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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story is good. Scary good. So good it makes me dread every update.
Tragedy after tragedy, with so little to make it all worthwhile...I find this extremely difficult to read, but impossible to put down.
I don't know whether to praise your name or damn you, for this is one of the best stories I've ever read, but it still manages to make me feel so terrible at the end of every chapter.
I have to say that if it weren't for the letter-chapters, I would consider your story more heartache than it's worth. Those let me know Ben is working TOWARDS something. Those give me hope that maybe this story won't keep going along like a Shakespeare tragedy.
Then again, seeing your style, this won't let up until everyone is dead and Ben is brought back to his home world completely and incurably insane. At which point it will all be pointless, all the struggle for nothing.
great. I sound like Overcast. Joy.
2405166 I hope you don't mind, but I forwarded your comment to my editor. She was absolutely tickled to know that someone expressed her opinion of the story as well. Told me that she wanted the comment framed.
Oh, she did damn me for this story. Many times, in fact. I recall that I was at work one day, when I received a text from her that only said, "Damn you. Just, damn you." She had just finished her editing of Flinch's chapter at that time. That is why I let her have a lot of say when we wrote the introduction from the Editor "character", as she hoped to prepare everyone for what the story would be like.
As for the prediction about all of the struggle being for nothing, I wish to quote Ben for my thoughts here: "I don't waste my time with pointless endeavors." And Overcast was Logan's favorite character as I was working on this, if I recall correctly, so it's not all bad to sound like him every once in a while.
Thanks for reading, and thank you for your thoughts. It's nice to see where you stand.
2405373 Why would I mind if you forwarded my comment? I put it out in a free marketplace of ideas for others to see where I stand and draw their own conclusions. If anything, thank you for giving me a greater voice than what I can do for myself.
And a brohoof to your editor. Seriously, if I was forced to read the story with the kind of meticulousness of a proofreader, I'd have to take a handful of Prozac a day just to be functional. In terms of raw downer...ness...for lack of a better word, only one story on here can rival yours.
Diaries of a Madman, by WhatmustIdo. The single longest story on this site to date, and a wonderful read. So many terrible things happen to the main protagonist, and through each one he just becomes more and more...me.
Acting exactly like I do in day-to-day life, which says quite a bit about my character. All of it bad.
2405994 Indeed, she told me that there were some days that she just wanted to sit down and cry. Really did make me feel bad for writing out the story at some points, but it was heartening to hear her tell me it was worth it by the end.
To be completely honest, it has never been my intent to make this story a complete weeper. However, I suppose it was a bit inevitable when I picked my inspiration for it. The blog explaining how some of the story came to be is up; I would really appreciate if you would have a look. Leave a question if you have one, as it might really help me in defending myself or enlightening other readers.
I like to think that I did all I could in tempering the sorrow in this tale with as much humor and sentiment as was reasonable, and just enough that both Ben, and the reader, could hopefully hang on just a little bit longer. Sometimes all we can do is hold onto the little things while we take on a world of problems.
Also, you're welcome. I'm happy to pass along praises to the folks that helped me get this thing wrapped up.
2406126 So judging from the note at the bottom,this is supposed to be a series of stories?
....When the hell is the next one? :D
2406512 I'm so sorry, I really wish I could answer this question for you. The best I can say is, "When I feel it is ready." I do have a blog post that I hope to update frequently with small progress reports for anyone interested, but I am battling the true difficulty that is adjusting back into the story as it stands. My editing of this story took very long, since I did it all once it was complete. That was over 400 pages of 10-point-font text to edit alongside my main editor. I finished the final chapter of this last June, and did not finish with the final edit until February. Not that I don't want to write it, that's not the case at all, I just seem to be struggling to find the proper pacing and impact. Things either seem to be much too harsh or way too nonchalant, or pass too quickly or drag on. I'll find the balance, but I do hope everyone will be patient with me as I look for it. I can't afford another slow-start to a story, as I'm sure the beginning of this one was long enough to deter a lot of readers.
