The Study of a Winning Pony
Chapter 21: A Dawning Respite
I woke up the next morning in the Palace Royal Library to a pounding in my head. I lifted my head up off the book that I had been resting on. I craned my head back slowly, wincing in pain when my neck popped. As I worked the soreness out of my limbs, I glanced back down at the book. Despite the thickness of The History of Agrarian and Industrial Equestrian Economics, it hadn’t proven to be a particularly good pillow. The position I had fallen asleep in didn’t feel especially good in the morning either.
Strange. I didn’t remember all-nighters leaving me feeling so drained back when I still lived in Canterlot. Mom might have had a point about how I wouldn’t be able to study throughout the night without consequences as I got older. What topic had brought me to the Royal Library to start with?
Oh right ... Mom.
I rubbed my crusty eyes as I remembered the events of the previous night. After what had been some of the most stressful hours of my life, I had sought solace in one of the few places I could think of to try and shut myself off from the world. Home was a no-go, and well, I didn’t have a very long list after that. At least not within Canterlot. Not when I didn't want to sneak back into the manor in the middle of the night in order to pick up Spike for a late night train ride.
Besides, books were safe. Books never hurt me. Books never lied to me about their marital fidelity or the fact that I didn’t have just one, but two half-sisters. Books had answers for life's questions and the nature of existence. Well, except for maybe philosophy. That subject had a nasty tendency of raising more questions than it actually answered. Stupid existentialism.
Looking at the pile of books I had stacked up the previous night, I noticed a pair of envelopes and a small bottle sitting next to where my head had been resting. I didn’t remember any of that being there when I had gone to sleep. Granted, I couldn’t remember much from the tail-end of last night after the emotional whiplash I’ve been through. The wine probably hadn’t helped. Picking up the envelopes, I noticed one of them had my name on it, and I instantly recognized Princess Celestia’s elegant writing.
Oh right. That whole business with the princess the previous night. I had to cover my face at the memory of embarrassing myself in front of Princess Celestia. That was exactly what I needed on top of everything else. Now she probably thought I was some stupid little filly with a dumb crush. She must have dropped them off in the middle of the night while I was asleep. I guessed she didn’t want to wake me while delivering them. Hopefully, that wasn’t a bad sign.
Not in a mood for trying to divine the contents of the letters, I opened the one with my name on it, guessing that must have been the one she wanted me to read first.
My Faithful Student,
I hope you are feeling better this morning than you were last night. In case you’re dealing with the after-effects of your drinking last night, I left a potion beside you to help with that.
That must have been the vial. Since I did indeed have a headache, I saw no reason to delay, and quickly downed its contents before I could properly taste it. Nevertheless, I still shuddered as the bitter substance ran over my tongue. Potions were never known for tasting good, but I can’t recall tasting anything more vile. Still, I could already feel it softening the pounding in my head. That done, I returned to the letter. It was probably a good sign that the princess had gone through this trouble to help me. Probably.
I also had the library closed for the day so the staff and visitors wouldn't disturb you. You likely are in need of rest after everything you have been through. Your room in the palace is also available to you should you require more sleep or wish to freshen up.
I felt my heart sink as I remembered how I had run out on the princess. Especially after how she had gone to such lengths to help me. Not to mention that it struck against my sensibilities to close the entire library just on my behalf. Just another problem to add to the pile, it would seem.
One of the reasons I have written this letter is to say I am sorry for any distress I may have caused you last night, especially after what had already been a long and troubling night for you. I am sorry if I came across as colder than I intended. The reason I was so firm in telling you that I see you as a student is because I didn’t want you to think that our relationship would become something more involved, as it were.
Over the centuries of my life, I have tried a number of methods to express to ponies that I am not romantically interested in them, from gently letting them down to using humor or being as kind as possible. More than once, this led to somepony thinking that I was merely playing hard to get—that I needed further persuasion, or that some great feat could win my love. This type of thinking by those who have sought my heart has lead to more than one incident of heartbreak, misery, destitution, and grief, and it is not something I would like to repeat. Especially not with you. As I have come to discover over my long life, sometimes the only right answer to give somepony is a firm ‘no,’ even if it hurts both ponies involved.
My single greatest hope for you, as it always has been, is for you to be happy. It is why your letters from Ponyville have been no small joy in my life. As my student, you hold a special place in my heart, and one that is precious to me. I have seen you grow, learn, and surpass my greatest expectations, and it has been my pleasure to hold a special place in your life. Do not think I do not care for you, but my love for you is not a romantic thing. Nor should you think that my love for you is somehow less because of where I hold you within my heart. There are many types of love in the world, and all of them are wonderful and fulfilling in their own ways.
If your desire is to find a special somepony, a partner to hold near and dear to your heart, then I do not doubt you will find that pony someday and that it will be a wonderful thing. If that is not your desire, then I am sure you will find something else to make you happy. One of the things I have always admired about you is how you find goals and then strive to achieve them.
That all did make a certain sense. Ponies trying to woo Princess Celestia’s heart had come up more than once in the biography I had read. Many of them had not ended well. There had been the incident of Duke Foundry, an extremely wealthy, influential, and powerful pony in Equestria at the time, who had ended up impoverishing himself and his noble house in increasingly elaborate displays of affection to try and win the princess’s heart. In the end, he had left his house in such straits that the following generation had to disband the duchy to deal with the massive debt.
Then there had been Sir Gallant the Brave who had tried to get the princess’s attention by slaying increasingly dangerous monsters who menaced Equestria. At least, until he was eaten by the dragon Ember the Crystalline. Then there had been Blackfyre, who after being rejected had been driven to such a rage as to become a dangerous warlock. The rebellion she created was eventually put down, but it had been a messy affair to put it lightly. And those were just some of the more notable ones!
With a track record like that, it wasn’t exactly a surprise that Princess Celestia would want to put out any flames of passion somepony might have for her, and quickly. I know I wouldn’t want somepony to pursue me and wreck their life over it.
