An interrogation?
"You will address me as Your Highness, Your Majesty, or Princess Luna," she was as serene as she had been back at my town. It made more sense now considering she had complete control of the sotuation... though I suppose she had it before as well. I nodded quickly. I definitely didn't want her getting like Celestia. "Good. Sit." It was another order, not a suggestion, and I immediately obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed.
There was no point in trying to resist. I was deep inside enemy territory with my magic completely sealed. The only way I could possibly be any more helpless would be if they decided to hack off some of my limbs.
She sat to her haunches before taking a deep breath. I couldn't be sure if she was as angry as her elder sister had been, but she didn't look it. She seemed much better than her sister at hiding away her true emotions.
"Why?" she looked me directly in the eyes and asked me the simple question. There was no malice in her words, unlike Celestia, only a deep desire to know the answer to what she asked.
"I don't... I don't know what you mean by that." I chose to be honest rather than trying to provoke her into an unnecessary rage. "Why what?"
"Why did you enslave those ponies?" she clarified. I hadn't thought she'd meant that. I figured she'd be more concerned with her pathetic little disciple. She was either already trying to analyze me, or she actually cared about the riffraff. If I had to guess which, I'd choose the former.
"Why not?" I tilted my head, utterly bewildered by her inquiry. "I mean, I wanted some toys, so I made some." She continued to stare at me, her expression betraying no change in her emotions.
"And... you... see nothing wrong with this?" she asked.
"Should I?" I looked down in contemplation actually thinking about her question. Why would I? It's not like I killed them and I didn't abuse them or anything like that.
"You had at least six of those ponies imprisoned there for five years, Starlight Glimmer."
"Sssso?" Yeah, I
really couldn't see what the problem was.
"That's a minimum of thirty years taken. Taking into account there were over fifty ponies under your spell," she sighed as she began rubbing her temple, the first sign she'd shown that she wasn't an onyx statue. "I can reasonably assume that you stole up to one-hundred fifty years of life from those innocent creatures."
"INNOCENT!?" I nearly laughed, but was able to hold it in with some effort. I really did not want to piss her off. "I guess we view guilt in different lights."
"Explain," she remained unflappable.
"Nopony cared about me when I was all alone," I shrugged. "Why should I view everypony else as perfect little angels?" Still, she remained stoic. "As far as I'm concerned, you
all stabbed me in the back... or would now, if given the opportunity." She grew quiet, contemplating her next words carefully.
"Where is your family, Starlight Glimmer?" Yeah, I was expecting that one. I merely shrugged an "I don't know" in response.
"Your parents?" she persisted.
"Dead," I stated bluntly. It'd happened so long ago it didn't really bother me anymore. When I was seven years old mom got sick. All the medicine and magic in Equestria wasn't able to save her. Dad loved her more than anypony else. He... he left me by myself soon after she passed.
Mom's sister decided to take me in since she was never able to have a foal of her own. After my move, life got pretty normal for a while... until I got my cutie mark. My magic had always been abnormally strong. When I got my cutie mark... when I got my cutie mark, it became too much for me. I lost control.
My magic went haywire. At first, spells like lifting a spoon to eat at the dinner table became lifting the entire table... and soon after that lifting my aunt and her husband. Over time, I started unintentionally casting spells in my sleep. My family was actually very supportive at first, but it was easy to see they eventually just tolerated my mistakes. One day-
"You've no other family?" she asked.
"Not anymore." At least none that I was aware of. She was quiet for a while, her eyes shutting before she spoke again.
"What about friends?"
"Why would I want friends?" Such a strange question for her to ask. "I had everything I could ever want in my town... why would I need friends?"
"Listening to your words," she looked sad all of a sudden. Or maybe it was pity. Whatever it was, it made me feel nauseated. "You're a very fractured mare, Starlight Glimmer."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I had no clue what she was getting at, but her words pissed me off.
"No friends. No family... you enslaved ponies so you wouldn't be alone, yet you can't even recognize the evil of such depravity," she sighed, rubbing her eyes with her hooves. "You'd go so far as to continue down this path if given a second chance, would you not?" I took her words to heart, but they wouldn't magically change who I was.
