A lavender unicorn groaned as she slowly sat up in her bed, which creaked in protest as if to yell at her to be more gentle in its old age. Slowly Twilight stretched almost like a cat, her joints snapping back into place with a series of satisfying pops. She carefully got up out of her stretch and ambled her way to the bathroom.
Upon reaching the bathroom, she turned the faucets to start running the hot water and went over to the sink to brush her teeth while waiting for it to fill up. She peered into her mirror and saw the same mare she saw every morning: a twenty-two year old Unicorn with purple hair with a pink stripe running through it. Her luminous purple eyes gazed back at her with glowing runes curving all along her face, ears and horn. Some formed recognizable symbols, like the one in the middle of her forehead that had two lines going down then curving away from each other then in on themselves; the Equestrian Arcane Rune for Binding. Others, like the lines under her eyes that made it look like she was crying, had no known meaning to her no matter how many books on runes she had scoured. The set that stood out the most were the twin runes in her eyes; the ancient Neirse Rune Ehwaz. The meaning, in this case, was "harmonious power," for quite obvious reasons. Her personal favorite, though, was the one near the base of her horn; Sol. It was a symbol that looked somewhat like a backwards S, signifying to her the Sun and the strength of her will and control over her magic. It reminded her of Princess Celestia.
Twilight sighed in annoyance as she charged up her horn to re-apply her illusion spells. The runes glowed even brighter, the Rune of Binding in particular one of the brightest, exceeded only by the glow in her eyes.
'That's the third time this month my Illusions have been wearing off early,' she thought in frustration steadily casting the numerous high level illusions to hide all the arcane markings marring her body.
She started with her hooves and, as she started weaving the illusions, the markings disappeared as if she rolled stockings up her legs. Runes for speed, strength, and control among many others that she does not know the meaning of started to slowly vanish.
She sighed again as she thought back to how Rainbow Dash had nearly found out about her Runes.
"Hey Twi, how's it hanging?" the rainbow maned Pegasus asked as she lazily floated above Twilight on a cumulus cloud
"Mmm," Twilight mumbled as she was re-reading through one of her books by Star Swirl the Bearded on Runes and their meanings.
Rainbow Dash's eye twitched in aggravation, but she tried to keep her calm. "What are you reading that has you so enthralled Twilight?" she asked sarcastically
"Mmm," Twilight mumbled again, turning a page in her book
Rainbow growled under her breath as her anger rose. 'Oh come on! I thought me using one of those big words I saw in one of the Daring Do books would surprise her enough to get a reaction.' She fumed for a bit before, slowly, a sly grin graced her muzzle as she thought of a way to prank the oblivious Unicorn.
Runes are among the most powerful of magykal mediums; they give ponies the ability to create the most stable of arrays a unicorn has naught to do but give a spark of magic to set the array off. The primary problem with Runes, is that if there is even the slightest waver in the rune, then the whole of it is ruined and could potentially spell disaster for the high level spell you are trying to cas--
KRAKA-THOOOOOOOM
Twilight screamed in surprise as the glow around her horn cut out, her book falling to the ground, its pages bent and the spine facing upwards, gilded letters shining from the sunlight reflecting off of them.
Twilight's eye twitched. "Rainbow Dash," she growled as her her mane and tail started to smoke slightly.
"BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!" Rainbow was in the air clutching her stomach, a mini cumulonimbus was floating next to her, sparking with leftover static electricity as she laughed hard at her friend's reaction "Y-YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE HAHAHA!!"
Twilight's mane and tail were smouldering now, and it seemed she was just about to have another flaming episode like she had when she was trying to figure out Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense. The smoking stopped abruptly and an evil grin formed over Twilight's muzzle as she took a step towards Rainbow Dash, her horn lit up with her magic as a purplish aura surrounded Rainbow; making her stop laughing and start sweating in nervousness.
"Ahehe T-Twi?" Rainbow's eyes shifted left and right, futilely looking for a way out of the inescapable grasp of her friend. "Th-there isn't any hard feelings right? It was just a harmless prank."
