My House Is Now A Pocket Dimension And My Front Door Is A Portal To Equestria

by TheGuyWhoDayDreams

Chapter 9: Ticket Shenanigans (The Ticket Master)

“Are you shitting with me Golden Harvest?” I said with irritation at the yellow coat orange mane earth pony as she glares at me.

I am standing infront of her carrot stall trying to buy one fucking carrot using the bits I've borrowed from Fluttershy.

“I know I am new here but even I know the value of a bit. That guy over there,” I point to a stallion who is holding a bag full of carrots. “Bought a bag full for the same price as you are charging me for ONE carrot!” This is complete bullshit, I don't know why am I even surprised at all but still all I want is one carrot as I can finally finish the dish I wanted to make for lunch.

If you are wondering no, Fluttershy used all the carrots to feed her animals. Out of all the times to runs out of carrots.

Needless to say I didn't buy one because of equestrian stupidity. Seriously she tries to charge me 10 bits for one carrot, she probably thinks I am stupid enough that I don't know the value of their currency.

As much as I want to pepper spray her, that won't do good for my repetition even though its already shit anyway. I brought pepper spray everytime I went into Ponyville for self defense not for assault.

I grumble as I walk down the road, guess that meal will have to wait until I find another way of getting a carrot.

Down the road I see four ponies and a dragon, Twilight, Spike, Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy. I approach them.

“Hey girls, what are you four chatting about?” I asked, Pinkie zipped over to me.

“We are talking about our reasons on why we wanted to go to the Grand Galloping Gala!” She said with a cheerful voice. My brain is currently loading, I swear I remember something but I can't put my finger on it.

“What's the Grand Galloping Gala?” Everypony gasps and looking at me in shock upon hearing this.

“You don't know what is the Grand Galloping Gala!?” Rarity screech. I cocked an eyebrow.

“Uh, hello not from here?” I simply said, Everypony blushes in embarrassment.

“The Grand Galloping Gala is an annual royal ball created to celebrate the completion of Canterlot after Equestria was founded.” Twilight said. I widen my eyes.

I remember now! This is the events of The Ticket Master, the plot revolves Twilight getting two tickets to it but all five of her friends wanted to join. I frown upon realizing it.

“If you are wondering, no I will not be going to the Gala.” I said, Twilight tilts her head confused.

“Why not Jumper? Everypony wants to go the Grand Galloping Gala?” I facepalm from Twilight's words.

“Yeah, everypony. Also because its in Canterlot, and I'll probably be locked up or killed when the snobbish nobles calls the royal guards on me.” Fluttershy looks at me in horror while Rarity just look at me in disappointment.

“Darling, have more faith. I am sure the nobles at Canterlot won't call the guards upon the sight of you.” Rarity said, however Twilight hisses anxiously.

“Yeah... maybe its the best you don't go, speaking from somepony who grew up in Canterlot.” Rarity's face turns to horror when the book mare basically confirming my assumptions are not exaggerated.

“Anyways I gotta go, I still need to get that one carrot.” Fluttershy raise a brow.

“But I thought you went to the market to buy the carrot?” My face shows a little frustration.

“That mare who sells them tries to sell me the carrot for ten bits.” Fluttershy gasps. “I know, totally shocking” I said sarcastically.

“Hey wait a minute!” I then hear a voice who coming from a certain Rainbow pegasus. She landed infront of Twilight.

“Rainbow, are you following me?” Twilight asked.

“Wait for another minute! That ticket is mine Rainbow!” Applejack exclaimed as she appears.

Seems my presence changed their dialogues away from the original show, should make a mental note of that.

Everything soon devolves into an argument, five mares besides Twilight fighting over a single ticket.

However I legit don't care, I only care about how am I going to get that carrot.

“QUIIIEEETT” Twilight yelled, Everypony went quiet, well except for Pinkie Pie who talks about oatmeal before going silent as well.

Twilight tells them the tickets are hers and she should be the one to decide who gets to go. All five have a look of displeasure and soon walks away grumbling.

Then Twilight's stomach growls. And soon mine as well.

“Wanna grab lunch Jumper?” Twilight asked.

I waved her off. “No thank you, I am planning on cooking lunch myself. I just need one carrot.” And that me, Twilight and Spike went our separate ways.

Now how I am going to get a carrot. I don't think I can make one being an engineer.

---

I still haven't get a carrot yet. Walking around the streets, I was getting annoyed. Golden Harvest is the only pony who farms and sells the damn carrots, I don't think asking for one from the townsfolk will do me any good.

I turn the conner to see in the distance, there's a store. But that wasn't why it caught my attention, it was named Bon Bon's sweet shop.

I was reminded of Lyra, I pretty much forgot to visit her after the whole incident over a week ago. I should check on Button Mash too as well.

Then I got a realisation. I could ask Lyra if their fridge has any carrots leftover, I mean I am only asking one.

