My First Winter in Equestria
Winter, no matter the dimension, it seems to just exist, and it is a real bitch and a half. It’s been winter for the last few months, and because of biology, I never got to grow my winter coat in. I don’t know the specifics, I don’t need to know those, but I did know it was cold as shit. Despite the fact that ponies can control the weather, they decide to let it get to roughly about ‘haha, fuck you’ levels of cold. Something about the land needing rest, which is fair, I guess. Once the clouds are available, spring can begin or some shit.
Luckily, because I had Blaze, doing odd jobs wasn’t too hard as long as we stuck around town to do those odd jobs. They were low paying, pretty safe and easy jobs that mostly involved delivering something, helping with building something, and just general, small tasks that the nobles were too lazy to do. I didn't make a lot (barely as much as the first odd job I took, ever), but it still helped put food on the table. Well, despite voicing my desire to get my own house, Luna said that consorts had to live, and get their meals, in the palace.
For some reason.
I didn’t mind that, but now I just had a stockpile of bits and money that I had nothing to do with. Aside from toys for Blaze, which were literally just sticks I found on the ground for free, I had nothing to spend my money on. I got fed by Luna and Celestia, Blaze got her food from the same source, and I didn’t have to pay taxes because I was Luna’s consort. I just lied in my bed, cozied up under the comfort of a Kitsune’s tails, and tried to read some book that kinda sucked. There was nothing to do, as it was snowing so hard that everywhere had shut down.
The government included.
“Hey Ostri?” I looked up to Blaze. “Somebody’s at our door.” She didn’t even have her eyes opened. Damn magical foxes and their magical ways. “I heard that.” Fuck. You’re cute. “Thank you!” Ostri nuzzled me.
“I’ll-” The door opened up and Celestia calmly walked in. After my initial week of living in Equestria, the two of us came to an understanding. She tolerates me and I stay out of her way. Granted, after I cooked for her and Luna that one time, and a couple more times after that, she hasn’t exactly warmed up, but was willing to pretend to be friendly to me. That in itself was kinda cool; at least she wasn’t actively trying to get rid of me now. “So, is there anything you need from me, Celestia?”
“I was going to invite you to something Luna and I do whenever the weather is horrible like this. Whenever the weather gets so bad that we even have to shut down, Luna and I often partake in sitting by the fireplace, telling stories, jokes, enjoying some tea, and just being sisters. I wanted to invite you to that.”
“But like… isn’t that solo time you can have with your sister? Why not pounce on that as soon as possible? I know you two don’t often see eye to eye, and this is one of those few opportunities where you two being politicians and alicorns won’t matter for a whole day. So take the chance to-”
“Ostri, I am inviting you. Luna did not request that you be there, I am requesting that you come. I want you to come, and I simply to at least learn to do more than just tolerate your presence. I know you think I do stupid things a lot, and I think you should stick your nose up where the sun doesn’t shine, but I will admit that I’ve been a little rude to you. Despite your position and ability to abuse it, you choose to try and make an honest living and I can respect that. I’d like to know you better.”
“Can Blaze come?”
“I would also like to go. Sitting in a room, alone, is boring when you can’t nap as easily as you mortals.”
“Blaze may come, but she best not do anything bad.”
“Didn’t I wake up on the bed once,” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “And woke up to you using Blaze as a pillow, while purring, and being groomed by the big, scary, possibly evil Kitsune?”
“Okay, that was one time-”
“You do that at least once a month, Celly. You like Blaze, admit it.” I hummed when Blaze moved to rest her head over mine. “She’s just a big, giant softy, just like you. That’s something you both have in common.”
“Okay, so I heard from Luna that Blaze is excellent for cuddling, and wanted to try it a few times.” She actually giggled. I stared at her blankly. “What? Can I not giggle?”
“No. it was adorable though.”
Celestia spun around and shook her ass. “Oh? Is there any other part of me that you think is ‘adorable’? Perhaps sexy as you put it?”
“Hmmm,” I entirely ignored the ass shaking. “The way you light up whenever you get cake, or some other sweet treat, is pretty cute. Honestly, if you learnt how to suppress how blunt you are with your emotions, you’d be a good ruler too. And I know you enjoy it, you workaholic. I see you prance in place during day court whenever you manage to solve somebody’s problem on the spot. That’s pretty cute too.”