"I'm... sorry?" I knew she knew I wasn't apologizing for what she'd wanted. "I won't reconsider everything I've ever learned in my life in a few minutes because I failed one time." I lifted a brow. "Could you?"
"Hm. A fair point, though I would not compare your meager lifespan to my own," she didn't flinch at my inquiry. "I've made my own fair share of mistakes... and I've made the appropriate corrections accordingly. Tradition and or stubbornness are no excuse for proper self improvement."
I chuckled, a purely innocent action. "You sound like you might actually care about me..." She didn't. She couldn't. She didn't even know me or everything I'd done.
"I am... intimately familiar with all of my subjects, Starlight Glimmer." Was that compassion in her eyes? "But not you... you chose to shut me out. Few ponies have the ability to prevent me from walking their dreams." Her sudden movement startled me. She stood and walked over to my side before taking a seat right next to me on the bed. "In your fear of the crimes you were committing being found out, you kept at bay one of the only ponies that truly wished to help you."
"What do you mean?" She wanted to help me? What an unfunny joke that was.
"I can still view your dreams and nightmares without force, Starlight." That couldn't be true. My spell should've completely locked my psyche away from everything else while I was asleep. She had to be lying. "All you accomplished was preventing me from entering them... from helping you like I desired."
"YOU'RE LYING!" I turned away from her, knowing she was being one-hundred percent honest.
"You're so very afraid of being alone," she ignored my outburst. "You had countless dreams... so many horrible nightmares that I could not help you with..."
I was starting to get really angry. My magic would've already been causing a storm of energy in the room had it not been locked away. I didn't need her sympathy. I didn't need anypony. "You're wrong."
"I saw, Starlight," her cryptic words made me tremble. She couldn't have... "I know what happened t-"
"YOUR MAJESTY, PLEASE!!" I turned to her the desperation surging through me coming to the surface, eliminating all other emotions in an instant. I nearly grabbed her, but instead dropped my hooves to my stomach before wrapping myself in my forelegs. "Please... please, don't."
The silence that flooded the room was suffocating. After several minutes, she continued.
"Celestia pushes for your execution, Starlight... I've not seen my sister so furious in... many a millennia," she closed her eyes. I wasn't surprised. From Celestia's perspective I was a monster... I AM a monster. "What do you think we should do with you?" she kept her eyes closed.
"Honestly... you should probably lock me up in a dungeon and throw away the key..." I thought for a second. Well, I was being honest, no point in stopping now. "Or take my head." Her eyes shot open. For the first time since coming in the room she showed she could be surprised.
"So you are aware of the severity of your transgressions?" her eyes narrowed.
"Hm? What? No, not at all," I shook my head, dismissively waving a hoof in front of myself. "Don't misunderstand Lu-" her eyes narrowed further, forcing me to catch myself. "Your Highness! I don't believe what I did was wrong and I certainly don't regret it, but..."
"But?" she raised a brow.
"But if you let me go, I'll just go right back to taking advantage of somepony else," I stated bluntly. "Survival of the fittest and all that." The look she gave me made me question whether or not honesty really was the best policy.
"So you've learned nothing?" she deadpanned.
"I wouldn't go that far," I pondered for a moment. "I learned I probably... no, I guess definitely... I definitely shouldn't have believed I could fight against you and Celestia."
"Not the lesson I'd hope you'd fixate on," she sighed, but I could swear there was a hint of amusement in her voice.
"What else is there?" I asked after trying to think of something I should've gained an understanding of. I drew a blank. She got off the bed as she started towards the door. She spoke without looking at me as she moved to leave the room.
"You are an enigma, Starlight Glimmer... I pray this is not the last time we get to speak with one another," she shut the door behind herself.
"You and me both... Your Highness... You and me both."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Standing in the castle's throne room before Celestia and Luna made me feel sick... and utterly insignificant. The Immortal Sisters sitting on their thrones of sun and moon respectively were more intimidating than I could ever hope to be. The absence of any other creatures in the room was particularly unsettling. I was completely at their mercy and they could do whatever they wished to me.
"Starlight Glimmer!" I cringed at the boom of Celestia's voice. It had been several hours since I'd been moved to Canterlot. I had been brought a small meal during the wait so they were at least treating me much better then I'd expected to be... until I came face to face with Celestia again.
