Authors Note: This takes place after the end of the original Rainbow Factory, when Rainbow Dash had just captured Scootaloo at the end. All events taken after are all my own work.
Rainbow dash pushed hard on the now-trapped Scootaloo's chest, making her scream in pain.
"You think this is funny" she answer back, with anger in her tone "You have wasted my own precious time in capturing you back. You should have just stayed and died, like a good little filly, but nooooooo, you just had to go out of your way and cause a ruckus, making us tear up this Celestia damn place to get you back. Do you know how annoying that is?"
Scootaloo didn't replay, still rearing back with pain, and did not notice the two mares fly down and stand beside Rainbow Dash. Neither did she notice other pegasus coming by, some landing, others just hovered in place. Yet they all seemed to make sure they were around Scootaloo, no matter how far away they were. Unexpectedly, Rainbow Dash started to laugh, and not to soon later the other pegasus did too, all laughing in garrison, echoing all other the area.
Scootaloo took this opportunity to try to escape, but sadly, did not get far, as Rainbow Dash noticed her trying to escape, and quickly closed the short distance Scootaloo had made, pinning her to ground once again. Scootaloo screamed in pain, as she felt like her ribs were being crushed.
"No. You're not getting away this time, Scootaloo!" Rainbow Dash smirked wickedly as she picked her up by her chin, but Scootaloo did not move an inch when she did so, knowing she had no chance of escape. She just simply closed her eyes as she remembered the two ponies who had never let her down. Her friends.
She remembered the fun times she had with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, playing with them and trying her best to get her Cutie Mark.
Applebloom.
Sweetie Belle.
She will never see them again, she knew that, and yet, she was glad; glad that her friends would never have to go through the same pain and torment she went through. They would live on, leading amazing and wish-fulfilling lives. Her only regret being she is never going to meet with them again. Not for the last time.
And Rainbow Dash, the one pony she looked up to, the one pony who she thought was going to help her through her flying, was, ironically, the one pony who was stopping her from flying at all.
And Aurora. Not her. Why? She did not deserve her fate. But it happened.
Scootaloo snapped out of her resistance and finally stood up. "Go ahead, kill me" she half-angrily, half-groggily yelled "At least now I know the truth about you."
"What? As if you know anything about me" Rainbow Dash replied nonchalantly
"I know enough" a sense of serous in her tone. "I know you love the Daring Doo novels, spending entire nights awake just reading them. I know you always wanted to join the Wonderbolts. Anypony who knew you knew that. I know you are the fastest flyer in all Equestria. as if I even needed to say."
Rainbow Dash didn't say, or do, anything. Seemingly being engaged in Scootaloo's speech.
"And I know", now in a completely serious tone, "that you are willing to kill poor, innocent pegasi if they aren’t up to your standards. Am I right? Huh? Am. I. Right? Scootaloo smirked at the end of her speech."
"My standards?!" Rainbow Dash yelled in shock!
"Yes, your standards." Scootaloo copied. "To you, Useless wings mean useless pegasus. That's what your standards are. So go ahead, be rid of me. At least I’m not giving you the satisfaction of trying to please you. At least I’ve proved myself worthy enough to go against your standards. So just go on ahead, I no longer care." And Scootaloo ended her seriousness by sticking a tongue out at her.
Whatever Scootaloo said, it must have been something that caused fear, of all things, inside Rainbow Dash, as it caused Rainbow Dash's grip on Scootaloo to loosen, and she dropped Scootaloo back down with a thump. "I, you, you little..." she trailed off, somehow taken back by Scootaloo's speech. "That's, IT!!! Shut up! Just! Shut! Up!" The other pegasi watched in a silent spectacle, confused by Rainbow Dash's broken outburst.
Just! You! Shut up now! Shut up ! Shut up! Shut UPPPPPPPPPP! She screamed as loud as she can, and, somehow, appeared to have been broken down. This didn’t last long, though, as her face changed unexpectedly from anger to a snarling disposition.
Rainbow Dash frantically looked round at the other pegasi, who seemed to just stare in disbelief at the mare in front of them.
"Huh? What is it? What the buck are you staring at? Do I look funny to you?" Her voice now rife in anger.
"Not fun being the centre of an awkward situation, is it?" Scootaloo smirked, and chuckled lightly.
Rainbow Dash stared back down at Scootaloo, and started to hit her! Repeatedly. Each time, Rainbow Dash yelled. And each time, Scootaloo yelled in pain. As suddenly as it happened, it stopped, with Rainbow Dash now slowly and heavily breathing.
Rainbow Dash said nothing. Apparently taking her time to collect herself.
As Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, she flatly said "Come on", now back to her cold, heartless self, and not even seeming to act like she remembered what she did not too long ago.