Which made my own crush on the princess seem all the more stupid. I really should have known better. Objectively, there were all sorts of reasons why it wouldn’t work. For one, she wasn’t interested in me like that, and I knew that deep down. The princess wasn’t looking for a special somepony and probably hadn’t for a long, long time, if ever.
Shame I can’t help what I feel.
I wiped at my eyes before continuing to read.
That brings me to my next point. I wish to reiterate that I still think it is a good idea for you to talk to your parents again about what you recently discovered, and soon. Wounds such as these have a tendency to fester if not treated in good time. Too many times have I seen parent and child quarrel with one another, only to realize too late that they should have reconciled. Please do not be like them, both for your own sake and those of your parents.
While your parents have made mistakes, and grievous ones at that, they are still good ponies at heart. Trust me when I say you will find no happiness in holding onto bitterness for the rest of your days. Your parents came seeking you at the palace tonight. They sincerely hoped to speak with you, but I turned them away, saying you had retired for the night and needed a bit of time to reflect on what had happened. I have done this to give you a reprieve and some time to recover, not to delay your meeting with your parents for a greater length of time.
Thus, I implore you to try and end the disharmony within your family. I do not doubt it will be difficult, but I know it will be for the best to resolve this.
I have also left the envelope with the information to find Amethyst when you are ready. I remind you, only do so when you are indeed ready, preferably after you have mended the bond with your parents. I think doing so would be best for you and your sister.
My ears wilted as I looked at the second envelope. In my haste to flee the royal quarters, I had forgotten the piece of paper that would let me find my long-lost sister. Had I really been so stupid and panicky last night? I must have in order to leave such a precious thing. Why did everything have to come down on me all at the same time?
If you wish to speak with me again, my door is open to you, as it always has been. If anything, I am sure you can trust your friends for some good advice should you need it. I believe in you and trust that you will do the right thing when the time comes.
With love,
Princess Celestia
I applied my face to the desk as I finished the letter and groaned. Great, that didn’t help with my guilt on top of everything else. The princess had always been pretty good at guilting me to do things I otherwise didn’t want to do. It was going to be hard to not talk to my parents eventually after reading that. Not that I was going to be running back to the manor right that minute. I really needed to get my head on straight before I could tackle that issue. Nor was I going to run off and look for my sister; I couldn’t argue with the princess’s logic that finding Amethyst was not a smart idea until I was absolutely sure I was ready for it.
Shame I was still left with the question of what to do next. My growling belly demanded to be satisfied, so that was one item to take care of. The last things I had eaten the previous night had been some nachos and cake, and my digestive system had long ago taken care of those. I was also feeling a bit grimy after everything, and that wouldn’t do. Though even after getting cleaned up and getting something to eat, I didn’t think I would be ready to talk with my parents again. I was just too frazzled and mad to do it.
I would. Soon. Probably. When I was ready. Which probably wouldn’t be too long. I didn’t want to disappoint the princess, after all. I could probably talk to them after I did some other things to help take my mind off talking to my parents. After I did enough things that didn’t involve them, I might be in the frame of mind to go back to the manor. Probably. Most likely. We would see.
Now that I thought about it, I did want to interview Cloud Kicker’s dad while I was in Canterlot, and now seemed to be as good a time as any. Then I could decide what to do. My schedule for my time in Canterlot was pretty much a wreck by this point anyways, so I might as well be productive while I was here.
I neatly tucked the princess’s letter back into its envelope and scooped up the envelope with Amethyst’s information. My course was now set.
After a shower at my room in the palace and some breakfast at a restaurant, I was ready to continue the work on my sociology project. To think, I had come to Canterlot in part to get some time away from dealing with Cloud Kicker. Now, I was using her family as an escape from my own. Fortune had odd ways of turning on a pony.
Thankfully, I had some spare studying supplies and saddlebags stored away in my room in the palace, saving me a trip to Sparkle Manor and a potentially awkward reunion. Most of my material for the Cloud Kicker project was back at the manor, but I was confident that I could do an interview with what I had immediately available. It helped when you had more or less memorized the list of questions.
It was around noon when I reached the Kicker Compound. Made of red stone, the repurposed fortress had long ago been absorbed into Canterlot. As I stepped through its gates, I couldn't help but notice that the Compound looked like a city within a city. While the architecture was still distinctly Canterlotian, it had its own unique flavor with its various buildings aligned in neat rows in the Kicker red, a few trees and gardens, and decorative banners. Of course, that led to issues I hadn't thought about before coming here. Namely, that I didn't know the Compound as well as other parts of Canterlot. It didn't help that the similar coloring made it more difficult to identify landmarks.
Considering I didn’t want to spend half the afternoon wandering around the Compound looking for Tornado Kicker’s home, I sought somepony who might be able to give me some directions. My eyes fell upon a young, dappled grey unicorn mare sitting on a bench in one of the garden. She wore the uniform of a West Hoof cadet and seemed to be busy writing with a book open before her. She seemed as good as a pony as any to ask how to get around.
I trotted up to her and gave her the friendliest smile. “Hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle. Could I take a moment to ask you for some directions? I don’t really know my way around here.”
She looked up from her paper. “Hm? Oh, sure. This place is a bit confusing to new ponies.”
“Thanks.” I looked up and down the street to get my bearings. “I was looking for Tornado Kicker’s house. Do you know where he lives?”
“Sure.” She stood up and stretched her back. “I can lead you there, even.”
I smiled appreciatively. “Thanks, that would be a big help. I’ve never had to find a specific address here before, so having a guide would be great.”
The mare worked to scoop up all her study supplies into her saddlebags. “Well, lucky for you, Tornado's my uncle, so I know how to find him.”
