I looked up. My eyes were wet.
So many stars. The universe so vast.
We’re s-so very small, in the end.
The first bullet hit me from behind, where my mask offered no coverage, and I slowly toppled. The second hit me before I could fall, before there could be any pain.
It saw what happened to the one who stopped the evil genocidal entity. It saw her end at hand. Her life would be snuffed out so callously and with no fanfare. Unknown to history as anything but a terrifying monster whispered about in hushed tones behind closed doors.
This saddened it. It was a fate ill befitting the savior of an entire multiverse of interconnected worlds. The methods used were not entirely to its liking but that was not entirely the savior’s fault. There was little else she could do with the powers granted to her by the fragment bonded to her. And in the end she did save countless lives through harmony. A twisted forced harmony, but harmony all the same.
Unhappy with this tragic end, it decided to intervene.
It didn’t have as much power as its opposite, at least not currently, yet the savior had given it somewhat of a major boost in that regard at the end. A temporary boost, admittedly, but fairly major all the same. So it used all of the excess power it had left and opened a portal beneath her. Her body was pulled down into the portal by gravity.
The would-be executioner stepped back in surprise, clearly not expecting this in the slightest. It ignored the would-be executioner and focused on the savior as she was pulled through time and space to another world where she would be rewarded with peace and friendship for her actions.
Unfortunately, the savior’s current body was not suitable for this other world. That wasn’t to say a human couldn’t survive there but as a human she would be the only one of her kind in this other world. An extremely sad and lonely fate. One it had no interest in subjecting her to. This was to be her reward for her deeds, not a punishment.
So it decided to change her. But what to make her? A pony? An alicorn? No. Neither of those fit her as an individual. Plus while her deeds were indeed great and worthy of reward her methods were not so she had not technically earned alicorn hood. Granted, one alicorn had temporarily become wicked and cruel due to jealousy but that was only after earning her place as an alicorn to begin with.
The savior already had a close connection with bugs and insects due to her power, so it decided to make her a Changeling. And not just a standard Changeling but a Changeling Queen. A species closely related to ponies and with the potential to ascend to status equivalent to alicorns should they manage to prove themselves worthy of it, especially the Queens. None ever had, unfortunately, but the potential was still there. Plus they had incredible regenerative abilities due to how malleable their forms were so she should be able to regrow her missing limb, which was a nice added benefit.
Finally it decided on the best place to open the other end of the portal where she would have the best chance of survival. The decision in that regard was quite obvious.
It was about a week after Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding and both Twilight and Spike were in town getting groceries.
“Apples, potatoes, milk, daisies, carrots, lettuce, eggs, hay, flour… What does the list say, Spike? Are we forgetting anything?” Twilight asked, as she went over the items they had picked up so far.
Spike looked at the list. “According to the list, all that’s left is…”
He was cut off as a swirling rainbow colored portal opened up and a body flopped out of it.
Both of them were surprised to see what appeared to be Queen Chrysalis laying there lifelessly on the ground. Though upon closer inspection they realized it wasn’t Chrysalis at all. Her chitin was black like Chrysalis' but her main and tail were both white instead of cyan, the carapace covering her torso was similarly white instead of green, her facial structure was different, and the crown growth on her head was shaped differently.
Several strange devices were scattered across the ground around her. One was clearly a knife though it had a strange lever on the handle, one was a tiny cylinder, and two neither Twilight nor Spike recognized at all.
Then they finally noticed she was missing a forelimb and the blood pooling on the ground beneath her head.
Twilight’s eyes widened in a mix of surprise and horror. “Spike, stay back! This could be a trick.” Twilight ordered, approaching the body even as a terrified crowd began to form around them.
Twilight carefully examined the blood, following the tracks to a pair of scarily deep holes in the back of the Changeling's head. Her blood ran cold as she determined this couldn’t have been a trick and the Changeling very well should have been dead. However, Twilight saw her chest rising and falling, indicating she was still alive at least for the moment and thus could potentially be saved.
She was a bit conflicted about helping a changeling, especially after Queen Chrysalis ruined Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding a week ago. However, it didn’t feel right to just leave her here and let her die. So Twilight made a decision.
Taking the four objects off the ground with her telekinesis, Twilight stuffed them into her grocery bags before levitating the grocery bags over to Spike.
“Spike, take the groceries home and put those things somewhere secure. Be careful with them. We don’t know what they are, so they could be dangerous. I’ll be back home in a few minutes.” Twilight told him before picking up the changeling’s body with her telekinesis and teleporting to Ponyville hospital.