I don't expect this next novel to take that long, as I've already been keeping editing in mind and doing it namely on the weekends to keep things tidy, so once I finish the last chapter, it will be ready for release instead of sitting on my desktop as I dig through it for errors.
Of course, I promise that I will release a blog post that will ping anyone who has this story fave'd when the next novel is being released, so you don't have to fear missing it.
2406721 Honestly I think you are doing a wonderful job,the constant raging river of events and emotions just have me keep coming back for more and hoping to god you're finished by the time I wake up in the morning.
But eh,if thats what it takes to make it better than it already is(Still I think its fan-fuckin-tastic),then by all means go ahead,but I gotta ask....is he gonna see Songring again?
2406975 I really, really want to answer that, but I'm afraid that it might give too much away. All I can say at this point is that Ben's new situation is fairly clearly defined early on in the second novel, so there will not be that long of a wait to know the answer.
2408401 It had mentioned that some of the other ponies did receive superficial wounds, but I thought that such would be the extent after most of the shots had to pass through a skull before reaching secondary targets. I'm glad I got my estimation of the power of the weapon at least relatively close if that's the case.
As the old saying goes all good things must come to an end. Way to go out with a bang man this was a truly brilliant masterpiece of a story and your editor did an amazing job I salute him as well. And thank you for the opportunity to read a beautiful story. That is all
I think the song iridescent would go well with this chapter
2408565 Thank you for the suggestion! I went and had a listen to see for myself, and I think you may indeed have a lead there. I myself am more partial to instrumentals, so I'm afraid the actual music I listened to while working on that entry was fairly different. I was inspired most by Davy Jones' Music Box oddly enough. That might just be because I have always had a fascination with the sound of a steel comb being plucked.
2473669 I thank you for pointing this out, but it is something I have debated with myself and discussed with my partner, L. Rose and my editor. His understanding of measurements are meant to be relative. For example: Since he's not from modern realistic earth, whose to say that he's not under 3 feet by our own measurements? He never mentions a metric or refined system, so his use of a layman's imperfect measurement system leaves many open ends.
Perhaps I should have not used the term "feet", but would a made-up term really add much here?
Overall, I will simply need to beg your suspension of disbelief. However, if the incongruity with their size is too much to bear, then my apologies if you felt like your time thus far has been wasted.
2519641 Well, I don't remember which line specifically, but I know it had to do with a torn/popped off hoof.
"(considering that excessive twisting or stress caused the joint to “pop” and released fluid trapped within)" is one of those lines.
"Fuck, I think I broke something just now when testing the rotational and movement capabilities of the joints near the hoof. Crap, there's fluid everywhere now, and I can't seem to get it to go back in."
I'm thinking the blood in there would have gone stagnant by then.
2521672 Oh! That was synovial fluid inside the joint that Ben was referring to, not blood. I will admit to taking liberties of believing it would release if one "popped" a joint while the flesh around it was opened. I'll need to do some research on that to make sure, but that seems like a pretty esoteric piece of knowledge for me to find anyone who would know. I honestly have no idea if the body's diastolic pressure affects that in any way. If I can come across anymore information on it, I will be sure to update the section to more accurately describe the thought.
EDIT: However, I do take note that perhaps even from the character's perspective, the term "Fluid everywhere" would be exaggeration. As such, I've removed that mention to ease the minds of readers with much more biological knowledge than myself. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
2536815 D'oh-ho-ho, colorful. I see what you did there.
Sorry for not getting around to your comments sooner. I have been on the run recently, but I have been checking them out. The best way I can answer the question about Spike is that if nobody else will punish him, Ben certainly has the wish to exact some vengeance. Also glad you weren't too offended by the characterization of Derpy. You'll probably see that Ben never refers to her as challenged, just cross-eyed and simple.
2537679
Frustrating isn't it? I'm sure you can imagine how irritated me and Winters are about it. But hey, we have proof it's a good story from a few good folks such as yourself.
Also, to quote Winter's editor on this topic:
"It's like trying to feed fine caviar to a fussy baby with chocolate smeared all over its face."
