Bonus Chapter- Off on a Tangent
[So my roommate will leave me alone- strong cursing to follow, and I'm so sorry if you actually read this]
The author sits in a rickety old chair, its wheels long missing it digs into the carpet rug. It squeaks with every move the author makes, shifting his form for a better position but never once letting his eyes leave the blank screen. He sat there for what felt like hours, pride keeping him rooted to the spot as he had told himself that no matter what he would get at least a thousand words done for the next chapter of his story.
It certainly didn’t help that his roommate had brought home a bottle of butterscotch schnapps. In most cases the author with a resistance to drunkenness could handle such a thing in stride before going off to fulfill all his writing obligations.
Schnapps though, schnapps made everything weird. It turned the little picture on the label into Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark.
His mind felt fuzzy and the thoughts became running images that did not stay long enough to reach his hand to type. Only a few transitory sentences lay upon his screen to fill the white void of the empty word document.
He gave a sigh, an Irish sigh. A sigh that barely could contain some deep seated depression and venom for the world that schnapps brought out. It also made him racist, god damn Krauts.It also made him quite positive Pinkie Pie was somewhere in his room plotting his downfall.
From the doorway of his tiny room he heard the doorknob twist open. A resounding kick was given to the door’s frame that caused it to violently swing inward and hit the dented wall next to it. “Beeeeeeeearrrrrrr!” the whiny voice called out as it entered the room on stocky weak legs, “are you jerking off in here?”
“No!” The author screams, he turns in his seat causing it to squeak, “I have important work to be done Arthur so leave me alone you bastard! And stop kicking my god damn door!”
The scrawny young man drunkenly laughs at the author’s slurred screams, “Oh my god man I think there’s a butterfly in my head. Oh hey! You do that thing with the writing yeah? Well could you like do a piece of me like doing it with Daring Do?”
“Why would I degrade myself by putting you anywhere in my writing you stupid little shithead?!” The angry author rants in his drunken stupor, “Who the hell you think you are giving me orders and trying to get me to write some god-damn fantasy for you involving a character from the world’s most sweetest cartoon in the entire god-damn world, you god-damn stupid ass-frikken-douche.”
The whiny man grabs his heart, “Because I am your biggest fan, and I love you.”
“Oh my god that means absolutely nothing to me!” The author cries out with his hands outstretched to the heavens.
“No Bear you’re not listening to me man. I. Frikken. Love. You. Not in a bromance way either, in a very sexual way… the very very sexual way.” He juts a bony finger at the author as he spoke with the seriousness of death itself.
“No. No sexual favors you douche, I’m tired you never paying me back. Besides you have a girlfriend or something.” The author says and swivels back to the white screen before him.
“She means nothing to me!” The whiny man says as he tosses his wallet into the air. It collides with the floor and is struck open to show a picture of the scrawny man with a gargantuan woman of unhealthy proportions,” She doesn’t have what we have!” he goes on in his annoying, high pitched voice that never seemed to go through puberty, “Which is this strong built up homosexual tension that you put in all your writing, so actually you're the one at fault here.”
“I do not have strong built up homosexual tension in my writing!” the author scoffs and laughs nervously.
“Oh yeah? Right this second read those sentences on your damn screen and tell me how many times the word ‘throbbing’ and ‘excitable’ come up.” The whiny man says with eyes narrowed like an Asian man’s eyes.
The author does as he is told, “I have both words in their twice, so what?”
“No, Bear, no. If you ever use the words ‘throbbing’ and ‘excitable’ more than once in a god damn paragraph you are putting way too much sexual tension in your story.”
“That is bull, there is absolutely nothing sexual at all about it. I never write anything… sexual” the author says with his hands performing a clumsy sweeping motion through the air.
“Well I saw you writing that thing with Applebloom-“
“No-no-no! That was a joke damn it! I wasn’t gonna do anything with it!” The author says quickly, his eyes dart over to under his messy bed where he was sure a pink blur had been moments ago.
“Uh-huh, pervert.” The scrawny man says and suddenly turns into a Pegasus for no reason what so ever.
‘Just…. Shut up and leave me alone.” The author said with barely contained venom just before everything got cartoony.
“Sure thing… oh wait Jane brought some whiskey over.”
“Oh sweet, crack that thing open!” And so they did, and they made a huge mess on the floor because you aren't suppose to literally crack open a bottle.
Arty and Daring Do were walking through the steamy jungle. The air throbbed with the sense of adventure and danger. Excitable macaws flew through the skies like bright colored kites that swept down to the ground again at the carelessness of their owners.
Arty turns to Daring and asks, “So… you want to like go do it?”
Daring responds by kicking him into a suddenly appearing and well placed river where Arty is promptly eaten by a crocodile in a way that would make Animal Planet proud.
THE END
Children, don’t drink schnapps.
Wow, and you didn't even need me to correct your spelling on this one... Your grammar is still terrible though.
That was more than a little beautiful. Not gonna lie.