Twilight's horn glowed brighter but, unbeknownst to her, her eyes began to glow as well. She slowly brought the pegasus up higher, then used her magic to put a temporary bind on her wings. She let go of her magical grip, making Rainbow Dash fall to the ground with a solid fwump.
Twilight walked over and looked down at Rainbow Dash and smirked. "That is why you do not mess with my books," she said in a false-haughty voice
"Ahehe. Yeah, I get ya Twi," Rainbow put a hoof behind her head, closing her eyes in a sort of upside down kind of smile. She started a bit then blinked twice in confusion. "Um. Twi? Your eyes," she pointed her hoof at Twilight's still glowing eyes, "Why are they glowing?"
"G-Glowing? O-oh! Yeah, I channeled some magic to give them that effect. Give me a second." Her horn glowed for a bit and she closed her eyes as she applied a quick illusion spell. She opened her eyes again and they were their normal purple eye color again. "See? Just a spell."
"Oooooooooh," Rainbow Dash said in understanding. "Well as I was sayi-- wait is that the time?!" she yelled in shock as she looked at the Sun's position in the sky "I'm gonna be late for work! Gotta dash Twi!" With that, Rainbow flew off at breakneck speeds, leaving a rainbow trail in her wake.
Twilight kept a smile on her face, watching as the trail grew fainter and fainter as Rainbow went off to do her job as weather manager. As the trail fully left, so did her smile as she all but collapsed in relief and not a small amount of fear
"That was too close."
All the runes but the ones on her face and horn, now covered by the Illusion spells, she sighed again as the spell creeped over her fur. The spell created a nigh impenetrable barrier that only Princess Celestia or Princess Luna could forcibly dispel.
'I seem to be doing a lot of sighing today,' Twilight thought as the spell finally creeped over her eyes, concealing the glow and the runes inside them.
She sighed once more then turned back to the bath and started as she saw that the tub was nearly overflowing. She hastily ran over and turned the valves to stop the flow of water, but now she couldn't get in as getting in would flood the bathroom floor. Sighing once more, she unstoppered the tub for a bit as she waited for the water level to get to a more acceptable level.
'That was too close,' Twilight sighed again, this time in relief. 'That spell takes way too long to cast sometimes, but one can't argue with results, I guess.' When she saw that the amount of water in the tub was at an acceptable level, she stoppered it again.
She carefully climbed into the tub hissing a bit as her legs touched the steaming water. She lowered her whole body into the tub hissing some more then sighing in relief as the hot water did the trick and slowly loosened her overly stressed body.
As she was relaxing, her thoughts strayed to other matters; in particular, how she got the arcane markings in the first place.
Flashes of light. Electricity dancing through the air. Pain. Pain all throughout her body. Want to scream. Can’t scream. Gonna die. Gonna--
knock-knock-knock-knock-knock
Twilight jerked out of her reverie as a voice carried through the wooden door. “C’mon Twilight, we’re going to be late for the trip to Canterlot at this rate!” It was Spike, her faithful assistant.
‘What was going on today?’ She searched her memory for the answer to that question but was coming up blank. Until it hit her full force.
“I’m meeting Princess Celestia today!” she exclaimed in horror at the fact that she could ever forget about meeting her mentor and teacher.
A sigh of exasperation met her on the other side of the bathroom door. “Yes, and if you don’t get ready soon, we’ll miss the train to Canterlot.”
Twilight practically shot out of the bathtub and used a spell to dry all her fur as quickly as possible, leaving the faint scent of burnt hair as a result. She dashed out of the bathroom, her horn glowing. After grabbing things off the shelves in her room in a panic and the suitcase of prepared clothing, she started packing some of her books and toiletries.
“Um, Twilight?” Spike hesitantly asked, “You do know we’re just there for a weekend visit right? A casual visit at that so you don’t need clothes, either.”
“Can never be too prepared, Spike!” she yelled in a hurry as books flew off their shelves and flew back on them as she glanced at titles of books and discarded them.