“That so?” I had of course gone over Cloud Kicker’s family tree. One that was quite extensive, considering the Kicker Clan had kept pretty good records of such things since relocating to Canterlot. Based on her age, cadet uniform, and breed, I thought I could make a reasonable guess for who she was. “So that makes you his niece Star Kicker?”
“Sure am!” Star slung on her saddlebags and led the way. “How do you know my name?”
“Oh, it’s part of a project I’m working on,” I explained. “Your name came up during my research.”
“Huh.” Star’s head tilted in a contemplative gesture. “And that’s why you need to talk to Uncle Tor?”
“I wanted to interview him about his daughter, Cloud Kicker.” I followed after her and kept a mental record of where we were going. It would be a bit inconvenient if I was led into the center of the Compound and couldn’t find my way out again. This neighborhood was pretty safe, in no small part due to being filled with ponies in the guard and the presence of the Clan Guard, but it was still felt slightly embarrassing to have to ask for directions.
Star’s ears perked. “Oh yeah? What'd Cloud do now?”
“Nothing.” Part of me had to wonder exactly how much of a black sheep Cloud was in her family when her own cousin suspected her of having done something. “It's part of a sociology project she signed up for. Part of that involves interviewing some of her family for that project.”
“Huh. Well, I'm family,” Star offered.
“That is true.” The opportunity to interview another member of Cloud’s family did excite the scholar in me. Especially when the opportunity just fell into my lap like this. Though I couldn’t help but frown as something bothered me. “Have we met? I swear I've seen you somewhere before.”
Star gave me a mischievous grin. “Don't recognize me when I'm not covered in glowsticks?”
The clue struck me like a lightning bolt. “Wait, you're that mare who pointed Sparkler out to me at the concert last night.”
Her grin became all the wider. “Sure am.”
“No offense, but I didn't exactly picture you as a West Hoof cadet when I saw you at a Vinyl Scratch concert.” A pony wrapped head to hoof in glowsticks and a fan of the type of music I heard last night wasn’t the type of pony I normally thought of when I thought of the grim-faced Royal Guard.
“I was off-duty.” Star led me past a group of ponies carrying some groceries home. “I don’t spend all my time studying and doing drills, you know. Everypony needs a chance to unwind—even my sister has her hobbies, and she’s a huge stick in the mud.”
“Everypony needs their hobbies.” I nodded in agreement. “Even I like to break up my study sessions now and again with some light reading for fun. Not that I don’t find all my reading to be fun, really. But some types of reading are more fun than other types. You understand?”
“I think I get you,” Star said.
The two of us walked for a time before I broke the silence. “I hope I didn't interrupt your schoolwork.” I didn’t like the idea that I might have taken her away from her studying.
She waved my worries off. “Nah, nothing important.”
I felt my smile grow strained. “Well, I don't mean to be nitpicky, but all schoolwork is important. Your grades depend on how well you do on it, after all.”
“I guess,” she said grudgingly.
“What are you studying?” I asked.
“Oh, just wrapping up my tracking and fieldcraft class,” Star said with a lack of concern that I found disconcerting. “Just got my last paper and practical examination left.”
“It is good to have a balance of paper tests and practical examinations to prove you know what you have studied,” I said. “I remember taking a healthy dose of each at the School for Gifted Unicorns.”
Star nodded in agreement. “Exactly. So the written stuff's easy. Like the paper you caught me working on.”
“What is your paper about?” I couldn’t help but ask. Not when I found just about any topic to be at least somewhat interesting to study and discuss.
“Well ... funny story, actually.” She smirked as though thinking of a private joke. “It's about wilderness tracking, but since I don't need to do a good job on it ... it's about bear droppings in the woods and whether bears leave them there.”
I blinked, not quite understanding what she was saying. Was she actually not taking her paper seriously? “But—but it’s an assignment. You have to do a good job on it. Why would you be given an assignment if you weren’t expected to perform within an acceptable standard of performance? That doesn’t make sense.”
Star shrugged. “I'll ace the class either way, so why not have some fun?”
“But are you going to get a perfect score for your class?” I asked.
“Um, no.” Star gave me a curious look. “But it's gonna be an A no matter what I do. I wouldn’t be slacking if I wasn’t.”
I tried very hard not to let out a frustrated sigh. “Don't you want to get the best score you can to raise your GPA and get a better posting once you graduate?”
“I'll get a 4.0 in the class either way,” she said plainly.
I finally lost my cool with the topic, and all but screamed when I spoke. “But you can’t become valedictorian that way! And won't you make your instructor mad by slacking off?”
“Nah, not really. He's got a good sense of humor.”
Taking a moment to take a calming breath, I said, “Look, maybe I could give you some help with your paper...”
“I've got it,” Star said in a tone that didn’t leave much room for further discussion.
“Alright then,” I relented with a sigh. “They're your grades.” I wasn’t exactly happy with Star’s attitude with her paper, but I couldn’t very well force her to be a better student and scholar.
Before we could continue our conversation, Star pointed at one of the homes on the street. “That's Uncle Tor’s place over there. C'mon.” She trotted up to the house, and I followed after her. She must have been a regular visitor, as she opened the door without even knocking and headed right in. “Hey Uncle Tor? We got company.”
“Just a second, Star,” somepony said from further inside the home. “Just need to finish something up real quick.”
I stepped up beside Star and closed the door behind me. I knew a little bit about Tornado, most notably that he was one of the highest ranked military officers in the Royal Guard. I remembered a couple of conversations where my brother had brought up working with him and how he had been one of his chief competitors toward becoming the Captain of the Royal Guard. Hopefully that wouldn’t lead to any awkwardness in this conversation. My brother getting the job he had worked his entire life towards probably wasn’t going to be the most productive topic we could talk about. Thankfully, we could probably avoid the subject.
While we waited, I looked about the interior of the home. It seemed that the Lieutenant Commander of the Royal Guard had quite a nice home for himself. Old but comfortable furniture dotted the room, photographs and paintings were placed along the walls, and the living room didn’t seem to lack for the basic comforts of life. It certainly met the criteria of a typical family home.
