Just A Clone
Manehattan, ‘the big apple’ as some folks call it. I remember when I first entered the pristine utopia of a city.
I’m a simple mare; I don’t have much going on. I’m a perfect copy of the Element of Laughter, and I’m the top detective of the MHPD. I also make a pretty good cake, too.
Like my counterpart, I have the ability to tear the fabric of reality whenever it suits me, usually for comedic effect. However, unlike her, I reside in the confines of a story with walls made of sentences, and chains of commas, periods, and other punctuation only Twilight could fully understand...or care about.
But inside this domain, built from thousands of letters and phrases, I find myself at the mercy of the 'narrator' at times. I see their descriptions and actions, All of which are referred to in the third person. Not me, though; I'm my own mare.
"I sit in my quiet little office, the moon’s gentle beams of light slipping through the tiny gaps in the blinds; spanning these ribbons of light across my desk as if Luna was throwing a gentle smile at me."
I can’t help but think of the foggy collection of memories I have of my other, the original Pinkie Pie. Memories of her entanglement with the Mistress of the Night.
I can’t help but wonder, is it truly memories that make the mare?
There’s a strange chill that dances up my spine as I let a tiny tuff of air escape my lips.
"Golly! Must be a draft in here! Hehe,” I quickly cover my maul as I wretch at the horrible sound that escapes my lips as I force myself to ‘come alive.’
I push air down my throat as I hold my breath and mentally prepare my voice to change as I clear and cough through a stiff hoof.
“I mean… that’s some chill… coulda sworn I closed the window.” I chewed.
There’s a gentle rapping on the door. A strange mare enters my office, wearing what appears to be a trench coat, fedora, and a pair of shades masking her eyes, the collar of her jacket concealing her face from view.
She had her head bowed with the brim of her hat shielding her from my gaze.
“Uh…toots, do you have an appointment or something?” I resist the urge to call her silly.
“No, I don’t, but you have an appointment with me.” The mare replied, looking up at the earth pony with distrust. “I’m a special agent of the organization S.M.I.L.E. tasked with finding monsters and other anomalous creatures, and I’ve been made aware of your presence.”
Stepping closer to the desk, the mare pulled something out of her trench coat, slipping it onto her desk. It turned out to be a folder, which the pony flipped open to reveal photos. Many, many pictures and files of very familiar pink mares. If one wasn’t paying attention, they’d simply think it was a group of twins. But no one mare could have that many fillies…
“Does this seem familiar to you?” The mare cocked a brow, awaiting the detective’s response.
Mare is wiry as Twilight Sparkle…
I stare at the collage of photos resting on my desk, my past presented in undeniable physical evidence.
I think I need a lawyer.
I slowly swallow a wad of spit as I feel my lip quiver, “I…plead the fifth.”
The mare sighed from her nostrils, giving the detective a look that cut right through her. “I don’t think it’s going to be that simple, Pinkie Pie… or should I say, her clone?”
Walking around the desk, the mare pulled off her sunglasses, revealing her bright teal eyes. “My organization reaches beyond the normal police or even the Royal Guard. S.M.I.L.E. agents are employed by Princess Celestia herself. I’m afraid you’re going to have to come with me. Please don’t make this difficult.”
How can the fuzz arrest the fuzz!? I gotta think fast, put her on her metaphorical toes.
“... It’s Pinkamena, and is this some sort of commentary on the abuse of personal freedoms in the name of executing justice? Why did ya have to go and make it political!”
The mysterious mare blinked, “Huh? No, this isn’t about….”
“Listen to me clearly, er, Pinkamena…” The mare took off her hat, revealing her pink and blue curly mane. “I’m afraid that I can’t bend any rules on this. I’m going to need you to come with me… you might be unstable, like the others.”
“I know my rights; I haven’t broke no law. I’m a well-respected member of civil society, not to mention….” I quickly show that dunce my badge.
“I’m one of Manehattan’s finest Detectives!”
“I’ve heard you were a detective, but I’m skeptical of your capability. Regardless, I still need to bring you in for questioning.” She sighed, pulling out her own badge that displayed the S.M.I.L.E. insignia. “My name is Special Agent Sweetie Drops, and I’ve been assigned to your case.”
“You might as well sit down. We can discuss this here if it makes you more comfortable. Either way, we need to speak.” She relented, gesturing a hoof to the chairs.
“You’re not slapping me in cuffs; let’s get that straight, and I’m keeping my rubber chicken.”
The nerve of this dame; I can’t believe I have to be treated like a criminal because of some dubious organization with rights that tower over the people and even law enforcement.
Hey, maybe this is gettin’ kinda political; I think I need to break this up with something… where’s my comedic relief?
“We’ll see about that.” Sweetie Drops replied humorlessly, sitting herself down in the chair opposite of Pinkamena’s. “Now, how about we go over your origins?”