Spike ducked under a large, heavy-looking book titled ‘Canterlot Castle: A History Vol. XXIX’ and had to quickly jump over another even larger book titled ‘The Extended History of Rocks: Abridged Version.’
Just as he was about to be hit with another book, he grabbed it out of the air and read the title out loud. “ ‘The Extended History of Llamas’? Why would you even need a book like that in the first place, Twilight?”
Twilight paused, all the books in her magical grasp hovering in place. She then chuckled sheepishly. “Ahehehe, I guess you’re right, Spike.” She hesitated slightly. “But I’m going to bring along my Rune books, at least.”
“Should I bring my rune maps as well?” Spike asked, shelving the heavy book in its proper place.
Ever since she had gotten the Runes, she had tried her best to record all of them on her body so that she could study them more thoroughly. There was one glaring problem, though; she couldn’t see or draw all the runes accurately. When Spike had finally grown old enough to start being her faithful assistant, she asked him to map out her Runes onto parchment. At first, his attempts at drawing were pitiful, to say the least, looking like nothing more than just random scribbles. In order to further help Twilight, Spike took it upon himself to keep practicing his art until he became adept enough at it so that he could copy the runes on a Rune Map flawlessly.
Twilight smiled at the memories. “Yes, Spike. Please.”
Spike saluted. “Be right back.” He hurried to the study to grab them.
She giggled at how cute he could act then went back to packing, putting away the majority of books except for her Rune books. She looked around her room, seeing if there was anything she had missed. Seeing nothing else, she picked up her bags in her telekinesis and put them on her back. She descended the stairs to see Spike carrying several of his Rune Maps in his arms, struggling with the height and weight to the point of toppling over on them. She quickly grabbed the pile with her magic and put them in her bags neatly.
“Thank-you Spike.” She gave a small rub on the top of his spines in appreciation. “I don’t know what would happen without my number one assistant.”
“Everything would be in flames and the library would be a mess,” Spike said in a teasing tone.
Twilight rolled her eyes as she opened the library door and trotted past. Spike quickly ran past her, eager to get to the train station as quickly as possible. Twilight carefully shut the door behind her with a resounding click, quickly trotting after Spike so as to not get left behind.
“Alright, Princess. I hope you have found some answers for me this time.”
I like this premise. I can't help but wonder what will happen next. Adding this to my favorites list.
Very interested to see where this goes.
-posts story- okay now to wait for the likes and possibly couple of favorites
-5 minutes of nothing at first then gets first like- oh yay~!! OH and they faved as well -claps happily-
-another 3 minutes- 3 more likes and faves? yay~!! unexpected, but yay~!
-stomach growls- okay time to eat some food then come back
-eats waffles for about 10 minutes- mmmmmm waffles~
-Comes back to see over 10 likes and faves- HUHBUHWUH?!?!?!?!
-refreshes and even more show up- NUUUU STOP!!! I'M JUST A NEWBIE WRITER!!!!!! -flails-
This is what happened more or less.... -facedesk- if this hits the feature box i won't be able to handle the pressure DX
This story is very intriguing, I'm interested to see where it goes. Liked and faved.
Something tells me that Twilight is gonna end up nearly destroying the town..... again
Come on lana get in that feature box.
im waiting in suspence for the next chapter cause it seems intresting
so close to that feature box ;.;
2142458 Isn't it exciting not knowing what's gonna happen? 'cause honestly NOT EVEN I KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN XDD I'm just writing this by the seat of my pants, letting the world form as I go along
Good job Lana, I can't wait to see the rest. You don't happen to remember me do you?
Interesting ill keep a eye on this thats for sure. I wish you luck on further chapters/projects!
Maybe you could call the story...Etched...maybe, because I assume she had to basically etch the runes into her akin. Also, this kinda reminds me of the death gate cycle with their patryns, they're a human-like race that use rune tattoos for their magic.
The summery reminds me a lot of the "world of cardboard" speech Superman made once. Definitely reading this when i can!
Post read edit: you're off to a great start here. I'll just sit over here with some popcorn, waiting for the inevitable reveal of her true form to her friends.
