Discorded Humanity

by The Drifting Bard

Finale?

It seems to be chugging along at a good clip along relatively familiar terrain. Now my job is to walk up alongside the story with a crowbar and give it a good, hard WHAM! to move it into a different trajectory.

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I awoke with a slight pain in my lower back. Then I remembered I still had the scabbard on my side, the belt was constricting me slowly. Undoing the belt, the scabbard hit the ground with a soft thud. i picked up the sword, and laid it beside the door of the tent. Looking back into the tent, i noticed that Twilight was still sleeping, I simply smiled. I walked out to see the two Princesses standing around the head of Slaneesh. “Discord deserved better, your majesties,” they turned to look at me, they were smiling, although Celestia still had a few tears to shed.
“if you’ll allow it, I wish to give him a proper burial,” I smiled “after all, I may not live for the fight, but that was the best I’ve had” I chuckled. I watched as a shovel materialized in front of me.
Grabbing the shovel handle, I walked over to a nice secluded spot and started digging.
After about an hour, I picked up the disembodied head and placed it into the hole.
After burying the head, I walked back, shovel in hand. “now that the jobs done” I muttered to myself, I glanced over to where the fire was, the 8 ponies all sitting around telling jokes to make light of an already solved problem. I sat down next to Applejack, “who wants to hear about the fight?” I asked with a cheery sort of tone in my voice, Rainbow Dash looked at me with wide eyes, after watching 8 heads bob up and down in agreement, I filled them in on every little detail.

“that must have hurt,” Redheart said, the air of worry carried over to the two sisters “but I can see why you did it” the nurse continued, I then told them about a bad pun I attempted to make at the recently deceased’s expense. Everyone laughed.
“What’s all this laughing about?” a tired voice called out from the tent.
a dishevelled Twilight stepped out into the light, taking in the sight of a world returned to normal. I craned my head round to look, “hello love” I said with a smile.
“MONKEY!” She shreiked, how she came to that petname, I’ll never know.
i suddenly found myself underneath a very happy, teary-eyed Twilight Sparkle.
I placed my hand on her cheek, “it good to see you too” I said with a cheeky grin, bringing her forehead to mine, I leant upwards to kiss her.
She returned the favour. Of course nopony wanted to interupt this lovely scene, but it had to be done. “uh Twi? Would ya mind getting off of Dave for a moment, I have a feeling the princesses want to talk to him” I heard a few chuckles. As she moved over to let me up, I winced a little bit. “Now then, all of you, we are heading back to ponyville” Celestia announced, looking at me for a moment. I suddenly dashed into the tent, and grabbed the sword.
“Dave, will you be flying?” the princess asked, I shook my head, looking a little annoyed. “nevermind then, hop in” the princess indicated the chariot door was open. All 9 of us clambered up the steps into the chariot. I sat down next to Twilight with a large grin on my face. “I suppose the rest of ponyville will want to know about what happened” Twilight said to the princesses, who simply nodded. I watched the clouds go by, happily humming a song which had made its way into my head. “Dave? Whats that song your humming?” Rarity asked with a smile. I looked at her for a moment, a smile slowly making its way back onto my face. “i cant really remember the name of it,” she looked at me for a moment. “kinda crept its way into my head as I fought Slaneesh,”
her eyes widened as the others gazed at me. “does it have lyrics? Could you sing them for us?” Twilight asked. I scrathed my head for a moment. Finally nodding
for you, love? Anything” I smiled, I let out a slightly mournful melody.

Twilight looked at me, as I went a deep shade of red. “that was….just…” she couldn’t think of anything. For once she couldn’t think of anything. But her actions speak louder than words.

After having our tounges battle it out for supremacy, I took a deep breath. We noticed the others staring at us. I opened one eye catching a glimpse of a few of them turning around slightly embarassed because of the scene. After breaking the kiss, our eyes met once again, however, I noticed a small glint in her eyes.
I smiled, pulled her into an embrace, then i went right next to her ear. “later, love… later” i whispered, raised my head, and winked. I watched as she went a deep crimson. Her eyes glistening in the morning sunlight. As we landed, I watched as ponyvillians trotted up to greet us.
“Mayor Mare, have your ponies set up a press stand for us, we wish to make an announcement” the white alicorn spoke. The mayor nodded, and rallied ponyville.

After what seemed like half an hour, a large gathering of ponies were stood in the town center. Lots of chatter and questions were raised. “my little ponies,” Celestia walked up to the podium. The ponies fell silent.
“as you know, recently a Human named Dave had somehow ended up in this world,” I was leaning up against a wall behind them. “from what I have heard, he has repeatedly put himself in harms way for you,” the princess continued. “recently, he has defeated a new threat to all Equestria,”
I smiled, “Dave, step forth and kneel” I walked up to the alicorn sisters, and promtly knelt, sword stabbed into the ground in front of me.