"Yes, Your Highness?" I bowed low to the ground, my nose almost touching the floor. I had to appear obedient, had to be respectful... even if I was anything but.
"Get up, Starlight," the volume of her voice had lowered several octaves."Your pathetic acting isn't fooling anypony."
Darn it.
I lifted myself up, staring directly at the Sun Princess. There really was no point in trying to deceive her. I couldn't even apologize. She'd know I couldn't care less and was just trying to save my own skin.
"I-"
"You are not to speak unless spoken to, do you understand?" she was brutal, nothing like her younger sibling had been. I really wanted nothing more than to slap her.
"Yes," I remained obedient despite the fact that she was aware of my pretending.
"Yes, YOUR MAJESTY," she corrected me harshly, the annoyance on her face vivid.
"Yes, Your Majesty," I complied. The whole time I spoke with her Luna kept her gaze locked forward, not even acknowledging my presence. She was as unreadable as ever. I wasn't sure if that was good for my prospects or bad.
"I have only one question for you, Starlight Glimmer. Then I will pass my judgment." Only one? I hoped it wasn't something stupid like whether or not I felt remorse for my actions. "Despite stealing Sunset's cutie mark you did not harm her or my sister's protégé. Upon further investigation none of your victims seem to be malnourished or abused. Neither mentally or physically did you treat them poorly... Why?"
"I-" I wasn't sure how to answer that without sounding like a complete sociopath. Even a foal didn't want to break their toys. As a responsible mare I took good care of my playthings. For some reason the idea of saying that out loud felt like a terrible idea. "There's no point in senseless abuse," I shrugged before realizing my mistake. "Y-Your Majesty!" I blurted out in an attempt to remedy my disrespect.
"You never killed any of your slaves, either deliberately or inadvertantly?" My quick thinking had allayed some of Celestia's anger. Luna finally looked at me, her eyes betraying a hint of sadness for a fleeting moment.
"Not to my knowledge, Your Majesty," I answered. A broken toy was no longer fun to play with. A dead creature was a useless creature. Celestia sighed, her strong demeanor slowly fading away.
"Very well," she glanced at her sister before returning her gaze to me. "By your own admission you are still a menace to Equestria and our subjects, Starlight Glimmer." Well, she wasn't wrong. "However, my sister has chosen to show you clemency." I gaped at the Princess of the Night who'd returned to looking directly ahead. "Thank your lucky stars she is benevolent, for I would not have shown you the same leniency."
"Th-thank you, Your Highness!" Despite my speaking out of line Celestia did not reprimand me. Still, Luna simply looked ahead.
"Now then," Celestia regained my attention. "For your punishment," I knew this was coming, but if I'd been shown mercy I at least wouldn't be killed... hopefully. "You are to stay in Canterlot for the foreseeable future under the supervision of my sister and I. You will be provided with a permanent room in the castle and you will receive instruction and direction from both Luna and myself."
"I-I don't understand, Your Highness." As far as I could tell I was... being imprisoned within the castle?
"You defeated our students alone, Starlight," she frowned. "Whether I'd like to admit it or not, that takes an exceptional amount of skill. Equestria can use that level of talent." Was she really...? "From this day forth, you will join our apprentices as a student of both my sister and I."
Wha- I- huh?
My brain stopped processing.
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In my opinion, there are about 10 missing chapters between the previous one and the point where Starlight becomes a student. Becoming a student should be the last part of her punishment, not the first. Well after she had several years of professional mental health counselling.
In the show, Starlight becoming a student worked because she was insane. She did what she did out of desperation and clearly did not think things through. Twilight would also have had to go back on her word by not trying to become friends with Starlight. This version of Starlight however? She has no such mitigating circumstances. Her actions are cold and calculated, not emotional and poorly thought out. She didn't become a student by choosing to give friendship a chance after seeing the devastation she caused. She is forced into it after having straight up lost with no real harm being caused in her eyes.
I honestly see no way how you could make this premise work with this version of Starlight. I'm sorry but this completely breaks my suspension of disbelief.
great chapter
11648087
Fair points and if I lost you, I lost you, there's no need at all to apologize.
