Bravo. This chapter trumps the first. I love this story.

HHHHHHHHHHNGGG that celestia...

Awesome story. Can't wait what happens next.

NEEDS MORE SLAANESH

touching.

An excellent chapter, with a beautiful ending. But also kinda sad. Unless he becomes immortal, or is he won't be able to keep that promise.

Good luck with all of your endeavors.

Aww. How sweet!

Ah, love. Keep these chapters going please? I am really getting into this beautiful story between a human and a goddess. I am actually crying a little.

Horrible thing to say but I kinda wanna him to get hurt so I can see her go all Old Testament on someone.

Plus it'd be cool for celestia to try and do something about his mortality. Lots of grey areas to have fun with there.

Enjoying it so far :)

1513899
Yeah really, what if he did become immortal? I don't think there would be as much loneliness involved if Celestia was there with him.

Well this chapter has pushed my rating of this fic passed 10/10 and into 11/10 well done

Very nice chapter, i like how you made Celestia a bit more needy in this fic, also it's a very good twist that you made this to be Celestias first relationship, in pretty much every other fic it's always like she's got a whole harem of lovers throu the years, glad you brought up the point that she simply would not have time for that because of all of her work, and now that Luna is free she can finally calm down a bit with her new lover.

This is interesting though I'm finding it a little hard to get attached to the character since it just so improbable that he'd end up in the castle without some kind of explanation. It seems you might give glances of that during lfashbacks though so that could fulfill that end. Overall, i"m enjoying the character interactions fairly well, especially the inner relationship of the 'Royal Family." You're doing a fun twist on this idea here.

Small edits for one paragraph:
You slide down her waist so you are resting above your flanks. You reach your arms down and bring them to rest on her. You begin caressing her flank, gently at first, but you quickly begin kneading the delicate area much harder and with more passion as you hear Celestia’s breathing quickens.
You slide down her waist so you are resting above her flanks. You reach your arms down and bring them to rest on her. You begin caressing her flank, gently at first, but you quickly begin kneading the delicate area much harder and with more passion as you hear Celestia’s breathing quicken.

1514210

I am not sure I understand you comment.

If he did become immortal, like Celestia he would be able to keep his promise to always be there for her. If not eventually his morality would break that promise.

This

Is

AWESOME

I realy like how you've played this story so far. ALL OF MY FAV'S AND THUMBS.

TOO MANY FEELS!

Shit I wonder what celestia's plan for him being mortal is.

and yet again brilliant!

Cars are expensive, and you are poor.

Pretty much sums up life...

I completely love the riot scene reminds me of last summer. cus I'm bored story time.....
Me and my dad just got back from a job in Virginia (construction company btw we live in Pennsylvania) I decided to let him crash at me and my buddies place. We got up at 5:30 that morning drove an hour and a half to the workshop then an additional 2ish hours to the job site worked all damn day in the rain and had a 3 hour drive home and got back around 12:30ish at night needless to say we were tired. We noticed the guy across the street having a party he's a cool dude so I popped over and asked him to try and keep it down after telling him of my day and the fact we had to be up at 5:30 again to repeat the same thing over and finish the job we started he said no prob and we went to sleep. 2 and a half hours later we are awakened by a bullhorn and some jackass yelling
"HEY IS THIS QUITE ENOUGH FOR YOU BITCHES?" The whole block was awake and pissed me and dad especially so. I walk out and see most of our neighbors yelling at the guy, but when I walk out he smiles and says "OH I'M SORRY IS THIS TOO LOUD? PAUL (the guy from across the street throwing the party) SAID YOU TWO NEED SOME SLEEP I HOPE I DIDN'T WAKE YOU UP." Using the bullhorn.
As I'm sure you can imagine I'm pissed so I walked over and say "Nah I just wanted to let you know that your using it wrong" Right as he raised the damn thing again I grab it and slammed it into his face and broke a couple teeth. With my job done I then turn and headed back inside.
Walking back I overheard my dad say "Be glad my son taught you how to use that thing I would've shoved it up your ass" The rest of the night was uneventful.

TL;DR drunk got broken teeth

very good sir... may we have another?

Well done sir, This pleases me. If I may throw in a few cents, I loved the drunken-almost-riot scene. those kinds of situations are great for stories simply because they build characterdevelopment. I think the readers would love to see how the protagonist got together with Celestia. Also I think your story lacks any overarching conflict. I know the fact that its ponies is reason enough to read it, but I feel like there needs to be more... drama perhaps? maybe an external conflict of some sort? Anyway I enjoyed reading this, I love the large updates, keep writing.

