"Well Miss Sparkle, your results have come back, and I have good news for you." Nurse Redheart walked in on a very nervous Twilight Sparkle in a hospital gown. She had clearly been nervous as she turned around in half a second from pacing the floor of her little hospital room.
"Yes?" Twilight Sparkle said quietly, full of hope.
"You're not pregnant, and your tests came back negative for any STD's." She read off the paper.
"Is there any problem...down there?" She asked.
"We did see a little bruising, and the hymen is broken so unfortunately there clearly was vaginal penetration." She said in a somber tone. "However, that's the worst of it, no permanent damage."
"I see..." Twilight Sparkle sighed. In the back of her mind she had really hoped that he didn't really "do" her. She had kept wishing that maybe he had passed out and just kinda slipped it in slightly without causing any real damage.
But there was no question now, he really had gone all out, and she hated herself for it.
"I know you feel like it's your fault, dear, but it really isn't. And if you wish we can file a police report with the Equestrian law enforcement, but we need your permission." She picked up a clipboard and rested it on her hoof in front of her.
"I'm sorry, but I don't know who it was." She said.
"Miss Sparkle, sexual assault is a serious crime." Nurse Redheart said sternly. She clearly wanted Twilight to confess who it was that did this to her, but Twilight couldn't bring herself to talk. She really didn't remember anything about the night of the deed.
"I'm really sorry, but i honestly don't remember a thing. I was drugged and I didn't even get his name. I just know he was tall and had a dark, brown coat. That's all." Twilight said frustrated and scared. Nurse Redheart put a hoof on her should to assure her it was ok to calm down.
"It's fine, Twilight. Just remember it's not your-" Nurse Redheart didn't manage to finish her sentence as Rainbow Dash burst in through the door.
"Twilight! Everything ok?"
"Miss Dash! You are to wait in the lobby until Miss Sparkle's visit is over!" Redheart scolded her.
"I'm ok Rainbow Dash, I'm not pregnant! And no diseases either, just bruised." Twilight said with a little more enthusiasm in her voice this time.
"So did he really?" Twilight nodded sadly. "Oh, right. Well I'm just glad you're ok now, Twi." Rainbow turned around to leave. "I'll meet you back in the lobby on the way out, ok?"
"Alright, Miss Sparkle, simply pay the receptionist on the way out and you're free to go." Nurse Redheart smiled.
"Thank you." She smiled as she walked out of the room.
---
Sugarcube corner wasn't as busy it normally was today, but it still had some business going on. Lyra and Bon Bon were ordering a cake when Rainbow and Twilight walked in.
"Oh, hi Twilight. Feeling ok?" Lyra asked as she turned around.
"Yes, I am. Thanks for asking." Twilight smiled.
"I heard about what happened. You know, you should try finding a marefriend, if you're into that sort of thing. I mean, I've seen you eyeing Dash every now and then, and you wouldn't end up getting pregnant or that sort of thing." Rainbow Dash blushed a bit as Twilight simply looked on confused. Bon Bon, however, simply rolled her eyes.
"Oh don't listen to her, Twilight, you obviously like the boys." She chuckled. "Perhaps a little too well." Bon Bon winked. "Oh, Mrs. Cake, is it ready yet?" She called into the kitchen.
"Almost done!" Mrs. Cake called back.
Did Bon Bon not know what had actually happened, and that Twilight didn't mean to do it? It was possible that the rumor had been distorted a bit, but she didn't want to call her on it. It was bad enough knowing she had been raped, she didn't want to relive the details. She had done that enough today.
"Here ya are." Mrs. Cake hauled in a lovely, round, pink cake with sprinkles with the words "Happy Birthday, Mommy." on top. "Hope your mother enjoys this, Bon Bon. It's one of my better small cakes." She said with a smile. Bon Bon tied a ribbon around the box and Lyra levitated it beside her.
"See ya around, Twilight. Hope you get to feeling better. And remember what I said~" Lyra smiled as they went on their way. Just as they left, an older colt walked in who looked like he was new in town. Blue coat, pegasis, black mane and a bow and arrow as his cutie mark, Twilight and Rainbow had to admit he looked pretty interesting.
"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! I don't think I've ever seen you before." Mrs. Cake said from behind the counter. The colt brushed his mane and smiled politely.
"Hello, ma'am. My name is Sharp Shooter. I'm new in town from Cloudsdale, and was wondering who I could talk to about buying a house?" Sharp Shooter said softly. He looked around the room before meeting Twilight and Rainbow, whom he waved to nicely. "Hi there." He smiled.
