6000 words can't believe I wrote that much on such a simple chapter, kind of a resting chapter for Twilight, no drama, just lots of sex.

Grab a mug of apple-juice, microwave it, sprinkle in some salt, and enjoy while you read this chapter! *is not joking

Don't forget to comment when you are done =p.

At first i was all like
then I was all like
But then I lol'd

I'm in your unpublished chapter, woot.
Yeah I can see why you took it back down, there's a couple bits that could have been worded better, but apart from that, there aren't any spelling or grammar problems, so it looks pretty good.
Also, content-wise, awesome chapter

Hold on a minute. If everyone in ponyville apparently bucks like funnies, then how is Twilight going to "hurt the dragon and ponies she calls friends?" Besides Fluttershy, that is.

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>Twilight's relationship is all patched up with Spike right?
>She got away like a sly dog as she did things to her sleeping friend
>She is finally opening up to her friends

Everything is going great for Twi, nothing possibly could go wrong.

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Next chapter has a tentative title "White Wine" iunno if you can deduce anything out of that.

Alanthewhite, you sure are a encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRnPsjjnNgGcx-Qt29J7sKvAtIWgHtSJhpBh1jkTCEVc1X6s3uJOQ logist

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Yeah I think that my weakest point in the story is going to be the dialogue between characters because this is my first fanfiction in which I depict the characters exchanging meaningful conversation. Hopefully as I go along, it will start to improve

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As my editor and I say, ponies pee fuckin' is quite fascinating.

Once u clop u cant stop
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Excellent job my good sir please keep up the epic work.

This is amazing and awesome. And this may sound weird at first, but I find it adorable, too. Reason: The mane 6 all love each other, and even though this sex scene is out of lust, sexual relations (in my opinion) are saved for the ones you love the most. I think you should write a group orgy scene some point; havin it be sexy and hot, but loving and passionate, too.

Whats worse. The fact that I'm considering reading this (odds are I will). Or that I know what watersports are?

(Taps foot and points at the typos he corrected that are somehow still in here...)

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There were 2 >.>, got them fixed (pretty minor, Didn't capitalize Rainbow and said Twilight instead of she which isnt really that much of a big deal)

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If you do end up reading it, I'd love some feedback coming from a skeptical person who isn't into urine in a sexual way.

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We'll see, orgy scenes are quite tough to write well and I doubt it would be any hotter than a threesome.

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Yeah first you see if you can clop to ponies, then you are like "wtf am I doing" don't do it again, week later you say screw it, three months later you need to have your personal fetishes fueled so you write short clopfics, a month after that you are writing 16,000 word stories about ponies having extreme piss sex .

It's hard to read this story on my phone when I'm holding the phone in one hand and furiously rubbing diiiiiiiiiiiiiiining room table with a washcloth in the other.

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137730 It was...odd. But not as disturbing as I thought, just slightly less disturbing for I am desensitized!

Are you secretly R. Kelly?
nice chapter, glad Twi found a consenting partner this time...

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O_o, Why ask for advice if my sex scene is inadequate =p. But anyway, the only way I got where I am is practice. This is probably my 5thish attempt at a watersport fic, as well as having experience in writing some fapfics before joining the MLP fandom. Read as much erotica as you can, learn the vernacular, make up your own vernacular, and get feedback from people when you do decide to start writing clop.

I have to ask, how pumped were you that there is a CANON pee desperation scene in the newest episode (assuming you've seen it?) I'm both ashamed and amused to admit that your stories were the first thing I thought of when that happened. Do you plan to do anything inspired by it?

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Haha, yeah the fimfiction chat was freaking out and being like OMG HLT DID YOU SEE THAT, and then one of my hater friends was pissed because my urine fetish was the first thing he thought of when he saw the scene. I personally don't know if im going to be doing anything based on the scene, I'm still trudging along in chapter 4 for this fic =p.

I swear. You and TwilightPsycho have introduced watersports to me in interesting ways. Me gusta! Love how Aj accepted Twi and her fetish. Makes me want to try it one day out of curiousity.

But I only have one question: When's the next chapter gonna be out?

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I'm about 60% done with chapter 4, I'll have to try my best to get it out by 1-29-12. The new semester at my college recently started up so I have been busy getting back into the loop of things. Hopefully I'll be able to get a chapter out every 10-12 days or so now that I am settling into my schedule.

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Huh, I barely remember Kingdom Hearts.

Hi. I was the spy on an Omegle conversation, and I just wanted to say that this story is awesome. Keep up the good work!

I . . . I don't . . . understand. . . . Before this, urine has never failed to turn me off!
Friggin' ponies.

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>I think that my weakest point in the story is going to be the dialogue between characters because this is my first fanfiction in which I depict the characters exchanging meaningful conversation. Hopefully as I go along, it will start to improve
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>I think there is a few things I could improve on this fic, I think in future chapters I'll spend more time focusing on fleshing out the emotions of the characters.
That's cool! While you're unarguably living up to your "Comedy" tag, learning to improve at depicting meaningful conversation and fleshing out emotions for the "Romance" tag is a great goal and, judging from "White Wine", going to go well!

When an ellipsis begins a quotation, you don't place a space after it, right? I consider this is a matter of personal preference, so correct me if my assumption is wrong.

>fertilize
>fantasize [Chapter 3]
>tantalising
>prise
>sensitise
>dramatize
>recognize [Chapter 4]
>realize
>realise
What are you doing, man? Get it together.

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. . . Get it together. (May I aid with the pre-reading?)
"White Wine" has a . . . number . . . of errors. Shall I send those to you with a comment, or would you rather have me do it through a private message?

I meet you on omegle. I am about to read this.

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I learned what "watersports" means from a My Little Pony fanfiction (not this one)

GOSH DANGIT I TRIED PEEING ON MY FICUS TREE AND NEARLY DROWNED IT!

hmm... I'm suddenly craving warm, salty Apple cider.

Well done. Well done indeed. I had to rush through my schoolwork to read this one! Time to hit Rarity's story

Still love this story