I'll make some points none the less. Your perspective assumes that Starlight is just going to accept becoming a student and is one now. That's yet to be seen. Seeking professional help also assumes that Celestia and Luna are not the wisest beings in this reality (they are and they know exactly what they're doing.) I wrote this in a blog but Tia and Luna are absurdly overpowered here. That includes every sense of the word. If anyone can handle what Starlight needs, it's them.
You are correct. Starlight here is nothing like she is in the show. There is so much more going on with her past and who she is here than there. Sunburst will not even be a character here and Starlight's reasons for doing things will be expounded upon. Whether you or anyone else can sympathize with her will be up to your morals and values and a whole lot more exposition by me.
You may not see how I could make this work and I can't change your viewpoint without more story, but like I said if you wish to bow out I truly understand, however all of my long term stories have been planned out with twists and turns from chapter 1 to their last chapter. Hopefully you stick around and see the evolution of these characters and keep in mind that I deviate from canon as much as possible.
11648104
Thank you! Appreciate it!
Hmm, yeah, pure sociopathy rather than Psychopathy. She's not cruel, she just doesn't see the point in empathy. As in, she LITERALLY doesn't understand it. I'm curious to see how you spin this, because something tells me that Sunset and Twilight aren't going to be exceptionally happy about their new co-student.
This is telling, as it shows Starlight is actually somewhat aware that her mindset is already sociopathic.
Nice to see that, for being as OP as they're supposed to be according to the lore, Celestia and Luna aren't megalomaniacs and insane with power. Okay. maybe a bit of megalomania, but they've rightly earned any they might have.
Starlight never stood a chance. It does make me wonder why they have students though. Celestia did so because of NMM, but none of that happened here...
11648132
Yep, textbook
sociopathic behavior. She's had it rough, little Starlight.
Yes! Exactly! Twilight and Sunset are already at odds with each other, how will they react to this news?
11648153
Oh yeah, Starlight definitely knows what she's doing.
11648170
Big reasons as to why they took them on coming later. And elaboration on their megalomania as well.
I love how Celestia wants to kill her, it's almost like an if you don't behave you will be facing the hang ponies noose. I also liked Luna's little dream walking tease Starlight must have been so scared to learn Luna could just jump in and scramble up her brain and she can't do anything about it.
11648679
Trouble her student and Celestia doesn't mess around.
Well, gee! Starlight is doing government work in exchange for clemency! A classic. She seems quite sociopathic but it still felt like Luna and Celestia were talking to two different mares. I guess Luna knew which buttons to push.
Looking forward to seeing these three working together. Should be fun! Until then...
11648818
Lol, she's being put to work... kind of like what she was doing to the ponies she enslaved.
Luna has... motives. She's definitely not doing anything for her own selfish reasons, why would anyone even suggest something like that?
Luna also tried to show some understanding. Celestia... for some reason didn't.
Thanks for commenting!
The end of this chapter made me picture Sunset, Twilight and Starlight like Goku, Vegeta and Broly.
11657816
An interesting trio to contrast with. I'm assuming you mean Super Broly and not Z Broly?
Lol all I think of when I think of that Super trio is the idiot (Goku) the dancer (Vegeta, yeah him dancing and singing at Bulma's party really did distort my perception of him) and the natural (Broly).
I love Starlight and I'm looking forward to this route where she can be teached by the two princesses!!!
11675862
Glad you're liking her. Hopefully she'll grow on everyone as the story progresses.
Was Starlight’s power due to enchantments in ‘Our Town?’ Otherwise I don’t see why she has so much power that she could take the other top 2 unicorns and believe she could take on the alicorns. It sounds like she had similar levels of power to Twilight as she had similar effect as Twilight had in canon.
Okay, not going to lie... You are kind of making me hate this version of Celestia
Not just the execution part, an irrational emotional response is expected... but when combined with "you will address me properly", it is not making her very likeable to me
11698894
So Starlight here is unhinged to the max from severe trauma that pushed her further into relying on her magic.
This is in contrast to the show, where Starlight "tricked" the ponies in her town, here she "used" her magic to completely control them for years.
That has made her absurdly strong for a unicorn.
Thank you for commenting!
11699416
First and foremost, thank you very much for commenting and voicing your perspective, truly I appreciate it.