I walk over to the sweet shop and enter the front door to see Lyra sitting on a stoll chatting with and a cream colored earth pony at the counter.

They are to busy talking to each other to notice me. I walked up to them, got really close and said.

“Hey Lyra.” Both mares looked up in surprise, the cream colored pony took a step back but Lyra upon seeing me grin wide.

“Jumper!” Lyra said before getting off the stool. “Are you ok?” She asked worryingly. I smile.

“No, not yet.” I bluntly said. “It still hurts but I know I need to move on and accept it. How are you doing Lyra?”

“I am doing fine. What brings you here Jumper?” Lyra asked.

“Do you have any carrots I can borrow Lyra? I need one carrot for the recipe I am making for lunch.” Lyra raises a brow.

“Why? Can't you just go to the market to buy one?” Lyra asked confused. I grumbled.

“That mare in charge of selling them gives terrible customer service. She tried to charge me ten bits for one.” Lyra gasps.

“I'll have a talk with Carrot Top about it later.” Lyra's face turns serious. I look to see Bon Bon staring at me, I can tell she is analysing me. No surprise as she is a former secret agent, they need to have keen observation skills to be able to compile and retain relevant information. Then I feel the need to do some trolling as my smile turns mischievous.

I point to Bon Bon, “Hey Lyra, your marefriend is looking at me weird.” Both of the mares faces become red as a tomato. “With a look like that, she could very well be a secret agent.” Bon Bon recoiled when I said that as her pupils shrink to a diameter of a needle.

“Jumper!” Lyra said flustered as she nudges my leg “Me and Bon Bon aren't a thing! We are just great friends. Besides, even in the very unlikely possibly that she's a secret agent, she would tell me.” She giggled. “Right, Bon Bon?” Lyra asked. The earth pony rubs the back of her head and giggled nervously.

“Ye-yeah, I wouldn't hide something like that from you Lyra.” She said. She looks at me to see a wide smile that basically says that I know, she glares at me.

And suddenly, Pinkie Pie.

“Hey Lyra and Bon Bon!” Pinkie exclaimed as she suddenly pops in. Making us all jump from surprise. “I wanna throw Twilight a surprise, do you wanna join?” She asked.

“Uh-uhm sure?” Lyra said, her brain trying to comprehend this.

“GREAT!” Pinkie said in cheery excitement, before dragging Bon Bon and Lyra away as she exits through the front door.

I just stood there, it took awhile but I snapped out of it. I look around and shrugged.

“I doubt Lyra will mind if I take one.” I said as I went into their kitchen. It took a moment but I've found what I have been looking for.

---

I inwardly cheer that I finally got the carrot I needed. Walking back home, the streets are quiet but that's expected since they are all outside of Golden Oak Library.

Then I feel like someone bumped into me. I look down to see Twilight with Spike on her back.

“Sorry for bumping into you Jumper gotta go!!” Twilight urgently said as they run off.

I saw that she dropped something on the ground, I went to pick up it to see two golden coloured tickets.

“That monkey creature has the tickets! Get him!” I turn around to see a mob of ponies coming straight for me. My eyes pricked when I realized what I am holding.

The tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala.

Not wanting to be mobbed, I put the tickets into my pocket and made a dash for my life as the mob is chasing behind me.

I zipped around corners and went through back alleys, heck I even have to climb up a wall. Unfortunately due to my height and the fact I am not a pony, it makes it difficult to lose the mob as I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I am panting from exhaustion, if I don't do something fast, they will catch up to me and I'll probably be trampled.

Digging through my pockets, I pull out my pepper spray. Sure my repetition may be fucked over more but I rather not be sent to the hospital.

Besides they will probably destroy the carrot I worked so hard to find, and I am really hungry.

Hearing the horde of hoofsteps behind me, I whipped around, pepper spray in hand and spray the crowd. The crowd recoil as they begin to feel a burning sensation in their eyes, most fall to the ground as their instinct is to cover their eyes with their forelegs, making them lose balance. They all scream in pain as I took the opportunity to make a run for it.

The sun beginning to set as I turn to corner to see the Golden Oak Library. I dash over to the library, got inside and locked the door.

I sigh in relief until I see the main six except Twilight looking at me.

“Hey Jumpy! Where were you?” Pinkie immediately come face to face with me, she only grins at me.

“I don't know getting chase by a mob over two tic-” I pause. “Jumpy?” I cocked an eyebrow at that nickname.

“Its your nickname! do you like it?” Pinkie asked, I shrugged and nodded. Why the hell not?

I hear hoofsteps going down stairs, I look to see Twilight walking down stairs, a letter covered in a lavender aura. Spike came down as well to join us.

“Jumper? Are you ok? You looked exhausted.” Twilight asked in a worried tone. I pulled out the tickets from my pocket.

“Here's are your fucking tickets.” I said with a hint of irritation. “I got chased all over Ponyville because of it and I am tired as shit.” I put the tickets on the ground as Twilight levitates them over to her.