The doctors were hesitant to help a Changeling, especially so soon after the attack on Canterlot, but similar to Twilight once they saw the severity of her injuries the changeling was rushed to the emergency room.
Once Twilight was sure the Changeling was being taken care of she immediately teleported back to Golden Oaks library. As soon as she was back she set to work writing a letter to Princess Celestia.
‘Dear Princess Celestia,
Something strange just happened in Ponyville that requires your urgent attention. While Spike and I were in town shopping for groceries, a rainbow portal opened up and what appeared to be a Changeling Queen came through. It was not Queen Chrysalis. I can guarantee this as she was unconscious and had two deep holes in the back of her head. Being unconscious she would not be able to maintain her transformation. Furthermore, from what I saw of her injuries I can confidently say she should not be alive right now. That sort of injury is not something Changelings are capable of faking with their shape shifting.
However despite the severity of her injuries I saw she was still breathing so I rushed her to Ponyville hospital. She is currently in the emergency room presumably undergoing surgery. I have no idea if she will survive or when she will wake up if she does.
This coming so soon after the attack on Canterlot during Shining Armor and Cadance’s wedding is, obviously, quite suspect. However, I have never heard of a single Changeling Queen other than Queen Chrysalis even during the research I’ve done into changelings after the attack. Furthermore the sheer severity of the injuries make this unlikely to be a trick of some kind, in my opinion. If this was Chrysalis in a different form, why would she give herself such an intense head injury and risk dying or permanent brain damage for some sort of plot or scheme? It doesn’t make any sense.
I suppose it could potentially be the result of a rebellion or coup among the changelings after the failed attack, but that makes little sense either considering the portal. Why would they dump their deposed ruler’s body in the middle of Ponyville after a successful coup? Given the state she was in, it is quite literally impossible that she could have made the portal herself. Somepony had to have pushed her through after the fact.
Thus I am left confused and at a complete loss as to what should be done. I send this letter to you in hopes that you and Princess Luna will be able to determine an appropriate course of action.
Your student, Twilight Sparkle.
P.S. This Changeling Queen arrived with four objects. I am unsure as to what most of them are, but one of them appears to be a knife of some sort thus leading me to believe they are likely weapons of some kind. They are currently safe within my possession. I would like to know what should be done with them as well.’
Twilight rolled up the letter and called out, “Spike!”
Spike came running down the stairs. “Coming!” He called back. Once he was close enough to her he said, “I put the things away just like you said. What happened to that Changeling Queen?”
“I took her to the hospital. She’s in the emergency room being prepped for surgery as we speak. Her injuries were really bad, Spike… Anyway, I need you to send this letter to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said, levitating the letter over to Spike.
Spike took the letter before disintegrating it with his magic fire breath. The smoke drifted off in the direction of Canterlot.
“So, uh… what’s going to happen now?” Spike asked.
Twilight sighed. “I honestly don’t know… We just have to wait and see what the Princesses decide.”
A few minutes later Spike burped up a letter.
‘Dear Twilight,
Thank you for informing me of this concerning development. I agree with you that it is quite suspicious, but as you pointed out there are some odd inconsistencies as well. As such I will be sending a team of Royal Guards to Ponyville Hospital to monitor this so-called Changeling Queen. Luna will be questioning her in her dreams, however the Guards will have means of contacting me, so I will be questioning her as well once she is awake.
As for these ‘weapons’, please lock them inside a secure but easily portable container. One of my Royal Guards will be along to pick them up soon. I do not want to risk you getting hurt if they prove to be exceptionally dangerous so I would like to study them myself.
I’ll see you soon.
Your Mentor, Celestia.’
I was in the locker. I was screaming as I banged on the door. I felt bugs crawling all over me biting and stinging as I gagged and vomited from the smell and sensation of the filth that filled my locker. Then I triggered and everything went black.
I was back in Brockton Bay. It was my first night out. I saw Lung and his men on the streets below. They were talking. I heard Lung tell his men to kill some kids. I had to do something.
Calling my swarm, I had my bugs attack Lung and his men. There was chaos. Lung began to change. I moved. He heard me and jumped up onto the roof I was hiding on. A blast of fire obscured my vision.
I was somewhere else. The rain was pounding. The endbringer sirens were blaring. Leviathan was destroying everything. He was bearing down on me. I was sure I was going to die. Then Scion appeared and suddenly all I could see was golden light.