An older stallion stepped into the room. He was a well-muscled pegasus with a white coat and long blond mane. “What did you need, Star—” He paused when he spotted me. “Oh. Hello, Miss Sparkle. I wasn’t expecting to see you.”
I gave him a smile that felt slightly forced. I had never been great at first impressions, but there wasn’t anything to do but jump in at this point. “Um, hello, Lieutenant Commander Tornado Kicker. I guess you already know me. I mean you know my name and you’ve probably have to know about me and the other Elements of Harmony because we’re an important strategic asset to Equestria’s national defense, and there is the fact that my father is the Grand Vizier, and—”
My ramblings were stopped when Tornado chuckled. “Yes, I do know you by reputation, miss.”
“Er, right.” I pulled out a notebook and pen from my saddlebags. “So, I wanted to interview you about Cloud Kicker if you don't mind. It's for a sociology project I'm working on.” I also gave Star a quick smile. “And I wouldn’t mind interviewing some of your other family, too.”
Tornado nodded. “Alright then. I don’t see why not.”
Star shrugged. “Sure, sounds like it could be kinda fun.”
I let out an involuntary yawn. It seemed that sleeping with one’s head on a book wasn’t exactly the best type of rest, sadly. “Sorry, had a rough night. Anyways...”
If Tornado Kicker was thinking anything, he wasn’t showing it to me in his expression. “Right, I wouldn’t mind helping my CO's little sister.”
Star’s ear twitched the slightest bit. Best if I moved the topic back to what brought me here. I waved at some of the furniture in the living room. “How about we all get comfortable for the interview?”
“Very well then.” Tornado sat down on the couch and he waved for me and Star to do the same on the cushions. “What did you want to ask about first?”
We completed the interview a couple of hours later, and I felt pretty pleased with myself. It was at least one thing that had gone right for me over the last few days.
I flashed a smile at my interviewees. "Thanks for letting me speak to you. This should help a lot."
"No prob," said Star.
Tornado gave me a warm smile. "Glad we could help. It's the least we could do for somepony who's saved Equestria."
"I was just trying to do the right thing." It still felt terribly embarrassing whenever somepony brought that up. I supposed that it was a minor blessing that many ponies couldn't identify me on sight. I didn't mind helping ponies when they needed my help, but I didn't want to become a celebrity.
"You still have my thanks and that of the Guard." Tornado stretched his wings out. They had probably become a bit stiff from how long we had been sitting there. "Now, was there anything else you needed?"
"Nope, I think that just about covers everything." I went about repacking everything into my saddlebags. "Thanks again."
There was a hint of hesitation in Tornado's frame before he spoke. "I was wondering if I could ask you a favor, if it wouldn't be too much of a hassle."
Curious about what he might need, I waved for him to continue. He had helped me, so it only seemed reasonable that I should help him back. "Sure, what did you need?"
There was another moment of hesitation before he spoke. "Next time you see Cloud, could you tell her that I would like it if she and Alula came by to visit when she gets the opportunity?" He shrugged. "It would just be nice to see them again.”
“I don’t see why not,” I told him. I didn’t have many exact details, but I did know that Tornado and his wife hadn’t been living in the same house for a bit now. It probably wasn’t a good sign that nopony seemed to really want to talk about it. While it might have been more thorough for my report to ask what had occurred between him and Nimbus, doing so struck me as unprofessionally insensitive. So I erred on the side that was less likely to offend the ponies I was working with.
The Lieutenant Commander smiled. “Thanks. That would mean a lot to me.”
“Not a problem.” I thought over if there was anything to address before I left and remembered something. “Oh, and I would like to interview Wind and Storm at some point if I could. Are either of them around?”
Star shook her head. “Nah, my big sis is off somewhere in the wilderness with the Long Patrol.”
“And I’m afraid Wind is off in Manehatten at a psychology conference,” Tornado added.
“Okay, thanks anyways.” It was a bit of a shame I wouldn’t be able to interview Cloud’s other cousin. Though it may have been the best with Wind Kicker; Cloud’s aunt was supposed to be well-grounded in the social sciences, and her opinions might color my own final conclusions. That wouldn’t do if I wanted to make sure my conclusions were my own and not an adaptation of somepony close to Cloud. “In that case, I think I’ll be heading out.”
“Sure thing.” Tornado headed to the front door and opened it for me. “If there is anything else, feel free to ask.”
“Yeah, nice meeting you.” Star moved to follow me out. “Do you need any help finding your way out of the Compound?”
I shook my head on the way out. “No, I think I’ve got it. I was paying pretty close attention to where we were going coming here.”
Star stopped at the door instead of following me. “Fair enough. Have a nice day.”
I turned around after stepping outside. “You too.”
“Until next time, bye.” With that, Tornado closed the door.
I let out a relieved breath. I was happy that went well enough, despite a few issues that could have become problems. It wasn’t exactly a surprise to hear that Tornado wasn’t wild about his older daughter’s lifestyle. He didn’t say it, but I think he would have been much happier if his daughter had followed through with becoming an officer in the Guard instead of becoming a weatherpony. Not to mention Cloud’s other daily life choices.
Star had seemed more positive about Cloud. I got the impression that Star tended to look up to her older cousin. I could sympathize with that a little bit, given how I generally looked up to my big brother.
Still, it was a bit nice to have a conversation with somepony without some big, shocking revelation. I had quite enough of those for a little bit. No, what I needed was some time to sit and reflect on what would be the best thing to do. Too much had been happening too fast as of late for me to really digest any of it. Shame I didn’t think I was going to be able to do that in Canterlot. Not after everything that had happened. I was still very mad at my parents, and I didn’t want to go home just to get into a shouting match with them, as much as they might have deserved it. I just wasn’t that type of pony. If I was going to talk to my parents again, I wanted it to be a productive discussion. Whatever form that might end up taking.
