was she'd take it head on, keeping with her free personality. Rarity tried to conceal herself, but with the thought of somepony else loving Spike eventually drew her to throw a mini tantrum. I asked myself if these reactions were correct, and the answer in my head was, yes.
Let me ask you, then. How would you've done this? Pinkie just acts like it doesn't matter? Also, there needed to be drama, and this was the perfect way of bringing just that. If there was any other way for the story to lead into slow escalation, tell me about it. Otherwise, thank you for reading, commenting, rating and being honest with me. This comment isn't intended to sound rude or snobbish, but I'm sure in the eyes of many, it does.
i don't know why but i can totally picture pinkie using spike's cum instead of milk in a strawberry smoothie
2395386 I'm gonna use that.
I might be reading too much into this but it seemed that Rarity might not quit her job. Anyways, confound these ponies!! Plotting behind Spike's back, planing to take his virginity as if it was a commodity, this got all my yes at the time, but Twilight using the flimsy excuse that Spike is her brother?! Come on man!! I'm all for the depraved and S&M direction this appears to be going in, so don't use that type of excuse in this fic!
Still this is very good horra for Pinkie standing up for Spike, boo for what Rarity fails to do, update MOAR
2395470 Updates will come daily. If I update it again today, it won't pop up in the update box, and it wouldn't get more attention. Be patient, please. On a side note, I'm not a fan of incest. I know, I'm a horrible monster.
2395498
WHAT?! YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF INCEST?! Well everyone has their own opinion, this is mainly going to be a PinkieXSpikeXRarity right? I could see Twilight being Spike's moral compass, of a sort, if she's not going to be with him romantically.
2395513 Yeah, Twilight's like that of sorts. I do plan on including a deep conversation between Twilight and Spike, but that's a while away.
2395520
Sweet! I'm all for TwiSpike but having them in a deep conversation is sweet, simply cause you could hit on so many things between them. I can't wait to see what you do.
2395547 Glad to hear it!
OMG! Update
2395619 A Spike x Pinkie fiction with some drama thrown in for good measure.
2395603 Tomorrow, I promise.
2395708 Why not?
2395724 Perhaps, instead of yelling at me, being all accusing like, you could point some examples out? Honestly, people telling me my grammar is flawed doesn't help unless they assist me by showing where I'm going wrong. Thank you either way. I'll see who I can find.
2395736
Desole, scusa, arrepentido!!
Sorry!! Cole tends to be a little vocal when it comes to grammar but don't take anything she says seriously. She blows up from anything, a misused comma, saying see when it should be saw, little nit picky stuff. Again apologizes I let her say what she wants but she doesn't always have something nice to say.
2395824 Cole? Sorry, but I'm a bit confused on names. Maybe if she came in here and pointed out my flaws...? Otherwise, she's not doing any good by having someone else read the story and get them to nag about errors but not help by showing anything.
2395842
Yes Cole is my assistant when I write my fics, I doubt she's going to come and read this fic anytime soon. She's a little rough around the edges but a better proofreader you would never find. Like I said dont take what she said seriously I'm sure not that many people are as nit picky as her.
You have my attention.
2395959 Sweet!
As a clop critic, I believe this had potential. I warn you however not to break Pinkie's character any further than this, as I don't see any alternate universe tag slapped to this fic. However if you are going with the whole pet thing where I think you are going, I will probably lose interest of it, as alternate universe fics rarely catch my attention, let alone clopfics.
2397062 The whole pet thing will prove to make sense most likely on the next update.
Certainly is a interesting project. I don't really care for the OOC that appears to be showing in, frankly because it's not a major issue. Everything is a little OOC at some point. I can deal with it.
Basically, what I'm seeing is that it's appearing to be a SpikexPinking pairing, but there is the rising action that Rarity is having second thoughts about what she did to Spike prior to leaving for Canterlot. As a result, it is completely up in the air. The only thing I see a little issue with is the complete naivete that Spike appears to be when it comes to carnal urges and anything sensual in general. But that's just me. I understand that Pinkie's there to let Spike in onthe benefits of morning wood as much as the next, but to be completely oblivous to it, is a little hard for me to believe it.
Carry on!
2397104 OOC or not, I think people will love the overall outcum!
2395227 i actually think Rarity was in character, and so was Twilight. Rarity is a shallow bitch and Twilight is pretty much Spikes mom.
2397359 Thank you! As for Pinkie, I guess she might've been a little OOC, but that's so debatable, it's funny.
2397399 well, the middle zone for pinkie's character is massive, if you consider her psychosis.
2397471
Super happy I randomly found this fic
Don't you dare fucking stop
So...um Rare, are you sure he a turn off now since he have two dicks?
Also I'm finding this story funny for the fact Spike is a sixteen year old teenager and dosen't know about sex. Damn you Twi and Celly!
Lol the gantlet has been thrown down! I've got my money on Pinkie Pie.
Was that a Bioshock Infinite reference I saw there?
I'm starting to lose interest in this fic now, because for me, the OOC-ness of the characters is great enough that it distracts from the story. Rarity is TOO much of a bitch, though not that far from canonly being a bitch, twilight doesn't seem to be very "motherly" in the story, as it seems she doesn't care about spike enough that she'll let rarity AT LEAST take a break from her job to fix this entire predicament, and everyone's (but mostly pinkie's) theories on why spike's still a virgin, don't make sense. Twilight's regarded as the mother or sister figure to spike, and it's easy to see, so spike would have gotten used to being raised by and around her, and therefore, growing a romantic immunity to her, unless he already had a crush on her to begin with, and they would have known that.They both also know that rarity is annoyed by spike being constantly near her, so she wouldn't WANT to do him, and even if this is normal circumstances, they wouldn't have built a good enough relationship to get far into a romantic relationship to begin with. also the fact that spike is one of the most honorable characters in the show, so he has a HIGH chance of not having sex until he was in a commited relationship, or married. Pinkie lusts after spike WAY too quickly to start off with, and seems MUCH too bitchy with twilight and rarity in this.
BUT i'm going to give this a chance because
A. you might slap on the "Alternate Universe" tag, giving this story that much more credibility
AND/OR
B. You've produced some pretty good works before, so i'm going to have hope that you might fix these problems in the future, or at least address them
So there's my two cents about the story, and I hope that you'll regard them.
Sonicman501
2397475 um most say and agree that in dragon years is 3 pony years sooooo if spikes 16 then the mane 6 r surly over 48 and the crusaders are adults whats up with that
I think Rarity and Pinkie are OOC in personality as Rarity is never that much of a bit- I mean, jerk and Pinkie never talks that way to anyone, ever. Twilight is the most...normal in terms of canon personality except for the part where she'll fire Rarity for going to see Spike. Unless Twilight doesn't want Rarity to accept Spike's feelings then it's a messed-up position she put Rarity in. Then again, this is a mature fic, so I think anything goes when it comes to personalities and abus- I mean, comforting Spike when he's alone. Usually, it's the teen fics that have the canon personalities with mature taking it a bit further.
2444630
I'm guessing it's a screw-up and that Spike is apparently only 5 or 6 in dragon years which is 15 or 18 in pony years. So basically this is like canon age in non-canon story.
2672529 It may seem a bit OOC, but that's the thing. how they are acting right now fits their personalities. In the show, they are usually all happy and blah blah. But here, they are shown to still be that way AND actually have a few real problems, such as Rarity actually admitting that Spike can be a bit of a pest. And Pinkie couldn't blame him since he had a crush on her. IMO, anyway
Now that's some gypsy magic