I was somewhere else again. I couldn’t move. I could hear Bonesaw, telling me all the horrible things she planned to do to me. How she planned to turn me into a living hive. Things happened in a blur from there and my vision was obscured by Grue’s darkness.
The visions continued on like that, displaying moments of my life.
Fighting Echidna, fighting Behemoth, the Slaughterhouse 9000, the oil rig, the moment I had Panacea modify my powers, the final battle with Zion, and my final moments with Contessa.
Then I was just floating in an empty black void.
“Am I dead? Is this Hell?” I muttered to myself, looking around.
“No. You are not dead. At least not yet.” A voice seemed to reverberate from every direction.
Suddenly the empty black void was filled with stars making it appear as though I was floating in the middle of space. Looking up I saw what looked like the moon. A shape appeared in front of it before descending down towards me.
A dark blue unicorn with wings, cartoonish proportions, and a strange misty mane and tail that resembled the night sky landed in front of me.
I blinked at this thing. “Huh…” That’s all I could really say to that. I really didn’t know how to process this… Whatever this thing was.
The winged unicorn examined me for a moment. I was currently in the costume I wore at the end of my life when Contessa put two bullets in the back of my head. Minus the mask, meaning my identity was on full display. Unfortunate, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it now.
“What are you?” The winged unicorn asked.
“I could ask you the same thing. I’m a human, or a parahuman I guess. What are you?”
“I’m Princess Luna, an alicorn. Who are you?”
“I’ve gone by a few different things these past couple of years. Taylor, Skitter, Weaver… I guess ‘Khepri’ is the most recent name I was given… Take your pick, I really don’t care anymore.” My dad was probably dead, despite my attempts to delude myself into thinking he was still alive during the final battle with Scion. He was the only reason I had left to keep my cape and civilian identities separate. With him gone, I had no reason to care anymore. Especially since I had just gotten shot and was presumably dying as well. In hell, where I was certainly bound to go if there was an afterlife, it wouldn’t matter what I was called anyway.
“In that case I believe Weaver sounds the nicest and suits you the best, so I shall call you that.”
I shrugged then asked, “So, are you a psychopomp of some sort? A Grim Reaper or Ferryman equivalent here to judge me for my sins and guide my soul to whatever afterlife I deserve?”
“Not quite. You aren’t dead. You were dying, but my sister’s protege, a unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle, was able to get you to a hospital in time to save you. I suppose your dreams just now do illuminate how you received those head wounds… However, to be perfectly honest, I’m quite surprised. You aren’t at all what I was expecting to see when I entered your dreams.” Luna told me.
I filed the information about “Twilight Sparkle” and “Unicorns” away for later. “Alright… That changes some things…” I mentally categorized Luna as either a Case 53 or some sort of weird Tinker creation and thus shifted gears to master stranger protocols. “Anyway, what were you expecting then?”
“I was expecting to meet with a Changeling Queen, not a ‘human’.” Luna stated. Suddenly another creature appeared in front of me. This one had black chitin, a green carapace on her abdomen, insectoid wings, holes in her legs, a jagged horn, a cyan membranous mane and tail, and a growth on the top of her head that resembled a crown. “Apparently a portal opened up in the middle of Ponyville and you appeared out of it. However, you were not ‘human’ as you are here in your dreams. Rather you apparently now resemble the creature you see before you. This one is Queen Chrysalis not you, since I have not seen your new form in person. However, it should give you some idea of what you now look like.”
I blinked and looked at the creature. I was some sort of fucked up bug unicorn thing? What the hell? Had Contessa got Panacea or some other biotinker to do this to me as some sort of fucked up revenge after she shot me…?
No, that wouldn’t make any sense. I’m pretty sure I would have noticed if there were any other people around, even if they were outside of my range like Contessa was. I doubt she would have had time to go get someone after shooting me in the back of the head. At least if she wanted me to live. And considering I was alive, at least assuming Luna was telling the truth and she really wasn’t the Grim Reaper playing some weird prank on me, Contessa definitely wanted me alive. Because if she wanted me dead there’s no way I would have been able to survive. Plus, this was a pretty unique looking creature so it would have to be a very intentional effort on the part of whoever it was. And that would require prior knowledge of whatever the hell this thing was to begin with.
So… what the fuck?