“...You do realize what I just did, correct?”
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s probably a nice horse ass, but I ain’t into horses,” I tapped my head as I hopped off the bed. “I’m not a pony where it matters. If I were one, I’d probably consider you the sexiest thing on the planet. Despite how your subjects see Luna, I see a few stallions and colts taking a glance and blatantly staring at her backside and legs. So I assume that has to do with pony attractiveness? Slender legs, something about your arse. If so, you’re probably ‘supermodel’ levels of hot to your ponies.”
“Well, I do not know what a supermodel is, but,” the three of us began walking out of the room. “I have had a few older stallions come to try and court me. I never gave them a chance after the first one; he tried to touch me in ways that were far from comforting on our first date.”
“...How old are you?”
“Around thirty. This happened when I was roughly twenty.”
“How old is this country?”
“Fifteen years old.”
“Huh… that would explain why you kinda suck at being a politician, but it makes sense, I guess. I assume that- wait up- didn’t this country come together from a war?” Celestia nodded. “You and Luna were generals at fifteen? Possibly earlier?” Celestia nodded again. “What the fuck dude?” I nuzzled into Celestia’s shoulder. “I have a newfound respect for you. Jesus christ, I could never handle pressure like that at that age, or even now. I’d crumple, cry and hide with a tub of ice cream while trying to forget I’m a general...”
“Well, Luna was often the one leading the charge,” the hell? “She came up with strategies I could never come up with. Luna is Equestria’s sword; she’s been a better fighter and tactician than I have. Sadly none of her efforts were seen simply because she is my younger sibling; it’s assumed that I taught her those strategies and how to fight.”
“And Luna was kicking ass at the age of…?”
“Twelve. Alicorns, even the younger ones, are very powerful. The only unicorn that I know of that even comes close in raw strength was Starswirl, and he was on our side during the war.”
“I…” I stopped.
“Ostrich is aroused, your highness.” I glared at Blaze. She then pretended to be a dumb little animal, sniffing a lamp that was in the way.
“Oh? Do you have a thing for powerful ladies?”
“I mean… Yeah. I can only imagine how fucking cool you or Luna would look in battle armor…. Holy shit, I think I’m starting to find you horses attractive.” Celestia grinned.
“I hope you realize that the term ‘horse’ is a slur, Ostri.”
“Oh… I said that in public once when you first met Blaze.”
Before our conversation could continue, we entered a small side room, where we found a wild Luna partaking in hot chocolate. In other words, a fairly happy Luna. Her tail idly wagged as she read a book and hummed in delight as she took a sip of her chocolaty beverage. An ear flicked at the sound of the door clicking shut. “Ah sister!” Luna waved at said big sister. “And you actually brought Ostri? What have you done to the real Celestia?”
“I figure it would be best to get some bonding time with Ostri. We are living together, so we have to be able to do more than just tolerate each other… Ostri, choose to cuddle with me!” I blinked.
“No, Tia, he’s my consort! Get your own!”
“But you chose a hunk for a consort, Luna! We can share him if we really want to; it’s legal.” I don’t like the sound of that.
I slowly turned to Blaze, who was just sitting there, blissfully smiling. “Don’t look at me, Ostri. You-“
“Lay down between Luna and Celestia please. I wanna cuddle you, snuggle you, and huggle-“
“Excellent argument, Ostri. I suppose I will save you from this predicament.” Blaze went to lie down and I followed suit, laying basically on top of her. “This is nice,” Blaze closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. “This is very nice, actually.” I was about ready to take a nap when Celestia laid down next to us and rested a wing over the two of us. “Celestia, go get your own male pony to cuddle with. Ostri is mine,” Blaze snorted. “After all, I am his pet, therefore I get priority in the Ostri Cuddles Line.”
I just lied there silently, wishing for a mercy that would never come. Then I found myself blink, and was laying on Luna’s side. “Why the heck are you guys even fighting over me now? Not even yesterday, you gave me the sink eye. Then I wake up to you shaking your ass to me, Celestia. I know Blaze just wants to cuddle, and I know why Luna wants me to be with her.”
“Tia, I know we can legally share consorts, but why did you shake your flanks in my consort’s face?”
