Honestly, it was a pretty clean chapter. And then sex. Yeah, don't think anyone noticed anything during that segment of the chapter, just got a general feeling there. xD
As far as this chapter itself, you've kind of alluded and hinted towards the fact that Celestia may be coming up, or in, her estrus cycle. You weren't even all that subtle about it, giving us the 'don't have sex all the time. But this week, damn!' line. If so, should be rather interesting, as it does seem like this story has quite a ways to go before even being considered to be halfway through. Then again, you have also been alluding to Celestia having that deep seated fear all immortals have when in love. Losing their mortal lover to whatever one of the uncountable causes are out there. Unless you somehow increase his life span for Celestia's sake. Then it becomes less of a valid point, and signs go back to the Estrus explanation. Then again, that could be a plot point in the future, and thus why they are having so much sex, reaffirming her love and trying to quench her fears of potential loss.
The flashback with the CMC, and his belief of still being in a dream. Wow. Well handled, and as usual, the CMC are so damn cute. At least you didn't make them cause their stereotypical carnage they tend to do. It will also be amazingly interesting to see how exactly he comes to find his way to Celestia's heart, as it seems like that alone is a story within a story. Haha, storyception?
Well, another good chapter, and I look forward to the next one. Hopefully your MIA editor shows back up, he has been doing a good job for you to date.
Not trying to brag or anything, but I can just tell from the comments of others that I found more mistakes than anypony else. They're actually pretty numerous; however, I feel too lazy to point them all out, due to the chapter's length...
Very exciting story. Absolutely love it how "I" keep making references that the ponies can't understand. Each and every one thus far has made me burst out laughing. Great, great usage of quotes and such. If I may, say something about 'Equivalent Exchange' from Fullmetal Alchemist. If you can throw one of those in there, that would be amazing!
Also loving your use of bigger, uncommon words. Absolutely amazing.
I love you too, ScatMan! PLEASE keep up the awesome work!!
"Then, like an idiot, you got lost. You got lost, in your own house. When you say it out loud, you feel special. The retarded kind of special" Oh how that bit tickles me. Keep up the priceless humor, brother!
gah reading those first parts get me so hooked i want to skip chapters just to read those parts but the others parts are also so good so i just cant skip those too
why must you make them both so awesome to read??? you are a horrible, evil, diabolical author who makes me choose between awesome and awesome, cuz your'e awesome, if that makes sense
You mentioned Deuteronomy 23:1 interesting verse lol. I counter with Isaiah 56:3-4 lol. I feel like God is shaking his head at me right now for liking this story. Sorry I'm still a poor miserable sinner.
5496712 Isaiah 56:3-4 basically rebunks the Deuteronomy verse. And says that eunuchs that keep gods sabbath's and and take hold his covenant shall inherit the house of the lord... so now why does that make you agnostic I wonder? I feel it's time you explored your spiritual side.
6598828 No, Isaiah 56:3-4 does NOT debunk Deuteronomy 23:1 because it only reclaims eunuchs. Deuteronomy 23:1 still forsakes those that suffered penile cancer (amputations are common treatments), testicular cancer, and most importantly my military brethren (many men have been "wounded in the stones" and completely castrated by IED's and car bombs from ISIS/Iraq/Afghanistan/etc...).
You regret not becoming a pizza boy upon arriving in Equestria. If there is one thing you have learned from porn, it’s that the pizza guy always gets laid. Seriously. Just say something really cliché for a porn, like, ‘Ma’am, I’m here to deliver your pizza… with extra large meatballs.’
An update?
... Excellent.
yay update!
Excellent work. Will we be seeing a Celestia in heat chapter anytime soon? You have mentioned it so now every one is going to be intrigued.
This update makes for a perfect Hearth's Warming present. I loved it. ^^
Wow!
I didn't notice any mistakes. Excellent read.
Honestly, it was a pretty clean chapter. And then sex. Yeah, don't think anyone noticed anything during that segment of the chapter, just got a general feeling there. xD
As far as this chapter itself, you've kind of alluded and hinted towards the fact that Celestia may be coming up, or in, her estrus cycle. You weren't even all that subtle about it, giving us the 'don't have sex all the time. But this week, damn!' line. If so, should be rather interesting, as it does seem like this story has quite a ways to go before even being considered to be halfway through. Then again, you have also been alluding to Celestia having that deep seated fear all immortals have when in love. Losing their mortal lover to whatever one of the uncountable causes are out there. Unless you somehow increase his life span for Celestia's sake. Then it becomes less of a valid point, and signs go back to the Estrus explanation. Then again, that could be a plot point in the future, and thus why they are having so much sex, reaffirming her love and trying to quench her fears of potential loss.