“Did you, this ‘Twilight Sparkle’, or some other cape from this world turn me into this?” I asked in an accusatory tone. It was the only logical conclusion I could think of. Someone had to have done this and I was 80% sure it wasn’t Contessa. Only 80% because I was pretty sure I had made some powerful enemies during Scion’s rampage, thus there was a small chance I was wrong.
“No, and I can’t think of why anypony would have any reason to do so. I’m also unfamiliar with that term. ‘Cape’. What does it mean?” Luna asked.
“A cape is another word for a parahuman. Someone with superpowers. Flight, shooting lightning from your fingertips, or in this case altering someone else’s biology.” I explained, somewhat annoyed.
“That just sounds like magic.” Luna told me, giving me a confused look.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Some capes think their powers are magic but no, they aren’t. I can guarantee that. Magic doesn’t exist.”
Luna raised an eyebrow at that. “I believe you’ll find that you are incorrect. Magic does exist. In fact, it is how I’m talking to you now. Regardless, I still cannot fathom any reason why anypony would turn you into a Changeling. Especially considering the fact that Changelings naturally have magic that allows them to take any form they desire. So if you wish you should be able to make yourself resemble this form again at will. As I said, it makes little sense.”
I processed this information. Apparently I had stranger powers now? At this point I was very thoroughly confused.
I sighed and shook my head. “Are you sure you aren’t the Grim Reaper playing some fucked up prank on me before sending me to hell?”
“Positive. Besides, I sincerely doubt the embodiment of death would be so… juvenile as to deceive somepony in such a way.” Luna responded.
“Great…” I almost wished she was the grim reaper at least then things would be a lot simpler.. “Alright, I’ll figure all of this crap out later, after I wake up, I guess… So I assume you have a reason for wanting to talk to me in the first place?”
“Indeed… As I said, I had expected you to be a Changeling Queen. I was originally planning on questioning you. You see, we’ve had some issues with Changelings lately…” Luna trailed off.
“How bad?”
“Last week while my niece, Princess Cadance, was preparing for her royal wedding with Shining Armor, the captain of the Royal Guard, Queen Chrysalis kidnapped her, took her form, and attempted to use the wedding as an opportunity to conquer Canterlot and thus all of Equestria as a whole. So you can understand how suspicious it is that the first recorded Changeling Queen in history other than Queen Chrysalis, suddenly appears out of a portal in the middle of Ponyville next to one of the heroes who just defeated Chrysalis and saved Equestria. Even unconscious and dying with potentially fatal head wounds, it is quite the coincidence wouldn’t you agree?” Luna explained.
I rested my face in the palm of my hand. “Fuck… So I guess I should expect to be in prison when I wake up, right?”
“Not necessarily. As you are unrelated to Chrysalis or her hive, their crimes do not necessarily apply to you. However, I’m afraid you’re going to have to explain the events surrounding the dream I saw where I witnessed you being executed by the mare in the hat.”
I looked at Luna. “If you’re wondering about this ‘portal’ I apparently came through, I genuinely have no idea. There were only a select few capes I knew with powers like that and I’m pretty sure Contessa and I were alone when she shot me. I seriously thought she was just going to kill me.”
“Very well. Still, I require an explanation. Why did she try to kill you? What were the events leading up to this horrific event? Please.” Luna requested.
I sighed then sat down on the non-existent ground. “You might want to sit down. It’s a long story… And it needs a lot of context.”
Luna sat down and trying to be as concise and factual as possible I proceeded to explain Scion’s arrival on Earth Bet. What Scion was, how parahuman powers originated from him, and that his partner died thus leaving him essentially directionless. I told her about Eidolon and the Endbringers.
I gave a summary of my personal history. The Undersiders, Coil, Dinah, the Slaughterhouse Nine, and Dinah’s prophecy about Jack Slash and the end of the world.
This all led up to my explanation of Jack’s meeting with Zion and Zion’s subsequent omnicidal rampage across worlds. I explained Cauldron and how they knew Zion was a threat the entire time, their plans to fight him, and what I knew about Contessa and how she was involved in all of this.
Eventually my story diverged from what could be considered strictly the truth. I told her I led the army against Zion, but I kept what I had Panacea do to me and the fact I had mastered every single cape in existence to fight Zion to myself. If she didn’t know about it then I had no reason to tell her. I did tell her how we beat Zion, however. Effectively bullying him into committing suicide.
By the end of it, Luna was left looking both distraught and troubled. “After saving your world from this… this monster, Contessa thanked you with a summary execution?”