“You appeared to have come from Ponyville, one of the clones from the Mirror Pool, correct?” Sweetie Drops twisted the folder around to face her, flipping through the photos and pages.
“Apparently, in the chaos, you managed to slip away… until now. Several ponies have noticed a very suspiciously familiar-looking pink mare, and you fit the bill. From the ponies I’ve talked to, it seems like you just… mysteriously appeared out of nowhere.”
“What can I say? Oh, I know. The word coincidence comes to mind. Maybe I just look like Pinkie Pie. Perhaps, I dunno. I had a career as an impersonator for filly’s and colt’s birthday bashes.” I say with a disgruntled huff, the nerve of these S.M.I.L.E. mares and their overeach!
What a tub of lies, but most ponies are gullible enough to take a bull-faced lie if you’re confident enough…
“Those clones and my existence are merely happenstance; besides, I have my own IDs, badges, and documentation. The birthdate, it’s all there. Also, I want a lawyer!”
“Yes, yes, I’ve already taken a look through your documentation. I’m not sure who you managed to get these fakes from, but they’re very convincing.” Sweetie Drops nodded, “And I suppose it’s just a coincidence that you happen to have her very same cutie mark? Do you know how exceptionally rare that is?”
I feel my naturally pink aura darken; I can feel a fire light up beneath my heels as I slam my hooves against my desk.
“Lawyer!” I say finally, “I want Paul Hoofman!”
Sweetie Drops sighed, relaxing into her seat as she raked a hoof through her mane.
“Listen, I know this is upsetting, but this isn’t something we’re going to court over. Princess Celestia herself has sent me on a mission to either take you with me or to… neutralize you. I think you’d prefer the first option.”
While that cooky cop was in the middle of speaking, I began dialing the phone on my desk, but my hooves were too big to press the tiny numbers! Why in Equestria would they design the buttons so small!
However, I am dedicated, and with incredible speed and accuracy, I managed to dial my lawyer.
I hear Paul’s voice from the other side of the speaker; he sounds dazed, as if I pulled him out of a deep slumber.
“Law offices of Paul Hoofman….” yawned the voice.
“Do you have any legal advice on S.M.I.L.E. agents?” I press.
Sweetie Drops leaned over and pressed on the receiver, ending the call immediately.
“Ms. Pinkamena, I wouldn’t advise doing that. We are already going to erase the few bits of evidence you ever existed. I’d rather not have to make a report that ponies need their memories cleaned too.”
Well, I might as well muddy the waters; I have exhausted all legal options! Time to abuse my power as a cop for my own benefit!
“.... You’re under arrest.”
“I believe I outrank you in that regard.” Sweetie Drops blinked, not even giving a second of hesitation in her voice. “I realize this is scary for you, but please stay calm. I’m not going to hurt you, so long as you don’t give me a reason.”
“Now, can I at least ask you why detective work? Why not just become another party planner?” The mare cocked her head, tapping her hooves together in thought.
There was a small clicking sound and a slight weight on Sweetie’s hooves; looking downward, she realized she was cuffed, and not to mention stripped of her gadgets.
I twirl her that dame’s badge on my nose as I begin reading the information labeled on the pristine index card tucked away in fine faux leather.
“So…you really are a S.M.I.L.E. agent, go figure. I thought you a corrupted DA trying to snuff me out or one of those Soda Popper boys….” I huff.
Sweetie Drop’s eyes widened slightly, yet she quickly sat back in her seat, raising a brow.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
I shrug.
“Maybe I’ll go pay Lyra a visit, show her a REAL party,” I say suggestively, pairing my crude thinly veiled threat/advance with a wink.
Sweetie Drop sneered, and with one quick motion, the hoofcuffs came off. There was one thing that Pinkamena had missed, and it was the belt around her waist. Her utility belt, as it were, held a few lockpicks within them, and she never left home on a mission without it.
“I’d say I could rearrange your face for you, so you won’t look like Pinkie Pie anymore.” The agent got up, shoving the chair aside.
“Let’s try to keep an E rating here, people!” Says I.
Enough of that smut stuff to fill an entire library… anyway, I proceed to clonk that ritzy dame with my stool, ripping it from underneath my rump while hanging in the air like a canary being chased by a cat!
Unfortunately, only half of what the mare described actually happened… Pinkamena… fell onto the floor and collided against the hardwood floor as the chair she attempted to pick up was flung into the air, crashing into Sweetie Drops and sending her to the ground as well.
“Boy…physics and that third-person narrator sure like to rear their ugly head in whenever they want…right Bon Bon and slash or Sweetie Drops?”
“How do you know….” Sweetie Drops rubbed her head as she struggled to her hooves, “... that my other name is Bon Bon…? You don’t have Pinkie’s memories, do you?”