To anybrony that cares!
This is ScatMan (I write the story) speaking. I don't know how many of you actually read my blog updates so I'm going to do one right here.
Thank you all for reading the story! I hope you're liking it!
I have good news for all of you!
You see, there is currently a hurricane, known as Hurricane Sandy, that is currently kicking the shit out of my home state of Maryland. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because of this, I don't have school for the next two days. So, I will be writing a little more, so expect the third chapter to be up by Friday!
Also, please keep commenting! It makes me feel like you guys are actually listening to me and people are actually reading and enjoying my story thus far. Your comments are also giving me some great ideas too! So keep commenting and stuff.
Thank you for reading and commenting and such!
ScatMan

NOT PIKE NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! *kicks the drunk in the balls then hits him hard in the jaw* he's a good Guy don't beat up people cause your drunk!!!*goes out and gets drunk then attacks a person* opps

Celesia's reaction was rather strong. Our protagonist needs to be wary of that.

I need to say first that I absolutely love your humor! That stuff about the gulag and the enthusiasm about the movie references was so representative of the type of goofy character I love to see in people. Also, I laughed at the hospital scene much more than I feel was healthy. The only thing I would like to see changed is shorter chapters maybe, but hell, if that's what's easiest for you and if the majority of the readers like it the way it is, KEEP IT! It's only logical to please the majority, right? *cough* Hasbro *cough* The Last Roundup *cough* *cough* Anyway, Fantastic Work so far, Scatman. You win 3 spike-staches d= Cheers, Friends!

I can't believe this story isn't more popular! Not only is it beautifuly writen, but it has an immense amount of comedy that made me cackle on my couch!

Dear author, I tip my hat to you. I insist that this story continues, and I hope to see more of your works.

1513614

Why always that thing? There's no love for meeee....or the many Khornes out there.

Your voice drops. “Most humans suck.”

I'm human and this offends me, good sir.
Slander (libel), all of it. You should be ashamed!

Nobutseriously QUIT WITH THE "HUMANITY SUCKS" ATTITUDE HiE AUTHORS IT'S REALLY TIRESOME.

1542041 why its true, we shoot eachother over wepons of mass destrution that might not be real, humanity sucks dude

1545669

why its true, we shoot eachother over wepons of mass destrution that might not be real, humanity sucks dude

How many people have you shot with weapons of mass destruction?
How many people have your family shot with weapons of mass destruction?
How many people have your neighbors shot with weapons of mass destruction?
How many people has anyone in your city shot with weapons of mass destruction?
How many people has any nation shot with weapons of mass destruction? (Answer: only two nuclear weapons have been used against an enemy since their inception.)
How many people have you shot with weapons of ANY destruction?
How many people have you tried to kill in cold blood without feeling any remorse?
How many people near to you have have tried to kill someone in cold blood without feeling any remorse? (No, the News doesn't count)

Honestly, are you a monster, as your name suggests? Are you a hateful being that only wishes harm to everyone else? Do you not have compassion and empathy? Can you honestly say that the people around you don't have compassion and empathy? Would you condemn the majority of the human race as irredeemably evil, despite having known less than 0.000001% of it? Every man, woman, and child? Billions of lives?

Hypothetically, were there a device that you knew for certain without any doubt would grant everyone, present and future, the equal opportunity to obtain a life of blissful fulfillment with the simple press of a green button without any consequences at all for pressing it...

...Would you press that button, giving everyone equal chance to be happy?
Would your family members press that button?
Would your neighbors press that button?
Do you honestly believe anyone in the world (barring the incredibly tiny minority of criminally insane) wouldn't press that button, wouldn't honestly wish for everyone to be happy?

I do believe you have ignored the overwhelming good nature of humanity, Monster Cai.
...And it's incredibly saddening, because it's not a rare condition to make innocent monsters out of ourselves.

1545930

Mr. Temporary,
Thank you for reading my story! It means a lot to me.
However, your recent comment really doesn't have anything to do with my story.
My "Humans Suck" quote was solely meant for humorous purposes. I wanted to make the readers, such as yourself, chuckle or something. I did not anticipate on receiving a comment such as yours.
I apologize if I offended you. I didn't do that on purpose.
I don't wish to bore you with my explaining as to why my "Humans Suck" line was included. But believe me when I say that I hate people. Would I kill them? No. Of course not. I like to think that I'm sane. However, it is because of my dislike of people that I watch MLP in the first place (well, it's one of the many reasons actually but whatever). If I loved humanity so much, I probably wouldn't be writing this story in the first place, right? I'd be out with the rest of humanity. But I'm not. I'm here.
You have impeccable grammar by the way. I just wanted to throw that in there.
Thanks for reading!
ScatMan

1546042
My original comment was somewhat tongue in cheek, although I am honestly sick and tired of the "humans suck" mentality around here.