Now then, Princess Celestia is my sun. I love her so very much. In my eyes she's a beacon of hope, light, and love. I'd NEVER intend to portray her in a negative light. That being said, I tend to have a slow burn on my stories with lots of twists and turns. If you'd give the story some time, you'll come to see just how benevolent Tia is.
If not read this dialogue from a later chapter:
"Like I said before, Starlight, I cannot lie to you and say they weren't my true feelings," the Sun Princess offered me a crooked smile. "Seeing Sunset like that..." she searched for the right words. "It hurt me very much. However, had I truly wanted to take your life, I could have in the blink of an eye." I shuddered, recalling her demonic visage. She was telling the truth.
I disagree, and want to use that as a jumping point for some constructive criticism
Starlight Glimmer is very understandable here, especially from Luna's perspective, it's very laid out to the reader and Luna, everything about Starlight Glimmer. It goes to the point of leaving no character depth for the reader to experience. They way this whole encounter plays out presents Starlight as an incredibly one-dimensional and emotionally-dramatic character.
I'd like to point out first the duality of my comment, having non-complex storytelling for an easy to read and fun plot to follow with chromatic horses is what we're all here for anyways, so in all honesty, if you're happy with what you've got (and you should be honestly, aside from my gripes about character complexity: your writing flow, along with your word choice and attention to grammar, I'd say you're a skilled writer) I'm going to try to stick to writing elements that could increase your writing skill should you choose to implement them, but some people just like it certain ways, and at it's base, my gripe is honestly a personal preference more than anything. So if it doesn't suit you, than please disregard this, as it is for particularly stingy people like me who like extra story depth and incredibly lifelike complex characters.
What I want to talk about first is character complexity, specifically Starlight, (just as an example, not for any specific reason.) Starlight, upon us interacting with her in 'Starlight's town' is very clearly an enraged lunatic. Upon appearance she very degradingly insults SS and TS as hard as possible, refers to herself in her head as above them, and then viscously attacks them. Now... There's two directions to take here with a character that holds themselves above others, the classic (lich) approach, also called the Raze character is someone, or Somepony in this scenario that is 'mentally' so far above anything else in the world that they end up viewing any other living creature as an object. The other, the one you went with, is the option where the character is just so full of hatred and fear that they lash out at everything and everyone around them without reason. Essentially the character archetype of 'The Broken'
I like this character type, don't get me wrong, but there's a certain way of going about it that separates a person who is broken and hurt to the point of violence, and what is essentially a dumb child. Starlight here follows the latter option and she's described as a coward just following the whims of her emotions because she has no impulse control. People show up? Well I'm unhappy so attack them in broad daylight. God appears? I'm scared now so I'll cry and beg for my life. I'm captured? Well now I'll do what I want, look around, you know, sane people things.
It's a spin I like to call the 'ready aim fire' character, it's not used like that here, but a lot of authors use the RAF character as a means to move the plot forwards in opposition to the normal main cast; because I imagine you want Starlight to be a main character and not a supporting role in the story, I recommend that she have a more complex story, is less expressive, is smarter, and that she be presented to the audience as more of a mystery at first rather than a main character to make her pop as a pony.
That last one being the least preference related, I want to explain them in order. Like all things, making a character pop is all about PRESENTATION for example, in this chapter, we follow Starlight's perspective, where she investigates the room, and subsequently is 'interrogated' by Luna. During this time, Starlight's entire character is laid bare for the reader, her motivation, her 'backstory' and her... well her idiocy, she definitely sells her insanity really well, (I like how you wiggled that in) with her contradicting herself, lying to Luna and herself, it's really sold that she's unstable. The issue is her complexity. The reader is presented with a very one-dimensional character in their entirety, and then subjected to a series of rising directionless emotion. While emotionally charged the: "I lost my parent when I was young, and killed my other parent because of my unique abilities and estranged myself from my family" is an empty premise unless it has meat backing it; and I'm talkin' meat, meat. All of the tiny details and hints towards and build up to that style of trauma and backstory is best presented over a long period of time. An alternate version of this chapter, (with just the bones) that could lead to future building upon of Starlight's role in the story could be, rather than Starlight's perspective, we follow Luna's.