“We were merely joking around. I believe it is time that me and Ostri began to do more than just tolerate each other.”
I just stared into Blaze’s eyes while the Sisters’ argument got more and more heated. “Guys? Can y’all chill out?” I sighed. “If I knew this was gonna happen, I woulda gone back to my room and kept on cuddling with Blaze. Or even play with her; Blaze is adorable when she pounces at a soccer ball.”
Both Princesses looked at each other for a long moment, they took a deep breath. “Sorry Ostri. We’re just stressed out at the moment.”
“Why is that?”
“The griffins made a threat on Everfree City. And this is the first day we’ve had away from that mess.” Luna shook her head. “Look, if you and Tia become friends, then I won’t mind. I think it’s good that you two are finally starting to get along. Though if you do consider courting somepony, you did promise that you’d give me a shot first.”
“I dunno if I promised that, but mark my words: You will be the first lady I court and dance with should I ever get to that point…”
“Ostri already finds how you ‘kicked ass’ at the age of twelve, hot. He also wants to see you in armor,” Blaze said smugly, still cuddling Sunbutt. “And I know he’s beginning to crack and consider ponies attractive. Why not begin seeing if you two are compatible? You’re immortal, Luna. You may as well take the chance while you can. Knowing you two won’t work out, rather than not knowing if love will bloom between the two of you, is a lot less painful. If nothing else, you two will probably be happier.”
“I… Would you actually like to court me, Ostri?”
I stopped to consider it. On one hand, Luna’s a pony. On the other hand, I don’t think I care. It’s not like I’ll become human again anytime soon, and Luna is pretty fun to hangout with. It’s been months since I’ve first come to Equestria, and I’ve become complacent with how things are looking. “Y’know what? Fuck it. If it doesn’t work out, the worst that can possibly happen is we leave our relationship off on good terms.” Luna blinked a couple of times before getting up, squealing in joy and hugging me tightly.
Blaze let out a howl while Celestia clapped.
A month or two down the line, I woke up under Luna’s wing. Overall, the first two months of dating weren't too bad. Luna nuzzled me more, but acted roughly the same around me. The threat of griffins looming overhead still seemed to stress her out to no end, but Kitsune therapy seemed to ease her mind at the beginning of every night. Of course, Spring was coming up, and tomorrow would be the mark of the end of winter.
We were going to Cloudsdale for the Spring Sunrise ceremony. As Luna’s consort and now lover, I had to attend. Blaze said she could walk on clouds for some reason, but would like to keep her paws on the ground. I quickly found out why Blaze said what she said… Cloudsdale is a fucking city in the sky and it’s fucking glorious! Like when we landed, I got over the fact I was standing on clouds, and then shook off the fact that I was cold as fuck due to my lack of a winter coat.
“G-good g-god this shit’s c-cold…” I shivered. “That’s better…” I nuzzled into Luna’s side as she brought me closer with a wing.
“You’d be much warmer if you actually wore a cloak like we said you should.” Luna giggled.
“I-I don’t even ha-have a cloak!” Luna looked shocked. “Blaze usually kept me warm by using a ball of fire that she somehow got ahold of. So I never got one…” The breeze made me shiver even harder.
“Sister,” Luna called to Celestia. “Can you drop a wing over my consort? I know you are unnaturally warm, and that would do Ostri some good.”
“I thought he was your consort.” Celestia chuckled. She raised a wing over me.
“I’ll be f-fine if I f-freeze. As long as I don’t have any exposed skin, which I shouldn't, I’ll live.” When we got on stage, because being royalty leaves next to no time to explore, I guess, I stared out at the crowd before me. “Huh…” I shivered. “All these ponies are here just to celebrate spring?” I guess it would be a big deal when you literally cannot grow food during the winter, especially as a plant eating race that needs to grow plants, it makes sense. Now if only ponies could tolerate eating meat; then winter wouldn’t be that bad.
In all honesty, winter was fun, I just didn’t have the winter coat to go dick around in the snow all day. While Celestia gave her speech about the hardships of winter, a rather impressive one given how inexperienced she is, I took the time to survey the crowd. At the very front were fillies and colts with things to ‘make the season shine’ or something. I hmmfed at the lazy attempts of making stuff that makes spring shine brighter. Like, there was an hourglass, a literal jar of nothing, and a cup of some random shit. I didn’t let my disapproval shine though; that would be rude.