Uh...
How the fuck is this not on the features box?!?!?!?
THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
THIS STORY IS AMAZING! :OOOOOOO
Trust me,
When I post that ^
I really mean this story is inconceivable, astounding, radical, awesome, and amazing all at the same time.
2538092 Ah, I have spent a little bit of time pondering this myself. I can come up with a dozen reasons, but I think the simplest reason is just that a story's length does indeed harm its "Popularity". However, just having comments like these from time to time are enough to make the whole endeavor worthwhile. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and I hope to have the second novel completed within our lifetime to share it as well.
2538501
:D
2538958 The simplest answer is, "Twilight's not at fault for this story taking place." That's the best way to validate/describe the first five chapters.
2544884
Oh. In that one chapter it made most sense for Luna to be speaking in the Author's Notes. It mentioned being surprised by a certain pony dying, after all.
EDIT: Oh. Dwarf Fortress. I really should start just reading Author's Notes.
oOo another long story i will be glad to read it
i sure do hope this another gem in the ruff
2546227 He got in enough trouble for crafting a crossbow in Ponyville. Trust me that one blunderbuss is going to cause him more than enough grief later.
2546219 Yes, the story was loosely based on a campaign of Dwarf Fortress. If that interests you, I have a blog post up called "Admissions About the Transient's Detail" that describes what game happenings were converted to story elements. However, it does contain spoilers for this story, so read at your own risk.
2546689 I'm glad you're willing to take the chance! If you don't mind, let me share a few comments from other readers that might ease your mind to let you know that, perhaps, you aren't walking into a huge letdown:
2405166 ; 2396183 ; 2406975 ; 2537679 ; 2538092
Good luck on the read, and hopefully it lives up to standards.
2547894
Well, barring a new character, it currently is either Twilight or Dawnstar. However, I don't think Twilight would be very surprised by Luna's letter or feel strange about archiving the journal.
I'm curious if the next segment will be cut from slightly different cloth than Dwarf Fortress, like perhaps a naval segment inspired by FTL. It could be interesting if Ben were thrust into a Star Trek: Voyager like situation.
Hell, now that I bring up Star Trek, Songring is actually a fair bit like DS9. The Deicidians are an easy analog of the Dominion. Hm.
"These are the journeys of Benjamen Prodder, whose ongoing mission is to repay his debt to Celestia, to uncover the mystery of his father's disappearance, and to boldly curse fate where no man has gone before!"
2590046
Well, shipping and what is viable for the story are two completely different things. I just don't like seeing Silence shafted like she was. Physically assaulted by Maple frequently while Benjamen basically lets her get away with it. She might be able to read minds and understand that Benjamen doesn't condone violence against her, but the fact still stands. Maple has attacked Silence both Physically and verbally (mostly verbally) in some pretty extreme ways and Ben hasn't really reprimanded her about it, like she did with Silence.
There's the whole angle of her abusing her telepathy to throw words back at Maple, but Maple had assaulted Silence verbally about her disability, physical appearance, profession, her traumatazing near-death experience and at least a few other subjects that slip my mind. The point being that Maple doesn't hold any punches while verbally assaulting her, but then gets rewarded (a biased opinion, I know, but I'm looking at this from Silence's perspective) after Silence shoots back.
I don't think that the herd idea would work, other than some interesting interactions between Maple and Silence. All I can think of being viable is having Silence suggesting it to both of them and then delighting us readers with Maple's and Benjamen's uncomfortable reactions to it. I am more than okay Silence being friendzoned gently as she is, just for the record, but I just think there's some comedic and dramatic chances there.
Also, I remember Maple slipping a line about Dawnstar "... getting to be the first mate" back when she barged in Benjamen's seaside office after the unicorn arrived. I might have misunderstood the remark, or I'm remembering it wrong, but I just think I should mention that.