"Umm, hi." They both said in unison. Twilight felt a little uneasy, but figured she could at least talk to other colts without the same result. Rainbow Dash, however, was practically smitten.
"Eyes on the prize, kiddo." Mrs. Cake chuckled. "You'd have to discuss that with the royal guards or the mayor in town hall. Until then, maybe our Miss Twilight could provide you with shelter until you can make the arrangements." She looked to Twilight, who looked to Rainbow Dash.
I'm really not comfortable with thisTwilight thought to herself as she searched for the words to say. After everything, having a colt living with her, even for a little while, was terrifying.
"Don't worry about it, Miss...Twilight was it? I've heard about you. Student of the Princess Celestia, that's a tremendous honor. I would be flattered to visit sometime. Maybe you could tell me about your adventures." He smiled. "Oh, I'm Sharp Shooter, it's nice to meet you." He extended his hoof. Twilight met his and shook. She was happy, considering this time a colt told her his name. Rainbow Dash simply continued staring in awestruck romance.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is my friend Rainbow Dash." Rainbow Dash looked up immediately.
"Marryme! I mean-Hey, what's up?" She corrected herself, sweating just a bit.
"Haha, I'm not ready for marriage at all, but it's nice to meet a lovely mare like yourself." He smiled as Rainbow Dash blushed madly.
"I would love if you came over sometime, maybe the three of us can hang out." Twilight said nicely.
"Oh great, thank you. I look forward to it. I have to go find a place to sleep for the night, so I'll see you later." Sharp Shooter said before he took his leave. Rainbow Dash bolted after him once he was out of sight.
"Wait! You can sleep with me! And I mean that both ways!" Rainbow Dash comically shouted as she gave chase. Rarity walked in as Twilight was ready to order.
"Well, already planning your next night conquest?" Rarity said coldly towards her. Twilight froze in her tracks as she approached her. "I saw how Rainbow Dash was fawning after him, but he was quite taken with you, even going so far as to come to the library later. We all know what happens when you're alone with colts, don't we?" Rarity stood in front of her. Twilight couldn't believe what she was hearing as one of her best friends essentially called her a slut to her face. How could she even say that?
"Rarity, it's not what it looks like. I was just being friendly." Twilight said quietly, trying not to sound too defensive.
"Oh puh-lease. We know how friendly you get, the whole town knows. Rainbow might have told us the situation one way, but those listening in have made other assumptions, ponies from the party who saw a little more than what you're saying, including myself." Rarity closed the distance between them. "You dancing your pretty little flank off, flirting with a stallion you didn't even know, and finally going home with him after you get drunk. I'm having quite a hard time believing the whole 'slipped a pill into my drink' story you both are playing." Twilight backed away, but Rarity kept getting closer.
"In fact, I wonder how many other stallions you've been with. You seemed to attract that one easily enough, I wonder if the whole 'not ready for sex' routine the other night was actually correct."
"Rarity I told you I didn't want to have sex, I wasn't even awake. I was-"
"You were careless, and you're supposed to be the smart one. You know, you think you're all innocent, but I know you're not. You're nothing but a...a...a slut!" That last word cut down to Twilight's very soul. Her own best friend, somepony she cared so much about, just called her something so ugly. Tears poured down Twilight's face as she started to whimper and looked to the floor.
"I'm a slut...Ok." Twilight whispered. "I acted a little foolishly at a party I went to with friends, tried to make a few friends, and maybe find a colt friend. You know, normal stuff, fun stuff." She shook with fury as she spoke. "But you know, the fun ended when I got sick to my stomach from a strange drug put in my drink, was taken to a strange apartment and stripped naked, and to make the night complete, a stranger decided to fuck the shit out of me, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it." She raised her head as tears fell down her face. "So yeah Rarity, I'm a fucking slut!" She turned around and bucked Rarity hard in the eye, knocking her backwards into a stand full of cakes.
"Ow, you little bitch!" Rarity wiped the frosting and cake mess out of her mane. "What happened to you to make you this way?!" Mr and Mrs Cake came running out of the kitchen to see the mess the two had made in the main lobby of Sugarcube Corner.
"Dear sweet Celestia, what happened?" Mr Cake yelled as their twin babies started crying in the other room from the commotion.
Twilight turned back around to face her, the tears beginning again.
"You know what happened?" Her voice broke from crying, "I was raped!" She took off running through the door and down the street of Ponyville through the crowd of ponies. Tears still fell fresh from her eyes as she heard the familiar whispers coming from the ponies. Each one was filled with hurtful words, all untrue, and all venomous and spiteful.