“Wait!” A little filly, a stupidly adorable one, and her mother began pushing their way through the crowd and I paused in silence when she finally stuck her head through the crowd. “Holy… shit…” I whispered to myself. That kid’s blind! God… if the times are as late as I believe them to be, then that means that kid gets bullied a lot over being blind over some stupid curse from God or something. I couldn’t help but give my full attention as she showed off a snowflake that she apparently made herself, and how winter needs to be appreciated, just like the night sky.
I couldn’t help but notice Luna looking away for just a moment at that.
“Hey kid,” I stepped up, and hopped off the stage. “It takes guts to do what you’re doing, and I respect that,” I knelt down. “Hey Celestia, get a look at this snowdrop, it’s pretty cool.” It was, it was a crude star, but it was a ‘star’ and I couldn’t help but admire the creativity. “You… made this without being able to see, right? The filly nodded. “That is totally, fucking, awesome!” Celestia beckoned the filly over to get a closer look at the snowflake in the filly’s hoof.
“...Can you make us some more?” The filly looked genuinely shocked at Celestia’s judgment. That said, the kid nodded.
“Round of applause for Snowdrop, everypony!” I started clapping and soon everyone, the Princesses included, clapped. If ponies had fingers, they’d probably be whistling too, so I did that amongst the chorus of hooves clapping together. I couldn’t use my fingers, but pony snouts were somehow better than human mouths for whistling. “Good work kiddo. I’m lookin’ forward to seeing snowflakes fall from the sky again.”
“Again…?” The kid looked up at me.
“Eh, don’t worry about it, kid. I’m just some old geezer spewing nonsense. Go enjoy the moment; I bet your mother’s super proud of you. Say, what’s your name? I’ve a feeling that the two of us will be meeting again quite often in the future, after all.”
“My name is Snowdrop,” I ruffled the kid’s mane. “Hey!” She playfully batted my hoof away, almost scarily accurate given she couldn’t see.
“Well, I hope to see you again. I think Luna would absolutely love to chat with you, she absolutely loves foals, and especially adorable, little foals like yourself.” Snowdrop cocked her head. “As you said, give the Night a chance, you’ll find a certain type of light even amongst the darkest and gloomiest of the dark sky above when the sun goes down.” I hope that sounded cool. It probably sounded cheesy and stupid, but it sounded cool. Snowdrop gave me a resolute nod, before going right up to Luna as Celestia pursued around the crowd for PR purposes or something.
The two of them were chatting away really quickly after that.
A few weeks later, I was sitting in a meeting room with Luna and Celestia, looking over battle plans that Starswirl was putting together, along with the current captain of the royal guard. You see, the griffin tribe that threatened the city were still sending threats out to us, and now likely to come out and strike at us. It’s been a minute and a half of me just looking at rather archaic battle plans. I just stared at it blankly before looking up at everyone else in the room.
“This plan’s fucking stupid.”
“Why is that?”
“Griffins have bows and arrows, right?”
“Yes they do, Ostri. Why do you ask?”
“The distance on the longest combat spell you guys know?”
“One hundred meters.”
“A bow and arrow can reach up to three hundred and fifty yards. We’re going up there, phalanx style with unicorns and shields, sure, but here’s the thing. Every second we are not close to them, opening cans of whoopass on their troops, is a second they can possibly shoot over or through one of the shields and kill one of our guys.” I pointed to the map, where the mines I cleared out the first time were. “I’ve seen the inside of these caves, and we can probably fit most, if not all of the city into them if need be. So I’ve got a plan.”
“Your plan, Ostri?”
“Griffins have range, and while earth ponies are hella strong, I doubt they can do much against something literally built for killing stuff. Griffins eat meat, and thus need to be able to hunt. Their bodies are weapons, Celestia. So I say we evacuate the city and spread troops throughout one street. Make it so our enemy can only go through one street, and instead of just having our guys out on the streets with them, we hide them inside of houses, alleyways, anything. We give a signal for when the entire group of griffins are on that street, and then we pepper and spray them with spells, arrows, anything. And while they’re approaching, we can probably shoot fireworks into their ranks and scare them off before any actual fighting starts.”