As a last remark, now that I've read the story: I love it and I hate that it's as under appreciated as it is. You have a way with making your characters believable, with some real, uncomfortable flaws to them. I mean that in a good way, since most OC's tend to have whimsical quirks, or just distinctive appearances. You know how to construct a real personality for them and that's admirable.
I will be sacrificing small animals on a ancient stone altar dedicated to the Old Ones, praying for your update as I speak in tongues not of this world in your praise.
2590385
You just might be sacrificing livestock for a little while then. We -are- working on the second book, but there is by no means a definable time for its completion and release at this point. That said, I believe everyone that has enjoyed this story will enjoy the second book just as much. We've got some good stuff planned.
2594897 I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far! The height of the ponies was a decision on my part, and I do have some small explanation to give to help settles some readers' minds if they just cannot accept the concept of such a size. A user by the name of Linkerman brought up a similar concern, and I had responded with the following:
2473795
As for the issue with Flinch, it may just need to be thought of as one of the possible flaws that the story holds. My immediate statement would be that with how rapidly Flinch's health was declining, it would be to such a point that they would have to force-feed him. Without medical staff to sedate him for something like that, the chances of him choking or getting injured would be very high. Just didn't seem reasonable. Overall, it could be thought of as a flaw of Ben's character, as he believed it better to spare the settlers emotionally and physically from such a dangerous task than to save a single pony's life.
I don't know what came over me, but i read this all in one sitting.
Good gracious. This has to be one of the better fics I've read, ever. Especially one that works on world building. I could go on for about a page an a half why this fic works so well. The characters, the setting, the feeling of evolution of the main character, the new mythology. Its quite overwhelming.
This fic deserves MUCH more attention. And I mean it emphatically.
I really hope you have plans to continue because that ending. My gracious that ending. That has to be one of the most downer ending I've seen in a LONG while.
All in all. This deserves a spot on the top 50 best fics on the site. Now excuse me while I go promote the crap out of this.
2669020
It's intriguing how many can fall into that trap of going through the whole story in one go. It's part of my brainwashing experiments; glad to see it's working so well!
I thank you for your concern on the amount of exposure the story has up to this point. Some very kind readers have seen to it to pass the story along so far; and thanks to them, I almost have the ratings required to submit it officially for review for The Good HIE List! I do not worry too much on it, however, as the second novel is still on its way and will hopefully be genuinely better than the first.
Speaking of second novel, I promise that this ending is not the entire drop off of the story. It was simply the most appropriate ending point for the first novel of the series. I am actually writing this immediately after refinishing the tenth chapter of the second novel (it felt... unimpressive in its first iteration). Such editing is the reason, however, that regular updates are not made. Once a novel is complete, it will have daily updates until it is all posted, but I fear ever needing to go back and alter released chapters because they might conflict with later entries. So for quality control, I have to have this dreadful pause between mass updates.
Overall, I greatly appreciate the feedback, and will continue working to make sure this is not the last we see of these characters.
2675859 I like to think it's because of length rather than quality. Not as many folks are interested in whole novels, and it's easy to understand why.
Or I may be wrong and it's just because I'm a hack. I'm currently believing the first one though.
2686248 After so many years, one would hopefully learn how to tune it out for the most part. Still, moments of clarity can come over us all when we notice something that is always there, hence the times he'll make mention to it these days. Such as, I can't remember what the condition is called, but there's an air bubble in one of the joints of my neck, so when I turn it, I can hear a tiny popping noise as it shifts. After so many years of it, I've come to tune it out, except for the few occurrences where I think about it too much.
Like right now. Great. Now I have a day or two of realizing it's there when I turn my neck.
so about how much longer till you start pumping out the next book?
2687893
Hey there, J Winter's assistant here. We're currently hard at work on the next book. However, due to length, writer's block and extensive quality control, we do not have an estimated time for release. Once we get closer to the end of it, we should be able to come up with a rough release date.
In the mean time, thank you for reading the story. It means so much to us that folks are enjoying it as much as they are!
Two things
1. That caravan is twilight and friends isn't it?
2.Point me to the next novel. Right. Damn. Now.