Oh, it's her.
I heard she likes to take random strangers to her library, that's why Spike is gone so much.
Come on guys, you know she didn't mean to do it.
Are you kidding? She was practically asking for it at that party. Did you see that dress she wore?
But she doesn't normally wear clothes.
Twilight made it to the library and shut the door tight behind her. Locking it, and turning out all the lights, she was lucky that Spike was gone to Canterlot on royal business, she really didn't want him to see this. No books, no scrolls, no letters to the Princess, Twilight Sparkle laid down in her bed and finally broke down crying.
"Please, make it stop..." She cried as she soaked her bed with tears.
Rarity started the slut rumor didn't she?
What the hell is her problem?
1496775 Be honest, am I making Rarity out to be too much of a bad guy?
Kill the bitch! Kill the bitch! Kill the bitch!
Wow, why did you make Rarity such a bitch!
1496827 It's not going to last, don't worry! She will realize her mistake soon enough.
1496830 she better soon, because that first chapter seems to be coming up fast in the story timeline, haha.
go go go keep going
WHY THE CRAP DID YOU WRITE RARITY TO BE SUCH A *B*CH?!
*smacks self*
...Ahem, I mean: Good sir, why did you choose to portray Rarity as a character that deliberately expresses herself as the pony that the protagonist and by extension the readers must focus their hatred towards?
1496804 A little.
Lets be honest, if your friend came to you saying that she was drugged and raped with her virginity stolen away, are you really going to jump to the conclution and say that was her fault? Are you going to say "You are lying and you are just a slut." when your friend has shown plenty of times that she is nether a liar or someone who is looking for a quick lay?
I get that Twilight was a little reckless at the club, but for Rarity to say and do what she did is astounding to me.
Technically, that last sentence they whispered was true. Also, I can't read it in a venomous or spiteful tone. It always comes out mildly confused.
1496804 no actually i find rarity as a believable figure in the 'Unbelievable Bitch' Category.
Rarity....
newsimg.ngfiles.com/196000/196308_dfsfwefrsf.jpg
Edit: Now I can't wait to see Rairty's face when Twilight kills herself then comes back from it all....distorted...so please release the next chapter soon!
Rarity deserves no sympathy from me at all
karma will get her back soo badly i can just sense it right now
that bitch Rarity must die
Wow, Rarity is getting SO much hate in the last two chapters. I guess she deserves it, but there are other things going on too. lol
If you are going to make wearing clothes normal you might want to add the AU tag, in canon most ponies go naked unless it is a special occasion. Also while the story looks interesting it really isn't believable for me if we consider canon personalities. Rainbow Dash sees the stallion slip something on Twilight's drink, doesn't say anything until after the deed is done, she allows some random stallion to take her home knowing that there was something on her drink and while she supports Twilight she doesn't really display wilt but only anger at the stallion? And you took Rarity too far, some skepticism on the matter of the pill might be possible but even if she was only drunk she wouldn't have doubted that she was raped, but not only you have her say she doesn't believe that she calls Twilight a slut and insinuates she already slept with several stallions. Then is the matter that a national hero was raped, one who is the pupil of the godlike ruler and the sister of the Captain of the royal guard, if Twilight didn't get home the first thing Spike would do in the morning is panic and send a letter, if he didn't stay up all night and sent a letter even before that, you need to remember Twilight wouldn't leave Spike alone without warning him before, and even ignoring that the moment there is a possible rape the doctor would warn the authorities and either Celestia or Shinning Armor would be moving heaven and earth to find the stallion within the hour. Is not the story itself that is unbelievable, with any other number or characters even on real life it would be unfortunately more than possible, but considering the characters you are using their responses aren't really right.
1517010 Well it was a party they went to, that's why they were wearing clothes as it was a special occasion. The reason it was so odd in the second chapter is because Twilight's clothes were GONE when she had them on beforehand and did not remember taking them off herself. The reason Rainbow Dash didn't say anything is because she was unsure. While she doesn't trust the stallion in the slightest, she trusted Twilight, which was her biggest mistake. And Rarity, ok I admit to going a bit too far, but that's mainly because I personally dislike her. Now as for the Spike issue, there are a lot of things I might have not covered to save time and words. Twilight did warn Spike that she may not be coming home, but she did it outside the chapter, and if you recall Twilight didn't want the authorities involved as she was still in denial and she was too willing to just move on, I suppose. You are right, it could use some rewriting (which I probably will be doing tonight) but it doesn't seem too bad, does it?