“It’s all a hodgepodge of her memories, mixed in with a bunch of information from an unseen untouched part of the universe.” I say, tapping my temple with my left hoof. I can feel all the knowledge of my other self's memories whirl inside my noodle as the otherworldly knowledge clashes and collides like a carriage crash on the freeway.
Sweetie Drops rolled her eyes as she got up and grabbed her belongings from the desk, giving the mare a stink eye. “Regardless, I’m not just letting you go, especially now that you know my secret identity.”
“Now, are you going to come with me willingly, or not?”
“So let me get this straight, you want to mess with the perfect clone of Pinkie Pie, the same pony who makes Discord second guess himself? Not to mention the fact that I am a potentially hostile anomaly that knows your name, your lover, and where you live?”
“Now, I’m not a criminal genius, but if this wasn’t a light-hearted comedy story, this could be a different kind of story starring Pinkamena.”
Sweetie Drops/Bon Bon shrugged, locking eyes with the pink mare.
“I’ve faced worst odds. It’s my job, after all.” She dragged a hoof against the floor, readying herself for a potential fight, “Now, are you going to cooperate?”
I’m at a loss; this girl, this mare, is completely out of her mind! That or really confident… or stupid. Am I really going to have to fight this S.M.I.L.E agent over my identity?
Oh boy, another existential nightmare.
“...Buy me dinner first.” I blab.
Bon Bon sighed and rolled her eyes. “Alright, the hard way then.”
Whipping out something she had grabbed from the desk, she sprayed a mysterious canister in the detective’s face, the effect becoming instantaneous. The pink mare could not stop herself from coughing, feeling sudden dizziness overtaking her.
Feels like I got hit with the dizzies; gotta make one… last… movement. Must keep a grip on… reality…
The pink mare stumbled back into the window before quickly flinging herself through the window, shattering through the glass as Pinkamena defenestrated herself.
Splatting on the ground like a pile of pink putty on the pavement. But appearing to be generally unharmed.
Bon Bon rushed over to the window, looking down at the pink mare with fear and shock at the sudden fall. She knew she would have to act fast… running down the several flights of stairs up to Pinkamena’s office, the earth pony shoved her way through the crowd surrounding the detective.
“Police, coming through, please vacate the area!” Bon Bon waved her badge around, far too fast for anypony to recognize its emblem.
Turning to the mare plastered against the street, Bon Bon checked her vitals, just in case. Bon Bon let out a small sigh of relief and thanked Celestia that Pinkie and her clones seemed to be made of rubber.
Pressing a button to an earpiece, Bon Bon whispered into a receiver. “Subject captured, need pick-up… and a cover story.”
Things quickly turned against Bon Bon as a group of local cops galloped over, seeming to appear out of nowhere.
“Oh no, not again!” groaned the chief.
“Heh, somepony’s been hitting the cider again!” chuckled a deputy.
“Hey, relax greenhorn,” sighed another officer, “Pink here can take a lot of damage, you should see her at traffic stops.”
The chief patted Bon Bon on the shoulder, “Great reflexes though, kid. Alright, fellas, let’s take her to the office and make sure she doesn’t sleepwalk into traffic….”
The stallions quickly hoisted Pinkamena on their backs as they trotted into the police department that was conveniently across the street from Pinkamena’s office and apartment.
Bon Bon could’ve sworn those cops and the entire department building weren’t there, it was as if they were fabricated the second the mysterious mare was in danger.
The secret agent spat on the ground in frustration, giving the police ponies a sour look before pressing the button to her receiver again, “Scratch that; I’ve been intercepted.”
Trotting to follow the stallions into the station, Bon Bon kept herself wary, trying not to bring attention to herself as she followed them into the back.
The department was standard fare for a major city, with plenty of busy lawponies and civil servants managing the greater society as a whole. The group of officer ponies took the detective into a jail cell, putting the mare into a rather cushy cell.
Trotting over to the ponies who had just put the mare to sleep, Bon Bon cleared her throat and decided to start asking a few questions. “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt anything, but could I ask a few questions about her?” She pointed to Pinkamena through the bars.
“Just wondering how you know her.”
The chief laughed, “How new are you? Literally, everypony knows Detective Pink, she’s been a staple since she joined the Manehattan PD years ago.”
“My apologies, sir, transfer from Ponyville.” Bon Bon responded smoothly, not letting it trip her up, “How many years ago? I just ask because she seems very familiar….”
“No, duh, she looks exactly like Pinkie Pie, but don’t mention that fact to her, or she’ll flip,” warned a deputy, “But uh… I dunno, maybe three or five years ago.”
The chief sighed, “Either way, she’s harmless and an important asset to our team. The way she solved that bakery robbery, genius!”
“So you don’t find it strange that she looks exactly like Pinkie Pie? You haven’t even considered that she might be some sort of changeling?” Bon Bon prodded gently.