2143440 Nice name for the story, but here's a problem, one its on her fur like her cutie mark, not her skin, and two, she never asked for these runes, I would explain more but that would give away secrets now wouldn't it? =3
Quick question. If using that small amount of magic on Rainbow caused the illusion spell on her eyes to disappear, why didn't it when she used more magic? For example, when she levitated the ursa minor in Boast Busters.
Can't wait to see how this turns out!
Yes. I like this.
Do go on.
I think there should only be one year.
This sentence is wordy and redundent. I would say:
"Twilight practicly shot out of the bathtub and used a spell to dry off quickly, leaving a faint smell of burnt fur as a result..."
Or something like it.
Other than that, you have an interesting story I'm tracking.
2144405 Thank-you for both those corrections ^_^ gonna fix those now
this looks interesting, will read later, you've got my eye.
An author who does not know how his or her own story is going to progress? Join the club!
Welp.. can't sleep.. might as well start working on Chapter 2... I hope to get chapters out around once a week at the latest, hopefully more frequently than that, but no guarantees people
There were a few missing commas and periods that I noticed at the end of the first bunch of paragraphs and a few of spike and twilight's lines, but otherwise, a good start to an interesting premise. Let me know if you want help fixing those. On another note, I find it very interesting that even Celestia hasn't been able to figure anything out in all the time Twilight's been her student.
I like the premise of your story. I noticed some grammar/syntax issues though. While I don't have time to document them thoroughly, here are the kinds of things you should watch for more carefully in the future.
illusion's should be illusions. Also, that they've "been wearing off" on three separate occasions sounds strange. It seems like either they should "have been wearing off" once, or "have worn off" several times.
You are frequently leaving the punctuation off the last sentence of a paragraph. See the first and second paragraphs, you'll want to look at all of them though I think.
Some of your sentences read a little breathlessly.
here I'd put a comma between "tub" and "hissing."
Here the tense disagrees, "starts" should be "started"?
2145920 2146679
Thank-you both, the changes have been made... although I could only find one instance of using "Been wearing off" admitetdly i'm really kinda tapped out when it comes to self-editing, do you mind pointing them out for me, howitrackstory? I would be really appreciative.
I seriously need to get some pre-readers, if only to get the majority of the small grammar mistakes and punctuation errors I make -facedesk-
EDIT:.... it might help if I give the google document to them with the abilitiy to actually EDIT IT!!! -facedeskfacedeskfacedesk-
Okay I made another Edit to this chapter, I explained where the HECK that "Kraka-Thooooom" sound came from, it was pretty self-explanatory where it came from but I think adding that made it better, And I also changed some wording when she covered up her glowing eyes to have it make more sense with the rest of the story, in my mind at least
"Just a newbie writer" Well then you better give us more so you can get a better title.
This has enough mystery to keep you attention, the plot is interesting and its not rushed or slow. Hope to see more soon.
ok, this seriously grabbed my attention. just one question. are you going to update regularly, or is it gonna be whenever you have time? would prefer regularly, but if your new at writing then i'd suggest trying for regular but not pushing yourself to keep to the schedule. and if for some reason i have insulted you with anything in this comment, please feel free to tell me as i seem to have hit a stage in my life where everything i say or type offends someone to some degree. minus all that other stuff, awesome story!
2147446 you didn't insult me in any way, I'll try my best to update regularly, but inspiration doesn't come easy, its a valuable commodity ... anyways I'd like it if you were to say "this grabbed my attention" to point out what it was that grabbed your attention, it helps me better myself as a writer if I am hearing what I got right, and what I didn't get right, so I know what to do again and what not to do again and it might even give me ideas on how to twist it so its not always the same thing, stuff like that, now PLEASE don't feel obligated to do that, I just would like some sort of feedback like that ^^;
2147752
sure, let me read it again and i'll see what i can point out. oh, and i LOVE the cover art.