1522884 First of all I'm just pointing what I believe might be wrong, not to put you down, but to give constructive criticism, you don't have to agree with my point of view, if I ever manage to write a story and publish it I would like my hypothetical readers to point out my mistakes to fix what I consider needs fixing and to learn from it. Also I'm aware that what I perceive to be the personality of a character and it's reaction to a given situation can be different to your perception. If after reading my commentary you agree with what I said you are more than welcome to change it, but it wouldn't be a problem if you disagreed and left things as they are. I can't remember the name of the fic but not long ago a story was nearing the end, some readers complained and the author erased all but the first chapter and rewrote it, unfortunately it didn't end with one rewrite, he uploaded several versions and ended up not pleasing anyone. If you are pleased with your story, if you believe a rewrite would make your story better go ahead, but remember that you can't make everyone happy and in the end it's your story and your opinion comes first, if writting becomes a chore it stops being fun.
Now, It's normal to like some characters more than others, or even outright dislike or even hate, but when you are using pre-existing characters you can't just make them act OOC and expect the reader to just accept it.
For example there are a large number of ruthless tyrant Celestia just because some authors don't like her but after seeing her accept her sister after what she did, forgive the main 6 for what they did at the gala and forgive Twilight for brainwashing the whole town a ruthless Celestia doesn't fit her character, on the other hand you could portrait her as inept despite all her suppose power and age and have her as little more then a figurehead ruler without realizing she has no real power and someone has been taking all the real decisions and using her against those she loves. A fic where Celestia realizes her Royal Guard acting in her name has been hunting down her sister and/or her student and she never discover it until being directly confronted by the hunted would be in character for her if done correctly, it shows her in a bad light but doesn't go against canon.
In this story Rarity verbally assaulting Twilight outright doesn't fit her character, on the other hand there are other ways to make the reader dislike her, you could have her giving her the cold shoulder when her friend needs her most and putting her work and reputation above her friend. Have her know what the stallion did, have her know who he is, but instead of supporting her friend she rationalizes that she can't put her reputation on the line considering her line of work, why she also is the main source of income of her family what would happen to Sweetie Bell. She simply can't associate with a know slut or risk infuriating that particular stallion. I don't know about others but if expanded correctly the second idea can have you hating Rarity and she has already shown herself shallow while mingling with the Canterlot society, and there is also her little act during the young fliers competition. You can't change a character just because you hate it, but you can bring the reader attention to what is already there.
Also you comment that Twilight doesn't want the authorities involved but the doctor simply wouldn't risk not warning Celestia and the Guard of what transpired, it would be better to face the consequences of speaking that what the Goddess of Equestria and the Captain of the Guard would do if they discover that something of that nature was kept from them. I already said it, is not a rape victim not wanting publicity what's unbelievable, the problem is that despite what Twilight wishes her connections take preference and considering every pony in Ponyville seems to know what happened it would only be a matter of time before the fact that it was kept from them was no longer a secret and it brought divine punishment...
Don't misunderstand me, your story is not bad, the problem is that you are not writing regular fiction but a fanfic, and if you are using a character with a established personality and connections, and that means you are more or less restricted in what you can or can't do. If we weren't talking about a character with a personality that contradicts your story your Rarity would be believable, if Twilight wasn't the personal pupil of Celestia and the sister of the Captain of the Royal Guard you could probably make the doctor keep his mouth shut. But that isn't the case and after reading something that bothers me I had to point it out, no the story isn't too bad, and I'm interested in seeing where it is going, but I had to point what bothered me.
wow.....Rarity is cruel in this one............not sure I've ever read her this mean
1497786 And I'll bring the green hair dye.
*deep breath* rarity.
*heavy voice* YOU, YES YOU, YOU ARE DEAD!!!
I will not destroy Rarity on a subatomic level.
I will not destroy Rarity on a subatomic level.
I will not destroy Rarity on a subatomic level.
...Fuck it. *grabs Black Hole Gun*
C'mere bitch!
1502683 "I guess she deserves it "
guess?!
You've turned Rarity into an insufferable b. People are going to hate her whenever she shows up for more than five seconds as she's been written.
WOW you must really hate Rarity to fuck up her character that badly. But whatever, you needed Twilight driven to suicide. You could have had an OC or background pony handle the job though. Seriously, that was about as anti Rarity as could conceivably be written.
Burn the hypocrite. Burn the hypocrite. BURN. THE. HYPOCRITE.