I'm less offended and more incredibly saddened by the lack of faith people have in... people.
There are so many here who seem to ignore all the good in the majority of humans and fixate on all the negative things that the minority have done.

—I don't hate you at all.
In fact, I'm inclined to say that I like you.

I really believe that you, like the majority of humans, are a good person who tries to live as honestly and virtuously as you feel is possible, seeking something better for yourself, and for those close to you.

That's who I believe you fundamentally are, even though I don't even know you. That's who I believe all of us fundamentally are.

I wish you could see it through my eyes.

EDIT: I did enjoy the story. The style is different from what you normally see, and the characterization is good. Despite what I said and what you might have thought, I have interest in reading more.

...I just honestly wish that you could see the good in people.

1546101
My Dearest Mr. Temporary,
I apologize if my negative outlook on humanity has offended you, sir. Twas merely meant as a quick rebuttal to what Maverick said.
I'm glad to meet someone who has such faith in humanity (that is, you). I am a rather pessimistic individual, so it's very easy for my writing to reflect that. I feel that I've done fairly well thus far, though. I respect your opinion on this semi-irrelevant matter.
Thank you for liking me. That's very nice of you and I'm appreciative.
If it's any consolation, I like you as well. Your philosophy is refreshing and enjoyable. I'm glad you shared it.
However, I'm sure Mr. "monster cai" was unprepared for your rather large comment which voiced your opinion very clearly. You may want to consider a brief apology reply in order to make amends.
Kidding. I'm not going to make you apologize. I'm not your mom. Relax. Jesus. Seriously though, you probably scared him a little. New opinions can be very scary to must of us, especially when in my "Comment" section.
Don't stop believing.
Also, I hope my quip pertaining to mankind did not ruin my story for you. I'm sorry if it did.
Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading!
ScatMan

1546298
Don't worry so much, it's better for your health to relax.
As it says on my shirt:

it's all good

Those who have endured the greatest hardships can truly appreciate the simplest of joys.

1545669
Although I can't honestly claim I didn't intend to browbeat you with my reply, I still ask you to consider what I wrote and think about it. Really, seriously think about it. Because I think that you too are also a fundamentally good person, and I don't hate you either. In fact, it's because I don't hate you and it's because I care that I replied in the manner I did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have responded at all.

I don't hate you, I hate the idea that you can't see the good in people, in yourself. That kind of attitude can crush the human spirit and ruin your life. I don't want that.

words cant explain how much i love this story keep it up!!! 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mavlb13fuA1qc5ffho1_1280.jpg

1545930 i still think that humanity sucks, you have made me think but that statemwnt i made still stands true in my eyes, and no i wouldent press the button, there will still be bad people out there, to give them a chance of anything would be stupid. Im just speaking what i think here.

Humanity doesn't suck! People are awesome! You just gotta go find those folks. The author of this fic for example seems pretty awesome.

Such an awesome story, love this chapter

You check under the bed, no Celestia.

i almost died by loling so HARD

(yes they are a couple in my story)

Mate, I don't know what frame of mind you were in when you were writing that part, but shoving an AN right in the middle of a story, let alone a paragraph, is not something you do - it doesn't break the flow as much as it cuts it in half with a lightsaber. Especially if you're doing so to defend something that doesn't need defending in the first place.

It'll be better if you remove that.

Isn't that touching

but with a computer comes all of its’ distractions… like porn. And you like porn.

Cars are expensive, and you are poor.

FANTASTIC chapter!...and story.

I have tears in my eyes, but I'm not sure if its the story or the flu kicking my ass. Bravo nonetheless

1546444 Meh, only a certain part of humanity really sucks. Take terrorists or suicide bombers for example. All they want to do is kill themselves and allot of other innocent people in the process. Now they do suck. But Most of the human race doesn't suck, just people that like to ruin other peoples lives.

The D'AWWWWSS!! Cannot express my feelings right now!

1513899
My plot development sense is tingling almost as much as my hard-on right now.
1546298
Fuck yes finally Celestia gets some gods damned LOVE fuck I have been patiently waiting for ages for this. THANK YOU. BY THE ALL THANK YOU

(yes they’re a couple in my story)

That made me giggle.
Also I have to say I'm liking the development with Celestia... because something is going to happen to make his promise comeback and bite him... I'm also wondering about his response to his soldier smacking the guy... also... shield wall. <3 I LOVE shield walls! When you're in one you feel so safe and protected! Like you can take on anything!

...ehehem... anyways.

"You feel Celestia’s mouth close around your swollen manhood. She rubs her tongue up and down and around your remember at a rapid pace. You hear Celestia moan." Only error I found. :) Also, I love this chapter, great so far. I can't wait to read the rest.

effen dawwww