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"Shining Armor!" My call echoed throughout the mostly empty house. I'd already searched every inch of each room for my older brother and I still couldn't find him anywhere. "SHINY!?" I was starting to get a little scared. Mom and dad had left for the week, on a business trip to some other part of Equestria and my big brother was taking care of me for the duration of their absence. I could've sworn I'd searched every nook and cranny of our home, but I'd come up empty hoofed even after double checking.
Standing in complete silence in the center of our living room had suddenly become one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. The clap of thunder that shook the foundation of my house drew a primal scream from me as I leapt onto the couch and covered my head with a pillow.
"Shiny... please..." I couldn't stop the tears from coming. It was too much for me to take, especially at such a young age. Our fun little game of hide and seek had turned into a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Even though I was all alone physically, I knew there was one pony I could always look to for guidance.
Princess Celestia... please help me... I prayed.
"Twily?" The soft timbre of my brother's voice caused me to jump up from my place on the couch. I glared at the white colt, my anger instantly overtaking my fear now that I was no longer by myself.
"Where were you!" I lunged at him, feebly beating my small hooves against his chest. "I was scared!" The tears hadn't stopped, but those that came now were from a mixture of sadness, anger, and relief.
"Oh Twily, we were playing a game," he didn't stop my feeble thrashing, though it wasn't doing much damage to him anyway. Once I'd gotten tired from my efforts--which happened pretty fast--he pulled me into a gentle hug. I would've tried fighting him off, if I'd had any strength left in me. "I'm sorry, Twily."
"I," I sniffled, nuzzling into his chest. "I forgive you."
"I'm gl-"
"AS LONG," I interrupted him. "as you promise never to leave me alone again," I looked up at him with a pout on my face.
"Of course, Sis," he smiled that same reassuring smile he always gave me whenever I needed to have more confidence. "I promise," he ruffled my mane with a hoof. I giggled as I pushed him away, the discomfort of the past few minutes completely gone.
"So... where were you hiding?" I asked as he took a seat on the couch.
"That's... a secret," he lifted a hoof to his lips as they curled into a devious smile. "I told you I was the hide and seek champion," he laughed.
"No fair, Shiny!" I joined him on the couch with a smile of my own.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The rest of that week I spent with my older brother was one of the best periods of my life. I was so very young then, so naive. Life was so much simpler when you didn't know any better. When your family could never let you down. When your idol was a flawless deity.
Just a few years later, that all began to change.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"It's not that big a deal, Twily." Shining Armor was sitting with me on my bed, trying his best to comfort me. "Don't even worry about it. You'll get it next year."
I'd failed... again. It was the first time I'd done all I could to try and pass. The first time I'd fully applied myself to become her student. Every year prior had been nothing but a young filly's foolish dream, but this year, the year I finally turned thirteen, I was no longer a foal. I was a teen and yet still...
After all my careful preparations, all those late nights studying, all the prayers offered to the Princess of the Sun herself, I'd been rejected. By that very same princess I offered my devotion to, no less.
It'd been everything I'd always dreamt it would be. Everything, except the outcome, of course. Foals weren't brought before the princess during their exams. Such young candidates were given their tests by members of the princesses staff, probably because the chances of such a young pony being chosen were slim to none. Princess Celestia had been looking to select a gifted student, not to raise up an heir.
Meeting her face to face for the first time was an experience I would never forget. No photo, picture, or painting could ever do her justice. Laying my eyes on her in person was confirmation of one thing; she truly was a goddess, there was no denying that. She was every bit the same as her sun, blinding and beautiful.
It wasn't love I felt, at least not in the romantic sense. I'd be more inclined to say it was adoration at that point in time. After meeting her she became everything to me and I decided then and there that I had to be by her side or my life had no meaning.
I'm sorry, but you're just not what I'm looking for right now.
Her judgment was like a dagger straight through the heart. She'd outright rejected me and now I was sitting with my brother, trying my hardest not to cry.
He wasn't really wrong. There was still hope. I could try again. And again, if I had to. And again and again and again until she finally passed me.
"You're right," I was able to form a weak smile with some effort, but it didn't mean the pain was gone. "You're right. Thanks, Shi-"
"SHINING ARMOR!!!" the door to my room shot open, slamming against the wall and causing the both of us to jump out of our skin as our mom rushed inside. "IT CAME!" she looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown. She was holding an envelope in her telekinesis that was immediately shoved into Shiny's face before either of us were able to react any further. "OPEN IT!"