Of course, that lead me to thinking about what I was going to do next. I didn’t really want to stay in Canterlot anymore. Not until I had a game plan ready. Staying at the Sparkle Manor was inevitably going to result in me bumping into my parents, and going to my room at the palace just didn’t sit right with me after my last talk with the princess.
Those options eliminated, I was thinking the best option was for me was to return to Ponyville for a while—even if that did feel like I was running away from my problems. It was better to make a tactical withdraw when faced with something you didn’t know how to handle, rather than bashing your head against it and making it worse. Right?
The problem was that most of my stuff was still in the manor. Oh, and Spike was probably there too. Bad enough I was skipping out of a badly needed conversation with my parents by getting out of town, but leaving Spike without even an explanation for what I was doing was unacceptable. That meant that I was going to need to sneak into my old home and try and get Spike out without bumping into Mom and Dad. That would also give me the opportunity to leave them a letter at least. I wasn’t happy with them, but it would be cruel to make them worry about where I even was.
Right, so that made my goals clear. Go back to the manor, try to avoid a direct confrontation with my parents, leave a letter for them, pick up Spike and my things, and then sneak off to the railroad with none being the wiser. Easy, right?
It helps sneaking into someplace when you have the key. It would have been awkward to explain to anypony that might have saw me climbing in through a window. At least considering I don’t have wings; a lot of pegasi seemed to consider windows to be non-standard sized doors, but I guess that came with doors merely being an aesthetic feature for cloudhomes.
Once I was inside, I used a spell to enhance my hearing. I closed my eyes and swiveled my ears this way and that to listen. The only noise I heard was someone in the kitchen whistling a tune. Given the tone of the whistling, I knew it could only be one specific baby dragon. Moving quietly, I made my way to the kitchen.
Spike was busy engaging in his hobby of cooking. It looked like he was making some sort of cake based on the ingredients he had spread out before him. He continued humming his merry tune, oblivious to me standing in the kitchen doorway. My number one assistant must really have been in the zone.
As much as it pained me to do so, I cleared my throat loudly to get his attention. “Hey, Spike.”
Spike jerked in surprise and dropped his large wooden spoon on the floor. “Darn it!” He picked up the spoon, cleaning it with his apron. “And hey, Twilight. You doing alright?”
“Mhm.” I gave him an affectionate nuzzle. “I’m getting along.” No need to tell him about the long night I had just had. That was ... complicated. Much too complicated for a baby dragon.
“So what happened last night?” Spike turned on the kitchen faucet to run water over the spoon. “I don’t think you came back home. At least you weren’t in your bed when I woke up.”
“I just got caught up in an all night study session at the Royal Library.” It’s not a lie when a statement is mostly true, right? It was true enough that it wasn’t a falsehood at any rate.
Spike dropped the spoon into the sink. “I thought you were going to a concert. That’s what your parents said.”
I nodded. “Right, something I saw at the concert inspired me to do an all-nighter.” Suddenly I was really hoping that this line of questioning ended quickly. I wasn’t the best at keeping a poker face on the best of days.
“Oh. Okay then.” Spike hopped back onto his stool where he had been mixing the cake. “But you’re here now. Wanna help me with cooking?”
I glanced the clock and bit my lower lip. If I had to guess, the reason my parents weren’t home at the moment was because they were at work. The problem was that it wasn’t that long before at least one of them might return to the manor. So if I didn’t want to risk meeting them, I was going to have to leave pretty soon.
I shook my head. “Sorry, Spike, but we need to get going back to Ponyville.”
Spike’s disappointment was clear on his features as he frowned. “We’re leaving already? But I thought we’d be hanging out in Canterlot a bit longer?”
“Something came up.” I fumbled to extrapolate. “Just last night, that is. It’s important enough for us to go back home—I mean our other home. The one in Ponyville, I mean.”
Spike crossed his arms in front of his chest, and I could sense his suspicion. “What came up?”
I had to resist grounding my teeth as I found myself caught between telling the truth and lying. I couldn’t think of a convincing half-truth like I had with my previous statements. No, I needed a different approach. What had the adults in my life always done when I asked an uncomfortable question?
“Um, I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about it right now,” I said lamely. Darn it, I had to do better than that. I could only guess that experience made you better at this type of thing.
Spike’s eyes narrowed. “Why not?”
“I ... I just can’t right now.” I found my tone taking on a pleading edge. “Please, Spike, you’re just going to have to trust me on this for right now.”
Spike’s suspicion turned into worry as the stiffness in his frame loosened. “Twilight, is everything alright?”
“Yes,” I said on reflex, too quickly I realized. “I mean everything is going to be fine, trust me. I just can’t go into details right now, but I will when I can.”
“Well, alright then,” Spike said reluctantly. “Can I at least finish the cake? And I’m sure you want to say goodbye to your parents.”
I tried my hardest not to flinch at the mention of my parents. “Sorry, but we really need to get going right away. I’ll leave a letter for them saying we had to leave early, don’t worry.”
Spike looked at the half complete ingredients and sighed. “If we really have to...”
“Yeah, we do.” I gave him a nuzzle. “How about you clean up down here while I collect our stuff from upstairs?”
“Fiiine,” Spike said grumpily. He started the process of cleaning up the mess he had made. “And after all that work I put in.”
“Thanks for understanding.” I nuzzled him again. “You’re being a champ about this. Be back down in a few.” That done, I trotted towards my bedroom upstairs. As I walked along, my steps seemed to feel heavier and heavier. The guilt over my treatment of Spike weighed me down and only felt worse by the time I reached my room. I had to wonder if all parents felt like this when they said this type of stuff to their kids.
I mean, parents can’t be brutally honest all the time to their kids, right? There are times when you have to either dodge a question, or tell a little white lie. At least that is the impression I got from watching parents with their kids and from my own experiences with my parents.