At least the years matched up, it had been a while since the Clone incident. She was surprised they didn’t find the hyperactive pink escapee sooner.
The chief nodded, “Well, we thought she was a Changeling, but she provided legally verified ids and documentation. She’s just, what do you call it… a doppelgänger, and it’s completely coincidental.”
Bon Bon subtly rolled her eyes and sighed through her nose, “I suppose so. Sorry if I’m so interested, but… what was that about a bakery robbery?”
“Somebody stole a red velvet cake and about two-thousand bits. She literally sniffed out the perp and tracked down the suspect. Apparently, they had a frosting stain on their mouth…did I mention the said criminal was several miles away from the crime scene?”
“Somepony stole… a cake.” Bon Bon couldn’t help but wipe a hoof across her face. Of course, they would steal a cake… the bits she wasn’t surprised. Neither was she surprised by Pinkamena’s enhanced sense of smell. “Why would anypony steal a CAKE if the main goal was the bits?”
“Apparently, they were hungry after robbing the store. Their words, not mine.” chuckled the chief, “Anyway, why don’t you talk to her yourself when she wakes up, I’m sure she’ll warm up to you in no time. Don’t let the gruff attitude fool you.”
“Riiiiight…” Bon Bon replied, taking that as her moment to leave. “I’ll do that. I’m just going to get a snack, then get back to work.”
A donut sounded good right about now, and she could smell the sweet confections from another room close by. Coffee wouldn’t hurt either; it would take a while, more or less, for the spray she used on the detective to wear off. Then again, this WAS Pinkie Pie.
After getting a small snack and taking a break, Bon Bon returned to the cell the detective was being held in, checking to see if she had awoken from her slumber.
Pinkamena was wide awake in her cell, sitting comfortably as she helped herself to a large box of donuts.
Hey, I bought them; I bought everypony else a large box to share!
“Oh, hello,” I say to the S.M.I.L.E.-ING snake.
“You’re finally awake. Did you really have to throw yourself out a window, or did you do that just to spite me?” Bon Bon gave the pink mare an unamused look, her brow narrowing as she fought off the urge to curse.
“You do realize you’re just making this more difficult for yourself, and for them too.” She gestured to the police officers.
Pinkamena crossed her front legs as she raised a brow at the agent, “I’ll keep digging my heels until you leave. You can’t get me if I’m working, not with witnesses and people who will stop you.”
Bon Bon gnashed her teeth, “You can’t stay here forever, and I’ve been given the authority to do whatever is necessary to take you in. You’re not safe, just safer.” The mare turned and left, her mind racing to prepare and plan for later.
She was right; I wasn’t completely safe in the walls of the police department. Ironic that I created this metaphorical prison for myself as I sit in a jail cell. However, this agent of S.M.I.L.E. won’t beat me. Because I’m not like anything, she’s ever entangled herself with.
I take a large bite out of a donut as I take a long swig of the bitter dark brew that is irony… and coffee.
“Til next time Special Agent Sweetie Drops….”
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Celestia..why are you even doign this. have an agent keep an eye on her fine but take her by force for question when all she has done is help ponies. WHat is it with you and making unnessecary enemies!?
I really wish there were more fics regarding the Pinkie clone. It is such a facinating plot line, similar to how changelings are able to infiltrate pony kind!
That was a interesting story goodluck with the rest of it.
oh no
RUN!!!! HIDE YOURSELF!!!
Your writing is so good
But I am not a fan of using the meta too much, still you wrote a really good story. Can't wait for more.
Looks like I have a bit of an omniversal mess to clean up after this one. You dun messed up Bon Bon, and Celestia should really know better at this point
Mirror Clone stories are the best!
This story made me realize two things:
Equestria has its own SCP foundation, and Pinkie is probably an SCP.
When have ponies ever been known to leave well enough alone?
Awesome opening chapter!
I'm eager to see how things play out in future chapters.
The thing I use to finally convince Twilight that this is a bad idea?
Maybe she can get out of there by using a Spy gadget.
Got to love the breaking the fourth wall
Of course nothing past bon bon when she's looking for the truth
I totally agreed
Well then this is a pretty interesting start of a story so it looks like the Clone Pinkie Pie made herself as a detective solving crimes which that's pretty good for her since that incident back in season 3 but it looks like her past is starting to catch up to her because special agent sweet drop AKA Bonbon found her and trying to take her away and of course the clone Pinkie Pie wouldn't go without a fight and thinking that Bonbon won some of the police officers who came out of nowhere to help out Pinkie Pie since she knows them and something tells me these two will not give up
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S.M.I.L.E. is just a comedy rippoff of typical movie spy agency troupe. Fandom turned it into a monster hunter organization because equestria's supervillians are powerful magical creatures.
Celestia is trolling BonBon isn't she?