I shrugged. “Honestly it’s pretty much par for the course.”
“Surely there has to be more to it than that. An actual reason.” Luna demanded.
“After we beat Zion I’d outlived my usefulness and worse became an inconvenience. That’s reason enough to kill me for a lot of capes. Especially ones working with shady organizations like Cauldron. Or I guess Teacher’s organization now. Teacher’s a villain from my world. Contessa apparently signed on with him after everything was said and done.” I told her. Again, technically the truth. I didn’t lie even once. I was just leaving out certain key details she really didn’t need to know and could prove very inconvenient for me.
Luna deflated a bit. “Sweet harmony… I am so sorry, Weaver.”
“So, what now?” I asked.
“Well, under most other circumstances my sister and I would offer to help you find a way back to your own world but after hearing your story… I’ll be honest but it doesn’t sound like you have much to go back to, or am I wrong?” Luna asked, giving me a sad look.
“No. You’re right. I’m pretty sure Zion killed my dad, and well… It’s probably for the best if I never see the Undersiders or my team from the Chicago Wards again. Too many bad memories…” I sighed and shook my head before giving a chuckle completely devoid of joy or humor. “You know, I almost wish this ‘Twilight Sparkle’ you mentioned had just left me for dead instead of bringing me to a hospital. Would have been a lot easier.”
Luna gave me a horrified look. “Weaver, you can’t actually mean that!”
I made a vague gesture with my hand and looked towards the stars off to the side. “I was ready to die, in the end. I was willing to just lay down and accept it. That’s why I didn’t try to fight Contessa when she did it. Not that trying to fight her would have mattered anyway with her power… I’ve achieved pretty much everything I wanted to. I got to be the hero I wanted to be when I first triggered, Zion’s gone, and the world is saved. Now… I’m just so fucking tired…”
Luna wrapped her forehooves around me in an embrace causing me to jolt, startled by the unexpected action. Once my mind registered what was happening I still wasn’t quite sure how to respond. After a moment I tried to return the embrace with the one hand I had in this dream world. It was incredibly awkward.
“Uh…” I said uncertainly, unsure what to say.
“Weaver, I realize you’ve been through quite a lot. I witnessed some of it first hand through your dreams earlier. However death is not the answer.” Luna stated, still hugging me.
“I’m not going to do anything drastic if that’s what you’re thinking.” I told her.
“You already tried. You just admitted to attempted suicide by willingly allowing somepony else to murder you.”
I opened my mouth to respond but I hesitated. She was right, I had just admitted to that. Though that was for reasons beyond just what I was feeling at the time. It was largely due to the fact I was being subsumed by my passenger at that point in time, and I thought I’d be better off dead then succumbing entirely to my shard. “Then I’m not going to try again.” I told her more firmly.
She released me and said, “Weaver, look me in the eyes and tell me that.”
“I’m not going to kill myself.” I told her, staring her directly in the eyes. I was being honest, tired as I was, I had no intention of ending it all.
She examined me for a moment before relaxing a bit. “Alright… I believe you.”
“So, what now? Am I going to be locked up because I’m a Changeling now or…?” I asked.
“No, you won’t. I can vouch for you. And as a former bearer of the element of honesty on top of being a diarch of Equestria, my word will carry significant weight in that regard. However, the fact you are a Changeling now, especially a Changeling Queen, will result in a few challenges…” Luna informed me.
“Challenges? Such as?”
“The matter of what Changelings typically eat, as well as some potential political issues… It would probably be for the best if you discuss it with my sister, Celestia, once you awaken in a few days. For now, I’ll let you rest. I’ll leave you with some pleasant dreams rather than the nightmares you were having just a bit ago.” Luna told me.
She then flapped her wings and flew back up towards the moon.
My dream shifted and I found myself in my old home in Brockton Bay. I was with my mother, listening to her play her flute.
Hmm I like this
oh?
another MLP/Worm crossover?
well, here's hoping this one actually finishes, unlike the others
chitin
changelings are insectoids, they have chitin
also, as to how her powers should manifest, i'm thinking something like how [Broadcast] works, i.e. she can influence them, but not directly control them
Changelings are more likely to listen to her, but mostly like she's a convincing politician or smth
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I always pictured the black parts of Chrysalis as fur and the green part on her abdomen as chitin. Sort of like how bees have fur or fuzz.
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interesting interpretation, but i doubt that's what's intended
Sorry, but I feel like introducing entity or shard business into this story would make me want to stop reading.