(it's really just the bones, I didn't write an alternate chapter)
Luna enters the 'room' mentally commenting on it's prison-'ness' and see's Starlight rooting around trying to find a way out. Upon entering Starlight tries and fails to maintain a polite attitude and eventually devolves into being outright rude and generally un-cooperative. Strategically answering, but not answering Luna's questions, and showcasing her intelligence, but lack of directive to connect to the situation emotionally. Starlight here is trying to shut Luna down from connecting with her, hence the comment for having them kill her. The idea is that Starlight on reflex wants to disconnect from the ponies around her, and control them so that she has power and feels safe. Which is what she's trying to do during the conversation until Luna makes it clear that she's still seen Starlight's nightmares, even though she could never interfere. Then, instead of essentially outright explaining what Luna saw and describing Starlight's backstory; Starlight instead get's aggressive, shouts at Luna about privacy, interrupts her, anything Starlight can do to stop Luna from making her think about her past, or her nightmares. That is until Luna simply leaves with an ambiguous comment, and Celestia arrives to play bad cop. (I like to think that the royal sisters planned out their encounter with Starlight, to have Celestia play bad cop and Luna play good cop since they believe Luna may be able to connect with her using their shared trauma as villains to build a repour)
What changing the perspective does is it leaves Starlight's story and motives ambiguous. We as readers get a couple of hints that point towards parts of the core of her character, but as it's left unexplained, the opportunity to develop it elsewhere grows, it not only keeps the reader interested as the story progress, but it increases the complexity of Starlight simply by having the readers look at the scene from the third person. (or from Luna's perspective) Think of it like giving your readers a puzzle to build one piece at a time, the same with the characters in the story. As the characters discover more about Starlight, the way they'll interact with each other changes, as they form more complex relationships, the interpersonal problems that they face will become more difficult and more interesting to see solved.
I can totally see a plotline where Twilight and Sunset are tasked with learning about friendship by reforming Starlight when really Celestia and Luna have told them to "Guard" Starlight and "Learn from her skills" and their relationships grow and progresses the story.
My point, to summarize, is that presenting any character so quickly leads to their personality and motives feeling hollow and empty. Having the depths of their personality revealed in conjunction with the progress of the story both to the reader and to the other characters will really make them pop as a character.
Secondly, we have our tension-o-meter. I see this a lot in writing among this site among other places constantly. It's a classic story element. Over dramatization of events and overly expressive characters, there are many ways to build tension and have emotion be present within your text for your readers to enjoy; one of which, (the way you're currently doing it) is to have a very clean cut set of story elements interacting with each other directly "in front" of the audience.
However, the constant screaming of the characters, and the rapid shifting between tone and emotion from the story and the characters. For example Celestia's appearance going from "lol got you silly" to "bow before me as I am the God of this realm" in a snap was jarring; a sort of tonal whiplash. The same goes for things like Twilight screaming about how Luna should be addressed and Sunset's constant shift between playful, agitated, and neutral. Having your characters interact with the other characters more naturally, rather than the excessive internal dramatism and over expressive dialogue will lead to not only have the characters naturally slow the pacing of the story themselves, but make them feel more real to the reader, and have the intercharacter conflict be more grounded in the actual characters, more complex, and more rewarding.
Unfortunately I'm not really good enough at the English language to explain exactly how to go about achieving that. What I tend to do is try and 'be' the character. To try and summarize, imagine yourself as the character, in the situation they're in, and try and figure out what you'd do. If you can emphasize with your characters to the point at which you basically are them, writing a story about them is basically just acting. Would X or Y actually yell at each other? Would I want to do this if I were here, or would I actually go about it like this? Those sorts of questions can alter the way you're viewing the scenes and the characters, and may give you a different perspective on how you want the story to progress, and how the characters will interact with each other.
Lastly, I'd like to point out a littler thing that may help you out. Just as a piece of advice, trust your readers. Don't worry about having to explain or justify every action or thought your characters have to the audience. A lot of the time it's okay to write about a character doing something, without explaining why. It can also streamline a plot, along with making characters more three dimensional, all by not explaining things. I as a reader like to analyze things very actively, but most people will be able to come to simple conclusions about things going on within the story. Next time you write something and wonder: "Will my readers get this?" try to feel more comfortable saying "Yes, my readers will understand this."