The flashback with the CMC, and his belief of still being in a dream. Wow. Well handled, and as usual, the CMC are so damn cute. At least you didn't make them cause their stereotypical carnage they tend to do. It will also be amazingly interesting to see how exactly he comes to find his way to Celestia's heart, as it seems like that alone is a story within a story. Haha, storyception?
Well, another good chapter, and I look forward to the next one. Hopefully your MIA editor shows back up, he has been doing a good job for you to date.
I love this. Very good stuff here.
Lol'd at the "I lift" part.
Loved the update, and great sex scene btw.
Write on dear author, write on.
Yeah I looked up that bible verse that was on the t-shirt....WTF MAN! I didnt even know that was in there! Oh and this was a good chapter too!
Do you even lift?
Yes. Yes I do.
Are there going to be kids?
There was only one mistake that stuck out to me and that was 'hit his hit', other than that I was completely oblivious.
Good chapter though, looking forward to future releases.
your
Only mistake I saw. Otherwise it was pretty good except when it got around 4/5 to the end and every sentence started with "you".
Edit: holy crap there are 1600+ "you's" in this chapter.
Not trying to brag or anything, but I can just tell from the comments of others that I found more mistakes than anypony else. They're actually pretty numerous; however, I feel too lazy to point them all out, due to the chapter's length...
Very exciting story. Absolutely love it how "I" keep making references that the ponies can't understand. Each and every one thus far has made me burst out laughing. Great, great usage of quotes and such. If I may, say something about 'Equivalent Exchange' from Fullmetal Alchemist. If you can throw one of those in there, that would be amazing!
Also loving your use of bigger, uncommon words. Absolutely amazing.
I love you too, ScatMan! PLEASE keep up the awesome work!!
"Then, like an idiot, you got lost. You got lost, in your own house. When you say it out loud, you feel special. The retarded kind of special" Oh how that bit tickles me. Keep up the priceless humor, brother!
what was he triying to achive by hidding in the bathroom?, it's not like he can hide from magic there
gah reading those first parts get me so hooked i want to skip chapters just to read those parts but the others parts are also so good so i just cant skip those too
why must you make them both so awesome to read??? you are a horrible, evil, diabolical author who makes me choose between awesome and awesome, cuz your'e awesome, if that makes sense
YOU WANT ME ON THAT WALL! YOU NEED ME ON THAT WALL!!!
Looks like Celestia has a case of the mondays.....
I laughed at the Deuteronomy reference. What a hilariously specific rule that one is.
my gawd, she has no way to respond to that statement? that deserves a pat on the back
I don't even know what to say about the riding crop besides Soldier and Molestia moment.
Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique!
i18.photobucket.com/albums/b142/DMapes/PonyRarityPowerPonies_zpsfa34246e.gif
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdacoq9tD31qkegu7o1_500.gif
img819.imageshack.us/img819/4843/27834131.png
Boy do I wish that were true. You know what I get instead? A paycheck. What the hell am I supposed to do with a paycheck?
3912123 Buy porn.
That's......oddly specific.
You mentioned Deuteronomy 23:1 interesting verse lol. I counter with Isaiah 56:3-4 lol. I feel like God is shaking his head at me right now for liking this story. Sorry I'm still a poor miserable sinner.
5496712 Isaiah 56:3-4 basically rebunks the Deuteronomy verse. And says that eunuchs that keep gods sabbath's and and take hold his covenant shall inherit the house of the lord... so now why does that make you agnostic I wonder? I feel it's time you explored your spiritual side.
6598798 Hey, we're all miserable sinners dude
"Las Pegasus is where Las Angeles should be."
Are you serious? Las Pegasus is CLEARLY a reference to Las Vegas. Just say it out loud and you'll hear it.
You didn't even spell Los Angeles right. It's LOS Angeles, not Las, because Angeles is masculine in Spanish.
6598828 No, Isaiah 56:3-4 does NOT debunk Deuteronomy 23:1 because it only reclaims eunuchs. Deuteronomy 23:1 still forsakes those that suffered penile cancer (amputations are common treatments), testicular cancer, and most importantly my military brethren (many men have been "wounded in the stones" and completely castrated by IED's and car bombs from ISIS/Iraq/Afghanistan/etc...).
"You're watching porn? Why?"-Dean Winchester, Jensen Ackles, Supernatural.
"It was there."-Castiel, Misha Collins, Supernatural.
"You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don't talk about it. Just turn it off."-Dean Winchester, Jensen Ackles, Supernatural.
"I learned that from the pizza man."-Castiel, Misha Collins, Supernatural.
Sorry, I had to. I had to reference the pizza man scene.