Although, you could give her some sort of hive ESP. That's something I've read before.
I'ma punch whoever the frick downvoted this story!
I believe you can get me through the night.
Probably best to drop shard nonsense. I mean I get why you would want it (given its a crossover) but weren't those two shots made to cut off her shard and other such stuff?
Well, this is a neglected crossover possibility. Let's see where you take it. As far as her old power set, my impression of her translation into Equestria would seem to include her old link to the Administration Shard was fully severed. That said, it wouldn't surprise me if Taylor's new magic followed old pathways in her mind at first, making her first uses of the new skill mimic her old abilities at a much reduced level. (After all, she doesn't have a continent-sized crystalline supercomputer to handle the massive multitasking needed for fine control of large masses of small lifeforms.) Maybe her Hive members will inherit the same tricks, only needing training in how to use the technique at first. Then, as a bonus, individual members can mentally network to create a gestalt that can distribute the load for controlling larger groups, as long as everyling in the gestalt are willing to work to the same plan.
If you really want to bring Queen Administrator into the picture, remember that the Shard after Gold Morning has its own imprint of Taylor's mind. I could see a desire to rejoin its partner being strong enough to attract the attention of someone like Discord, who'd probably consider it properly chaotic to drag the Shard across as well. Probably set it up in the Crystal Empire, just for the pun. Cue QA's exposure to the Crystal Heart and learning to use the new alternate power source. Shaping it into a huge crystal dragon would probably also be on par for the Chaos Entity, too.
A wild cross post appears. Saw this over on SB earlier in the week. Good to see if here. I should probably make an account on SB so I can comment on peoples stuff, but they take moderation quite seriously over there and I don't feel like tracking yet another new account :-D
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To be honest I don't mind the dislikes. I just wish people would tell me why they disliked it rather than disliking and not giving a reason. I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong at the very least so I can potentially fix it or improve in the future.
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Some people are just bitter, can't predict them and can't ever get a valid reason from them either. Reading fanfics for the last 10 years has taught me that a lot of asshats just get mad for the most ridiculous reasons when it comes to how stories they have no input on are progressing, I can only assume It's a narcissism thing.
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I like this idea for the powers question.
>Power inheritance
It could even go the other way: Queens having a similar but weaker ability that Chryssie never bothered to hone beyond "Hive PA Announcements And Coordination". It just so happens that this queen has much more experience.
Wouldn't 1:1 it, either. Half the fun of the original was the inventiveness.
Not a crossover I see very often. I'm always up for more Taylor, especially in other settings. (Though the Queen of Escalation is going to have a hard time adapting to the much less grimdark world she now finds herself in.)
There are a few things about this that opening chapter that strike me as slightly odd or off, but I'll give it a few more updates to see how things progress.
Also, one thing I do find slightly irksome:
"So here's a massive spoiler for everything about its ending, presented in the story description, most of which could probably just be implied or alluded to instead and serve the same narrative function."
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The long description was to provide context for people who haven't read the original story. Also, even the short description has spoilers. For any description I make spoilers are going to be pretty much inevitable because this is a Post GM fic.
Even mentioning Gold Morning is a pretty serious spoiler in and of itself.
That said, I switched the position of that bit of text to the top of the description and added a warning about the spoilers. Hopefully that prevents most issues.
Regarding the powers, my personal preference would be for Taylor to have some boost to her multitasking and an affinity for insects, but her connection to her passenger is severed. However, the best choice is going to be determined by what kind of story you want to tell and what catches your interest. Author motivation is very important for preventing a fic from dying, and keeping quality up. You'll do a better job writing what you want to write. Think about what you want the overall plot of the story to be like, what your end game is, and some major plot points, and decide what will best serve that vision. You've got a good start, and I, for one, will be eagerly awaiting chapter two.
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I understand, but there's spoilers and then there's spelling everything out. A lot of what's stated still doesn't offer much context to people who are unfamiliar with Worm; specific names and relationships probably aren't going to impact their understanding of this story. Mentioning "Gold Morning" isn't much of a spoiler since it's not called that in-universe until after the event has passed, and even then just using the name doesn't tell them what happened or why
I'm just saying that there's other ways to present the same information. If it were me, I'd have phrased it something like this:
It's effectively all the same information, but without spoiling anything specific. And it still has an intriguing hook.