All in all, I like what you've got going on here, and I hope you do too; ultimately I am far more concerned with you having fun writing, and I want to improve your experience by sharing my opinion and limited expertise.
I hope my little essay helps, much Love
-Noobblue
11796332
Such a thorough analysis is greatly appreciated. I'll try and address some of the stuff here on...
So obviously Starlight isn't this. She views her toys as objects. Anypony else is an enemy.
Reason is subjective. Starlight lashes out for reasons yet to be explored, but they are there.
If this is in reference to Sunset and Twilight arriving in her town, no. Starlight expected such an appearance and had a plan for it. She didn't attack them because she was unhappy. She attacked them to turn them into toys. Probably because she considered it an affront to her. The Sisters weren't willing to come themselves so they sent their lackeys? Then I'll take them away from them.
A tactical move to try and gain an advantage over a creature she'd heard was beyond kind. Exploit a weakness.
Her reactions after being captured were...
1. She tried to escape from god.
2. She despaired over being caught.
3. She tried to goad Sunset into a fight to maybe be sent away.
4. She talked to Twilight. (only Starlight knows the reason she did this.)
5. She tried to escape god again.
I'd disagree that any of this was sane, especially trying to start a fight to change her luck.
Her story: she's a reforming villain... if she decides to go that route. There's virtually no complexity to that until she finally decides where she is going with it.
Less expressive? I'm not sure how that could be a good thing. I think you're saying more devious? That's the problem I think and it goes hand in hand with her "intelligence". She's book smart when it comes to magic. She's dumb as dirt when it comes to everything else. She makes good decisions like trying to fight Celestia and Luna.
There are mysterious elements to her... The purpose of Blooming is to explore 3 very different characters. To make Starlight a "mystery" would be to put her behind the others.
Problem with that is Luna is nigh omniscient and knows everything that Starlight was thinking there.
I think with this there's a lot of assumptions going on about Starlight's motives here.
This feels unfair and leaves out a lot of context. She never said lol got you silly to Starlight. This is the exact events and shift of tone from that part...
Celestia speaks to Luna, poking fun at her and setting a jovial tone. The "hero" is here.
Still speaking to Luna, she's being very playful.
A strange comment. Is it a joke? Is it true? It's a very weird statement that slightly shifts the tone from fun to... something else.
A threat from Celestia going so far as to declare that Starlight is her property. More tonal shift. She's not happy. She's angry and she's going to be doling out discipline.
She's controlling herself, but she's angry and Starlight WILL do what she says making the tone even darker.
Not even her beloved student can calm her down. Starlight here isn't lying either. The command that Celestia gave Starlight could not be disobeyed or resisted. Did Celestia use the same power on her own student? Was she so angry that she used her full authority and forced her student to do what she said? Even darker tone.
Celestia then gathers information (Information that she already has, but wants the unicorn to say out loud.) Before showing her full rage. To say this was a tonal whiplash is farfetched imo.
Yes, because Twilight is a psychopath when it comes to Luna. She nearly did the same thing to Sunset in a previous chapter.
And here is the crux of the issue. I already do this with my characters. You've not met me. I'm a chaotic mess of a person.
And this is exactly what I do, going so far as pantomiming scenes to see if they are organic to me.
This is the perfect analysis of who Starlight really is in my story by the way. A dumb child with too much power and none to stop her until now.
I really tried to do this with my first story End. I... don't think it worked out well. Perhaps I could try more often, but some readers are just... not there. There are clearly very intelligent ones like yourself, but there are also ones that need handholding and there's nothing wrong with that. I really stepped it back on even foreshadowing here for the sake of ease of readability.
I think the complexity of character I struggle with is the whole first person perspective of the trio. You know what they're thinking during their chapters. I didn't want to force Luna and Celestia down people's throats again after End so I decided no chapters would be from their perspectives.
While I don't necessarily agree with everything you wrote, you do make a lot of good points. I'll try to employ some techniques you said and I thank you for the kind words.
Celestia cares a lot about Sunset, right? (Or does she not like anyone touching her personal projects?)
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Sunset is much like a daughter to Celestia here.