“And you know this will work, how?” The captain asked.
“I’m not a pony in the head, Captain. I used to derive from a very different species that has seen more wars than your kind ever will. One of those wars was a bunch of colonies fighting for independence from their mother country. There was a general that did what I described, where he picked the enemy off from the sidelines instead of taking them dead on. There were two sides, patriots and redcoats. Redcoats were fully trained and were the strongest military force on the planet for the time. The patriots were just some guys who were fighting for what they thought were right. The patriots never took a battle against the redcoats head on, and if they did, they often got massacred. But when they chose to fight like how I have described, the redcoats’ losses were often far higher than the patriots.
“And that’s without the fact that the griffins won’t know what’ll hit them until they're surrounded, getting peppered with explosions and spells, and having myself and kitsune going through and kicking ass. And if we don’t wanna kill them all, take the officer and hold him at spear point. Or if you want to make this fight easier, find the guy in charge and kill him first; his soldiers will be disorganized if we do that.”
“And you were merely a citizen in your world?” Luna asked. “Because that… is ingenious. I was rather nervous about going against griffins; just one is hard enough for our guards to take down in a head on fight.” We all looked at Starswirl, who was glaring at me.
“I think that is a dishonorable way of fighting.”
“Well, we fight fairly and possibly all die, or we play dirty and have the chances of dying be lower… holy shit I just had an idea.”
“What?”
“Celestia, Luna, how strong are you guys with magic?”
“Incredibly so; one of us alone could easily decimate a mountain.”
“So if we stick one of you towards the outskirts when we put the plan in motion? Then when they’re all in line, go apeshit and blast as many of them as possible. The captain will either be up front, with his troops, or in the back for his safety. So if Luna or Celestia stays in the castle, then they can just snipe him from a window with a spell. And sniping means to shoot something from a concealed location. And the other can sit towards the end of the line and blast the back end of the griffins and possibly kill the captain. And if nothing else, we’ll have two alicorns surrounding a group of-”
“But we have to keep the Princesses safe!”
“Captain, those Princesses can kick your ass seven ways to Sunday. I think they can handle themselves.”
“And where will you be during the conflict hm? Hiding like a coward?”
“Blaze has the ability to outright counter most magic. As long as we don’t got a raging juggernaut on the other side, I’ll be fine. I’ll be sitting in front of the castle with a firework show ready should I need to… start an early celebration for the upcoming battle.”
“You’re going to blow them all up with fireworks,” Luna said bluntly.
“Yeah. These fuckers are threatening my home, just ignoring the two ponies I hangout with on a regular basis. I’m going to make this a message for everyone else; do not fuck with my home.” Luna’s wings poofed out. “What?”
“N-nothing!” Luna immediately began, to no avail, to make her wings fold back. Celestia just sat there with a smug grin, while the captain was pretending not to notice. Starswirl just looked about ready to kill himself. We all soon filled out to get ready for battle. Luna’s wings finally folded when she remembered what we must do.
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Looks like Celestia is listening to someone other than Mr egomaniac I can't give my friend a fair trial. She has begun to realize that he is a good person whatever else he might be and he wouldn't care if she was the only princess in the world it still won't matter to him and he cares about her sister feelings and trys to his best.
Never understood how starswirl could have been so stupid in the. Your friend takes your stuff without asking and you assume that they planned something bad with it.
Why not make Bald Ostrich an actual ostrich?
Moooar, i want moaar
Bald-san go boom🎆
Who's luba?
11620877
L u b a,
The Bincess of da B o o n
11623246
Heh, the alicorn before them all.
Fight like the USA, I like it! Now we just need a song that says, "I'm proud to be an Equestrian!" and a proper Equestrian Constitution signed by 70 ponies. Don't exactly need a Declaration of Independence, since they technically have independence already. Oh, and a Bill of Rights. Am I getting too in-depth?
11673020
No but I can think of a few additions to that constitution that should be added based on our nation's own history.
>:]
For how much of a moron this MC has been so far, this is a surprisingly competent plan.
The American Revolution is not really a good comparison though. Although there was a fair amount of guerilla tactics used, urban warfare wasn't a concept back then. Most of the battles were fought in the fields and outside of city walls.
Stalingrad, Mosul or Grozny are far better examples of defensive urban warfare done right.