“by power of the sun,” Celestia started “by the power of the moon,” Luna spoke her part. “we dub thee, Sir Dave, Knight of the wind, Defender of Equestria” i felt the two horns tap my shoulders.
“rise sir Dave” I stood up, and placed the sword back into its scabbard.
“thank you your majesties” I bowed, the two sisters looked at me for a moment.
“you can make a speech ya know” Spike said to me.
“Cant be arsed, not really good at them, Pinkie Pie, are you Pinking what I’m Pinking?” I said jokingly, the pink party pony in question looked at me, confused for a moment. I walked up to the podium.
“ponies of ponyville, the impromtu party starts now,” I chuckled.
“but seriously, I was doing what anyone else would do to protect their new home”
I walked off. I heard the ponies conversing once more.

After the pricesses left to take care of Canterlot, I found myself under the same tree I had snoozed under, Sword still by my side.
“Dave, is…is it true?” my vision was blocked by a set of eyes infront of mine.
“whoah hold on Lyra, whats this about?” I asked.
“you and twilight? Is it true?” I nodded with a big smile, but then a shocked expression fell on my face.
“oh crapbaskets, I totally forgot” I hugged Lyra and sped off, leaving the teal coloured unicorn effortlessly confused.
I knocked on the door to the Library, taking a deep breath. Twilight opened the door, using her magic to pull me inside. Oor lips locked for what seemed like an eternity.
“twilight…”
the heat on my face could only state that i was blushing again. she dragged me to the bedroom.
The next I know is she’s pushed me onto the bed and had crawled on top of me. “is the door locked?” I didn’t notice until now, but I heard the door lock.

“you ready my love?” I asked her, she nodded, breathing heavily, we locked lips once more, then started on what could very well be the most exhausting enjoyable feat of endurance I have ever been a part of.
You know the saying “when two become one” I didn’t think they met literally.

she completely lost herself to passion and lust, pushing me down onto the bed, tugging at my jeans.
I was certainly getting a rise from it. Giggety was the only thought I had.
As she virtually ripped my jeans off, i felt a pair of hooves pull my flaccid penis out.
“er, Love, are you sure about this?”
she didn’t say anything. I laid my head back, expecting this to be just another joke played by my mind.
But it wasn’t. I felt a tongue slide itself up my shaft, curling itself gently around my balls.
“by the gods”
“I’ve been with a unicorn before, just thought I’d put it into practise elsewhere” she gave a sultry smile.
“what came next was no surprise as she took my now stiff member into her mouth.
I was enjoying every minute of it.
She then shifted herself around, finally resting on top of me.
“your turn” she giggled.

The gramaphone was jamming out a pony version of barry white for a few hours. Spike was banging on the door, complaining about the “noise”
We made love for 5 hours, which felt more like an eternity. We fell asleep in each others arms after a while of talking it over.

Within two days things had returned to normal, I helped clean the bedsheets, seeing as it was partially my fault they were in the current state of…well…. Best not to explain in full detail why they were in the state they were in. I must have gotten over excited, if you get my meaning.

I stepped out into the world, the scars were the only ting that remained. The sword made its home on my side once more, ready for what ever danger that would lurk too near the town edge.

She was still wearing my pendant, but I was happy enough knowing that it was safe.

I took another walk, this time Twilight remained by my side during the day.
The joy spread across my face was apparent whenever she kissed me.
The fight against Chaos had been won, and I have finally called this place my home.

After all, home is where the heart is, and my heart is with Twilight.
but the gods had a sick sense of humour, i felt a pull.
it was small at first. "Monkey, whats wrong?"
a flash of light illuminated the path.
"i dont know, but something is pulling me in"

without any warning, i was ripped away from her.
the portal was sucking me into a darkness.
i heard an ominous voice.
"you have done your deed"
"you are being returned home"
i attempted to argue.
"you will be called upon once more, when you are needed"

the light quickly dissapated.
i was back on earth.
but where?
.
the blistering cold.
the rain
.i was back in my hometown.
the very place i hated.

"Twilight needs me" i cried out.
there was a distinct chill in the air, like i was being watched.
i began to walk.

May the stars guided you to your next adventure dear reader.
And to those who have favorited this, I say thank you.
There will be more to come (get it) in the new year.

Comments

[Anteh]

That was one decent story you have there.
4.5 stars from me, since the start was a bit confusing. Heck, the whole story was a bit confusing, but still enjoyable

[The Drifting Bard]

172652
glad ya liked it :D

[Mobius of the Moon]

Nice one here. Thinking about continuing?

If you're wondering, I've only read to chapter three, so I'm just asking.

[The Drifting Bard]

173062
Dude, of course im going to continue it :D...
but im concentrating on TMDGB at the moment... which will soon be uploaded here :D

[Evocator]

i D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW'ed my heart out.....now i must use yours to replace my own