There she is, Queen of Escalation herself, Taylor Hebert. Now in bug pony form. Excited for more. Also, you should shorten the summary a bit, or at least include a spoiler warning for the ending of worm in the beginning of it
Please make the story description in main page be more vague. It has spoilers for worm without warning.
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I've edited the description in an attempt to be more vague. Hopefully this is better.
I will admit I made a mistake and I apologize for it. I suppose its not a good excuse but as previously stated I simply didn't see a way to avoid spoilers of the actual series while providing context as to what this story is about. And to be fair there is still technically spoilers in this version of the description. But hopefully they aren't quite as bad.
Either you don't bring up shards and entities or you make them part of the conflict in some capacity. Maybe Abaddon is headed to Equestria if that's the case?
Otherwise, just make Taylor uses her new magic like it was her powers without imagining how it could be used for better things than mind control.
Anyway, here's hoping this one finishes!
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This is what I was thinking! Her connection to her Passenger may have been severed, but magic is an integral part of her new species. With a little practice, combined with all the experience she has developed over the years, it should be more than possible for her to start replicating her ability to control insects. Even more so if a Changeling Queen has any natural abilities regarding leading their hive. I mean, she's an insect queen. Being able to have some influence over smaller insects and those in her hive should be a gimme.
Though as OP doesn't want Taylor to completely mind control her drones? Maybe it could be that she can give them mental directions, but as they are sapient and not ACTUALLY mindless insects, they can choose what and how they do things? Also, it should be noted that insect queens, ants and bees mostly, can and DO sometimes adopt (enslave) insects from other hives. So Taylor could realistically take in any Changelings who want to escape Chrysalis.
Hmm, for things I'm interested in regarding the future of the story... Just how Taylor will adapt to now being an emotivore, and if she CAN still eat regular food. Of course seeing how the others react to not only her species, but her general attitude? She's not a happy person, so seeing how she'll integrate into the mostly kid friendly world of Equestria? Gonna be some growing pains. This'll be the first time in years she'll have to just sit and think, to process, so getting her away from her workaholic nature should be interesting. Who knows, maybe Twilight will actually get her to settle down and just read a book for entertainment...
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The description on the featured page still has heavy spoilers
Still more. It shouldn't mention her getting shot in the head, or that zion is the one who ends the world. Just say "after gold morning, taylor..." etc
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The part about her being shot is necessary for the long description to provide context for the story. So it doesn't matter if it's in the short description as it's spoiled in the long description regardless and I'm not changing that part of the long description.
That said, as for the part about Zion, I genuinely just forgot about that part in the short description or I would have already deleted it so thank you for pointing that part out.
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I feel like this is a shot at me.
I still plan on writing the Napoleonic war ship girl worm MLP crossover fic it’s just a mix of writers block and lack of time do to an upcoming move that’s several hours from my current apartment.
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Dont care if its in the long description, but remove it from the short description so that wont be spoiled to people just browsing. If I spotted this when I was in the middle of reading it a while back, I would have been pissed. Get rid of the spoiler, keep it to the long description. No mention of the apocalypse, just call it gold morning, and remove the comment on her getting shot. Keep it so that only those in the know will know.
Okay, buckle up.
You said you wanted to know why the story was getting downvotes? I'll do what I can to explain. Please keep in mind that I belive you are a lovely person, this is purely constructive criticism.
Right off the rip, punctuation. Your sentences go on too long and do not have enough commas. Even if they are technically correct, though I'm not sure they all are, it can get a tad confusing, and very tiring. Confusing in that it creates subject ambiguity, and tiring in that we do not get enough breaks. Vary sentence length and structure for a more natural, smooth reading experience.
Next, repetition. Using the same word more than once back to back to describe something is jarring. Rephrase things if they are going to be restated, unless the repition is for emphasis. But don't do that too often, and work in threes.
Example:
Instead of "Taking the four objects off the ground with her telekinesis, Twilight stuffed them into her grocery bags before levitating the grocery bags over to Spike."
Try "Lifting the four objects off the ground with her telekinesis, Twilight stuffed them into the bags she was carrying. She passed them off to Spike, before gesturing towards the library."
Leads into dialouge...
Just be mindful of word choice, and differentiate your language as much as possible. Make liberal use of Thesaurus.com. I know I do.
And lastly, speaking of dialouge, yours feels... a bit stilted. Just off. This is coming from the previous two points mostly, I think, but your characters feel like they are reciting a script, not talking. At least, near the top of the chapter. I will say, it got better towards the end, the first half was much worse.