"Alright, ALRIGHT, MOM!" he chuckled, taking the letter and opening it quickly. It was easy to see how hard he was trying to play it cool, but he wasn't able to hide his trembling hooves.
He'd applied to the youth branch of Princess Celestia's Royal Guard. That was his dream, and getting accepted was the first step toward actually fulfilling that dream. I held my breath as his eyes scanned the letter, widening, then narrowing, then widening again.
"W-well?" Mom was clearly holding her breath too. I was more than convinced if Shiny didn't say something soon she'd have a heart attack.
"I-I got in..." he looked at mom, completely stupefied. "I got in, Mom!" he turned to me. "Twily, I got in!" he hugged me so roughly I think I was seconds from a broken rib.
"Congrats, Shiny." I was able to gasp out. "Please don't crush me!" I squeaked.
"Sorry! Sorry." He was already up and standing in front of our mom. "I'm gonna go tell dad!" he kissed her on the cheek as he left the room in a hurry.
"I'm so proud of you, honey!" Mom followed closely behind him, the glow she suddenly had leaving the room along with her.
I was proud too... really I was, but... why did my room feel so much darker all of a sudden? Why did it feel like I'd been rejected again? Why did it feel like I'd just been left behind?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I'd grown a little, when Princess Celestia truly broke my heart for the first time, I pushed through the pain. Shining Armor being accepted felt like the dagger inside me had been twisted and I didn't really know why that was. I was so bitter, so angry.
It's not like he didn't deserve it. He'd worked hard too, arguably just as hard as I, if not moreso, but it was just so difficult to take. Seeing somepony close to you, somepony you look up to, being lavished with praise and appreciation while you just... fail... was hard to take.
He'd become so bright, so successful, and I... I was so dim, trapped in the dark. He'd become much busier after that day. We barely spent any time together, our obsessions taking precedence over our lives and especially over our relationship with each other.
We gradually grew apart and on that day, the day it all came to a head, he broke my heart.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Princess Celestia selects first new apprentice in over a millennia!
I laid in bed, the newspaper from that day sitting next to me like a harbinger of despair that would never leave me be. It was my fault. I was the one who couldn't get rid of it. All I seemed to be able to do was stare at it and lament my pathetic existence.
I'd done everything I could, worked my hardest, tried every approach, exhausted every avenue... but none of it had been enough. I wasn't enough. Her yearly evaluations of me made that abundantly clear.
You've improved so much, little one... but you still have such a long way to go.
I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle. I'm afraid you still haven't matured enough.
Twilight... It pains me to have to tell you this yet again, dear. Your magical ability is beyond reproach, as it has been for years... however... you are still lacking in other aspects. Forgive me.
Those words. Those fake, condescending words meant to comfort me, played on repeat in my head ever since I'd first heard them come from her beautiful mouth. I loved her so much and she'd thrown me away like a piece of rubbish...
And so I was.
"T-Twilight?" the soft spoken voice that came from my door belonged to the stallion I hadn't seen in over a month. The one I hadn't seen since I got the great news.
Shining Armor had been completely immersed in his guard duties since he'd been accepted. It had changed from him being away from home for one or two hours a day to him being home for an hour or two a day. Now that he'd turned nineteen, I was lucky if I got to see him a single time in a month.
"Hey," I didn't move, didn't even try to uncover my head from beneath the blanket.
"I heard about what happened..." he closed the door behind himself as he walked into the room. "It really sucks, but you're really smart, Twilight. I'm sure y-"
"I failed eleven times," I said more to make myself face the reality of my lack of ability rather than to let him know. "Sounds like a failure if you ask me." He didn't say anything for a while. There wasn't much he could say. It was the truth.
"Come on, Twily," he sat on the bed next to me. "You're not... you're not a failure."
"Then why didn't she pick me?" Again, it was mostly directed at myself. I just couldn't understand, and that made it hurt all the more.
I didn't even know who this "Sunset Shimmer" was, so I couldn't even try to compare myself to her. I'd never seen her at the trials before, not even once. Apparently, out of the blue she just decided to casually waltz in one day and shake her flank for Celestia and that was enough to blow the alicorn's mind.
The filthy thief.
"It happens, Twilight," he sighed. "Sometimes... sometimes life can be-" a soft knock came at the door before it was slowly opened. "M-Mom?!"