2147754 Thanks~!! be sure to check the source link I put there, the artist is SERIOUSLY good its what gave me the inspiration to write this to be honest. I mean I was just surfing the web for some new pictures, was in the mood for magical twilight pictures and well.. got THAT image in google images, and suddenly this story popped in my head and so I thought.. MUST WRITE!!! and here I am, first story ever and I have over 150 faves..... @__________@
Oh, I'm intrigued, must watch this.
Good story by the way, I didn't find any mistakes that stick in my mind, well done, expecially for a first.
Nicely done, hoping to see more soon.
Honora Imperator
I have to say that I love to see stories that show just how powerful Twilight is, not to the point of being a total mary-sue but enough to give everyone pause. I hope to see this update faster than some of the other stories where twilight is powerful
*COUGH* Expectations *COUGH*
OOOOOOO suspense
Hmm, I'll be tracking this....
sorry i didn't respond earlier had a dentist appointment. anyway, all in all your a very good writer. spike seems a bit to formal, but that might just be me. good job on their personalities, your descriptions of, well, everything are so far excellent, if it were me i'd try and give this story some sort of time reference (like adding at some point something akin to 'it had only been a few months ago that we'd visited Canterlot for cadence and shining armors wedding, and now i'm back hoping my teacher can help solve my great physical mystery' or something like that), if you start adding things in that have no point of obvious reference( for example 'the ancient neirse rune ehwaz' in the first paragraph then i strongly suggest making some little explanation to go with it, or if it has an actual fact to go with it the try putting it at the end of the chapter. like, you mark it with a '(1)' or something, then at the end of the story you explain it in detail. there's tones of better writers out there than me though, so i suggest you look through many, if not all, of your comments and see what others suggest. anyway, great story! very interested as to HOW she got those runes in the first place.
2144531 One more correction. "practically" not practicly.
2150283 thank-you for that input and HERP DERP I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THE NEIRSE PART!!!! I even said to myself over and over to put that fact in the Author's note but.. yea.. herpa derp gonna fix that now
2150391 ummm look again hun, it IS spelled Practically.
I really like it! A lot of stuff could happen, and such a great idea.
2150457
I assumed the story had the same error as this guy's comment, lol.
looking back in the story, it appears that is not the case. good day! :D
Keep it up!
There were some tense issues and you could polish some sentences that sound repetitive, but past that looks like an interesting concept.
It's not a bad start, but there's a few things you should probably address.
* When using numbers in your fic, always write them out instead of using digits. (22 => twenty-two)
* Try to filter out what is relevant to the story. Your description of Twilight is kind of an example. Also dropping everything there is to know about the character straight away doesn't do much in character development. Try working the information into the story as it happens. Don't even explain it outright, let the reader draw the conclusions.
* Watch your paragraph length. If a paragraph is more than six lines, then it's probably too long.
* You might have to re-check your sentences in the first paragraph. There's a comma splice in there. A couple in there could use some fat trimming too. Re-reading your work for fluency never hurts.
Hope this helps.
Off to a good start, I'll be favoriting this to see where it goes.
2143672 - Wait... Twilight herself (possibly with Spike's help) never actually etched any of the runes that cover herself? She got them at some other point and is seeking to discover why?
The story itself was a bit confusing on that part. Part of it seemed to imply that they were placed on her by something else, though she knows not what or why (probably Celestia), and she's been hiding them forever in effect.
But the bits about Spike and learning to write them himself I took to assume that she was learning them and had applied a few runes to herself, even if not all, because of some of the undecipherable runes.
I'm going to leave a comment on this! Eeeep! I don't comment on things, cause I'm scared! But, this was awesometastic! Iv'e always liked the cover picture and never thought someone would make a story about her having runes on her. Sure, there's been people that use that as a cover picture, but it never has anything to do with runes. Or maybe there has, but I haven't seen it. Aaaaannyway, please continue! I wonder if her friends are going to find out...I hate when someone is telling what happened, they always get interrupted! But, I guess it's better not knowing. For now. I guess that would've just given away everything in the first chapter, huh. Good writing! Heh. Okay, I'm gonna stop writing now.
I almost read for the cover art..