I stepped into bedroom and had to stop myself and rub my face.
Did that make it right, though? I had the best intentions with Spike. Most parental figures did, but was it right? I had my excuses, but so did my parents. There are always the excuses for things like these. He’s too young. We’ll tell her when she’s old enough to understand. Now isn’t the right time. Maybe tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin what we’re having today. I just want everypony to stay happy.
How many excuses did my parents tell themselves? Would the excuses ever end of their own volition? When would I stop using excuses? Was it even close to the right action when my parents—when my parents lied to me about something so important? Had my parents found it easy to lie to me? One little lie and half-truth piling up one after another in the belief it was protecting me?
Was I just making the same stupid mistakes by not telling Spike the truth? Was I trapped in some terrible cycle, doomed to repeat the same sins of my forebears no matter my intentions?
My eyes blurred, and I fell onto my bed. I felt too heavy to move anymore. It was as though the whole world was crashing down on me.
I clutched a pillow to my face and sobbed into it. It was all too much. My parents had been lying to me my entire life, and I didn't have a clue. And what had I done? I had perpetuated all the lies with Spike for virtually the same reasons. What did that say about me?
I wanted to think this problem through. To come up with a logical solution that would make everything better, but instead rational thought was overwhelmed as my sobbing intensified.
"Twilight?" I heard an all-too-familiar voice ask. The voice had a strong undercurrent and even a little bit of fear.
Oh no. Not Spike. Not right now. How long had I been crying my eyes like some little filly? Too long if Spike was here. I wiped at my nose and eyes, trying desperately to pull myself together. I didn't want Spike to see me like this. A child shouldn’t see his parental figure broken down like this. Not when they depended on them to be strong and a source of stability. He didn't deserve that. None of this was his fault.
"Twilight?" he asked again. "Is everything alright?"
I finally brought myself to raise my head and look at him. I tried to speak but my throat was too tight.
“What’s wrong?” He stepped cautiously to the bed. “Did something happen? Can I help?”
I really wished he could, but he was just a baby dragon. I couldn’t expect him to come in and fix everything for me. That wasn’t fair to him.
Turns out there was something he could do. He crawled onto the bed and hugged me. At first I was shocked by the gesture, but then I embraced him back. I held onto him like he was a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean.
“So what happened?” Spike asked again. “You know you can talk to me.”
“It’s...” I swallowed, trying to loosen up my throat. "I'm sorry Spike; it's been a long couple of days. Things have happened that I don't really want to get into right now."
"Okay, Twilight. I get it. We don't have to go through it right now." He gave me a gentle squeeze. "But hey, it's all gonna be okay, alright? You’re strong and super smart and stuff. Whatever it is, you’ll get through it. I know you will. Because you’re you.” His mouth turned up into a cheesy grin.
I couldn’t help but grin back in return. “Yeah, thanks. It means a lot for you to say that.” I nuzzled him as thanks.
Did I ever mention I have the best assistant ever?
I was reading something else and I went to the next chapter and "library" said 1 and I was like "Yesss!" and then I saw that it was this and I was like
Thank you so much for not making this dead
Update! <3
5624634
I have every intention of finishing this story, by hook or crook. As of right now this story is my highest priority to to write words for and finish.
So many d'awws with the scene of Twilight and Spike. As much as Twilight gets put through the wringer, she always has a ton of characters and fans to be there for her. It's one of her greatest strengths.
She don't call him that for nothing. Helpful both productively and emotionally.
A good update. nice to see it moving along!
I wouldn´t be surprised if Twilight decides to destroy the envelope without opening, and let "Amethyst" live with the family Celestia put her into.
Damn, that got heavy towards the end. I think she's definitely going to tell Spike about what happened sooner rather than later, though.
*cough*Sunset*Cough*
Awesome!! I'm so happy this updated. I love the way you paralleled Twi and Spike's relationship with Twi and her own parents. That brief insight into Celestia's (lack of) a love life was also really interesting.
Twilights such a bad parent, but Spikes such a great kid.
Tactical wirthdrawL.
This. Just, this. I really like how Spike is written here, I honestly do,something about it just, clicks. Plus, that last line gave me the warm and fuzzies.
Celestia: Don't wait and let this argument with your parents fester.
Twilight: I think I'll wait and let this argument fester.
Heh, the first knowing meeting between Twilight and Star, that's a little extra amusing on account of the pranking story that Chengar just posted yesterday.
Hmn, that interview with Tornado went surprisingly well. I suppose Cloud really is the standout compared to the traditional Clan Kicker stoicism.
Spike wins best assistant of the year.
Maybe it's just slightly cruel, but I hope Twilight's little breakdown just burned enough time that one of her parents gets home before her and Spike can bug out. I don't think waiting on that conversation will help anything other than give her more time to panic, and I think her parents deserve to see the contents of that envelope just as much as Twilight does.
Twilight really must be approaching her limit by now. The last time I read a fic where someone took thier studies lightly, i'm fairly sure they were tied to a stool and lectured until the assignment was completed perfectly. Definetly got let let off lightly there.
I do try very hard not to fall into the steriotypes trap, but this is Twilight. If she weren't fanatical in all things educational, it would probably cause concern.
Holy crap Twilight is selfish and self-centered. They're her parents, not her property. They had every right not to tell their impressionable young daughter about the details of their sex life, because it doesn't concern her. They lied about it to keep her from having to deal with something she had no personal context or frame of reference for, which would either confuse and scare her or otherwise be used as an example to emulate in her own life, even if it wasn't right for her.
How can she be so smart and so dense at the same time?