"Did you tell her yet?" Mom was standing at the door looking all too uncomfortable. She sounded mousey, like she didn't want me to hear what she was asking him. She hadn't come into my room since... I wasn't really sure. Over the past couple of weeks I'd refused to answer when she knocked... well, when her or Dad knocked, I couldn't be certain who it'd been since I didn't answer. I was getting out of bed so late we didn't see each other at all either. I still wasn't sure if she was avoiding me or if it was just chance we hadn't bumped into one another.
"Tell me... what?" I didn't know why, but her question sent tremors through me.
"I, uhm..." My brother shifted on the bed, clearly not wanting to say anything. I heard a harsh scratching sound before he let out an exasperated breath. "I got into the Solar Guard."
I can't explain exactly how or what I felt in that moment. I was so very happy for him. He'd done it. He'd achieved his dream. And... and... the pieces of my heart that remained were crushed into a fine powder.
"Y-you... you... did?" I pressed my hoof into my face, turning away from my family, unable to continue.
"Y-yeah," was all he said.
"Aren't... aren't you proud of your big brother, Twilight?" Mom asked. She sounded so reserved, so uncertain.
"I..." I felt hollow. I felt sad. I felt unhappy. I felt purposeless. But mostly, I felt unloved. Everything I'd worked for was gone and she was asking me if I was proud? "I am." My voice sounded robotic, like I'd been programmed to respond in such a way. I didn't want to fight with her, so I told the truth... sort of.
"G-good... that's good," she didn't sound so sure that was the reply she'd wanted. Once silence had overtaken the room for more than a minute, she decided to take her leave. "I'm going to go and start cooking. I'll see you two downstairs." I heard the door close after her hoofsteps left the room.
What?
Why would she think I was going to go downstairs?
"Sorry, Twilight," I felt his hoof against my shoulder, but I promptly scooted away from his touch. "I really didn't want you to find out like that."
Celestia herself hoof picked those who would be one of her Solar guards. It was a rigorous process that took years to complete, but at the end of it all, it was Celestia who chose the ponies that would be closest to her. Shining Armor had been picked... by her. I hadn't.
"It's fine," I stated flatly. "Can you please leave me alone?" I asked as politely as I could manage, even though all I wanted to do was scream.
"Actually," he cleared his throat. "I was uh... I was actually hoping you'd come down and celebrate with us."
There's no way...
I didn't know whether to laugh at that request or get up and punch him in the face. I was heavily leaning toward the latter.
"I'm fine here, Shining." I was able to let reason rule and didn't resort to violence. Kudos to me. Still, he persisted.
"You cant just stay in here forever, Twilight," he huffed. Was that irritation I heard in his voice?
"Leave me ALONE, Shining." There was a very apparent warning in my statement. I was still able to rein in my emotions, but if he was gonna push the issue further we were definitely going to have a problem.
"No, Twilight. You need to stop. Mom and Dad told me how long you've been cooped up in here," he ripped my blanket off of me. "This pity party crap isn't you, little sister! You're stronger than this!"
Stronger than...?
"STRONGER!?" I couldn't hold it in any longer. I flipped over, absolutely seething as I glared at my older brother. He stood firm, but I didn't care. "Don't you dare try to act like you still know me, Shining! You left. YOU abandoned me!"
I knew it was unfair. He was just doing what was best for him and his life. If Celestia had chosen me I'd have done the same thing, but right now none of that mattered to me. Right now, I felt nothing but contempt for him.
"That's not fair, Twilight. You know I-"
"LEAVE, SHINING!" I nearly growled like a feral animal, my horn sparkling with magenta light.
"No." He stayed calm as he stood his ground. I saw crimson.
MAKE him leave.
He wasn't expecting it. To be honest, neither was I. The concussive blast of mana hit him square in the chest and sent him crashing into the wall, withers first. I was instantly struck with so much regret I leapt off the bed and trotted to his side.
He groaned as he shook his head to rid himself of the dizziness before he shakily got to his hooves. Like a fool, I reached out a hoof to try to help him up.
"Shiny, I'm so-" he jerked away from me, a look I never thought I'd get from him on his face. The malice in his eyes was so vivid I recoiled away from him as if I'd been delivered a physical blow.
"Y'know I think you're right, Twilight," he opened the door without another look at me. "You really are a failure." He didn't yell. He didn't scream. In fact, his voice was barely above a whisper. He gently closed the door behind himself as he left me alone.
The powder was burned away, incinerated to nothing. I'm not sure what had caused more trauma, my blast of magic... or his ruthless honesty. I stood there for several minutes with wide eyes, completely stunned. The thing that hurt the most, the thing that I knew would never heal... was that... I agreed with him.
