I had to save Red for last 'cause he was pretty much the only one of their collective relatives that they'd be able to have a reasonable conversation with. We've got one more scene with him at the beginning of "Epilogue: Pearl"--and I've just come to realize that, even with my two or three action-adventures epics, History here is the longest piece of Ponyfic I've done so far!
I blame the chapter itself for insistiing I do so many things in it. I've gone through and busted that sentence up and will probably be combing out a few more tangles over the next few days, too...
I'm half-expecting the epilogue to tell us Fluttershy's jumped the gun on all those tests Twilight wanted to do, and gotten Applejack pregnant already. Time for a pony shotgun wedding!
But remember "Red," the dreaded 1st chapter of Biology where we observe Applejack having her period. That was about a week-and-a-half ago in these stories' chronology, so Applejack won't be fertile again for another two-and-a-half weeks more or less...
I've never written anything with sex scenes in it before, and I've found the scenes themselves to be really difficult. But like I've said, that's wunna the reasons I'm doing this: the challenge!
I finally noticed this, and I'm not sure if it's a weakness in the story or not - the sex scenes are too fluffy. All the attention is abstract, focused on feelings and emotions and really not at all on the action itself. I suppose on some level that works; the story is focused heavily on the romance between Fluttershy and Applejack, that going into the sticky details of how they make love would change the tone too much. However, as every time they make love seems to get better and better, I can't help but think to myself "They've only done it in the missionary position..." or more often "Where's the cum?" I only noticed it now with this very hot scene, and it is very hot, but you don't really show the reader the actions they do, only what's in their hearts.
I guess I do like that. It's not really a criticism - more of an observation that I'm still wondering if I really like or if I wish there was more balance between showing what is in their hearts and what they are physically doing.
Missed my deadline:
By eight minutes! Oh, the huge manatees!
Mike
Absolutely delicious. And nice to see one of these meetings going pretty well.
GET 'EM FLITTERSHY!! YEEAAAAHAAAAAA!
((loving the story, already can't wait for the next installment ^_^))
Mane Medic
This bit is a little awkward, you might want to offset it with some dashes or something.
2337929
Thanks, folks!
2338019
I had to save Red for last 'cause he was pretty much the only one of their collective relatives that they'd be able to have a reasonable conversation with. We've got one more scene with him at the beginning of "Epilogue: Pearl"--and I've just come to realize that, even with my two or three action-adventures epics, History here is the longest piece of Ponyfic I've done so far!
2338130
One more chapter, and it oughtta be posted on or about April 8th.
2339182
I blame the chapter itself for insistiing I do so many things in it. I've gone through and busted that sentence up and will probably be combing out a few more tangles over the next few days, too...
Mike
That's a wonderful milestone mike! Congratulations! I can't wait to see more from you :)
Mane Medic
2339594
I'm half-expecting the epilogue to tell us Fluttershy's jumped the gun on all those tests Twilight wanted to do, and gotten Applejack pregnant already. Time for a pony shotgun wedding!
2341534
Ah:
But remember "Red," the dreaded 1st chapter of Biology where we observe Applejack having her period. That was about a week-and-a-half ago in these stories' chronology, so Applejack won't be fertile again for another two-and-a-half weeks more or less...
Mike
2342085
Stupid consistent chronologies, denying me my fun. Grr, I say.
I am absolutely loving this story... I will admit I got started on it for the erotic bits... but I definitely stayed for the plot!
Funny, I usually mean that sentence the other way around... but it still came out sounding the same.
2347167
Thanks!
I've never written anything with sex scenes in it before, and I've found the scenes themselves to be really difficult. But like I've said, that's wunna the reasons I'm doing this: the challenge!
Mike
I finally noticed this, and I'm not sure if it's a weakness in the story or not - the sex scenes are too fluffy. All the attention is abstract, focused on feelings and emotions and really not at all on the action itself. I suppose on some level that works; the story is focused heavily on the romance between Fluttershy and Applejack, that going into the sticky details of how they make love would change the tone too much. However, as every time they make love seems to get better and better, I can't help but think to myself "They've only done it in the missionary position..." or more often "Where's the cum?" I only noticed it now with this very hot scene, and it is very hot, but you don't really show the reader the actions they do, only what's in their hearts.
I guess I do like that. It's not really a criticism - more of an observation that I'm still wondering if I really like or if I wish there was more balance between showing what is in their hearts and what they are physically doing.
> Fluttershy giggled and spun elaborate tales 'bout how Cracker Barrel and Dusty Rose had already run off together
It's a shipping town, all right.
3810058
And these are airships:
So it's all much fluffier and lighter than your usual shipping.
Mike