5626001 If it weren't for the fact that two half-siblings came of it, I would agree with you.
5626001
In a single night Twilight had her image of her parents shaken with the revelation of their affairs and that she had one sister she never knew of but everyone else did, that would be pretty upsetting to most people but she did not seem like she was enraged just overwhelmed with the sudden revelations. However after that she finds out that her parents let her believe that her beloved younger sister was dead when they actually gave her up for adoption for political concerns and after that lost her, and keep in mind that she still has nightmares about Amethyst 'death' and 'funeral', well that is more then just a minor issue or a little white lie.
After the finding out that Amethyst is alive and that her parents lied to her about that, you call her self-centered and selfish? Are you a robot or something? How could anyone not be enraged at the people they trusted the most lying about such a huge and important thing as the 'death' of a sibling? I'm sorry but what to you would be an appropriate response to that, keeping in mind that?
5626435
Still really not her business. Picture a family with a parent who couldn't keep their children from their previous marriage. How many of these families bring their new biologically-shared children to go meet their half-siblings? End of the day, it's still nothing that impacts the life of the child in any positive or negative way, so it can be safely omitted rather than bringing up questions whose truthful answers would only serve to confound the child or cause them to view interpersonal relationships in a skewed light from an early age, affecting them for the rest of their life potentially.
It's honestly safer that they just don't know until they've got a frame of reference to make their own decisions on. Typically when they're an adult. For someone like Twilight, maybe even longer. This is basic adult/child psychology we're talking about here, as well as what is and isn't information a child requires or might be dangerous to be exposed to too early on. Parents are not property, they are to care for and nurture the child, guiding and providing for. But they are still people by their own right and accordingly have parts of their own lives to live.
Twilight is understandably distressed. It's just the way her inner narrative rolls on the situation makes it sound like they had no right to their own lives or privacy in matters that did not directly concern her. If it was something she -needed- to know, then withholding it from her could be seen as the betrayal she makes it out to be, but now that she knows she's only assuming that they should have told her rather than considering that not knowing didn't harm or help her in any particular manner - even now that she knows, it's only going to change her life if she forces it to do so. She can literally go back to Ponyville and none of this will matter, it will change nothing on its own. Life continues as normal, her parents tend to their love lives, her half-sisters who are strangers to her continue their lives without her which never bothered them either.
All of this I understand. I get why she feels this way. I don't agree with it, but I understand emotions well enough. My issue comes in at the fact Twilight has always striven for a logical approach to her life, viewing reason and order above all else. So the fact she's essentially purposefully abandoning it (until the bit with Spike) shows that she is being dense. Which is to say I love how the story is going, but I'm a bit disappointed in Twilight's reactive self-centered inner thoughts (as the character herself, not with the writing).
5626456
Read the post below yours and mind your insulting tone, please. You will note I did not address the issue with Amethyst's 'death', at all. Yet you bring it up as though I did. That is a completely separate issue, and being upset over -that- in the way that she is is completely fine. But note this chapter and how she isn't even considering the 'death' issue in any real way, her concerns are focused on her parents not divulging the nature of their consentual extramarital relationships to her.
She is pointedly only considering and concerned over the fact her parents didn't tell her they have sex with ponies aside from themselves. Her thoughts on this are where my issue arises and where my disappointment in her selfishness rests. Do not attempt to put words in my mouth, thank you.
It lives! Praise Celestia it lives! New chapter, I'm so happy! Let me just read it...
...and now I'm sad again.
5626462 The only thing I feel the need to add is while it's hypocritical, there being anything that Twilight doesn't think she needs to know is just silly. Her strive to understand, to know is one of her defining characteristics. This story just shows one way it can be a bad thing. In fact one thing making this worse for her might be the realization that learning something might not have been a good idea.
And yes Twilight is normally logical, but this is the same mare that under stress decided making a fake Ponyville to attempt to fool Celestia was a good idea. Also, Smarty pants. For that matter there is clear evidence in the show that family is also a fraying point in that she lost it at Chrysalis disguised as Cadence, instead of staying calm and detailing what was wrong in a calm and organized manner. Honestly it's one of her weaknesses, she's very cool under the pressure of physical danger, but emotional conflict is not something she needs major practice with. Exactly why disappointing Celestia is so important to her is debatable, but clearly there is a lot of emotion there.
5626798
I'm quite aware of this, and I agree wholeheartedly. That's why I'm praising the story for bringing this up, but still find myself disappointed in Twilight herself for not having progressed past this and the earlier examples of her most obvious fault yet. In short, the girl needs to get her plot in gear. One can hardly be the number one student of friendship in Equestria if they don't stop to think about how others feel. Thus the selfishness.
5626513
What insulting tone? Also Amethyst and her death are not a separate issue from her parents affairs, Twilight is clearly angry that her parents where lying to her for her entire life about things apparently everyone else around her knew one or both secrets so to ignore one in your response to her reaction is really not fair. Of course her parents should not have told her about their sex lives while she was a child but even they admitted that they should have told her about her half sister and by necessity the affairs sooner but kept putting it off until she found out from Could Kicker, s the fact that she found out the way she did made it much much worse, so yes her parents never telling her did in fact hurt her. Now in this chapter shes an understandable mess and the two lies and her feelings about both are basically the same issue, I actually find it weird that you think someone could just decide that none of this could have an effect on them and just go on with their life.
To clarify, there was no attempt to put words in your mouth I just did not realize that you separated what I see as a single reaction to the nights revelations into two, it seemed to me that you just flat out ignored the whole half-sisters thing .
5626839 Of course one thing you should remember, I certainly at least half forgot it, is that this is middle to late season two Twilight and one of the examples hasn't even happened yet. At least I think that's the way this fits into the timelime in relation to Life and Times of a Winning Pony. So how far she has progressed at this point is actually limited by the show.
Of course if you were aware and thought about all that, just ignore everything I just said.