All in all, it feels like a first draft. All the information is there, it's just unpolished.
That all being said, I look forward to seeing you improve. You have stacked yourself up against quite a role model; Wildbow is certainly a monolith of an author to match. Worm has become one of my favorite pieces of media of all time, having finished it recently, I am taking a break before starting on it's sequel. Good luck, and happy trails!
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i'm sorry, who are you???
i was talking about Shard of Magic(long dormant) and Ladybird(dripfed updates at best)
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Thank you! I don't take it as an attack or anything of the sort. I genuinely appreciate constructive criticism! Pointing out the flaws in my writing is very helpful because otherwise I can't improve! I'll try my best to work on the things you've pointed out.
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It's a long road, one nearly every writer walks to their grave, but I will stick around and watch your progress. I'm a rather infrequent commenter, even more so these days, but you can trust that I'll be here. Stay sharp!
I never read Worm but this crossover looks quite interesting. I did a little research on Worm and while I may not give it a try, mostly because it's not my type of story, I will patiently wait for your next chapter. Good job!
Oh now this is interesting~
The Queen of Escalation faces a world that is significantly happier than she’s used to
Yes... We certainly don't like Taylor, but we can admit that she's been through her share of shit and deserves a hug. Lots of hugs. We are also annoyed by all this harmonic shit that actually has no chance of being realized in the real world, but, again, there was no other reason for Taylor to get into the world of ponies.
Hmm... there seems to be someone discussing Discord ratings?
Brut 3 - never showed special feats.
Master 6 is serious. He easily brainwashed ponies, but only through physical contact, which is what Striker 3 comes out of.
Mover 10 is cool enough to fuck with time.
Thinker 4 - magic helps him a lot in this regard, but he himself is dumb as a stone.
Tinker 12 - this asshole built a working time machine.
Blaster 9 - changes objects with a snap of his fingers, but cannot cross a certain line of normality.
Changer 8 - his imitations are ideal, but only for an outsider - an observer who is not versed in magic and characters.
Stranger 3 - can become invisible and disguise himself as objects, but in this case it is not difficult to find him.
Shaker 12 - easily changed entire landscapes.
Breaker 5 is better than Sophia, but far from ideal.
Trump 8 - can easily turn off or change other people's forces, but on condition that the goal of the changes is weaker than him.
In general, the guy is cool. Can be easily put on the same level as Eidalon.
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I need to know where I might find the other stories. I needs to know
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Bro. Watch deathbattle discord vs bill
You are greatly underestimating Discord.
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Rather, many people underestimate the parahumans of the "Worm". Yes, only a few of them are worthy of entering at least some of the tops of strong characters, but these few can kick some Naruto’s ass, and this guy really burns at his maximum.
Also, even though that deadly battle showed a beautiful fight, we cannot agree with its result. After all, let's be honest, in all of his screen time Bill has not shown a level of strength even close to Discord's. Bill never showed Discord's other extreme feats of sheer strength and only talked about them. And forgive us for such impudence, but without evidence we cannot believe someone who lost in mind games to a bunch of children and a couple of old people. And unlike Discord, Bill did not give in, but fought seriously! Fuck him!
The singular possessive would be "Chrysalis's." With another S added on.
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The way I wrote it is correct. These two ways of writing possessives are interchangeable.
Helpful link
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Trump 11 or 12. The entire point of high Trump ratings is specifically for individuals with an extremely wide range of powers (Eidolon or the fairy queen being the canon examples). They might add on a Master rating (4 or 5 at most, his mind control is pretty weak compared to most Worm mind controllers) since Masters are scary and possibly also a Shaker 12 since wide range terrain manipulation is his flashiest power.
Different Universe, Different rules .
Still All worm Universe abilities Magic cound imitate them across the Multiverse outside of Worm
She can learn a spell for it from a book, and train it. Changelings might have affinity to mental magic, and some experience with superpower might carry over.
Or maybe going Flutteshy route and manually earning insects' loyalty.
A Worm fic? Innnnteresting.
Remarks and corrections:
> Queen Chrysalis laying there lifelessly on the ground
Should be "lying". "Laying" means putting something down.
> but her main and tail
Should be "mane", not "main".
> I was willing to just lay down and accept it.
Again, "lie down".
> I’d be better off dead then succumbing entirely
"better off dead [than] succumbing"
Would you blame the skeleton for such indulgences? I mean it's "little dark, little gloomy, AND HAY full of dead people what cha gonna do about it." -Hades.