As Rainbow Dash put a hoof on Scootaloo, she now knew this is it! The finale for Scootaloo. Her last chapter. No one is going to save her.
"Goodbye" she barely whispered, before closing her eyes and waited for her impending doom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smash
Scootaloo reopened her eyes, and what she saw, made her jaw reopen too. In fact, it made every pony in the vicinity do so as well.
A pegasus pony had smashed straight through a window, and landed quickly, and yet somehow also gracefully, landed straight down onto the metal flooring, no less 15 pony lengths away from the young captive.
"Let her go!" it ordered in a stallion's tone. "Now!”
Please read before you down-vote
Having read it, I give my opinion.
I found a missing capitalization in the first line and missing punctuation in the second. That didn't bode well for the rest of the story.
I'm not sure what "serous" means, but you used it twice in the middle of the chapter.
I'm not sure what that's supposed to say, either.
You also left a few sentence fragments, like "Seemingly being engaged in Scootaloo's speech."
I definitely suggest finding an editor, or at least a pre-reader.
Either way, good luck with this story. Unofficial sequels usually get lambasted (I'm sure you knew this already, though), and little mistakes are much more likely to be picked up on.
2020872
Thanks.
One second...
You wrote a story taking place after Rainbow Factory, a story which you haven't sat down and read completely?
Fun fun fun.
2020875
I will admit I am intrigued by the character tags, though.
2020890
There is a reason for that...wink
2020888
Maybe it is.
I don't know.
I just feel that you should have the decency to read the story you're writing a story after.
2020909
I understand
2020913
I'm not sure you do.
2020917
Probably right
2020920
Are you even paying attention?
Or are you just saying yes to everything I say?
2020924
Listen. I HATE grimdark stories. I cannot EVER read them. I HATE them.
I made this unofficial sequel to shed some light on the horrible fic. If you like it, that's fine. I made this because I wanted too.
2020937
Wait a second.
You hate dark stories?
Then why publish a dark story?
You make far too much sense mate.
2020947
GRIM dark stories. Emphasis on GRIM.
2020953
How can you write a follow on and take away half of what the origonal was?
2020966
To write a better ending.
2020973
In your opinion.
2020981
Yes it is. Do you like the story?
2020982
Do you really want to know?
2020985
Not sure now.
2020992
I'm pretty sure you don't.
2020996
I don't.
2021004
Good.
I can leave now.
2021008
awwwwwwwwww.....
Look, i was'nt any good at English in school, so it probably will come out badly written
Why are you writing a story to rewrite the ending of a story you admit you haven't read because you don't like the genre? Like, what the fuck? This is what, anti-tribute? You're tacking onto the coattails of another author, not even giving them credit enough to read their story, but are more than willing to criticize it and with the ego to think you can make a "better ending". Bad form Peter, bad form.
2021039
Some things:
1) I say better ending in MY opinion, not yours
2) I skimmed it
3) Peter? Who is Peter?
2020888 No, it isn't.
2021052
Meh.
2021045
1. Yeah? Except people don't post stories to fimfiction for 'their own' opinion.
2. Skimmed it? Ok. And that gives you credibility... how? It's nothing but an insult. The fact that you knew enough about the potential response to make the first post asking for people NOT to downrate it immediately pretty much says enough.
3. encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSSkFeMVOscrEJSqhUu_TYj2x-Du5oxJETWEcbPkrokBYAS8TjM
2021106
1) I know that but everypony has a voice that can be heard
2) But the original story.......
3) oh
2021116 I would post my trademark review, but this thing just saps my anger. It's just....eh. Neither good nor bad :l, lucky you I guess
Scootaloo dies in The Rainbow Factory
2021181
That is what i am trying to do
2021184
This takes place just BEFORE she was about to die
alexanderhunt88
sorry I guess i derped up there
2021199
Don't blame you. Anypony's mistake.
2021215
thx
2021234
Anytime. Don't forget to read.
You're making a sequel to a story you didn't even read? How the fuck does one even do that?
2020937 So you made a story with the 'dark' tag, but you can't bring yourself to read the dark story behind what you're writing?
There are two possibilities:
1) You are a troll.
2) You are extremely stupid.
2021248
ok
2021249
Rainbow Factory was grimdark. This is just regular dark.
I am NOT a troll.
I probably am extremely stupid, though.
2021259
Thank you for your time.
2021266 Probably. If you just read the story, you'd be amazed how much your credibility will improve.
2021272
welcome
2021279
I understand. But, I cannot handle grimdarks.
2021288 Then don't write a sequel.
2021294
This is not grim.
2021301 It's still a sequel to a story you never read.
2021305
You are right. I know.