5626882
I can choose to ignore particular aspects in my response at any time. Otherwise I have to talk about all the factors relating to Twilight and her emotions rather than the one I actually take issue with. It is purely logical that I only address the one particular issue at hand, as I agree with her feelings over the Amethyst 'death' issue and I don't feel anything ever needed to be said about it. What I did do was point out her inner narrative and how it's taking her quite some time to stop and realize that even though the people are familiar and close to her doesn't mean that everything in their lives revolves around her and thus should be readily available for her purview and judgment. The story is handling it quite well, and I think that due to her musings over how she treats Spike she'll be arriving to that conclusion sooner than later.
I have stated that I was disappointed in her for giving in so fully to emotional chaos and escape for such a time (on this particular subject), when she should know better by now to consider more than her own feelings, leading her to realize what is and is not her place to judge. The tone she carried when thinking about the consensual infidelity issue sounds as though she were in a relationship and found out her partner had been cheating on her rather than a relationship that does not include her happily engaging elsewhere.
To clarify if that's not quite making sense to you yet, I'd like to slap her for being more worried over her parents' sex life than the issues with Amethyst.
Speaking as someone who DID find out she had an elder half-sister that everyone else in the family knew about but her ...I totally understand where Twi is coming from here.
If you have not been in this situation, you don't truly understand the emotions you go through when you find out about siblings you've never known about. You will be upset. You WILL be angry, to the point of illogic at some times. You will feel utterly betrayed, particularly when you realize everyone else knew but you, and were probably never planning on telling you.
Why my mother chose to give up my sister for adoption is, indeed, not my business, and she took that reason to the grave. That's okay. That's her choice. The issue is how to deal with that knowledge NOW, and that's where Twi is at the moment.
For heaven's sake. Twilight has only known about this whole thing, and the results of same, for a couple of ...weeks at the most? It hasn't been that long. IMHO, she's doing pretty dang well for anyone in that situation. Finding out more than you ever expected to know about your parents' relationships - finding out you have a half-sister, and then the known sister you've been GRIEVING for is actually alive? You don't think she should be upset at her parents for not telling her? Or angry? All of those feelings are PERFECTLY valid in this situation. Twilight isn't perfect, after all.
I got a counselor to deal with my family's situation, but I can totally see Twilight trying to soldier on through this without any help. Bad idea on her part, but that's Twilight "I can handle this myself" Sparkle for you.
Wow bravo, great concluding chapter! Of the cuff, are you the only Winningverse author actively updating at the momment? It seems like forever since I have last read or seen an update of the winningverse stories in general.
5628956 Depends if you count Lunar Rebellion or Freeport Venture; They're both technically in the same timeline, but maybe too divergent to count?
5627334
I never said you could not ignore It, I just don't think you should when commenting on Twilights reaction to this whole thing, in fact I don't think I can talk about her response without including both. Your stance always made sense I just completely disagree with it, especially with your view that Twilight is putting more emphasis on her parents sex lives than Amethyst or even Vinyl. I mean I can see your point with other instances in the story, hell she even started to but into Star's business after just meeting her, but Twilight flat out said that the affairs were the easiest to swallow but still a shock, the only judgment I picked up on was when she thought her dad was the only one cheating and the fact that they waited to long to tell her which made it worse, seriously they are really lucky that she only heard the rumors this late in life I can't imagine how a much younger Twilight would react to them. The actual anger and judgment of their actions always seemed focused on her half sisters I mean her first question was 'why they never told her about Vinyl'. She only called their actions horrible and sought to hurt them after she found out about Amethyst, but I suspect this will be a case where we will have to agree to disagree.
5628437
Your right, I have no clue what that would be like, I can only say that what you have described and whats in the story mirrors what I have see others go through when they both justly and unjustly felt betrayed by their parents. I've also unfortunately seen what happens when they do not properly deal with those issues, it really is not pretty.
5628956
As Web of Hope said, there is Lunar Rebellion and Midnight's Shadow, which are both in Equestria's past. Then there is Chengar's Freeport Venture, which covers Sunset Shimmer's past in the Winningverse. Then sometimes someone writes a one shot, but not too often these days. If you subscribe to the Winngerverse group page then you can find and keep track of when new stories are released.
Yaaaaay, an update!
Even though it's not gonna be easy on Twi, it's still good for her to make some progress. No matter how small. Let's see how fast will she realize that running around won't really help.
Aww...
Daaaw That was very heart warming chapter I WANT MOAR SOON! If that is alright with you.
Just a thought here, but is anyone else picking up a Chekhov's Gun vibe from Star? I know that she's a full blooded Kicker in Winning-verse Canon, but anything is possible in a spin off. And think about it, while a Unicorn in a predominantly Pegasus Clan is not unheard of, it would be fairly rare and an adoption could make more sense. Plus the fact that Star had been shown to be extremely smart, she can goof off on a final projectand still get a 4.0. And the names would also make a bit a sense, Shining Twilight Star anyone?
Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. Still fun times though.
Commence read.
Some progress on that report.
Looks like Spike is there to try and salvage what he can.
5647405 Pretty sure it's Sparkler. You do make a reasonable case for Star, though. Sparkler being the right age, her canon name being Amethyst, and her growing up as an orphan all point me pretty strongly toward her. Could easily be Blossomforth for all we know. The 'rents did say it was "obviously not his", and wings on a filly from two unicorn parents would be a pretty strong hint of infidelity. Don't think they ever confirmed what race Amethyst was.
5748704
Oh I'm still leaning towards Sparkler myself, it's just that Star was giving me a strong foreshadowing vibe. Was wondering if that was just me or if anyone else had it too.
As for Amethyst's tribe, I believe it would still be a Unicorn since the "father" was Magetrix. I took the "obviously not his" comment as a sign of a vastly different color scheme.
5749139 I would agree that it's Sparkler. Mainly cause most of the other stuff I've seen that has had her in it referred to her as Amethyst Star.
Is it a coincidence that this pony has the same name as that evil dragon?
Withdrawal
Into MY bedroom
fuck