233914 Stick and stones may break my bones mate
but words leave scars that last forever
I don't even ... wat
I shat myself at the "throbbing" part
Oh Ex, you have NO idea how many docs I have in word fueled my drunken fancy. I mean, my story gets CONTINUOUSLY delayed by that shit. My version of your schnapps is actually malt whiskey, I hadn't tried it before, or I did, and I was too damn drunk to care, and it makes me loopy as all hell. I woke up from being drunk with that stuff and I had FIFTEEN docs of me yelling at myself for using the words,
Big
Small
Chuckle
Alcohol
Sexual Preference
And most importantly; Sodomy.
When I write drunk, I WRITE drunk.
EDIT: It's so fun to tell of my drunken escapades. Especially with someone who has at least equal to what I have had.
to late
Huzzah rampant drunkenness.
I can't fap to this
YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH for idiotic drunkeness!
234000 Then I have failed you my friend.
wololololol
But Schnapps is so... tasty.
Ah alcohol, it makes you feel more creative while robbing you of the abilities to type and make sense.
wat
234000
i.imgur.com/LAcEF.jpg
I feel, like, 20% drunker now. Not an amazing accomplishment, considering I wasn't drinking.
HOLY FUCK THIS IS SO MUCH WIN!!!
Seriously, if you aren't drunk in real life right now, then you either just did something amazing, or something terrible. Either way... me gusta.
Umm Da Fuk, i wanted celestia to accuse rorschrach of something; not a random guy getting drunk and being a homosexual...
I Am Deeply Disapionted.
First I was like:
And then I was like:
But after I was like:
This was a uh... a very... good chapter..?
shopb.com.br/ecommerce_site/arquivos4488/arquivos/1301367296_1.jpg
Ex, just put down that bottle, all right? Go get some sleep. You've stuff to do and Rorshach in Equestria to write.
First I was like:
And then I was like:
But after I was like:
I'll be the first to admit I wasn't sure about this concept when I clicked on it... eight chapters later, I'm profoundly amazed. Especially love Cold War juxtaposed with Equestria. I dedicate this beer I'm about to crush to you good sir.
I'll be the first to admit I wasn't sure about this concept when I clicked on it... eight chapters later, I'm profoundly amazed. Especially love Cold War juxtaposed with Equestria. I dedicate this beer I'm about to crush to you good sir.
Just so we're clear I forced NONE of you to read that!
You knew the risk and read that chapter anyway!
232829
to join our team you don't have to be the best
we would be glad to have you join, but first...a test
highly doubt you were drunk
232829
to join our team you don't have to be the best
we would be glad to have you join, but first...a test
highly doubt you were drunk
Rorschachs Journal: Feb 19,2012... The author's drunk again. I won't be going any farther into the plot tonight, need a drink. Also, went on strange thing called 'internet'. According to this Happy Harry, I'm nutty. Maybe drunk while writing this...
I feel tired from not sleeping all night, and now I feel drunk as well...
If anything, I should thank you
-Glassed
Me thinks your getting a little to used to Rorschach's broken dialect, hopefully you'll recover
Or you might end up on the moon....
Okay, that was fucking funny. I don't know how I would react to someone asking me to write them into a clopfic.
And then came Bruce Lee
This comes up after I drink a four loko.
I think Im drunker then I think for this to be like this
AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE NINJA ZOMBIE PIRATES
Author x Roomate OTP?
234446 I say something along those lines to pretty girls when they realise I've spiked their drink
Soooodomyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Fellaaaaatioooooooooooo
235561 I know that song!
235198 My answer
Well, this certainly makes me glad I didn't write any more chapters after I downed that bottle of amaretto in ten minutes yesterday.
Wut?
What the hell did I just read? I come here for Rorschach and Ponies, and I get THIS?
well, that was interesting
drunken escapades are always a good escapade
you do good work man
NOW CLEAN UP THAT MESS YOU FRIGGIN KRAUT!!
that is all
kthanxbai
236826 Intriguing. Your opinion is very interesting and well formulated, even if I don't necessarily agree with it. I do however see a flaw in your prediction of future events. Your theory relies entirely on the outcome that Princess Celestia is forcing the harmony in this world, and, while the direction you have proposed for this story based on this assumption is interesting and certainly is better for drawing parallels between MLP and Watchmen, it feels out of character, based on what we've seen of her in the show. I have to agree with one of the earlier commenters on this fic when I say that reading a "Tyrant" Celestia "just feels wrong."
237984
As I said, my supposition may be mistaken. We'll both have to wait and see how events play out.
238009 I suppose we shall. has anyone ever told you that you're a very agreeable person?
239237 you 'n you're darned city folk logic! Although you are absolutely right I feel absolutely too lazy to go change that so let's go with Rarity never working with a bipedal creature that tall before. There, compromise.
1. How often do you write drunk?
2. Does it help you write?
3. Can I have some whiskey? The shop man says I'm too small for alcohol, but I'm totally big enough to go on most rides at Disneyland. Really.
4. Irish sigh is best sigh.
5. I totally imagined you and your partner as the main duo from 'Withnail and I.' if you haven't seen it, go watch it. It's such a great film, yet so few know about it...