"I... I hate you, Shiny..."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'd assaulted him.
He'd destroyed my heart.
We'd not seen or spoken to one another since that day.
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Well, I hate to say she did that to herself, but she did. I understand the frustration she feels (I've been there more times in my life than I care to recall), but ultimately, lashing out like that and blaming others only burns the bridges around you. Shards, I struggle with it constantly.
God, you really enjoy twisting the knife in Twilight's self esteem, aren't you? Well, one thing's for sure, this is gonna be a hell of an awkward family reunion.
Until then...
For me, the big question of this story is why did Celestia choose Sunset? Let's be honest, but Sunset isn't stronger than Twilight in magic, she's lazier, and Twilight is more loyal to the princesses than she is, both are not good friends. The only difference is that Sunset wasn't loved by her parents. So why did Celestia choose her?
11717963
Because while Celestia is looking in part for magical prowess, that is only one aspect of what she is seeking. She also probably wants her apprentice to be a paragon of personality as well, someone who is a warm and uplifting spirit to others.
Twilight was similar to how she was in canon, too consumed with magical study to be friends with more than a handful of others.
Sunset probably was chosen both for her personality and magical potential, with Celestia seeing a high innate potential in Sunset to connect with others in a broad spectrum and help make their lives better.
11717773
Same. So very same. I do agree on all points, but when things really hurt I can't claim that I'm the most rational either.
11717843
The parallel has to be shown.
Remember too, this is not necessarily Shining Armor's idea. He might be completely against it.
11717963
Very true on all points. Just what does Celestia see in Sunset?
11718016
This could be true as well. Perhaps Sunset's capacity for good is higher than Twilight's. Maybe it's something else entirely.
I'm going to be real honest here.
Twilight lashing out sucks, and definitely feels unfair to Shining.
But boy howdy, when someone says they want to be left alone, unless you know they're feeling suicidal, do so.
Furthermore, man, yeah, just walk up to someone who very likely has depression and tell them to get over it. There are some personalities that can take that comment and go 'yeah, fair', but most really, really don't.
Fact is, Shining overstepped, then did so again after getting a bad reaction for overstepping. There's a lesson to be learned in knowing when to leave people alone.
11718630
Gotta agree with you. Sometimes, some people need time to cool. Maybe that's where Shining went wrong. Maybe Twilight had been the type before that could push on, but since they'd grown apart she'd changed.
Huh, that actually really sucks.
Such a weak minded brother... never let your siblings down and kick them.
11719941
It's tough. I try too, but fail a lot.
What the actual buck? Shining, cmon man you gotta know what’s going on here right? You can’t do things like this. I mean, I don’t know what I would do in this situation, but I’m fairly certain it’s not this. I think his prestigious position is getting to him. Btw this is against the character, not against the writing.
Oh don’t worry Twi, if this is anything like the timeline I’m from, your big bro will cause the biggest security breach in Equestrian history! This almost leads to the sacking of Canterlot, and possible decimation of the pony race! So you’re definitely not the biggest loser here, yay!
Also, spelling mistake inside brackets, I wouldn’t of mentioned it, but I’m already here, so yeah.
I like this chapter, it is very well done. I like how siblings are represented in this, feels about right. Still kinda hate Shining, he gives off bratty vibes. Almost like he doesn’t have experience of failure. He should know better than to react like he did, I mean, she’s a young woman, who might or might not be going through puberty. Do ponies have puberty? Is this an appropriate topic for a Teen story? Welp, we’re about to find out.
11722889
Yep I noticed the mistake when I was reading your comment. Thank you.
So fun story, when I was younger one of my big sisters got into a fight with me. I'm physically bigger but she's ten years older than me. She has brutal nails so she latched onto my face with a claw and I held her in a headlock. I wasn't trying to hurt her just trying to stop her. She'd managed to get a finger in my mouth and pretty much ripped open my face with her nails. We came to a standstill and my mom came in and separated us.
Five minutes later we were crying and saying sorry to each other.
I always wonder how this would've played out had I been the older brother.
Is Shining right here? No. Is Twilight right here? Again, I think not. Sometimes everyone does the wrong thing, though the right thing here is debatable as well. It's a difficult situation. I'm glad Twilight is getting some sympathy though. Shining will get fleshed out a lot coming up and I'm not sure if he's going to be liked. Fingers crossed.
Damn Celestia, you don't help either
You even less