She stare into the tickets for awhile before putting them inside the scroll and rolling it. “I've made my decision.” She then was interrupted by Rainbow Dash.

“Yes! That ticket is mine!” She celebrates early. Everypony deadpan at her while I glare at her with a 'I will choke you' look. She chuckled nervously. “Heh-heh, sorry.”

“... Anyways, I decided my decision is that I will choose... nopony.” Twilight said as everypony gasps in shock. “if I can't bring all of you, the next best thing is that none of us go.” She gives the scroll to Spike. “I am sending these tickets back, they have been nothing but trouble ever since we got them.” No shit.

“Are you sure about this Twilight?” Applejack asked. She nodded.

“I don't want to disappoint you all, I want you all to be happy. But I can't do that with just two tickets.” Twilight nods at Spike, telling him to send it. Spike then burns the letter along with the tickets, a magical smoke trail sending to Princess Celestia.

Touched by this, everypony got into a group hug except me and Spike.

Suddenly, Spike begins to gagged. I pat him on the back, which cause him to burp out a scroll. “Can't the scroll be sent anywhere other than your in stomach?”

“I wish.” Spike said as he grabs the scroll and begins reading it. “My faithful student Twilight, Why didn't you just say so in the first place?” Underneath the scroll he found. “Seven tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!” wait what?

“Now we all can go!” Pinkie excitedly cheered as everypony cheer with her.

Twilight and mine stomach growled, and loud. “How about we treat you both to dinner, we own you for the trouble we cause.” Rarity suggested.

“No thank you Rarity,” I hold up my carrot. “I am going home to cook something to eat as I finally got the carrot I needed for it.”

They each were given a ticket. Spike was given a ticket as I made it clear I don't want to go, Spike pretended to be upset about having to go before I wipe his bullshit up and called out his lie which made the girls giggle at Spike.

Spike lets out another belch and another scroll pops out. “Huh? Another one?” Rainbow Dash asked, raising a brow.

Spike reads it. “And one for you Spike.” Spike then pulls out a ticket as my eyes widen.

“Bloody hell, do I have to go to?” I said, irritated, I groan as pull my face with my hand. “Fine, I'll go but Celestia better pays for my funeral if I died because of her.” I grab my ticket. I hear Rainbow Dash grumble.

Twilight then walks up and opens the front door only to see an angry mob of ponies outside her door before she immediately slams and locks the door again.

“Why is there an angry mob outside the door!?” Twilight asked. Oh shit. I look outside the wind to see ponies gathering at the front door of her library with teary red eyes, they're really angry. I don't see Lyra or Bon Bon in the crowd, they either weren't in the crowd that I sprayed or just went home. I am hoping for the former.

“That's probably because of me.” Everypony and Spike turn to look at me. “I use pepper spray on them so I don't get piled over because of fucking tickets.” Twilight looks at me confused.

“What's a pepper spray?” She asked.

I show them the bottle. “This is pepper spray. Its a non lethal self defense weapon that sprays spicy particles into the eyes of an attacker, making it irritate like it was burning your eyes. A disabling weapon that temporary blinds people.” Twilight looks curious at it.

“You gotta let me study it.” She said as she grabs it with her hoofs. Magic doesn't effect objects from my world, the rule doesn't only apply to me.

“Uh, we have more pressing matters.” I point to the front door. “How are we going to deal with the mob outside.”

Yeah its gonna be awhile before I can finally get food in my belly.

Comments

[Velvet-Fresh]

i mean, it's justified self defense. Yeah, it hurts like hell though.

One thing, couldn't Jumper write his own response to why he wants to decline the invitation? Like "Your nobles will send the guards to attack me or arrest me on sight because I'm non pony."

[Felwinter]

Welp, the situation just got a lot sticky.

Also, i wonder what would happen if one of them went into Jumper's house and saw a movie paused, hit play, and saw a heart breaking scene, and it happened to be Titanic

[AndyHunter]

That's what I was talking about, totally original dialogues and facts, the best chapter you've written so far. The part where Jumper sprays the ponies was hilarious, now he's become public enemy number one.

Keep it up!, also have some moustaches:

[Dragonknife5]

What type of career did jumper studied?

[midnight arrow]

love the chapter

[Luckyfanisaac]

I still haven't gotten a carrot yet.

They are too busy talking to each other to notice me. I walked up to them, got really close and said

“Its your nickname! Do you like it?” Pinkie asked, I shrugged and nodded. Why the hell not?

“Here are your fucking tickets.” I said with a hint of irritation. “I got chased all over Ponyville because of it and I am tired as shit.” I put the tickets on the ground as Twilight levitates them over to her.

“Fine, I'll go but Celestia better pay for my funeral if I died because of her.” I grab my ticket. I hear Rainbow Dash grumble.

[Ziper Ace]

Well Sh#t!
How are they gonna get out of this situation?